{Satou-san’s Crush}

I couldn’t help but stare at Satou-san in surprise.

Satou-san was looking up at me with a serious and somewhat awkward expression. It seemed like she was waiting for my reaction and was unsure about something. Her lips were tightly pressed together and didn’t seem about to open anytime soon.

I, however, couldn’t answer immediately.

I had never imagined Satou-san would ask me something like that.

We were sitting quite close on the bench. Despite our gazes meeting, I felt an overwhelming urge to run away.

My face flushed hot, and I lost my ability to think clearly. Now that I think about it, the bathwater had been a bit hot. That might be why I’m feeling so suddenly warm. Satou-san’s cheeks were also bright red.

In the silence of the lobby, the hum of the vending machine felt like a ringing in my ears.

I took a sip from my cold sports drink.

Then I quickly turned my thoughts around. When I thought about it calmly— it didn’t seem like such a strange question after all. It was a typical question a girl might ask. Satou-san is just a normal girl.

We had talked a lot, but this was the first time this topic had come up.

Other girls in the class had asked me similar questions multiple times. Generally, if you accidentally reveal something like that, it spreads like wildfire, so I’ve never admitted it honestly.

I didn’t have anyone I liked at the moment. I had a few people I thought were cute or fun to talk to, or people I exchanged emails with, but that was it. I hadn’t developed any romantic feelings, and no one had liked me that way either.

I was just an average high school student.

I wasn’t particularly inconvenienced by not having a girlfriend.

So I answered honestly.

“No, I don’t.”

It took me quite a while to say just that.

Satou-san, who had been staring intently, sighed deeply upon hearing my answer and said, “I see.”

Then she awkwardly tried to ease her expression.

“I sometimes get asked about it. Like, if there’s someone you like, Yamaguchi-kun.”

“B-By whom?”

I stammered out the question, and Satou-san shook her head in a flustered manner.

“Oh, well, various people… I was told to keep it a secret. So, it’s a secret.”

“I see…”

“Since I sit next to you and we talk a lot, I guess people think I might know about such things.”

I wondered if there were strange rumors about me floating around that I wasn’t aware of. It was a bit unsettling.

I fell silent, and Satou-san continued.

“So, you don’t have someone you like, huh?”

The orange juice traveled up the straw.

After that, she looked at me and tilted her head.

“I was wondering what kind of person you’d like if you had someone.”

“Kind of person? I don’t know.”

I wondered what kind of image she had of me. I asked back with a casual tone, despite my growing discomfort.

“Do you have someone you like, Satou-san?”

It was just an extension of casual conversation. At least, that’s how I treated it.

I wasn’t very interested— not that I wasn’t interested at all. It was just that if Satou-san didn’t want to talk about it, I wouldn’t press her. If she was willing to talk, though, I might listen.

Satou-san looked down.

“Yeah.”

Her voice was faint, but the quiet lobby made it clear.

I shifted my gaze awkwardly and looked down at her shoulders.

Her arms, extending from her T-shirt sleeves, were pale. Under the fluorescent light, they looked almost bluish. The nape of her neck, where her hair was tied, looked the same way.

“Is that so…”

My voice was surprisingly firm in contrast.

Satou-san’s cheeks had turned pale again. The redness had vanished. Her expression was hidden as she looked down. Her hand gripping the juice pack remained still on her lap, and she hardly moved.

“Yeah.”

Satou-san repeated herself and slowly raised her gaze.

She turned toward me.

Despite her serious and earnest face, there was an awkward and anxious look in her eyes.

“Yamaguchi-kun, um, I…”

In a hesitant tone, she began.

“I do have someone I like. But…”

She began speaking carefully.

“But, I’ve never told anyone about it.”

“Yeah…”

“But I wanted to tell you, Yamaguchi-kun. I wanted to tell you.”

The urge to escape came back.

Although I had thought it was okay to listen, I now wanted to stop Satou-san from talking. Or perhaps I wanted to flee from this place.

I didn’t really understand Satou-san’s feelings, but I had a sense of them.

The person Satou-san liked.

There had been various clues. For example, the incident in the nurse’s office, Satou-san’s murmurs, or her friend’s worries. Also, stories I had heard about her friend from Hokkaido.

And then there was the person she had been thinking about all day before sending emails to.

“Maybe…”

Satou-san hesitated to continue.

“You might find it strange, but even if you do, I’d be happy if you listened…”

When she said that, I felt I couldn’t ignore it. I didn’t want to hear what Satou-san was about to say, but there was no way to escape now.

So I closed my eyes to focus on her voice.

Satou-san said:

“I like someone. That person is very kind, listens to me carefully, and has taught me many things. They live far away, so we rarely talk on the phone, just text each other, but they are truly kind. They know many things I don’t, and we always have enjoyable conversations. Even when I make mistakes, they laugh them off.”

I thought to myself, “I knew it.”

The person Satou-san liked was exactly who I had suspected, someone I didn’t know.

“I was able to talk a little when I called earlier. I hoped I might be able to meet them since I’m in Hokkaido, but it seems that won’t work…”

Satou-san paused, then spoke again with a lower tone.

“But, you see…”

What was the hesitation for?

“I…”

I kept my eyes closed, waiting for her words with a breathless feeling.

“I still haven’t met that person.”

Satou-san sighed and continued:

“Since I met them online, I don’t even know what they look like.”

I opened my eyes and looked up in surprise.

Seeing my reaction, Satou-san looked scared.

She quickly looked away and continued speaking.

“Well, there was one time we promised to meet. They said they would come to our city during Golden Week, but…”

Memories of the nurse’s office flashed through my mind. Those words must have been related to this.

“In the end, we couldn’t meet… So, I still don’t know what they look like.”

Satou-san looked at me anxiously. She might be worried about how I would react to her feelings.

To my surprise, I remained calm.

I knew the words Satou-san wanted to hear. I knew what would make her happy or at least relieve her worries. I understood that.

But I wasn’t ready to say those words.

My calm heart was driven by suspicion. I understood Satou-san’s anxiety, perhaps too well.

Because I felt the same, I found myself speaking.

“About that…”

Satou-san’s expression immediately clouded over.

“I knew it, right?”

“Yeah, no, it’s not that it’s wrong…”

It wasn’t wrong. Such feelings might exist. It’s just that I couldn’t understand them.

“Is it really possible to like someone without seeing their face?”

“Well, but you don’t like someone just because of their face…”

Satou-san replied quietly.

When she retorted, I felt irritated. It seemed she wasn’t interested in my opinion.

Satou-san’s mind was made up, leaving no room for anyone else.

“Sure, but can you trust someone you haven’t seen?”

I was good at making sharp replies. I asked right away.

Satou-san didn’t answer.

I then continued:

“Maybe it’s not that you can’t trust online connections, but it’s hard for me to understand liking someone you haven’t seen. You don’t even know what kind of person they are.”

“Yeah, but…”

She showed hesitation.

Was Satou-san feeling anxious? If she had any doubt, why would she try to trust someone like that?

“But, I…”

Suddenly, Satou-san stood up.

She took two steps forward and turned her back to me.

“I understand what you’re saying, Yamaguchi-kun. But…”

Her voice trembled.

“But… I’m sorry, I’m not causing anyone trouble.”

“Satou-san…”

When I called her name, her hair swayed as she moved.

The next moment, Satou-san ran out of the lobby.

I was left alone with the partially drunk sports drink and the low hum of the vending machine.

When I returned to the room, I had completely forgotten about the juice I had given to Satou-san and was thoroughly scolded by my roommates.

I had no choice but to laugh. If I didn’t, I felt like a strong sense of regret would come pouring out.

I had hurt Satou-san.