I only give Dongsheng the good food, not them.

Life has been relatively calm, but sometimes I still can’t control myself and let Cheng Ruzhou retaliate against those who bully us.

Even though they are wrong to bully us, if I retaliate, it would be our fault.

I don’t understand, but Father and Second Uncle would be punished.

I understand that to avoid harming my family, I also can’t be seen.

Only Wen Sheng is safe.

I asked Cheng Ruzhou how I could appear less often and avoid being noticed as being off.

He said to sleep.

Since the incident at my home, I haven’t been able to sleep.

It’s strange—do I not need sleep?

Whenever the others are sleeping, I seem to stay alert, afraid someone might come to harm us in the middle of the night.

If I sleep, I won’t know what’s happening.

If I sleep, what if the fool is bullied? What if something happens to him? I’m not at ease.

Gradually, Dongsheng grew up.

By three or four years old, he was remarkably intelligent.

He didn’t like talking to outsiders and felt out of place with those around him.

Everyone said he was a little devil. Even at such a young age, his eyes were frightening.

He made up his own nursery rhymes and could scare other children to tears. I loved listening to him.

When it was just little Dongsheng and me, I played with him and taught him things.

He probably doesn’t remember.

With Dongsheng keeping the fool company, I had less to worry about.

After all, with his growing body, Wen Sheng had strength, and Dongsheng had brains. No one could bully them.

Then I slept.

Later, I went mad again because of my father.

My father also died.

Wen Sheng didn’t know.

He didn’t understand anything.

After that, time passed very slowly.

Dongsheng grew up, and Second Aunt took them back to Shuihuai Village.

The fool Wen Sheng was extremely dejected, but he couldn’t go with them.

His dejection was influenced by me.

I was so lost and in pain that it affected him.

He wouldn’t have suffered otherwise; he didn’t even know what suffering was.

Just like Cheng Ruzhou, who only knew violence and couldn’t think calmly, while Junsheng was born with a sharp and abrasive nature.

Wen Sheng is just pure and foolish, nothing else.

He doesn’t feel pain, rage, or complexity.

He only has true feelings, which is all my love.

I know Dongsheng is a good kid and the hope of our family.

He’s so different and really kept his promise.

He said, “Brother, don’t worry. I’ll bring you all back home.”

He never thought of me as a fool or a madman, only as a brother.

When he came to get me and Uncle Er with the family, I felt a sense of completeness, wanting to disappear and not interfere with their future happiness, so as not to ruin it.

Then I saw Lin Lin, and she reminded me of my mother.

They don’t look alike.

She’s more beautiful, like a vibrant rose—bright, lively, and spirited, not like my mother who was quiet, soft-spoken, and had a small temper.

But the light in her eyes pierced straight to my heart.

Wen Sheng’s reaction to her was excited and genuine.

At that moment, I was confused.

Was my mother dead or gone? Was she here to bring me back?

I thought Lin Lin was like my mother, and Wen Sheng knelt and called her “Mother.”

From then on, it felt like life could merge with the one before the disaster.

If I disappeared, Wen Sheng’s life would be happy.

I tried to make him seem like a complete person, repeating the good memories from his childhood over and over.

Candy drawn from bitter gall is sweet to him.

I hoped he could grow up again, though that was just my wish.

He couldn’t grow up, just as Cheng Ruzhou couldn’t be calm and Junsheng couldn’t be normal.

But I hoped he could grow up and live happily in my place.

That way, Dongsheng and Lin Lin would be happy too.

I felt I should disappear completely so Wen Sheng could grow on his own.

That day, Lin Lin took us to lay tiles.

The loudspeaker repeatedly irritated my nerves. Cheng Ruzhou suddenly appeared and attacked her.

Although I knew he could communicate, I could never control him.

Luckily, though he was furious, he didn’t harm the family.

He only wanted to kill Cheng Fugui, to end the matter and let past pain no longer affect the present and future.

A blade strike on the arm, biting off the beast’s ear, killing him!

But that desire for revenge wasn’t as fierce as before because I didn’t want to worry Dongsheng and Lin Lin, or cause trouble for Uncle Er and Aunt, or scare Da Bao and Xiao Bao.

I treated them as the younger Dongsheng and my brothers.

In the end, we chose to let Cheng Ruzhou continue to sleep.

In sleep, there is no pain.

Perhaps because I constantly nagged Wen Sheng, just like my mother used to nag, he was finally influenced by me.

He started to grow up and became increasingly able to communicate normally with others.

I was happy for him.

Every time I saw Linlin smiling, I felt a deep, indescribable joy, as if she were my grandmother, my mother, my sister, my wife, my daughter—every one of my loved ones.

I couldn’t bear to see her suffer even the slightest bit.

Whenever she encountered any trouble, I would become extremely anxious and irritable, unable to control myself.

But I knew I couldn’t become like Cheng Ruzhou or Junsheng.

One time, she was chased by dogs with Dabao and Xiaobao.

She was so frightened that she lost her senses. For a moment, I wanted to become Cheng Ruzhou and kill that scoundrel’s entire family.

Times had changed; they no longer had the strength they once did, and my body had grown, with power far exceeding theirs.

I could do it!

It was Dongsheng who calmed me down.

He killed the dog, drove Cheng Xinda insane, and then sent them to the labor reform farm to experience our suffering.

An eye for an eye, blood for blood.

Dongsheng had Cheng Ruzhou’s cruelty, but he also had Wen Sheng’s purity and kindness.

He could control himself well and wouldn’t hide in the shadows, unseen.

Suddenly, I had a strong desire to stand by their side. I wanted to protect Linlin and never let her be harmed again.

Perhaps my wish was so strong that I truly took control of the body.

I was older than Wen Sheng and not as naive and pure as he was.

But whether I was violent, sharp-tongued, pure, or calm, they would not doubt it. In their eyes, it was all me.

They loved me and trusted me completely.

It was a very safe feeling.

But I knew only Wen Sheng was truly suited for this family.

Even though he couldn’t communicate with me and didn’t know of my existence, he would slowly improve under my influence.

I couldn’t destroy everything because I couldn’t control Cheng Ruzhou and Junsheng.

I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t go mad. Only Wen Sheng was safe.

In the end, I gave everything back to Wen Sheng.

I wouldn’t allow anyone to destroy the goodness of this family, including myself.

Wen Sheng understood me more and more, and I became more empathetic.

Everyone thought he was growing up and becoming more understanding, and everyone was happy.

Time flowed day by day. I felt very happy, as if lying on a warm, gentle surface, comfortable, without regrets even if I were to disappear at any moment.

Wen Sheng was deeply influenced by me.

He would remember happy moments from his childhood, but when he thought of happy things, sad images would involuntarily come to his mind.

I didn’t want him to suffer.

I could bear that suffering myself.

He didn’t need to remember it.

Wen Sheng was a good child.

He loved this family, loved Linlin, loved singing opera, learning English, singing, acting, and even filming TV dramas and movies.

I felt every bit of his joy and hardship.

As for the exclusion and discrimination from outsiders, he wasn’t influenced by me to respond with anger or hostility.

Regardless of how the outside world treated him, he remained pure and kind, focused on doing what he loved.

That was better.

I felt, I influenced, I was happy.

Wen Sheng became increasingly popular, but he remained so pure.

He could endure others’ insults and the overwhelming honor because he didn’t care.

In his eyes, there were only his mother and family.

He sang opera for his mother, to support the family, and for his own happiness, not for others’ approval.

So, he doesn’t care about what others think of honor and disgrace.

That’s wonderful.

When the family tested him to see if he wanted to marry and have a wife, Wen Sheng genuinely didn’t understand.

Even though he seemed more mature and less childish under my influence, his thoughts remained pure and single-minded.

As they say, he’s a bit slow-witted.

I wanted him to live a normal life and get married, but deep down, I wasn’t interested.

I only wanted to protect this family. I had no interest in starting a family of my own.

All my love and emotions were given to this family.

I only wanted my grandmother, my mother, my sister—to have us all together forever, never to be separated again.

I’m not suited for marriage, and I don’t want to deceive anyone.

So, when Xiaojie asked Wen Sheng if he wanted to marry her, Wen Sheng said what was on my mind: “I want you to be Xiaojie.”

Not as a wife, but as a forever friend of our family, not someone’s wife.

I’m sorry, but we no longer have the strength to love another woman.

We have our grandmother, Lin Lin, and Baosheng.

As long as Lin Lin and Dongsheng don’t drive us away, we’ll be together forever.

As time passed, we became happier and happier, and Cheng Ruzhou and Junsheng slept longer and longer.

Then one day, they left without a word.

They left while I was dreaming.

I had a very frightening dream where I was jealous of Wen Sheng, completely erasing him and becoming increasingly violent and evil, even developing inappropriate thoughts.

I wanted to completely pass my life on to Wen Sheng and disappear with Cheng Ruzhou and Junsheng.

At that moment, I saw a book—a translated book that Lin Lin had bought from foreign friends.

The book was called Multiple Personalities.

Reading it, I suddenly understood many things.

According to the book, multiple personalities are a protective measure born from severe trauma, essentially a form of delusion.

Multiple personalities, multiple traits—I lost a unified perception of my own character, believing that we were different people.

The book says that only love can heal the wounds of the soul.

I hide behind Wen Sheng, feeling his happiness and the constant love of family, which makes me increasingly aware.

I realize more and more that Wen Sheng and I are one person.

He represents my purest side.

I have separated all my anger, darkness, love, and hatred, creating those friends.

Cheng Ruzhou, Junsheng, and Wen Sheng are all figments of my imagination.

I am the last bit of sanity.

But I still choose to believe they are friends, not just manifestations of my madness.

This way, my silent madness for half a lifetime was not without companionship or meaning, not just the ramblings of a madman.

Dongsheng has avenged me, and Linlin has had another daughter.

Baosheng is as beautiful as a little fairy, and as smart as a little sprite.

I have my grandmother, my mother, my sister, and my family.

They all love me. I am truly complete.

Because I am more at peace and have let go of my obsessions, Cheng Ruzhou and Junsheng will disappear.

Now it may be my turn.

Even if I disappear, I am not afraid and have no regrets.

Because for this family, Junsheng and Cheng Ruzhou are still with us.

I say goodnight to my family, using “goodnight” to express my farewell, hugging each of them.

To be honest, I don’t really like hugs. I am not as pure as Wen Sheng. I dislike being confined and having too much physical contact.

But I want to say goodbye and tell them that I love them.

When I hugged Linlin, she seemed puzzled and asked, “Wen Sheng, what’s wrong with you?”

Yes, she is so smart and sensitive, having studied so many psychological books.

She knows me inside out.

Although she has never tried to call my friends, she must understand something.

I say goodnight to her, silently telling her that I will always love her.

As Wen Sheng falls asleep, I too drift off, perhaps to completely disappear when I wake up the next day.

I had a beautiful dream.

In the dream, Grandpa, Grandma, Father, and Mother all said goodbye to me, smiling happily and telling me to be well. Watching them leave, I did not chase after them or cry. Instead, I felt a sense of tranquility.

I waved goodbye to them.

When the morning light spread across the earth and the rosy glow filled the window, I woke up.

I did not disappear because I am Wen Sheng.

I have been healed.

All the resentment, darkness, stubbornness, and rage have been let go.

I am now relaxed and joyful.

I have once again perfectly merged with my body, with no barriers.

My identity and emotional understanding are completely unified.

I experience Wen Sheng’s purity, with only love in my heart.

Even though I am fully awake, I don’t want to return to the normal rules people understand.

I am still Wen Sheng, with my grandparents, parents, and siblings.

I will always be me.

I love you all, I love every blade of grass and every tree in the world, I love Linlin. I want to become a movie and theater star, to make our old Cheng family proud, just as excellent as my family.

I want to fall asleep under the starlight every night, wake up with the morning light every day, and walk step by step along the winding path of life, never feeling lonely, anxious, or resentful.

Whether looking back or forward, my heart is filled with light and love.

If life is a form of spiritual practice, then after experiencing half a lifetime of madness and resentment, I am finally willing to embrace innocence and kindness.

Hello, I am Wen Sheng. My life has just begun.