---

The Empress Dowager sent me to secretly investigate if the new emperor had any hidden illnesses.

However, one careless moment, and I was thoroughly taken advantage of by the dog emperor.

Thus, in the dim gaze of the new emperor, I reported to the Empress Dowager, biting my lip and supporting my waist:

“Your Majesty is… very straight. Straight for the whole night.”

Later, one day, the emperor held my waist thoughtfully and said, “Imperial Scholar, you seem to have gained some weight.”

Grinding my teeth, I thought to myself, Of course, how could I not?

…Thanks to you, I have to run away with the baby.

---

1

When I was young, my eldest brother studied literature, and my second brother practiced martial arts.

As for me, I was the only one who grew up wild and spoiled.

Thus, I was sent to the palace to be the study companion of the crown prince, Xiao Ce.

Although Xiao Ce and I never saw eye to eye, neither of us ever held each other in high regard.

So, from childhood until now—

I fought roosters, while he read books.

I drank wine, while he practiced swordsmanship.

I caused trouble, and he took the punishment.

Eventually, heaven rewarded my persistence.

Later, he became the wise emperor of the capital.

And I? I became the notorious playboy of the capital.

---

2

The year Xiao Ce ascended to the throne was also the year I came of age.

According to family rules, my eldest brother forced me to take the imperial examination.

Relying on an essay titled My Brother, the Prime Minister, I sailed through the exams, all the way to the final palace examination, only to stumble at the feet of Xiao Ce.

The essay, which was highly praised by the court scholars, was merely glanced at by Xiao Ce, who then chuckled in front of the entire court, leaned on his hand, and tossed the paper to the ground with interest.

“Minister, since you claim this essay is so well-written,” he said, “why don’t you now read aloud the first word of each line, together.”

The old minister, struggling to decipher my atrocious handwriting, stammered out the hidden message:

“Damn Xiao Ce, making the exam so hard, who is he trying to torment?“

The old minister hurriedly knelt down, and my heart sank completely.

This Xiao Ce, who usually only knew how to read books like a dull scholar, had unexpectedly shown cleverness at this moment.

Thus, my title as top scholar was lost, and I was only given third place as a consolation prize for my family’s sake.

Ha… what a petty man.

---

I wandered aimlessly through the palace, kicking stones along the path.

One kick, Xiao Ce’s merit points -1.

Another kick, Xiao Ce’s merit points -1 again.

I hadn’t walked far when I was summoned by the Empress Dowager’s maid.

Although Xiao Ce often scorned me for being improper, the Empress Dowager liked me, so I became her little informant, responsible for tattling on the scholarly emperor.

But this time, the Empress Dowager’s expression was grave, as if something major had happened.

I hurried to offer my help.

“Your Majesty, is there something you need me to do?”

The Empress Dowager’s face was solemn.

“Zean, you’ve always been close to the emperor. Has he ever mentioned to you that he doesn’t want to take an empress?”

Close? Where did she get that idea?

Why would Xiao Ce confide in me about not wanting an empress?

Although full of confusion, I could only bow my head and listen to her instructions.

The Empress Dowager dismissed everyone, lowering her voice a little.

“The emperor has never been interested in women. I’ve tried sending women to him, but he’s dismissed them all.

Now, I can’t help but wonder—what if the emperor… simply can’t perform?”

“You grew up with the emperor; go test him. If the emperor really can’t… we might have to make other plans.”

Me: (⁄⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄⁄)

Is this something you can just hear?

The Empress Dowager carefully chose her words.

“Ze’an, you must ensure the emperor’s dignity. Test him subtly; don’t be too direct and hurt his pride.”

The Empress Dowager had always been good to me, and I didn’t want to disappoint her.

So, during our conversation, I came up with a plan.

I readily agreed.

“Your Majesty, trust me. I will complete the task. Even if the emperor can’t, I’ll find a way to help him restore his vigor and stand tall!”

---

3

I arrived at Xiao Ce’s study.

The eunuchs outside knew who I was—newly appointed imperial scholar Lu Ze’an—so they quickly bowed and informed the emperor of my arrival.

When I entered, Xiao Ce ignored me, sitting with perfect posture as he reviewed documents.

I waited until I couldn’t stand it anymore, then went up to his ear, calling him “Xiao Ce” repeatedly.

I finally got under his skin, and he gave me a cold look. “State your business.”

I coughed lightly and opened a fan.

“I’m going to the brothel.”

The study fell into a dead silence.

After a long pause, Xiao Ce let out a cold laugh, his emotions eerily controlled.

“Did you come to inform me? Should I issue a decree granting you special permission?”

I tugged on his sleeve.

“I’m scared to go alone. If the head tutor finds out, he might make me run naked around the palace… how disgraceful!”

Xiao Ce finally couldn’t resist and rolled his eyes.

“Aren’t you the one who actually enjoys it? When you chose streaking over copying books, you didn’t hesitate at all.”

“Is it that you want me to copy two sets of books again?”

I toyed with a pen on his desk and jumped off the chair.

“Alright, then I’ll just go by myself.”

Before I could leave, the cold voice behind me stopped me: “…Wait, I’ll go with you.”

“If you get lost, I’ll have to fetch you from prison tomorrow.”

---

4

Getting lost? Impossible.

The madam at the brothel lit up when she saw me.

“Young Master Lu, you’re back again? The girls have been waiting for you.”

Politely, I tucked my fan into my belt.

“Same room as last time, please.”

The madam responded and left.

The air around me seemed to chill.

Xiao Ce, watching the madam leave, said in a low voice, “Lu Ze’an, you certainly know your way around.”

I quickly cupped my hands in mock humility.

“Your praise is too kind… in fact, back in the day, I was known for saving girls from a life of debauchery!”

Translator’s Note: Hello there again, another Shounen-ai translation for you dear readers. I dedicate this translation to everyone who leave a comment in each of my translations, this is to thankyou all.🙇‍♀️

Some of my translations are un-edited so bare with it. Thankyou.