Chapter 5.2 Apology

After Ji Jing’an left, Jian Meng also got up to tidy up. Today was her chemotherapy day.

She still wanted to live, even if life had already withered away.

At the hospital, Gu Chuan was already waiting for Jian Meng at the entrance.

“You didn’t contact me for a whole day and night.” Gu Chuan saw Jian Meng getting out of the taxi and hurried over, his eyes filled with worry. Jian Meng’s complexion was even worse than the last time they met.

Jian Meng smiled, “Ji Jing’an is back.” She walked slowly into the hospital, with Gu Chuan following behind.

“He’d better come find me, I’ll make sure he comes to his senses.”

Jian Meng suddenly chuckled, “It’s the first time I’ve heard you say something so out of character.”

“Some people are used to pretending to be carefree, just because their bottom line hasn’t been touched.”

Jian Meng glanced back at Gu Chuan, feeling for the first time that this usually self-restrained person was the most unpredictable, but all emotions were suppressed and didn’t surface.

After the chemotherapy, Jian Meng was in so much pain that she couldn’t even stand up, leaning weakly against Gu Chuan.

The long-lost warmth made Jian Meng think it was Ji Jing’an, holding onto him and crying out, “jing’an, it hurts.”

Gu Chuan held her as they sat on the cold bench in the hospital, listening to her calling out that name until she regained consciousness.

The doctor said that if they didn’t find a suitable bone marrow match soon, even the chemotherapy wouldn’t support her for long.

Gu Chuan had been trying to find one, but it was like finding a needle in a haystack, with no progress at all.

Jian Meng suddenly said, “I don’t really want to continue treatment.”

Not treating was painful.

Treating was also painful.

“Gu Chuan, it really hurts.”

The layers of needle marks on Jian Meng’s wrist were shocking to see.

“Jian Meng, I disagree.” Gu Chuan looked at her with compassion, “I will save you, I don’t want you to die.”

But at this point, living or dying wasn’t important anymore. Jian Meng had lost the most important things in her life. What difference would it make to continue living? To leave the man she had loved for half a lifetime, or to endure his infidelities repeatedly.

In the end, Jian Meng was persuaded by Gu Chuan to schedule the next chemotherapy appointment. She didn’t want to disappoint the only person who cared for her.

Why wasn’t the medicine working?

Jian Meng was in spasms of pain.

This medication was as unreliable as Ji Jing’an.

Jian Meng felt like crying out of anger, but no tears came. Her eyes were dry as if she had cried them out at the hospital in the morning.

The pain reduced to dry heaving in the bathroom.

Jian Meng had another nightmare.

The dream was colorful, but she couldn’t see clearly, only a figure of Ji Jing’an in dark clothes standing far away.

She walked towards him, wanting to hold his hand.

But he spoke, “Jian Meng, I hate you, I hate you the most.”

He hated Jian Meng the most.

He no longer loved her.

He even despised her.

Jian Meng hated the nightmares too.

Shanghai was snowing again.

The next news Jian Meng heard about Ji Jing’an was on the television.

“Shanghai entrepreneur Ji Jing’an in close relationship with Lin Group heiress Lin Qing…”

To say Ji Jing’an was a rising entrepreneur was an understatement. He was incredibly adept at risk investment and seizing opportunities in the business world. His capital and influence had firmly established him among the elite tycoons of Shanghai.

That Lin Qing was the eldest daughter of the renowned Lin Group. Ji Jing’an’s meteoric rise was all thanks to the Lin Group.

No wonder the chairman of the Lin Group valued him so much. It turned out he was grooming him as a son-in-law.

Lin Qing was different from Vivian. Vivian, even ten or twenty of them, were just Ji Jing’an’s diversions. But Lin Qing…

So, when Ji Jing’an came home today, he was in a good mood. He remembered that Jian Meng never paid attention to entertainment gossip, so he didn’t notice her unusual behavior.

“Mengmeng, I booked a restaurant, I’ll take you to eat.”

Jian Meng raised her head to look at Ji Jing’an, belatedly. She didn’t think there was anything to celebrate, especially since Ji Jing’an was entangled with other women. So she shook her head.

Ji Jing’an felt like he had been doused with cold water. He thought that after all these days, Jian Meng would have calmed down, but she was even more lifeless than before.

“Are you still angry about the other day? I already apologized…”

“No.” Jian Meng quickly interrupted, “I’m just a bit tired, I want to rest.”

“Look at you now. You’re either sleeping or reading course materials. Can you stop lying down all the time? You’ll be left behind by society eventually.”

Jian Meng listened to Ji Jing’an’s accusations and looked back at her life since her diagnosis. It was indeed a daze, decadent and useless.

But she was a dying person, it was already difficult for her to hold on and live. What was the point of being motivated?

Society would abandon her, and Ji Jing’an would abandon her.

“Say something. Whenever I talk to you, you’re always like this, ignoring me.” You’re not the pure goddess you were before marriage, you can’t act aloof anymore… Ji Jing’an didn’t say many harsh words. He wanted to wake Jian Meng up, but he was afraid of upsetting her like last time.

Just like when Jian Meng insisted on staying in that small city, she was now unambitious, content with the status quo. Ji Jing’an’s guilt about his infidelity suddenly faded a lot. He felt it wasn’t his fault, but Jian Meng’s decadence and uselessness that was really annoying him.

People get tired.

In the end, Jian Meng went back to sleep again. Ji Jing’an found her unreasonable, so he left home.

Jian Meng lay in bed, feeling waves of drowsiness. Perhaps it was because she was exhausted from being drained, she felt extremely fatigued. Otherwise, she really wanted to have a romantic dinner with Ji Jing’an.

I am his Mengmeng after all.

He cried and said he would definitely treat me well.

How can people change so quickly…