Chapter 101

Under the light of the galaxy, like blue stone, are his eyes that are deeper than the galaxy.

“You’re a coward. Knowing I’m here, you don’t even dare to look at the stars or fireworks.”

Tears spilled over, washing over Shang Mingbao’s flushed cheeks. “You clearly ignore me, always speaking coldly to me…”

“What do you want me to do?” Xiang Feiran calmly laid bare his feelings. “Left alone by you like a discarded toy, trying hard to return to a nonchalant state, but when I see you, I reveal all my unrest to you? Do you expect my pity or my sympathy?”

“I will be heartbroken… I was always heartbroken.”

Xiang Feiran curled his lips. “Really? After the breakup, the blood I coughed up didn’t make you feel a shred of sympathy. You’re heartbroken?”

“You said it was gastritis…”

“Where’s your brain?”

“I know it’s because of me. I went to see you,” Shang Mingbao said, looking up at him. “Suining knows. The next afternoon, you were looking at your phone in the hospital room, and I was watching you in the corridor. I didn’t dare to meet you. I’m a coward.”

Xiang Feiran opened his phone and tapped into the photo album.

His album was always neatly categorized. In the list with preview images, Shang Mingbao scrolled to the bottom. The album with her name was gone.

Her fingertips trembled as she tapped into the large album and kept scrolling up. The album once filled with photos of her and him was now clean, leaving only flowers and trees.

“That day I wasn’t looking at my phone; I was deleting photos.”

Tears blurred her vision, and Shang Mingbao kept scrolling up desperately, but her sweaty palms couldn’t hold the phone and it was taken away by Xiang Feiran, expressionless.

This was what she deserved—

Thinking this, she tried hard to put on a smile, but the sound of her tears was still so shattered. She wrapped her arms around his neck, wanting to press her lips to his.

Like mortals offering incense to gods, she asked for his kiss.

But Xiang Feiran pressed her down, his large, long hand on her neck, the tiger’s mouth against her jawline. Not harsh, but cold.

The back that had just lifted was pressed back onto the sand, a soft hum vibrating from her chest to her head.

“Feiran Ge…” She was lost, only knowing to call his name.

“In the past year and a half, there was always a task about you in my daily to-do list.”

Shang Mingbao looked at him with confused eyes, defenselessly listening.

She heard him say, “Forget you.”

Every day, after washing up and going to bed, swallowing melatonin, he fixed the act of “forgetting her” into a precise routine, etched into muscle memory.

Forget her.

Before your birthday next year, you must forget her.

Xiang Feiran looked at her expressionlessly. “Have you ever thought that you came too late?”

In the overwhelming panic, Shang Mingbao denied with wide eyes, “I didn’t, I didn’t come late… You still love me; you can’t deceive me.”

Xiang Feiran chuckled and gently rubbed her neck with his thumb. But no matter how gently he was, his fingertips had already picked up sand, bringing coarse pain to her during his touch.

He leaned down, his hot breath enclosing her face illuminated by starlight, his gaze lingering from her eyes to her lips.

“I indeed still love you.”

Their faces were extremely close, the distance between their lashes, the temperature in each other’s breath, skin almost touching, like the soft touch of two leaves, creating shivers.

Shang Mingbao closed her eyes, only the sound of surging waves in her ears. She turned her face, leaning against his chin, his breath.

When his lips covered hers, her body uncontrollably shivered.

Xiang Feiran released his hold on her. She could hold his neck as she wished, kiss him passionately, and lift her body into his arms.

“Hold me… hold me,” Shang Mingbao murmured.

Xiang Feiran held her tightly, his arms completely embracing her back.

The kiss, no longer bitter as before, began to taste sweet. This sweetness was dangerous, as if it were the last time. Shang Mingbao didn’t dare to let herself indulge, but she still did because he was so skilled with her lips and knew how to entice and suck in a way she liked.

She knelt up, stretching her waist like a flower desperately climbing in the rainforest, her body in a camisole nearly being squeezed by him.

The camp was silent now, only the lantern hanging on the tent door swaying in the sea breeze.

Essie called, the phone vibrating in Shang Mingbao’s tight denim pocket and also vibrating against Xiang Feiran, who was pressing closely to her.

He pulled it from her pocket, swiped to answer, not giving Essie a chance to speak. “She’s with me.”

Shang Mingbao pressed closer, as if trying to merge into him. One hand unbuttoned his shirt, the other pressed against his neck. His skin was hot, and she touched and pressed against the pulsating artery with her fingertips.

Xiang Feiran pulled their faces apart, his eyes narrowing slightly, his calm eyes showing no emotion, and his expression dark.

When Shang Mingbao tried to kiss him, he pinched her chin to stop her. After two seconds of confused and aggrieved looks, Xiang Feiran kissed her fiercely in the same posture.

Her delicate lips, suffering from sun, fog, sea wind, and inflammation, cracked under his biting and sucking, oozing blood.

Finally, Xiang Feiran lifted her hips, and she straddled him.

What next? There was nothing else to do. Shang Mingbao buried her head, biting down hard on his neck.

The moans amidst the waves and wind were indistinct, but she felt his body suddenly tense.

“Don’t you find it dirty?” His deep voice was close to her ear, seeming to disdain her body that had been in the jungle all day more than she did.

The tips of her teeth pierced Xiang Feiran’s skin, and her sweat and tears also dripped down, moistening the bite marks she left on him, causing him pain.

Tears finally broke free, and she relaxed, burying her forehead on his shoulder, crying loudly, coughing, struggling to breathe.

Xiang Feiran’s palm was warmly covering the back of her neck. “Don’t cry, Shang Mingbao,” he calmly surrendered. “I might love you for the rest of my life.”

Shang Mingbao curled her back in his arms, clutching his shirt collar, shaking her head incessantly.

“Lift your head and look at me.”

Shang Mingbao always listened to him. Though she was crying uncontrollably, she still lifted her face as instructed.

She looked very cute when she cried, under the scattered starlight, red where it should be red and white where it should be white. Xiang Feiran brushed her sweat-drenched bangs aside, revealing her smooth forehead and brow. “I still love you. This is my failure; I admit defeat to you. But you really came too late.”

He couldn’t bear to tell her that on the evening she joined the crowd in a gown at the United Nations headquarters, she had already taken away all his trust in love.

He tried so hard, not believing in love, learning to love when he couldn’t, thinking that expressing love, yearning for love, and begging for love only led to rough treatment, he also expressed love, yearned for love, and begged for love.

But she left without looking back.

It was his fault.

It was his inadequacy in love, loving someone too whole and healthy.

He understood her reasons and intentions for leaving. She showed the confidence and growth of a child raised in love, believing that a dying intimate relationship needed calm repair, so she used sufficient determination to remain calm and repair.

But she overestimated him.

She overestimated someone less healthy than she was.

For a healthy person, love is always a full moon.

For an unhealthy person, love is always a waning moon.

Some people are never lacking in courage to start over, but for some, such love only happens once. It is a once-in-a-lifetime gamble, a patchwork of broken pieces filled with fear and testing. Even if it’s rotten, sick, or full of wounds, he would rather cling to the remnants than let go.

Having witnessed her turning her back on him, he only remembered her turning away.

“It’s not late,” Shang Mingbao said with trembling lips, hopelessly, “You still love me, and I love you. As long as we have these two things, we’re not late.”

“I can’t endure a second time, babe,” Xiang Feiran said calmly. “I can’t handle a second time where you tell me things aren’t right, so we need to take a break. You can leave me to fix the first time, and there will be a second time.”

Moreover… you might never love me as much as I love you.

She, of course, also loved him seriously and wholeheartedly. For an ordinary life, that would be enough, and it was enough for the old him who used to be only two points or three or four points.

But for the him who needed to start over, it wasn’t enough.

Doesn’t she want a healthy relationship? The future him, plagued with doubts and insecurities, could be unhealthy. A bitter rain is better left unwet, a sour summer is better left unspent.

“No!” Shang Mingbao babbled, “There won’t be a second time. Let’s take it slowly this time. I’ve grown up, and my heart is mature. Give me another chance, Feiran Ge, like I gave Teacher Ke a chance. I’ll prove to you that I love you, just like I did before.”

Xiang Feiran only looked at her silently.

“You placed a bet, you set off fireworks, you clearly wanted me to find you, you gave me a chance, even if it’s just one in ten thousand,” Shang Mingbao hugged him back, her words like raindrops chasing each other. “I grabbed it, I’m here… I even lost my shoes, you can’t go back on your word… give me another chance.”

They searched for their lost shoes for a long time.

“Once you find it, you have to agree to my request,” Shang Mingbao said, shining her flashlight and searching the beach intently.

As long as she found the lost shoe, he had to agree to give her another chance. He didn’t nod, but Shang Mingbao took it as a tacit agreement.

Her flip-flop was black, and finding it in the dark was like searching for a black paper in pitch darkness.

Xiang Feiran followed behind her, watching her bend over, small and earnest.

“It might have been washed away by the waves,” he gently reminded her.

“No, I was walking closer in,” Shang Mingbao pushed her hair behind her ear. “It must be around here; there’s no way we can’t find it.”

It was certainly easier than remembering a random comment he made about fireworks seven years ago, syncing with his vibe, and irrationally believing she could see him where the fireworks burst.

But… two full hours had passed, and Xiang Feiran had accompanied her in searching the beach five times.

He was someone who always took a shower as soon as he got home, but he endured the discomfort for her sake.

Shang Mingbao still had patience, but her underlying anxiety grew stronger. After bending down for too long, her neck and back ached severely, and she felt dizzy and nauseous.

Heaven, you really don’t care about me, do you? She straightened up and lifted her face.

Ah, the stars had hidden themselves, refusing to give her light or answer her questions.

With the belief that “if she could be born into the Shang family and become Shang Mingbao, she could certainly find the shoe here,” she resolutely searched for the sixth time.

“Stop looking,” Xiang Feiran glanced at the time. It was almost midnight.

“We can’t stop looking; it’s been so long.” Shang Mingbao replied without looking up, suddenly catching a glimpse of a silver line in her focused mind.

She stopped and straightened her back.

Xiang Feiran thought she had found it.

A fleeting excitement flashed in his eyes under his disinterested gaze.

“No,” Shang Mingbao turned around, her long hair gently blown by the sea breeze. “You’ve searched with me so many times, showing you really want to find it and give us a chance. So… you’ve already given me that chance.”

“…”

Seeing Xiang Feiran’s expressionless face, she composed herself, acting as if she hadn’t said anything: “I’ll continue searching…”

Xiang Feiran grabbed her arm. “Let’s look again tomorrow morning.”

“If we find it in the morning, it won’t count.”

“Who says so?”

“…”

Shang Mingbao bit her lip, her eyes bright as she looked at him.

Xiang Feiran sighed, lowering his voice and changing the subject. “We need to get some sleep.”

“Finding it in the morning will count,” Shang Mingbao asked stubbornly.

“Hmm.”

“You wouldn’t sneakily throw it into the sea while I’m sleeping, would you?” She asked suspiciously without reason.

“Why would I do that?”

Shang Mingbao couldn’t answer what he would gain from that but couldn’t see through Xiang Feiran’s heart, unsure of the hidden feelings behind his casual demeanor.

She didn’t know that she had turned this decisive, straightforward man into two halves—one loving her, and the other rejecting her.

Looking for a shoe? Might as well flip a coin.

Xiang Feiran patted his pockets.

Nope. After all, flipping a coin has a fifty-fifty chance, and even the heavens seemed to think it wasn’t worth swapping for a one-in-a-thousand advantage.

In the middle of the beach, thick clouds that had been blocking the moonlight suddenly parted, illuminating the edge of a patch of sea grass.

A flip-flop, its toe half-buried in the white sand.

Shang Mingbao was still searching intently, but her gaze was entirely in the wrong direction.

Xiang Feiran paused his steps, his gaze fixed on her silhouette for a moment. The wind and waves fell silent.

Xiang Feiran, do you want to call her?

Tell her that the chance is right there?

His hands, buried in his pockets, curled into fists.

His heartbeat felt like thunder, rough and painful as if struck by lightning.

His throat was also tight, and though he swallowed, he couldn’t make a sound.

Shang Mingbao.

In your eleven o’clock direction.

“Stop looking!” Shang Mingbao straightened her back, stretching backward and letting out a long, exhausted sigh. “We’ll look again tomorrow.”

The wind and waves returned.

Xiang Feiran smiled slightly, and for some reason, her retreating figure seemed a bit blurry in his view.

She passed her eleven o’clock direction without turning around.

At the campsite’s front, she quietly said goodbye in the silence.

Finally, Xiang Feiran got to take a shower, with ample fresh water to wash off the sweat and dirt. He couldn’t see the pain in his shoulder and neck connection, only knowing it hurt. His fingertips carefully touched and found her small, neat bite marks.

After showering, he changed into a clean T-shirt, letting his wet hair dry in the wind while he smoked.

One cigarette was barely enough, and he finished it quickly. Xiang Feiran folded the pale yellow cigarette butt with his fingers and stood alone for a long time.

Only his tent was illuminated by the lantern. Amid the howling wind, he clearly remembered that he had zipped up the outer tent door, but it was now flapping in the air.

What’s she up to now?

Without thinking, he guessed it was her, just like the first time he took her camping and caught her stealing cigarettes when they returned.

His frowning brows tightened even more when he saw Shang Mingbao kneeling and crawling.

Not everyone might be asleep, and he couldn’t make a sound, only coughing slightly.

Shang Mingbao paused, maintaining her kneeling position as she came out of the tent, holding a flip-flop.

She had tried to sneak it into his tent while he wasn’t around.

“…”

Not that pair.

Xiang Feiran wasn’t a fool; how could he not notice? It might be Essie’s or perhaps her backup.

Shang Mingbao’s face, illuminated by the lantern, was only filled with happiness and pride: “I found it.”

She silently spoke, shaping the words with her lips.

Xiang Feiran gazed at her for a long time and then smiled slightly, lifting the corners of his mouth.

It was indeed her. She would rather cheat fate than miss this chance.

Shang Mingbao stood up and waved at him.

Xiang Feiran stood casually, leaning slightly so she could tiptoe and speak in his ear.

Shang Mingbao held her hand, her breath warm against his ear: “I found it. You can’t say it doesn’t count.”

Her heels touched the ground as she looked at Xiang Feiran, anxiously waiting for his response.

For some reason, she felt that Xiang Feiran’s gaze on her today was a bit strange.

He stared for too long and so seriously, his sharpness hidden, deep and calm, as if he knew everything, observing the small interactions within the camp from a higher perspective.

After a while, he nodded lightly.

He didn’t expose her.

Shang Mingbao’s smile widened. She wanted to hug him but didn’t dare, so she tightly held onto the pair of flip-flops in her arms, her eyes inexplicably moist.

She tiptoed again and softly asked, “After we return to the city, will you disappear again?”

Xiang Feiran shook his head.

“Do you want to see me?”

Xiang Feiran neither nodded nor shook his head, but lightly lifted his chin: “Go back and sleep.”

Shang Mingbao turned and walked away. After a few steps, she turned back, still tightly holding the pair of flip-flops.

The next morning, Essie, having lost her flip-flops, could only lie and say they were washed away by the sea while playing in the water the previous night.

The entire day was used for returning. Hui Wen had already scheduled the individual flight times, departing from the camp at 9 a.m. to return to the village and then from the village to the airport.

No one slept in under the morning light; by six or seven o’clock, the sounds of washing up were already heard. Shang Mingbao had only fallen asleep around four a.m., with only about two hours of real sleep, but she looked vibrant. She quickly packed up her tent and also rolled up Essie’s.

Essie, confused, approached her while she was tidying up: “What happened last night?”

Shang Mingbao, remembering not to boast prematurely, answered vaguely but with an upbeat tone: “No progress, just a chat.”

Essie squinted: “When I called you, what were you doing? Why did he answer?”

“Well… we were discussing serious matters, so it couldn’t be interrupted.”

Essie couldn’t pry any more and was about to give up when she heard Shang Mingbao remind her: “By the way, clean up the house and studio when you get back.”

Essie stared: “Is he coming? No way?”

Shang Mingbao’s villa was too remote, rarely hosting guests, though fashion magazines sometimes came to interview her, photographing her home for features like “The Home of an Independent Jewelry Designer.”

“Not necessarily…” Shang Mingbao packed the ground pegs into a storage bag, “But he promised me another chance…”

Xiang Feiran wouldn’t go back on his word.

“What do you think…” Shang Mingbao became anxious ahead of time, “Will he like my designs? Will he think they are childish?”

Although he said something like “using our past to support jewelry design” last night, he must not have looked closely at her work; it was only hearsay. After all, how would he know her brand? Ming was very low-key, only having a store at Chunkan Corner with no social media presence.

“He won’t,” Essie encouraged her, “To be honest, since I learned about your past with him, seeing your sketches and designs, I feel a different kind of emotion.”

Shang Mingbao’s heart calmed slightly.

She was overly anxious, perhaps due to lack of sleep, her heartbeat faster than usual, and her actions and speech felt out of balance. She found an opportunity to slip away to the edge of the rainforest, where she secretly smoked.

Moss covered the tree trunks blown down by the typhoon. Shang Mingbao squatted on one, soothing her mood with nicotine.

“Can I borrow one?”

Looking up, it was Fu Yu.

“The shoelaces are loose,” Shang Mingbao pointed.

“Oh,” Fu Yu smiled, squatting down to tie the laces and sitting next to her, “Let me see, what are you smoking?”

Shang Mingbao took out a cigarette box: “Marlboro.”

“I thought you’d be smoking the kind with the beads,” Fu Yu took one out.

“I used to smoke that for a while.”

Fu Yu lit a cigarette and said, “I haven’t asked which brand you do jewelry design for. Can I afford it?”

“Depends,” Shang Mingbao smiled, “Ming, you can search it online; we have a website.”

“Okay.” Fu Yu tapped the ash off her cigarette, “Have you cleared the leech toxins from your body? How’s the wound?”

“Still okay.”

After chatting while smoking for a while, Fu Yu answered a call, starting with: “Darling.”

Shang Mingbao turned abruptly, her eyes filled with shock and confusion.

The caller might have been asking about her flight time to pick her up at the airport. After a brief exchange, Fu Yu asked with a smile: “Why are you so surprised? Oh, I remember, I said yesterday that I’m an anti-marriage person.”

“Not…” Shang Mingbao quickly denied, pressing her lips together.

“He’s like me, but it doesn’t matter. Let me think…” Fu Yu reminisced, “We’ve been together since high school, but he’s younger than me and repeated a year. We’re on the same wavelength, quite comfortable.”

“I thought you were into… Xiang Bo.”

Fu Yu smiled: “No, he’s an idol. He and his mom are, well, his dad too.”

She pointed to the vast, silent rainforest behind her: “The forest window, remember? In the rainforest’s competition, when a spot opens up, other life won’t be polite. It’s all about who grows first, and that’s the winner.”

Shang Mingbao was stunned, catching the deeper hint in Fu Yu’s words: “You…”

“I accidentally bumped into him last night,” Fu Yu shrugged, “It startled me.”

She jumped down from the tree stump and stubbed out her cigarette in the dirt. “Alright, good luck. I have a question.”

“What?”

“Do you artists see everything as inspiration? Would you ever incorporate leeches into your designs? That would be pretty legendary.”

“…”

Fu Yu read the answer from her expression: “Okay, I won’t. Leaving now, thanks for the cigarette.”

“Wait!” Shang Mingbao called out to her.

“Mm?”

“Does Xiang Bo know you’re… not single?”

“Of course,” Fu Yu replied casually, “He’s even seen my boyfriend’s resume and thesis, but wasn’t impressed.”

“…”

Wait a minute, so Xiang Feiran already knew early on that Fu Yu had a boyfriend and was aware that their anti-marriage conversation had stirred up jealousy and panic in her. So, what was his reaction when he heard her rambling on about it? Did he laugh?