The Country and You

Proofreader/Editor: Nene Yashiro

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“Big brother, over here! We’re here!” Tang De’s loud voice pulled Tang Jiwei back to reality. Turning around, he realized he had wandered quite a distance in the wrong direction.

Tang De ran over, sweaty and excited, holding a greasy cake in his hand. He smiled and said, “Brother, what were you thinking so deeply about? Mi’er has called you several times, but you didn’t hear her.”

“I wasn’t thinking about anything. It’s cold; let’s head back.” Tang Jiwei said, his gaze wandering and his mind restless.

Seeing his brother’s pale face, Tang De knew something was wrong. He had been too focused on having fun and hadn’t thought to find a warm place for his brother to wait. Now he worried that when they got home, their mother would be furious at him for letting his brother get so cold!

“Mi’er, we’re leaving! Hurry up; your brother is almost frozen to death, so stop looking at those hairpins!” Tang De yelled, his voice booming in the street, making it hard for anyone not to notice him. Tang Mi came running over, happily holding a new hairpin.

“Let’s go! Brother, do you think this flower is pretty?” Tang Mi shook her head, flaunting the hairpin, her two little braids bouncing.

“This fake flower costs a copper coin? If you go back home, I’ll take you up the mountain to pick a bunch of real ones; they’re way prettier than these fakes! You could have a different one every month!” Tang De scoffed, feeling it was a scam.

Tang Mi was displeased and pouted, saying, “I didn’t ask you; I asked my brother. Why are you butting in?”

“Little brat, how can you talk back? You used to follow me around every day, calling me brother!”

Tang De teased, pulling her new coat as they headed home. Tang Mi wasn’t as thick-skinned as Tang De; she felt embarrassed on the street and couldn’t retort back, so she angrily caught up with Tang Jiwei, leaving Tang De behind.

Tang De scratched his nose, thinking how girls grow up and turn into trouble!

This was the most festive Spring Festival Tang Jiwei had ever experienced. In the past, he would watch the servants prepare a cheerful feast but had never participated himself. Even though his parents spoiled him, it was all based on family rules. He had never set off firecrackers during the Spring Festival.

So when Tang De brought a huge pile of fireworks, his instinct was to refuse.

“Hey, I know you don’t like this stuff, so I’ll set them all off!” Without waiting for a reply, Tang De hugged them and ran off to play with his friends.

Tang Jiwei smiled bitterly. Had he missed his chance? He glanced back at the house; his second aunt and mother were inside discussing embroidery techniques and patterns, while his second uncle had already gone out with his friends to work. Tang Mi had gone to the street with Tang De, so it seemed like he was left behind once again.

As he walked along the official road, the festive street was bustling. Whether rich or poor, everyone was eager to come out and enjoy the vibrancy of the capital city. The sight of the bright lights finally stirred a warmth in his heart.

Turning onto a familiar street, he soon found himself in front of the gates of the marquis’ residence.

The crimson doors and the imposing lions stood tall, and the steps led to this once-bustling family home. Tang Jiwei could envision the interior layout even with his eyes closed. Since the late emperor had granted him the title of Marquis of Yong’an, he had spent many years here, growing from a naive youth to a mature adult. He had unknowingly passed several years.

The marquis’ residence still stood grand and majestic, showing no signs of decline. It felt as if he would step out wearing his official robes and hat, full of spring breeze and grace, ready to embrace the stable life that should belong to him.

With an unfamiliar face, he stood at the entrance of his former home, filled with unspeakable emotions, reminiscing about the once-magnificent Lord Gu, who had died young.

While trusting people is advisable, it’s also wise to be cautious.

This was the family motto of the Gu family, and Gu Zhenguan and Han Zhen had both been educated by the same old master. Yet only Han Zhen applied this lesson masterfully, while he was merely the one who would be used and discarded. Thinking back to their days studying together brought a wave of sorrow to his heart.

In this moment of family reunion, he could only remember with a fragment of his soul and borrowed body. He wanted to find his parents and rescue them. They were getting old and surely couldn’t endure the harsh conditions at the border. He needed much more time.

“Clip-clop!”

Tang Jiwei heard the faint sound of hooves. With wide streets on either side and nowhere to hide, he could only conceal himself behind a stone lion.

A black carriage stopped in front of the marquis’ residence, and the driver was none other than Wei Lin. The person he respectfully helped down was Han Zhen!

Tang Jiwei watched as Han Zhen tore open the seal and entered, his fists clenched, unable to move. Wei Lin drove the carriage to the street corner, and there was no one else around, not even Li Sheng, who usually accompanied him.

Taking advantage of Wei Lin’s brief distraction, Tang Jiwei quickly slipped through the gap of the open door. The scene before him hadn’t changed much. Relying on his memory, he quickly found a small path leading to the sleeping quarters.

He nimbly climbed through the window and quietly closed it, searching for a place to hide inside. A bookshelf? Yes, there was a secret door behind the bookshelf. It wasn’t large, just enough to accommodate a single person, a place Gu Zhenguan had used for storing books. The marquis’ residence had many precious calligraphy and paintings, which Gu Zhenguan had uniformly stored here.

Just as he hid himself, he heard the sound of the door. He quickly pulled in the hem of his clothes that was still outside and held his breath.

Han Zhen opened the door but didn’t light a candle; he just stood quietly in the middle of the room. The moonlight streamed in, and the glow of the fireworks illuminated the lifeless room.

On the bookshelf were the countless rare editions collected by Gu Zhenguan. A long sword lay on the desk, and a painting was only half-finished, the ink on the brush dried, as if the master had just left for a moment and would return shortly with a smile.

Han Zhen gently brushed over the slightly dusty painting paper, which depicted Gu Zhenguan’s self-portrait. The painting was only completed up to the eyebrows and eyes, leaving the rest unfinished. All that remained visible was the smile in his eyes; everything else was left incomplete.

Han Zhen lit a candle, holding the candlestick to illuminate the figure in the painting. Dressed in a red robe, Gu Zhenguan stood with his hands clasped behind his back. The enchanting color tainted the purity of the person wearing it; red was Gu Zhenguan’s favorite color.

He often whispered in Han Zhen’s ear that one day he would wear a red robe, ride a warhorse, and wield a Fang Tianhua halberd ^[1] Halberd- A Traditional Chinese Polearm with a sharp blade and hook/Fang Tianhua- an ancient Chinese martial arts technique and style of wielding a halberd, exuding a carefree spirit while searching the ends of the earth for a companion with whom he could roam freely.

He said, “Once I help you secure the throne, I will travel the world seeking a woman for whom I would live and die.”

He said, “Han Zhen, you already have an imperial consort and a son, yet I remain all alone. How unfair!”

He said, “Han Zhen, if I have a son, I will send him to accompany your son, to grow up together, just as I did with you.”

Gu Zhenguan had said so many things, always discussing what he would do when he left Han Zhen, how he would act, what he would become.

Han Zhen still remembered the loneliness on Gu Zhenguan’s face when he spoke those words, a stark contrast to the spirited man he was at other times.

Han Zhen tightened his grip on the pen that had long gathered dust. ‘But Zhenguan, you are no longer here. All your distant plans, aside from being shared with me, have ultimately become nothing more than a fleeting dream.’

‘But Zhenguan, I miss you so much. I want to say I’m sorry.’

‘The country and you, I can only choose one.’

‘Zhenguan, I don’t seek your forgiveness; I have no regrets about what I have done.’

Han Zhen left, but Tang Jiwei did not. He lay on the bed where Gu Zhenguan once slept, silently shedding the tears that belonged to Gu Zhenguan.

With swollen eyes, Tang Jiwei looked at Madam Xiao, who, feeling sorry for him, had boiled two eggs to place on his eyes. He didn’t know what had happened; he just woke up looking like this.

“You shouldn’t read at night; it’s bad for your eyes. Your mother wants you to excel and bring honor to the family, but you also need to take care of your health!” Madam Xiao handed him the eggs while she went to the side to mend some torn shoes and socks.

Lying in bed, Tang Jiwei couldn’t even see the ceiling and sighed. It wasn’t the reading that caused this; he had clearly been set up by Han Zhen. The reports from the intelligence team he sent had piled up into a huge stack, enough to burn for two meals.

Even though he hated Han Zhen to the core, feeling pain in his eyes from anger, he still had to help him. Even knowing this was a temporary strategy and the best and fastest way to infiltrate the enemy, Tang Jiwei couldn’t help but feel furious.

The incident with Tang Mi being abducted had exposed him. It showed that Han Zhen was like a watchful leopard, waiting for the perfect opportunity. He dared to use someone he didn’t even know to obtain the deepest level of intelligence. It was clear how meticulous Han Zhen’s schemes were. Even if he provided the most important information, he still had the upper hand—this kind of talent was truly terrifying.

Tang Jiwei didn’t have the authority to command the intelligence team; he could only relay messages to Han Zhen through them, and then wait for a response. He was familiar with most officials’ backgrounds in the court; they were all people who had been properly aligned during the establishment of the heir. Even if they had done something unspeakable, it had been completely separated. Han Zhen had a large group of bloodthirsty assassins, yet he couldn’t gather any evidence, which must have been a headache for him.

“Child, are you even listening to your mother?” Madam Xiao shouted with her hands on her hips.

Tang Jiwei snapped back to reality, feeling an even stronger headache. Having a mother who was so loud and unyielding was really troublesome. He supported his head and lay back down.

Seeing that Tang Jiwei was ignoring her, Madam Xiao didn’t hover around him. Her son just didn’t like to talk; he was as quiet as a gourd. She started to worry about which girl would find him appealing in the future.

February 9, the day after the Spring Festival, was the day the previous year’s provincial exam results were announced.Madam  Xiao no longer had to worry about her son being affected by her emotions and not performing well. She paced around the house, checking in on Tang Jiwei almost every fifteen minutes.

“Mother, if you’re worried, just go take a look!” Tang Jiwei found it amusing and urged her.

Madam Xiao scolded him, “What do you know, you young boy? The more anxious you are, the less likely you are to succeed. You have to act nonchalant and indifferent, and then the heavens will grant you success!”

Madam Xiao explained her reasoning to herself and then lectured Tang Jiwei to not be overly concerned about the results. If he didn’t succeed this time, it wouldn’t matter; he could always try again in three years. After all, some people didn’t pass until they were fifty or sixty!

“Mother, is that how you’re acting nonchalantly? If I were as restless as you, I’d just go take a look. You’re stopping me from going, so you should at least go see for yourself,” Tang Jiwei said.

Madam Xiao wanted to go but was afraid that caring too much about the outcome would lead to disappointment. She was torn, pacing back and forth in the room. Tang Jiwei had never seen her look so frown-faced; she had just been comforting herself a moment ago and was now in disarray.

“Mother, whether I succeed is a blessing for me; if not, it’s my fate. There’s no need to force it too much.”

Madam Xiao slammed her hand on the table and said, “Isn’t this for your sake? If you don’t pass, I’ll feel resentful. Look at you, cooped up at home all day, just reading. You have so few friends, and you don’t know any other skills; all you can do is read. If you don’t pass this time, wouldn’t that mean the heavens are blind?”

Tang Jiwei laughed as he pressed down on Madam Xiao’s shoulders, saying, “I read for my own interest; I’m not like Tang De, who brings friends over. Don’t feel sorry for me; I will definitely pass.”

Madam Xiao felt reassured by his calm demeanor and sat upright in the main room, gazing outside.

Before long, they heard the sound of drums and gongs, and Madam Xiao’s face brightened.

“Alright, let’s go take a look, my son the scholar?” Tang Jiwei teased her, feeling like he could finally enjoy a moment of peace.

However, Madam Xiao remained seated, still as a mountain. Tang Jiwei was puzzled; could it be that she was too happy to move?

“What are you looking at? Your mother is composed. If someone else wins in the street and I happily go out to greet them, wouldn’t that be a huge joke?”

No matter how you put it, Tang Jiwei decided not to argue with her any longer; facts speak louder than words.

When the crowd gathered at the Tang family’s door, the sound of someone delivering good news came from outside. After Madam Xiao confirmed that she had heard the name clearly, she let out a long sigh of relief and pulled Tang Jiwei out joyfully to greet the visitors.

“Aunt Tang, congratulations! Your family has produced a scholar!” The congratulatory voices from neighbors rose and fell, and Madam Xiao smiled brightly, welcoming everyone into the courtyard.

“Which one is Tang Jiwei?” asked a man dressed like a soldier.

“I am,” Tang Jiwei replied as he walked in from outside.

The soldier’s demeanor instantly shifted from high and mighty to one of warmth and cheerfulness. “Congratulations! Not only have you passed the exam, but you’ve also come in first place! You’re the top scholar!”

A roar of excitement erupted from the crowd, and the applause and cheers nearly drowned out Tang Jiwei. Lacking experience, he could only bow in thanks as the neighbors pushed him forward.

From the side, Tang Jiwei caught a glimpse of the glimmering light in Madam Xiao’s eyes. He felt a surge of emotions, realizing that despite knowing he would succeed, the heartfelt congratulations from the people and the tears in Madam Xiao’s eyes gave him a genuine sense of comfort and joy. This was the sense of fulfillment that came from true talent and hard work. This time, it wasn’t about family status or appearance; it was simply an acknowledgment of his abilities.

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Author’s note: Choosing between a country and a beauty is really too frustrating!

The contrast is so intense; it’s truly disheartening!