chapter 37

In the dimly lit room, the heavy panting suddenly ceased. After a slight trembling breath, there was a sudden release of tension, and with a bowing motion, a warm breath gushed onto Shang Mingbao’s shoulder.

Xiang Feiran managed to stop in time.

With his eyes closed, he avoided looking at the curves below his gaze, restraining himself to only place a kiss on Shang Mingbao’s collarbone. As compensation, the strength with which he kneaded her waist and stroked her thighs was fierce and unprecedented.

The pearl-colored pleated long skirt, heavy with fabric, slid from the side of Shang Mingbao’s legs and trailed along the bedside. Her legs were bent, with her toes pressed tensely against the mattress. Her calves and knees were cold as ice, but her thighs under his palm were hot and trembling.

Finally, when his hand slid past her knee and ultimately grasped her foot arch, Shang Mingbao trembled violently.

The warmth made her feel incredibly comfortable.

“Why are your feet so cold?” Xiang Feiran’s kisses lingered in the hollow of her shoulder, almost imperceptible, his voice low, carried to her ear along with his breath.

“I walked on the street for a long time,” Shang Mingbao answered him in a daze, her mind in disarray, “I came out from home, and there were very few taxis…”

Her anxious, girlish concerns were all tangled in these muddled words, but Xiang Feiran understood, and pressed down again.

Shang Mingbao let out a soft “mm,” gasping for breath, unable to speak.

She never knew before that her neck was so sensitive. As soon as he touched it, it tickled unbearably, making her whole body feel like it had been hollowed out, leaving her weak and numb.

She wanted to avoid him, but she had no strength, so instead, she turned her face away, exposing the slender side of her neck. She wrapped her arms around his head, unsure if she wanted to push him away or pull him closer.

In the end, it was the whimper that escaped her that made Xiang Feiran stop.

“Uncomfortable?” he asked, observing her expression. Though he asked calmly, his eyes showed that his reason was nearly gone, overshadowed by intense desire.

Shang Mingbao shook her head, then nodded, too afraid to speak, fearing that her voice would sound unfamiliar to her.

Xiang Feiran’s gaze darkened a bit. “Does it feel good?”

His downward gaze seemed like he was observing an interesting experiment sample, filled with a cold sense of control.

Shang Mingbao immediately shook her head—firmly, swiftly, and fearfully, her eyes glistening with tears.

She couldn’t admit it felt good, or things would spiral out of control.

Xiang Feiran chuckled softly but didn’t expose her obvious lie. He loosened his grip slightly on her jawbone, his thumb brushing the corner of her slightly swollen lips. “Then no more kissing.”

Shang Mingbao: “…”

Her face was expressionless, but every feature was practically shouting, “I’m upset.” Xiang Feiran kissed her lips again. “If I kiss you more, something might happen.”

He had unclasped her bra himself, and now he carefully slid the strap back onto her shoulder, smoothing her dress back into place as well. After a brief pause, he propped himself up and moved away from her. “I’m going to take a shower.”

Both of them had been swept up in the moment just now. Shang Mingbao had also scrunched up his T-shirt, leaving it bunched around his waist. As he stood up, his muscles were fully visible.

Shang Mingbao placed her hand on his forearm, her thoughts muddled. “Why are you going to take a shower?”

Xiang Feiran held his breath at her touch. “What do you think?”

The fabric of his work pants didn’t have much elasticity, and it strained painfully against him.

He placed his hand over her eyes. “Close your eyes.”

Shang Mingbao obediently closed her eyes, and the mattress dipped and shifted slightly as he got up. After a moment, Xiang Feiran took off his T-shirt and tossed it onto her face. “Don’t run away.”

The scent of his body filled her nostrils, and as she pulled the shirt off, her face was even redder than when he had unclasped her bra earlier.

After a while, she heard the sound of him unzipping his backpack and taking out clothes in the living room.

The sound of the shower ran for a long time.

The heat in his body was unbearable, and Xiang Feiran stood under the water for a long time, finally suppressing his desire.

He even considered whether he should just take care of himself now, to avoid getting too worked up later. But he thought that would be too undignified.

When he came out, Xiang Feiran had changed into loose sweatpants. His gaze swept around the room before he spotted Shang Mingbao on the balcony.

Despite the freezing weather, she was only wearing a coat and was on the phone.

Sophie was asking her where she was, and she replied that she was still at Liao Yunuo’s place and would be staying there for the night. Although Sophie didn’t particularly like Liao Yunuo, she was, after all, Shang Mingbao’s housekeeper, not her guardian. Besides, apart from her wild behavior, Miss Liao couldn’t really be considered a bad friend, so Sophie just reminded her to be mindful of her behavior.

Shang Mingbao responded with a “got it” and reminded Sophie to have the housekeepers unwrap the gifts.

After hanging up, she couldn’t stand the cold any longer and went back inside, only to bump into Xiang Feiran, who was still shirtless.

The only light in the room came from the Christmas tree, casting a dim glow. Shang Mingbao hurriedly glanced at him, her face flushed. Xiang Feiran coughed and picked up his T-shirt to put it on.

The atmosphere suddenly became very awkward, as if the heavy breathing, the uncontrollable kissing, and touching on the bed earlier had all been imagined.

Shang Mingbao shut the balcony door, searching for something to say. “Su-Sophie called me…”

Xiang Feiran responded with a simple “Mm” as he approached her. “What did she say?”

He moved closer with each step, and Shang Mingbao found herself pressed between his body and the corner of the wall, the scent of him making her head spin, too embarrassed to lift her face. “She asked when I’m coming home…”

Xiang Feiran lowered his head, his breath brushing against her ear as he hoarsely asked, “And then?”

“And then…”

Shang Mingbao couldn’t speak again, her slender neck falling into Xiang Feiran’s grasp.

“Are you going home?” he asked.

Shang Mingbao leaned lightly against the glass door without answering, instead kissing him. After a while, the phone in her hand vibrated.

It was an incoming call, buzzing annoyingly. She couldn’t ignore it, so she broke away from Xiang Feiran’s kiss, swallowing twice to catch her breath, and glanced at the caller ID.

Why was Wu Baiyan calling?

Xiang Feiran saw it too, and asked in a calm voice, “Were you with him just now?”

Shang Mingbao’s scalp tingled. “No, just… at the party…”

“Answer it.”

Shang Mingbao glared at him and muttered, “I don’t want to.”

Xiang Feiran braced his hand against the glass, the heat from his palm creating condensation on it. “He’ll keep looking for you until he finds you.”

Shang Mingbao hesitated for a moment, then chose to swipe right and answer the call.

She pressed the phone tightly against her ear, as if afraid any sound might escape. Her ear was burning and aching.

But it was no use. At such a close distance, Xiang Feiran could hear Wu Baiyan’s voice and tone clearly.

Wu Baiyan asked, “Are you in bed?”

Shang Mingbao replied, “Yes.”

“Did you open the gift?”

Gift…? Shang Mingbao racked her brain trying to remember. There seemed to be something like that? She couldn’t quite recall, because ever since the laurel wreath fell to the ground, she had been in a state of unease, and all her responses to the outside world had been merely subconscious reactions from her body.

Where did Wu Baiyan’s birthday gift go? She really had no idea where to even start looking for it.

Wu Baiyan noticed her silence and frowned, asking, “You haven’t opened it yet? Why not?”

Shang Mingbao, feeling a bit pressured, responded quickly, “I did, I did open it.”

Wu Baiyan sighed in relief and asked gently, “Do you like it?”

Xiang Feiran listened to his gentle tone, his expression remaining unchanged as he lowered his head slightly, his nose brushing faintly against Shang Mingbao’s cheek.

Oh heavens, what kind of torture is this… Shang Mingbao’s face turned red, and she stammered, “I-I-I like it… I really do.”

Wu Baiyan was playing cards with someone at the time, and when he heard her shy, stumbling reply, he misunderstood and became a little nervous too, accidentally throwing in two extra chips. “I’m glad you like it. I spent a long time choosing it; it can go with many of your dresses.”

Shang Mingbao was trying hard to think of how to respond when she heard Xiang Feiran coldly ask in her left ear, “Can’t bear to hang up?”

Shang Mingbao’s heart trembled, and she tried to keep her voice steady as she said to Wu Baiyan, “I’m a bit tired; let’s talk another day.”

But Wu Baiyan, sensing her rare softness, was reluctant to end the conversation and got up from the card table. “Let’s chat a bit more.”

Lets talk about again

Shang Mingbao’s palm suddenly felt empty—Xiang Feiran had unceremoniously taken her phone, ended the call, and tossed it onto the bed.

The phone began vibrating again, but this time, no one was paying attention.

Flurries of goose-feather snowflakes floated over the skies of the island, settling on the red bells and ribbons of Christmas wreaths.

Shang Mingbao’s coat fell to the ground.

Xiang Feiran felt something off with his body. He instinctively stepped away from her, frowning as he endured the tightness in his lower abdomen. It took a while for his gaze, fixed on Shang Mingbao, to return to full awareness.

This time he saw clearly—her dress was outstanding. It was a strappy, deep V-neck dress that wrapped around her waist with a side slit, revealing glimpses of her long, smooth legs as she moved.

He tilted his chin slightly. “Why are you dressed so beautifully today?”

Although his tone was very calm, and there was a slight curve to his lips, Shang Mingbao suddenly panicked inside, hastily explaining, “I’m not. I just picked a random dress, didn’t dress up on purpose—”

Her words were cut off by Xiang Feiran pulling her into his arms.

He held her for a moment, kissed her hair, and said, “It’s Christmas Eve. Dressing up and being happy is the right thing to do.”

Shang Mingbao’s body softened in his embrace as she rested her face on his shoulder, closing her eyes. “And what about you? Why did you go out with a tent and sleeping bag on Christmas Eve?”

Xiang Feiran was silent for a moment. “I couldn’t stay in the room; I would overthink.”

“Overthink what?”

She was asking knowingly, lifting her head from his shoulder, her eyes stubbornly demanding that he say it out loud.

Xiang Feiran lowered his gaze and stroked her face. “Overthink everything about you.”

Shang Mingbao kept her eyes on him. “Like what?”

“For example… what I lack, that makes you only like me a little.”

Shang Mingbao softly said, “Feiran, it’s not just a little.”

Xiang Feiran’s lips curved slightly. “Three or four points is the same.”

“Is that not enough?”

“Maybe it was enough before, but it’s not enough now.”

Shang Mingbao suddenly felt a sting in her nose. “Don’t you think you’re being unfair? You just want to have fun with me, so why do you expect me to like you so much?”

Xiang Feiran paused, then earnestly called her, “Babe, just because I don’t want to get married doesn’t mean I’m just playing around with you.”

Shang Mingbao lowered her eyes and tried to move away from his arms. “I don’t want to talk about this… You go ahead, play all you want.”

She lowered her head, looking for the way out, her tone soft and obedient.

Since she had decided to go all in, there was no need to discuss such heavy topics anymore, to avoid spoiling the mood. After all, she wasn’t someone who couldn’t play along; she could just think of it as missing out on this face with no second chances…

Her hand was suddenly grabbed by Xiang Feiran.

“Babe, not getting married is part of my life philosophy, but that doesn’t mean I’m someone who can’t give my heart,” Xiang Feiran calmly said.

Shang Mingbao kept her head down, a tear silently falling from her eye. “You said yourself, if I think you’re decent, then I should just enjoy the fun.”

“That was speaking from your perspective.”

Shang Mingbao made a puzzled “hmm” sound, raising her face.

“You want to marry someone, but you only like me a little. What else could I say?”

“You…” Shang Mingbao’s muddled mind suddenly found a thread to follow. She hesitated, “Even though there’s no future, you still want to play with me… Aren’t you afraid I’ll be sad and heartbroken later?”

“That’s why I said, between us, it’s just right for you to like me a little.”

“But you just said it’s not enough.” Shang Mingbao frowned and glared at him.

Xiang Feiran looked at her. “That’s my greed; you don’t need to respond to it. No matter how much, just stay within the limits where you won’t get hurt.”

Shang Mingbao was stunned, her expression blank, as if she didn’t understand.

“Mingbao, there will definitely come a day when we separate,” Xiang Feiran said, his gaze calm and clear as he looked at her. “When that day comes, I hope it’s because you’ve stopped liking me, lost interest in me, or even fallen for someone else. That would be fine too.”

Shang Mingbao’s pupils gradually filled with disbelief as she jerked her hand away from his and turned to leave.

She was so decisive in shaking him off that Xiang Feiran felt a weight in his chest. Before he could react, he had already tightly embraced her from behind.

He held her so tightly that no matter how she struggled, his grip didn’t budge.

“I’ll give you the best of everything.” He closed his eyes, a barely detectable urgency creeping into his cold tone. “I’ll give you the best of everything… Babe, I’ll give you all the best I have.”

Shang Mingbao laughed through her tears. “What? If that’s the case, aren’t you afraid I won’t be able to let go and cling to you?”.

Xiang Feiran’s heavy heart tugged at his breathing: “No, don’t be foolish. What I’ve given is insignificant in your life, understand?”

Shang Mingbao didn’t ask any more questions. She didn’t ask what he would do if he gave his absolute sincerity and best intentions, and what would happen on the day it ended. She decided not to ask, because the question seemed too naive. It was just empty flattery that men often say, so unoriginal and clumsy that she couldn’t be moved by it or feel pity for him. Let him. Let him tell such sweet lies without exposing him.

People have an inherent tendency to seek benefit and avoid harm.

People instinctively protect themselves. Xiang Feiran would never walk into a storm without armor.

Shang Mingbao relaxed in his arms for a while, smiling faintly, and said, “Feiran, you’re taking this too seriously. If we don’t address such major life matters now, we’re just casually dating, and we might quickly realize we’re not compatible. You’re making it all too heavy.”

Xiang Feiran smiled too, allowing her to turn around in his embrace to face him. He looked at her, lifted the corners of his lips, but said nothing.

“We might not even last two months,” Shang Mingbao said, trying to sound casual.

“Mm.”

“And with Columbia and NYU so far apart, and you being so busy, it’s like a long-distance relationship.”

“It won’t be. I’ll come to see you often.”

Shang Mingbao didn’t realize that from the beginning, it was her who hesitated due to the arranged marriage and family disparity. It was her who couldn’t resist verifying his stance on not wanting marriage. It was still her who was daunted by his aversion to marriage—

From the very start, she was the one who thought about marriage, worried and planned ahead. It was always her who considered the idea of spending a lifetime with him.

This thought was a weak root buried deep under the dunes of her consciousness—her subconscious buried it tightly, like roots storing moisture in the sand dunes. It was all for self-preservation.

Shang Mingbao embraced him quietly for a while, lifted her face, and deliberately pretended to be coy: “Then you should like me a little less. I’m afraid if we break up, you might not handle it well.”

Xiang Feiran smiled and said straightforwardly, “Okay.”

“But… I don’t think you will. Just like these past days, when I didn’t contact you, you didn’t contact me either. You’re a…” She searched for the right words and found them— “cold-hearted and aloof person.”

She tapped his chest with her finger, accusing him, “When we break up, you should just go live in some mountain.”

Xiang Feiran chuckled, looking at her with gentle eyes: “Mm, I think so too.”

Shang Mingbao met his gaze, her tone softening, “If I hadn’t called you today…”

She didn’t finish the sentence, slightly turning her face, letting her complex thoughts and tangled emotions melt away in their kiss.

The person being kissed uncontrollably felt short of breath and a dizzying sensation, as if lacking oxygen.

Shang Mingbao was led and guided by Xiang Feiran, obediently offering her tongue to him and being lifted. Her legs outside her skirt wrapped around his waist, entrusting her entire weight to his arms and the palms supporting her hips.

She had sensed something was off and, when placed on the sofa, asked with a blocked heart and a soft voice, “Who taught you?”

Xiang Feiran knelt on the sofa, pressing against her legs, his hands supporting her face, and asked, “What?”

“Kissing, and other random stuff…”

“What do you mean by ‘other random stuff’?” He looked into her eyes, his hands moving to her back, his fingers skillfully and firmly pinching, “Like this?”

Her softness was released from restraint, yet she found it hard to breathe.

The sofa was brighter than the bed due to the Christmas tree lights. Shang Mingbao saw the contents of his eyes clearly this time, her body trembling, heat surging inside her.

She hooked her arm around his neck, falling into his calloused palms.

She clearly heard the sound of his Adam’s apple swallowing.

“Soft,” he sighed slightly and said seriously.

When the phone rang, the intertwined water sounds in the room continued for a few seconds before stopping.

Xiang Feiran couldn’t get up at that moment. After enduring for a while, he had to press Shang Mingbao’s face into his chest while reaching for the phone with one hand.

Shang Mingbao’s heart raced, her arm brushing against his movements.

Hard.

Her pupils dilated, unable to move.

This… this thing… can it really be this hard?

The caller ID showed Fang Suining.

Xiang Feiran took a deep breath and answered his cousin’s call.

Fang Suining’s voice was extremely cheerful: “Merry Christmas, Feiran!”

Xiang Feiran responded unnaturally calmly: “Merry Christmas.”

Shang Mingbao was in a terrible state, her clothes disheveled, with her chest only partially covered by her barely staying skirt, and suspicious red marks on her collarbone. Hearing Fang Suining’s voice, she desperately wanted to escape.

How to escape? She wanted to use all her limbs to flee.

But she couldn’t escape, being quickly restrained by Xiang Feiran, his bulging veins holding her waist and pulling her back to his strong legs.

She looked at Xiang Feiran pleadingly.

Xiang Feiran placed a hand on her face, soothing her with his fingertips, and shushed her.

Calm, yet filled with affection for her.

Fang Suining babbled on the other end: “Why are you so cold? Aren’t you happy?”

Xiang Feiran’s fingertip wiped away the moisture from the edge of Shang Mingbao’s lips, the result of his kiss.

Xiang Feiran answered Fang Suining’s question with a meaningful tone: “Happy.”

Very happy.

And thoroughly so.

“What are you happy about?” Fang Suining asked with innocent suspicion. “Did someone confess to you today, and you’re single now?”

Shang Mingbao shook her head decisively, her eyes wide with fear.

No, no, no. She was completely unprepared to face Fang Suining! Although they hadn’t seen each other for three years, she had always considered Fang Suining a true friend! She’d deal with the news about being with her brother later. Later!

Xiang Feiran smiled slightly, his palm cupping her heavy softness, and said leisurely: “No.”

“I thought so…” Fang Suining, almost back at the dorm, stood at the door. “I wanted to invite Shang Mingbao to hang out over the holidays, to go to Flushing for hot pot. Aren’t you coming?”

Xiang Feiran glanced at Shang Mingbao: “It’s not time yet.”

Fang Suining was still in a good mood, chattering endlessly, likely because she had a great day with her boyfriend. Xiang Feiran, exhausted from her chatter, gently placed his phone on the coffee table, turned on the speaker, and then, with his long, strong fingers, wove into Shang Mingbao’s hair, asking near her ear: “Where should I kiss you?”

Shang Mingbao bit his shoulder through his T-shirt, as if venting or stifling her sounds.

Xiang Feiran laughed softly: “Bite harder.”

He didn’t dare kiss her recklessly. But Shang Mingbao was so sensitive, just touching her made her go limp—

He did touch a bit, to be honest.

After all, his fingers were still gently pinching.

Finally, Fang Suining’s story came to an end. Xiang Feiran patiently waited until she finished before taking back his phone and calmly said, “Suining, go enjoy yourself.”

Fang Suining: “…”

The call ended. Strange? She looked at the call log. What the hell, Xiang Feiran had a ten-minute call with her?

The clock struck midnight, Santa Claus arrived with his reindeer sleigh, and Christmas snow drifted past the window panes.

Xiang Feiran turned off his phone and set it aside, then, kissing the corner of Shang Mingbao’s lips, asked: “Do you want me to bite without clothes?”

It was just asking for trouble.

Only those who’ve experienced a cold shower know the feeling.