Chapter 02

After making up her mind, Shu Yuan felt that every single passing moment was unbearably urgent. What should she do next? Naturally, she had to go to the train station to buy a ticket and board the train as soon as possible.

She instinctively quickened her pace toward the bus stop. Just as Bus No. 23, which headed toward the train station, roared past her, Shu Yuan was suddenly struck by two serious problems. First, she didn’t have a letter of introduction, so she couldn’t buy a train ticket. Second, she had no money. The jacket she originally wore had eight mao (0.8 yuan) in the pocket, but after changing into a wool coat, she didn’t even have a single coin on her.

She instantly felt that the matter of going to the Northeast to bring back Xiao Man was going to be extremely difficult.

Right now, the most pressing task was to solve the issues of the letter of introduction and money. Without those two things, she couldn’t take a single step forward.

What should she do?

For someone like her, an unemployed youth without a work unit, she would need to go to the neighborhood committee to get a letter of introduction.

And the money? Ask Li Hongxia for it? Impossible. Never mind whether her mother had any savings, she didn’t want her to know at all—she just wanted to sneak off to the Northeast.

Borrow money? She had never done such a thing before.

Back when she lived a life of luxury, she never imagined there would come a day when she’d be troubled over money.

Her steps slowed as her gaze landed on a second-hand goods store by the roadside. These stores carried all sorts of odds and ends, ranging from furniture and bicycles to clothing and miscellaneous items. They both sold and bought used goods.

Withdrawing her gaze, she looked down at the wool coat she was wearing, then decisively took it off. Ignoring the cold wind piercing through her thin sweater, she crossed the street and walked toward the second-hand store.

The coat she had originally bought for one hundred and fifty yuan and had barely worn could now only fetch forty yuan. Shu Yuan didn’t hesitate, promptly completing the transaction on the spot.

With one major problem solved, the tension in her heart eased slightly.

She left the second-hand shop with the warm weight of forty yuan in her pants pocket and shrank her neck against the chilly wind. Following the original host’s memory, Shu Yuan headed in the direction of the neighborhood committee.

The staff there recognized her and quickly issued a letter of introduction. In just a few minutes, Shu Yuan walked out of the neighborhood office with the letter in hand.

Her luck wasn’t bad at all. The two major obstacles standing in her way to the Northeast were resolved swiftly.

She was already quite close to home, and the cold was getting to her, so Shu Yuan broke into a brisk run toward the electronics factory. Once back at the tube-shaped apartment building, she quickly packed her things. She only brought a shoulder bag, a few changes of clothes, a toothbrush and cup, a thermos, and some toilet paper. Thinking the Northeast might be even colder, she hastily grabbed a cotton-padded jacket from the wardrobe before locking the door and dashing into the corridor.

She had only stayed at home for two minutes before dashing downstairs and running toward the entrance of the factory residential compound like she was sprinting. Ten minutes later, she arrived at the bus stop.

In a hurry the whole way, Shu Yuan was wound up with anxiety, afraid she wouldn’t be able to take Xiao Man away before the human traffickers got to him.

Although the morning and evening rush hours had passed, the bus was still crowded. When Bus No. 23 pulled into the stop, the waiting passengers surged forward like a swarm. Shu Yuan was swept up by the crowd and boarded the bus, gripping the back of a seat to steady herself.

Upon arriving at the bustling train station, she searched the original host’s memory for several seconds, then quickly made her way toward the ticket window for the Great Northeast Line.

She queued up at the end of the line. After waiting for seven or eight people ahead of her, it was finally her turn. Shu Yuan handed over her letter of introduction and said, “A ticket to Bingcheng for today, please.”

The ticket seller’s voice was completely flat. “There are no more tickets to Bingcheng for today. The last standing ticket was just sold to the comrade ahead of you. The earliest available ticket is for one o’clock tomorrow afternoon. Do you want it?”

Even though she had mentally prepared herself, Shu Yuan still felt overwhelmed when she heard that. If she only departed tomorrow, she definitely wouldn’t make it in time. After buying the ticket for tomorrow, Shu Yuan scanned the area around the ticket counter and spotted the back of a man in a dusty gray work uniform near the entrance. She quickly ran after him.

Her tone was very sincere. “Comrade, are you in a hurry to go to Bingcheng? I’ll give you three yuan—could we swap tickets? I have an urgent matter and need to leave today. The ticket I got is for tomorrow, and it has a seat.”

This was a sincere offer, especially given her current financial situation. Considering that the average monthly salary was a little over forty yuan, three yuan equaled more than two days’ wages. Converted to modern terms, if someone earned three thousand yuan a month, she was offering over two hundred yuan to swap tickets.

In the end, Shu Yuan gave him six yuan to exchange tickets. Both sides were very satisfied with the deal.

The train ticket cost sixteen yuan, and now Shu Yuan had only eighteen yuan left. But if it meant she could see Xiao Man as soon as possible, the trade was worth it.

Holding the train ticket in her hand, Shu Yuan let out a long sigh of relief. She could finally relax. Now, all she had to do was wait for departure.

The next thing she needed to do was call her eldest sister, Shu Ping, and ask her to help cover for her, so that Li Hongxia wouldn’t find out she had gone to the Northeast.

Shu Ping was a temporary worker in the canteen of the electronics factory. When the gatekeeper came looking for her, she was in the middle of sorting vegetables. After calling back and hearing Shu Yuan say she was going to pick up Xiao Man, Shu Ping’s pupils practically shook with shock.

Her voice betrayed her astonishment as she asked, “Why did you suddenly decide to go get Xiao Man?”

Her second sister had always refused to talk to her about that child. Based on her understanding, the second sister didn’t like Xiao Man, saw him as a burden, as something unnecessary. She had assumed that after returning to the city, her sister had simply abandoned Xiao Man in the Northeast.

Now, suddenly hearing that her sister was going to fetch the child, Shu Ping felt like the sun had risen in the west.

Shu Yuan was strapped for cash, and every single piece of money in her pocket had to be spent with care. Not wanting to waste money on the phone call, she kept her tone concise. “I can’t just leave him out there forever. Sis, just tell Mom I’m staying at your place for the next few days.”

Shu Ping was in a tough spot. “We live so close. If Mom takes a walk over to my place, the lie will be exposed.”

Her family of four also lived in the electronics factory’s residential compound. Besides, she had always been an honest person, not good at lying.

“Just find a way to muddle through with Mom,” Shu Yuan pleaded.

Shu Ping also wanted to save on the phone bill, so she didn’t say much more and simply replied, “Alright, go ahead. I’ll handle Mom.”

After hanging up, Shu Yuan paid three mao (0.3 yuan) for the phone call and headed toward the departure hall.

She had done everything she could. There was no use worrying. Before she arrived at the Xiaohe Production Team in Baihua County, she needed to rest and gather her strength.

Just as she was sitting with her eyes closed, trying to rest, she suddenly heard someone call her name. “Shu Yuan, finally found you!”

Opening her eyes, Shu Yuan was surprised to see Shu Ping hurrying toward her, panting. She quickly called out, “Sis, what are you doing here?”

Catching her breath, Shu Ping said hurriedly, “Did you bring any food? I brought you a few steamed buns, just steamed in the canteen, still warm.”

It was already 1980, but workers still couldn’t afford white flour buns. The steamed buns were made from mixed grains, yellowish in color. Besides the ten large steamed buns, there were also two carrots, a cabbage heart, and some pickled white radish.

Shu Yuan took the net bag and held it in her hand, smiling. “I really forgot about bringing food. This is more than enough for the trip.”

Shu Ping kept her left hand pressed against her jacket pocket. She then pulled Shu Yuan over to the stairwell, and after making sure no one was around, she took out a large handful of loose bills from her pocket and said, “You don’t have money, right? I just got paid—over forty yuan. Take it with you.”

Shu Yuan looked at the stack of crumpled loose bills and grinned. “Sis, it’s just the beginning of the month. You haven’t even gotten paid yet. Did you borrow this money from your coworkers?”

Two dimples appeared on Shu Ping’s round cheeks as she smiled. “They pulled it together on short notice. You might be poor at home, but you need to be well-prepared on the road. Take it all.”

Shu Yuan didn’t stand on ceremony. She took the money, folded it neatly, and tucked it into the inside pocket of her jacket, smiling as she said, “Sis, this money really came like rain in a drought. Otherwise, I might not even have enough for a return ticket.”

She now had sixty yuan. Having money gave her confidence, a sense of security. She wouldn’t have to be so hesitant or stingy. Most importantly, she could afford the return fare.

Without asking any more questions like why she had suddenly decided to fetch the child, Shu Ping said, “Go get your ticket checked. I’ll head back to work.”

Watching Shu Ping’s plump figure blend into the crowd, Shu Yuan felt her eyes grow hot.

In this era, most people were thin, but Shu Ping was noticeably overweight. Even her back view swayed heavily as she walked.

Yet this big sister, broad-minded and large-bodied, had used her simple and honest nature to shield the original host from the world.

During the time the original host gave birth, it was Shu Ping who hid her away and helped her safely get through the delivery. The original host had nothing to her name, and Shu Ping’s salary was only thirty-four yuan, yet she had spent quite a bit of money on her.

Shu Yuan silently promised herself that she would repay these forty-something yuan, along with every bit of money Shu Ping had ever spent on her.

It was noon, right at the end of the work shift. Standing on the crowded bus, with all kinds of noisy chatter ringing in her ears, Shu Ping felt utterly worn out.

Shu Yuan didn’t have a job. How was she going to support a child?

Li Hongxia had been kept in the dark all along. How could she be made to accept this child?

The people in the residential compound would definitely treat it like a spectacle. Idle gossip could drown Shu Yuan completely.

Would Shu Yuan still be able to get married and start a family like a normal person?

Who was the child’s father? Did he not take any responsibility?

These tangled thoughts flooded Shu Ping’s mind, but she couldn’t come up with any answers. What’s more, she couldn’t even imagine that the process of Shu Yuan bringing Xiao Man back might not go smoothly at all.

Meanwhile, Shu Yuan was in high spirits as she had her ticket checked and boarded the train. It was unusually crowded. Since she carried little luggage and could move easily, she quickly made her way to the space between two train cars and claimed a spot. Not caring whether it was dirty or not, she sat directly on the floor.

The journey would take more than two nights and a day. Standing the entire time would be unbearable.

Before long, more people poured into the train, and even the space between the cars became packed. Shu Yuan felt fortunate to have claimed her spot in advance.

As the train started moving, the clanking vibrations from the rail joints shook through the carriage, jolting her back as it leaned against the iron wall. Holding her shoulder bag, Shu Yuan drifted in and out of sleep, with all sorts of plot details from the book tumbling through her mind.

According to the story, the original host graduated from high school at seventeen in 1973 and was sent down to the countryside. She grew close to a sent-down doctor named Chen Zai. Shu Yuan figured that the two of them were probably in a relationship.

In the summer of 1975, there was a flood. The original host was swept away while rescuing someone during the peak of the flood. The local commune members believed there was no chance of survival and had given up the search. Only Chen Zai kept looking for her tirelessly. He eventually found her on a sandbar downstream and, through pouring rain, carried her into an abandoned mill.

Having narrowly escaped death, the two were overwhelmed with emotion. It happened only once, but she became pregnant.

The child was born the following year during the Xiaoman solar term^[1]Xiaoman (小满) is one of the 24 traditional solar terms in the Chinese lunar calendar. It usually falls around May 20–22 in the Gregorian calendar and literally means “Lesser … Continue reading, and was given that as a nickname.

Later on, the relationship between the two deteriorated rapidly. The original host no longer paid much attention to Chen Zai. After giving birth to Xiao Man, she left him with a farming family to be fostered, and instead became infatuated with a sent-down writer.

As for why the original host decided to give birth to the child, yet told Chen Zai that Xiao Man wasn’t his, Shu Yuan didn’t fully understand. Perhaps by the time she discovered the pregnancy, she was already more than four months along. Given her physical condition at the time, a forced abortion might have been more harmful than carrying the baby to term.

Did she want to protect Chen Zai, who had been sent down? Having a child out of wedlock wasn’t exactly a good thing for him.

They could have found a better way to raise Xiao Man, but she ended up shifting her affection and falling for a writer.

Perhaps what they had back then wasn’t really love, just the recklessness of youth. Maybe she had never truly liked Chen Zai, which was why they eventually went their separate ways.

The original host hadn’t completely cut ties with Chen Zai. As a sent-down youth earning only work points, she had no money to pay for fostering a child. So, she demanded breakup compensation from Chen Zai to cover the expenses of raising Xiao Man.

She asked for two payments, each amounting to 1,200 yuan, for a total of 2,400 yuan.

Chen Zai didn’t argue with her. He paid both times without hesitation.

Why did he hand over the money so readily? Was he worried that if she caused a scene, it would seriously damage his reputation as a sent-down intellectual?

She paid the farming family 160 yuan per year for fostering. That amount wasn’t a lot, but it wasn’t insignificant either. Aside from that, she spent very little on milk powder and clothing. Calculated over four years, the cost totaled only about 640 yuan. Nearly all the remaining money went to the writer.

As Shu Yuan recalled all these details, she found the original host’s actions to be incredibly baffling. Among the three—Chen Zai, the original host, and the writer—one could be called a complete sucker, another a love-obsessed fool, and the last a freeloader.

There was no real entanglement among the three. Chen Zai had initially worked as a team doctor in the production team. Due to his medical skill, he was later transferred to the county seat, and then sent to the Northwest for aid work. Over the course of several years, after his transfer, he had only met with the original host once—to deliver the breakup payment. Shu Yuan had not seen him since.

After sorting through this tangled history, Shu Yuan tried to recall what Xiao Man looked like. But children’s appearances changed quickly, and the original host had seemed to harbor a sense of resentment and impatience toward Xiao Man. She had never really looked at him closely. As a result, Shu Yuan now wasn’t even sure whether she would be able to recognize Xiao Man when she saw him.

Xiao Man would only be five years old after the New Year. He was so little, and the two of them had only met a few times. Would he be able to recognize her?

Would Xiao Man recognize her? Would he obediently go with her?

Did Xiao Man know that his mother had once wanted to abandon him? If he did, would he resent her?

She didn’t like children, but it would be best to act loving toward Xiao Man.

She etched the image of Xiao Man that she could recall firmly into her mind, and only then did Shu Yuan drift into a light sleep.