CHAPTER 3: CAR CRASH

“Ranked — me carrying four noobs. Looking for four salted fish who can at least spam 666.”

The moment A Hao sent this to the group chat, someone cursed him out.

[RH Aunt]: Fuck off, you clown. Last time we queued with you, you were a total disaster.
[Banana Bro]: Weren’t you the one who swore you’d carry a girl and stomp three lanes, but ended up getting stomped yourself? Already forgot?
[A Hao]: Stop talking nonsense. Tonight, brothers, I’m building a tank squad. We’re sweeping Server One clean!
[Jiang Yuyu]: Hah! I, Jiang the Almighty, will smack your stupid face with one swing.

…..

Shu Jia had just finished a match when she received a message from A Hao.

[19:05] Hao-shen Start: Jia Jia, wanna queue? Missing one girl for the squad.
[19:05] Hao-shen Start: Community match.
[19:05] Hao-shen Start: I’ll carry you to King rank.

[19:06] Jia Jia with Huya]: Invite me.

[19:06] Hao-shen Start: Got it. Hop on YY — ID: 726788.

The moment Shu Jia joined YY, she heard A Hao complaining, “Man, why are girl fans so hard to find these days?”

A Hao used to be the AD carry for S3GD. He retired after S4 and became a full-time streamer, now one of the top anchors on ZhanYu. Shu Jia only knew him thanks to Jiang Yuyu’s introductions.

Banana Bro spotted her instantly. “Our Jia’s here! Get on mic, get on mic!”

Shu Jia turned on her mic and adjusted the reverb. “A Hao, are you streaming right now?”

A Hao chuckled. “Of course! Finally managed to drag you in. Ever since we played that one match together, my chat’s been spamming nonstop, begging me to duo with you again.”

Igg suddenly cut in: “Please, A Hao just insisted on dragging two girls today.”

Shu Jia hummed an acknowledgment and reminded them, “Start the game.”

A Hao: Ban Katarina, I can’t stand that dumbass champion anymore.

Banana: Not banning Rengar?

A Hao: Whatever.

And then, they didn’t ban Rengar. The other side snatched him instantly.

“Holy shit!!” A Hao exploded on YY. “The whole barrage is saying we matched up with ggbond.”

Banana burst out laughing. “No way, we ran into a sniping squad.”

A Hao stared nervously at the enemy team’s picks. “Crap, are we gonna get crushed? How are we supposed to fight if the streamer runs into LPL pros?”

Shu Jia asked, “Who’s on the other side?”

A Hao said, “No idea. ggbond’s squad, man. The ultimate invincible wrecking tank.”

The game loaded into the preparation screen.

Shu Jia looked at the enemy names. A few of them had the WR prefix.

She asked on YY, “Did we just match into WR?”

A girl with a sweet, soft voice piped up, “Wow, maybe we’ll run into Wan! I can’t believe I actually get to play a game with him.”

Shu Jia stayed silent, but her heart fluttered with joy. Her palms were even sweating a little.

“Just my damn luck,” A Hao groaned in despair. “Even in a viewer game, we still run into them. This game is impossible.”

Igg chuckled, “Don’t say that, bro. You promised 500QB if we lost a game—don’t give up so fast.”

A Hao clicked his mouse irritably. “Sis, we’ll go bot lane. Listen to my calls, we still have a chance to win.”

Banana sighed. “The moment you start bragging, my head hurts.”

Shu Jia picked Gnar and headed top lane.

Not even three minutes in, the enemy grabbed first blood.

The enemy top laner’s ID looked very familiar to Shu Jia.

She couldn’t help but sigh inwardly. She’d run into him during her afternoon stream, and now again in tonight’s game.

Laning against him was oddly comfortable. She didn’t know if he was deliberately letting her farm, but her gold income was perfectly stable. He didn’t seem to have the slightest intention of killing her, and Rengar never ganked top lane. Instead, their mid and bot were relentlessly targeted.

A Hao ranted on voice, “Banana, you bastard, can you come help me get a damn kill?”

Banana fired back, “Get your mom’s kill! Look at my stats—0-4-1. That Rengar’s been farming me like a pig.”

Igg sneered at Banana, “Even being blind couldn’t stop you from inting all three lanes.”

A Hao sighed. “Should we just surrender at 20? I can’t take it anymore. The moment Rengar ults, I don’t even dare leave fountain.”

“Be a man, have some dignity,” Igg kept mocking him. “Especially since you’re playing with a girl today and getting completely stomped.”

“Hey, wait a second,” Banana said, annoyed. “Igg, you’re 1-6-3 on Twisted Fate. Where the hell is your superiority coming from?”

Igg: Still, Brother Xiang’s Lee Sin hops around real fierce.

Banana: Heh heh, that’s right, bro.

Igg: Hopping around crippled, like a total idiot.

Banana: …

What was a total stomp?

By 11 minutes, their top and mid inhibitors were down. Their entire team’s kills combined didn’t even add up to half of the enemy Rengar’s.

Toward the end, they gave up entirely, typing casually in all chat with the enemy team.

[12:02] Landroverdang is on a rampage!

[All] Skyigg (Twisted Fate): Rengar bro.

[All] Skyigg (Twisted Fate): I’m done, I give up.

[12:07] Landroverdang has slain Banana=-=Bro and scored a double kill!

The enemy team marches toward victory!

[All] HaoShenstart (Caitlyn): Hey little jungle bro, just so you know, our carry’s already taken his hands off the keyboard and is only chatting.

[All] WR, beastYeMeng (Nautilus): Hahahahaha our jungler is Dangdang.

[All] HaoShenstart (Caitlyn): Well, that’s sweet.

[13:01] HuyaJiajia [Gnar] pings: Be careful!

[All] Banana=-=Bro (Lee Sin): Dang.

[All] Banana=-=Bro (Lee Sin): Chill a little, man, don’t go this hard.

[All] Landroverdang (Rengar): .

A Hao gloated, “That’s a jab at you, isn’t it?”

“I can’t take this, bro,” Banana whined. “I told you it was a bad day to drive. Watch out or you’ll get dropped back to Diamond II.”

[All] YunzhongCaiZi (Sona): QAQ God Dang, please show mercy.

[All] HaoShenstart (Caitlyn): gg.

[All] Banana=-=Bro (Lee Sin): ggggg.

On YY, the girl A Hao had queued with spoke up, “Is the enemy jungler really Dangdang?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah… I’m so happy.” She hesitated a little. “I really want to add him as a friend. I never thought I’d get the chance to play a game with him…”

Igg sighed. “Why though? I think I’m pretty handsome too. Why do you all like Wan’s type? From a guy’s perspective, I think I’m better looking than Wan.”

A Hao cut him off, “You ain’t worth shit.”

The girl retorted, “You’re just jealous.”

Shu Jia stayed quiet, focusing on her champion’s movements, but deep down, she agreed with the girl.

By this time, all three of their inhibitors were gone.

“I can live with this, brothers,” A Hao tried to comfort himself. “After all, they’re LPL first-tier pros.”

“Exactly. They could beat you blindfolded.”

The five of them grouped up around fountain, preparing for one last stand to defend their dignity.

The enemy Bard didn’t hesitate—his ult froze three of them on the spot.

Then Rengar leapt in and cleaned house.

Double Kill!

Triple Kill!

Quadra Kill!

Godlike!

Only Shu Jia’s lonely little Gnar was left alive.

“Pentakill! Pentakill! Pentakill!” A Hao and the others spammed in chat.

“Jiajia, feed yourself to Dang, give him the penta!”

Shu Jia had already taken her hands off the keyboard, just waiting for the final kill.

But then, everyone stared in shock.

The five enemies bypassed Gnar completely, camping at fountain to stomp the ones about to respawn. The Nexus was being taken down by minions.

It was as if they’d all agreed not to touch Shu Jia. Not a single one of them attacked her. Even Rengar gave up his pentakill.

A message popped up in all chat:

[All] MyPiggyHero (Lucian): Beauty, our captain said we’re not allowed to kill you.

[All] HuyaJiajia (Gnar): ……

[All] Banana=-=Bro (Lee Sin): Bro, be a man.

“Damn!” A Hao yelled into the mic. “These guys—do they have to be this shameless?”

“Something’s up with Wild God, definitely something’s up,” Banana said firmly.

“Who’s their captain? Does he like Dandan?” the girl suddenly asked.

Shu Jia was mortified and didn’t say a word.

After the game ended, they matched into the post-game room with the enemy team.

Shu Jia received a friend request from WR, beastYeMeng.

She clicked accept, then silently lurked, reading the chat.

After a while, she learned WR had a group match tomorrow, and tonight the five of them were just queuing up to relax. It was simply A Hao’s rotten luck to run into their full squad.

As for Zhou Dang, he seemed used to keeping a low profile and didn’t say another word.

Quietly, Shu Jia clicked into Landroverdang’s profile, checking his champions and rank. She also peeked at his favorite heroes.

Tomorrow’s match—she absolutely had to watch the livestream on her phone.

Shu Jia thought to herself with total seriousness.

When she exited the page, she saw that he had already left the room.

“I’m not playing anymore.” Shu Jia sounded a little disappointed and left the room as well. “I’ve got something to do tomorrow, I’m logging off.”

Ah Hao was surprised. “This early? We’ve only played one match.”

“Mm.”

“Alright, alright, bye bye bye bye.” Ah Hao said goodbye repeatedly.

Shu Jia closed YY, sighed softly, and stared at the League of Legends screen. A little regret crept in—why didn’t she just add him as a friend earlier?

Stupid game. Ruined my youth.

Just as she was about to close the game, a small notification popped up in the bottom-right corner.

[Landroverdang requests to add you as a friend.]

---

Author’s Note:

^ ^ Caught a little typo!