(Extra)

1

I know Fang Heng likes me. I’m not stupid.

I accepted Fang Heng, but not for love — for money.

I don’t have money, but I want to go to school.

The Fang family can sponsor me, or they might not.

I can’t rely solely on their guilt.

Human guilt is worthless.

Of course, Fang Heng’s love might not be worth much either.

But by staying with him, I can solidify that guilt.

I’ll constantly remind him that the Fang family owes me.

If I want to enter that world—the kind of world where people treat others like dogs—I need to use Fang Heng’s power.

There’s no other way.

My mother is dead, and Fang Nian ran away.

How could Fang Nian run away?

The debt between us hasn’t been settled.

At eighteen, I wasn’t capable of settling it with him.

When Fang Heng said to let it go, I had no choice but to let it go.

When the Fang family said they’d support me, I had to accept it.

What else could I do?

No one values my life.

The cries of the weak are nothing more than a fish gasping with its mouth wide open.

I gave myself ten years.

2

At twenty-eight, six years after Fang Heng and I graduated, I founded my own company.

Fang Nian was performing as a singer in a bar abroad.

That day, it snowed heavily. I walked into the bar, ordered a drink, and from a distance, locked eyes with Fang Nian.

Ten years. He had changed a lot too.

In the alley behind the bar, Fang Nian held me tightly, his voice hoarse as he said, “Ah Ze, you came to see me. I missed you so much, so, so much.”

His foot was a bit deformed.

Fang Nian said Fang Heng did it.

Before Fang Nian left the country, Fang Heng broke one of his legs and cut off one of his fingers.

He said it was to pay off a debt.

Years ago, Fang Heng said he would teach Fang Nian a lesson, but he never told me how, and I didn’t ask.

Fang Nian apologized to me, saying he was young and foolish, that he knew he was wrong.

He said he wanted to come back to China.

Fang Heng wouldn’t allow him to return.

I said, “I’ll take you back to China.”

3

I brought Fang Nian back to China without alerting anyone.

By the time Fang Heng found out, it was already two months later.

That day, it poured rain. Fang Heng returned from a business trip. I had just finished dinner and was at home playing video games.

Soaked to the bone, Fang Heng didn’t even change his shoes. He walked straight to me, knelt down, took my game controller away, pressed his forehead to my knees, and in a muffled voice, said, “Yan Ze, tell me you love me.”

The game’s background music made everything feel absurd.

I ran my fingers through Fang Heng’s cold, wet hair and said, “Go take a shower.”

Fang Heng didn’t lift his head. He just gripped my wrist tighter and tighter. “Say you love me.”

I didn’t say anything.

Fang Heng’s hand slipped under my shirt, and we wrestled on the couch until late into the night.

The damp rainwater clung to me all over.

Fang Heng asked, “Yan Ze, where did you take Fang Nian?”

I lit a cigarette, exhaled smoke into Fang Heng’s face, and laughed. “Take a guess.”

4

When Fang Nian was brought out of rehab by the Fang family, he had already gone insane.

That rehab facility—I did a background check on it.

It wasn’t clean.

After being released from rehab, Fang Nian was sent straight to a mental hospital.

By the time Fang Heng thought of looking for me, I had already sold my company shares and fled.

I was going to find Yan He.

He owes my mother a life, and he’ll have to pay it back.