Chapter 5

4:00 AM (2)

In the darkness, a wave of panic made Xu Muzi feel like she was about to go crazy with fear.

It was Deng Yun who stepped back a little, following her reckless charge, and reached into the dining area to turn on the light switch.

He didn’t turn on the main lights in the hall.

The warm, soft lights in the dining area lit up, not too harsh on the eyes but enough to clearly see the surrounding objects, dispelling the terrifying atmosphere created by the thunder and lightning.

Once the lights came on, Xu Muzi regained some courage and noticed she was pressed tightly against Deng Yun, her face almost buried in his chest.

She awkwardly let go of his front and turned around, feeling even more embarrassed as she met the innocent gaze of Xiaxia, who was standing in the hallway, looking dazed.

It was quite rude to have called out “ghost” to Xiaxia earlier, and Xu Muzi’s face turned red as she repeatedly apologized.

According to Xiaxia, she had been awakened from her sleep by the sound of thunder.

When she came downstairs, there was still a faint light source in the dining area, and since she had worked in this place for over two years, she was very familiar with it and didn’t think to turn on any other lights.

She completely didn’t expect the lights to go out halfway.

Xiaxia looked quite remorseful, quickly gathering her thick, long hair that was draped over her shoulders and twisting it into a large bun on top of her head: “I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you…”

She paused, glancing over at Deng Yun before continuing, “…did I?”

Xu Muzi waved her hand: “No, no, I scared myself.”

The two girls both attributed the mistake to themselves, and for a full five minutes, they continued to apologize to each other. If this went on, they might as well kneel down and bow to each other.

Deng Yun said lightly, “What were you going downstairs for?”

Xu Muzi thought he was talking to her and turned to him, confused.

A few seconds later, she realized he was asking Xiaxia.

Without a subject, it seemed like… he was quite familiar with Xiaxia?

Xiaxia still looked groggy from sleep, a stray eyelash stuck to her lower eyelid as she raised her hand, pointing toward the window: “It was raining too heavily, so I went downstairs to…”

The open window had already been closed, with no rainwater coming in. Even the central air conditioning was thoughtfully set to heating, so it wasn’t cold anymore.

Xu Muzi didn’t have time to ponder the meaning behind Deng Yun’s tone of confusion when she heard Xiaxia quickly change her words: “…check the utilities.”

Thinking of the pot of warming herbal drink, Xu Muzi thanked Xiaxia again and mentioned that she planned to go upstairs to watch a movie.

Xiaxia didn’t volunteer to show her the way; after checking the downstairs situation, she yawned and went back to sleep.

Deng Yun was still the one leading the way.

After the earlier “ghost” incident, Deng Yun had remained silent, walking alongside Xu Muzi without saying anything more.

He didn’t tease Xu Muzi about the incident.

But being so close to him after that unexpected lunge made her feel uncomfortable, and she fell silent as well.

The rooms with balconies and floor-to-ceiling windows were all guesthouse bedrooms. In contrast, the room where they played movies was slightly more secluded, located at the end of the upstairs hallway.

The room was about thirty square meters, quite spacious, with a cozy decor style.

A row of mushroom-shaped cushions adorned the soft sofa, while the coffee table was filled with small dried roses. Light green mineral diffusers released the refreshing scent of lemongrass.

Deng Yun was adjusting the projector, and Xu Muzi squatted beside him, watching his skillful movements, finally finding a topic to talk about: “Have you been here for many days?”

He paused for a moment: “About a week.”

“Did you come alone?”

“Yeah, what do you want to watch?”

She glanced at the projection screen, unable to decide: “I don’t know, how about… you just play something at random?”

Actually, Xu Muzi rarely watched movies; she spent almost all her time practicing the piano.

Once, she thought she was a genius and believed she could one day stand at the pinnacle of success like those world-renowned pianists.

Of course, she had also been lazy as a child.
—-
At night, she would quietly sneak to the door, gently open it a crack, and peek through the gap to watch television in the living room.

Her family members loved the movie channel, and no matter what was playing, she could follow along, even without context.

She was probably scared of ghosts because, one day when she was peeking through the door, she saw a classic horror movie from the 1980s playing on TV.

Two little girls in blue dresses stood hand in hand in a corridor, eerily smiling as they asked, “Do you want to play with us?”

Xu Muzi, terrified, quickly closed the door: “…”

After that, as her coursework and piano practice increased, the opportunities for her to enjoy a complete movie became few and far between, making that horror film her childhood top fear.

Deng Yun handed her the remote, and Xu Muzi randomly picked a highly rated movie to play.

For the projection effect, all the lights in the room were turned off, and the picture was clearly projected onto the screen.

The movie had already entered the opening credits, and her mind kept flashing back to the moment when the lights came back on downstairs—

She looked up in a panic and met Deng Yun’s gaze as he looked down at her.

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to be alone anymore.

But after the scare, watching a movie in a dark room still required some courage; she always felt like something dirty might crawl out from the dim corners.

And Deng Yun was, at least, a human being.

Xu Muzi asked tentatively, “Are you tired?”

Deng Yun leaned back less than a meter away from her, clearly uninterested in the movie she had picked, having already closed his eyes and crossed his arms behind his head: “You watch, I’m not leaving.”

Xu Muzi was just about to stuff a mushroom-shaped cushion into her arms when she froze at his words.

He had said “I’m not leaving” before.

It was during the winter of their freshman year in college when Xu Muzi was in a really bad state.

To everyone, she seemed to have a good family background, looked beautiful, and had a special talent, so there was nothing to worry about.

When she was younger, many people called her a genius, especially during the years when her piano photos were made into posters.

She once thought she was a genius, but the longer she studied, the more she understood the gap between herself and others. She had secretly worked hard, wanting to truly earn that title, but later found that diligence could compensate for shortcomings, yet it was hard to become a genius.

Xu Muzi had won as a champion in school competitions, city competitions, and provincial competitions.

But when she reached national competitions, she began to face various strong competitors who were extraordinarily talented, some younger than her yet more capable.

From then on, she had also begun to lose her chance to place in the top three.

Xu Muzi was someone who easily fell into self-doubt and was also prone to anxiety.

Previously, when she had the pride of a champion, she felt nervous during smooth sailing, but it didn’t show too much; she would just have a few sleepless nights before each competition, which didn’t affect the results.

After struggling to achieve rankings in competitions, she fell from the illusion of genius, and the pressure gradually mounted. The more she feared failure, the tenser she became, often trembling with anxiety before competitions, sometimes even experiencing symptoms of nerve pain.

At that time, Xu Muzi had very few friends.

Her appearance was somewhat aloof, and her not-so-outgoing and cute personality was partly to blame;

Another reason was her piano practice. Every day she practiced for six hours, using almost all her spare time for it.

When the other girls gathered to discuss a certain anime, a variety show, or a TV drama, talk about a celebrity, or the latest fashion trends or hairstyles…

And when they planned trips together during holidays, Xu Muzi would always sit aside, feeling like an outsider.

No one could talk to her about the crushing difficulties of Chopin;

No one understood that instead of having flawless skin or a body that wouldn’t gain weight no matter what she ate, she wished she had a pair of oversized hands that could easily reach ten or eleven octaves;

And no one could accompany her.

Practicing the piano was a lonely endeavor; all her joys and sorrows happened in the practice room.

Even if she had just been pounding the keys in frustration due to frequent mistakes, she had to pull herself together the next moment, sit back at the piano, and continue to complete her daily “six hours.”

Xu Muzi’s best friend was her deskmate from high school, who said she liked Xu Muzi’s cold demeanor and often praised her for looking like someone on the cover of a magazine.

But as good friends, her deskmate couldn’t understand Xu Muzi’s pressure.

Moreover, being able to study abroad was enough to make her deskmate envious. She would tug at Xu Muzi’s designer dress sleeves and say to the dispirited Xu Muzi: “I mean, Miss Xu, you have everything, so why the pressure? You’re making it hard for us poor people who can’t even afford a piano!”

Xu Muzi couldn’t tell her deskmate that she actually had more distant goals, but the road was too long and too far, and it seemed she could never reach her destination.

Perhaps there was no such thing as empathy in this world; some things would just sound like meaningless complaints to others.

So, she never brought up her pressures with anyone else again.

That winter, Xu Muzi’s anxiety reached its peak.

In the face of competitive failure, she lost the chance to perform at a certain concert. She had originally had a competition abroad, but her frequent mistakes while practicing kept her awake with pain every night.

It was again pressure-induced nerve pain.

Her family found the best doctors, and the doctors advised her to rest and relax to alleviate the pressure.

Her parents were puzzled and pulled the doctor aside to explain that they were very lenient with their child and had never pressured her at all; losing in competitions was no big deal.

Xu Muzi knew that the pressure came from within herself.

It was her ambition that was too great, and her desire to stand at the top of the pyramid.

But how could someone who had been praised as a genius for over a decade accept that she was actually just an ordinary person lacking talent?

Meanwhile, her parents’ vain gatherings were still ongoing.

As she tiredly walked out of the piano room late at night, she heard her mother, clearly drunk, say in a high-pitched voice, “In a few days, Muzi will go to Megalos for a competition, and there’s a lot of pressure.”

The tone was not just one of concern; it was also a form of bragging.

Someone chimed in, praising Xu Muzi.

Deng Yun’s mother’s voice came through: “What a coincidence, Deng Yun is also in Megalos.”

“Oh, that’s quite a coincidence. Is Deng Yun going there for fun?”

“Not at all! This kid won’t even take a break during the holidays; he’s participating in school-organized activities, saying he’s helping the teachers record data.”

Deng Yun’s mother said that if Muzi needed any help there, she could contact Deng Yun since he was two years older than Muzi and was like a big brother.

Worried about losing the spotlight, Xu Muzi’s mother hurriedly insisted, “Muzi has teachers leading her group, and since Deng Yun is so busy, it’s better not to bother him.”

Xu Muzi felt a strange sensation:

Deng Yun must not be doing anything serious in Megalos.

Years of loneliness had bred rebellion; Xu Muzi did not attend the competition.

After arriving in Megalos, she told her teacher that she felt unwell and could not participate in the competition, choosing to stay in the hotel to rest. Then she contacted a local live-fire shooting experience center.

She needed to save herself, to seek some stimulation different from her usual routine, to rescue her soul trapped in tension and anxiety; otherwise, she would never be able to compete again in her life.

On the day of the competition, Xu Muzi went to the center, setting off to the outdoor shooting range before dawn.

It was a brand-new kind of tension, accompanied by excitement.

As she listened to the coach explain how to operate the gun, her whole body trembled, and the shooting sounds surrounding her stimulated her nerves while people joyfully screamed in the cold wind…

She did not expect to run into Deng Yun there.

The Deng Yun praised by parents for excelling in both academics and character, who was participating in school-organized activities in Megalos.

He was holding a smoothbore shotgun, shooting at clay pigeons.

When he put down his gun, he overheard a companion saying there was a girl from their country who wanted to try this too, and she was pretty cool.

Deng Yun was not interested in the girl; he just casually glanced at her while summarizing his aiming experience.

Just as he was about to look away and continue shooting, he suddenly realized the figure he had just seen looked somewhat familiar?

He frowned and looked back—

It was Xu Muzi.

She was wearing a long white down jacket and a white knit hat, standing outdoors in the icy snow with her nose slightly red from the wind, looking serious as she listened to the staff introduce various shooting packages.

If you ignored her hands tightly gripping her gloves, judging purely by her slightly raised chin and indifferent expression, she did indeed look pretty cool, just as her companion said, like a tough girl.

But once Xu Muzi spoke, that tough girl image shattered like a clay pigeon hit by another player.

Xu Muzi followed the staff, repeatedly asking in a foreign language which operation was safer, whether it could cause harm to her hands, or affect her hearing…

If you listened closely, you could hear her voice trembling.

Her companion elbowed Deng Yun and joked, “The girl is quite cute; isn’t she a contrast cutie? It makes me want to flirt with her.”

The staff member on Xu Muzi’s side explained several times, clearly not expecting such a ‘cool girl’ to be so fussy, gradually becoming impatient. He pointed to a nearby area and suggested Xu Muzi try the smallest guns in the shooting range.

She hesitated, walked a few steps with the staff in charge of the small guns, then turned back, determinedly insisting she wanted to use the smoothbore shotgun.

This time, the staff member was not at ease and repeatedly confirmed before agreeing to take her over.

The recoil from the smoothbore shotgun was too strong; it was common for even their group of guys who regularly exercised to finish with bruised shoulders and go home in pain for days.

As Xu Muzi walked by, Deng Yun suddenly reached out to stop her.

“It’s easy to get hurt playing this.”

Even though he was abroad, sneaking out made him feel guilty. Deng Yun’s sudden appearance startled Xu Muzi, causing her to drop one of her gloves in the snow.

She squatted down to pick it up and retorted, “Then did you get hurt?”

“…Not so far.”

Xu Muzi said, “I might not get hurt either.”

She was a bit overconfident, and indeed, she ended up getting hurt.

She had never even played shooting games on her phone; her posture was not right, and the recoil of the smoothbore shotgun hit the side of her face.

It hurt so much she gasped but still persisted until she had used all the rounds in the package.

Afterward, her arm was sore and numb, and her ears buzzed.

With a swollen face, Xu Muzi sat in the rest area of the center, asking the staff for a cup of ice to apply to her face.

After a while, Deng Yun came over carrying a down jacket and sat down next to her.

He smelled of gunpowder, and his gaze swept over her slightly swollen face: “I heard you should be thirty-seven kilometers away at a piano competition right now.”

Xu Muzi shot back, “I also heard you should be helping the teacher record data.”

Deng Yun paused for a moment and then started to laugh.

His hair was shorter than before, and when he laughed heartily, he had a bit of a rogue charm. After laughing, he left her a cup of hot chocolate and stood up to leave.

Xu Muzi had never rebelled in her life; being in a foreign country with a swollen face made her feel a little scared. Holding a cup of ice in one hand and a cup of hot chocolate in the other, she followed Deng Yun’s departing figure with her eyes, not knowing how to speak up for a moment.

Deng Yun only walked a few steps outside, said something in a foreign language to the staff, and then turned back to her, throwing her three words.

“I’m not leaving.”

Xu Muzi took Deng Yun’s car back to the hotel; he and a few of his friends were staying at another place.

A few older boys couldn’t go into her room; they just checked that her face was okay and then left.

The next morning, before heading back home, Xu Muzi received a call from the front desk while packing her suitcase, saying someone had left something for her.

She ran downstairs to find it was a tube of anti-swelling cream.

Her act of rebellion this time went unnoticed by her parents.

They believed Xu Muzi’s explanation that she hadn’t participated in the competition due to feeling unwell and resting at the hotel.

Sometimes, Xu Muzi would think about Deng Yun smoking on the terrace.

She would also speculate about the reasons he might do that.
—-
After the New Year, the gathering was held at Xu Muzi’s house.

The mothers naturally chatted about their children, with the highlights usually coming at the end. It wasn’t until just before dinner that Deng Yun’s mother cheerfully shared updates about her son.

Xu Muzi heard her say that Deng Yun seemed to be in a relationship recently.