Chapter 30 – The Coffee That Will Get Cold

When Xu Shiqi woke up the next day, the space beside her was already empty. She lay there quietly, lost in thought, feeling even lazier about getting out of bed.

She wondered when Wen Jialuo had left and what had gone through her mind when she did. At that moment, Xu Shiqi had still been dreaming, completely unaware, just as she was oblivious to how much she liked the girl. Some say that when it comes to love, a little bit is enough. But is that really true? Is a little bit really sufficient? Xu Shiqi felt lost, grappling with a sense of disappointment that seemed to stem solely from the absence of warmth beside her.

The warm bedding and the faint warmth of memories wrapped around her as she allowed herself to drift, until there was a knock on the door.

Before she could respond, the door was pushed open, and Wen Baohua walked in first, followed closely by Wen Jialuo.

“Seventeen, why haven’t you gotten up yet?” Wen Baohua teased as she approached the bed.

The girl who had left the room at some point had settled onto the sofa and was now flipping through a magazine with her head lowered.

Xu Shiqi sat up and put on a coat. Her voice was slightly hoarse from just waking up, sounding softer than usual as she said, “I had a dream last night. A pesky fox wouldn’t leave my side,” she added with a hint of irritation, “No matter how much I tried to chase it away, it just stayed, so I struggled with it all night.”

Wen Jialuo, still reading the magazine, held it up to cover her face, leaving Xu Shiqi unsure if she was laughing or doing something else. But Wen Baohua, with wide eyes, could see nothing of the sort: “A fox? Have you been reading too much Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio? Did Grandma ask you to tell ghost stories?”

“Not at all,” Xu Shiqi laughed. “You know I love sleeping in, so naturally, I had to find an excuse.”

Wen Jialuo stood up at that moment: “It’s getting colder today; remember to put on an extra layer.” After saying that, she exited, as if that was the only reason she had come in.

Xu Shiqi sneezed twice as if to punctuate the moment, then started getting dressed. Just as Wen Baohua opened her mouth to speak, Wen Jialuo poked her head back in. Seeing Xu Shiqi stretching in her sweater, making such a simple action appear curvy, she said, “Sister, come out.”

“What’s up?” Wen Baohua asked, puzzled, turning to leave. She didn’t forget to call back to Xu Shiqi, “Seventeen, we’re going to pick up some New Year’s goods today. Are you coming?”

Xu Shiqi poked her head out from her sweater: “No need, I already promised my mom I’d go with her.”

“Then when you go back, don’t forget to bring some of those dried melon seeds your mom likes. Someone in the family sent a lot.” Wen Baohua said as she was pulled out by her cousin, managing to hear Xu Shiqi say “Okay” before the door closed behind them.

“What’s the matter?”

“…Where are the dried melon seeds? I’ll take them to the car first,” Wen Jialuo said. “I’ll drop her off at the store later.”

“Seems like they’re stacked somewhere; I forgot.” Wen Baohua sized her up, “Have you done something to your classmate? You seem to be particularly nice to her lately.”

Wen Jialuo was taken aback, then laughed as she put her arm around her sister’s shoulders: “Sister, are you jealous?”

Wen Baohua was a bit surprised as well; it had been a long time since she heard her cousin speak so lightly. It felt like the girl who had once lost her spirit had returned.

Seeing that it was Wen Jialuo who was taking her, Xu Shiqi had little to say.

As soon as they got in the car, the girl said, “The seeds are in the back seat.”

Xu Shiqi turned to look back and noticed that Wen Jialuo seemed deep in thought: “What’s wrong?”

“That time I first invited you to dinner was when you were following me, right? I was buying the melon seeds then, I think?”

Recalling that past event made Xu Shiqi feel a bit embarrassed. She had never followed anyone before, and when she did, she was found out: “You remember?”

“Did you back then—” Wen Jialuo fixed her gaze on her.

Xu Shiqi quickly interrupted, “No!”

Both of them fell silent at the same time.

Some things remained unspoken, as if there was a line that marked the last barrier before crossing over. Xu Shiqi sat there, staring at nothing in particular, daring not to look at the girl until she heard the sound of the car starting up, which eased her tension a little.

Once the car was on the road, Xu Shiqi realized that the direction was once again in the girl’s hands. Knowing she was focused while driving, Xu Shiqi decided not to ask anything, allowing her to take them somewhere. While she felt a bit rebellious about going with the flow, the steady speed of the car and the soft music flowing through it helped calm her down.

This time, Wen Jialuo really took her to a café. The place had just opened, and the employees were still breathing on the glass walls to clear away the cold before Wen Jialuo barged in.

Fortunately, she seemed quite familiar with the place and directly asked the owner for a private room, shutting the door behind them once they entered.

The enclosed environment and Wen Jialuo’s assertive demeanor made Xu Shiqi a little tense. She thought about not mentioning why the girl had wanted to sleep in her room last night, trying to maintain that seventeen centimeters of distance. But it was clear Wen Jialuo had different ideas.

The walls surrounded them, making it feel much safer than that riverside park, but the uncertainty of what lay outside heightened her vigilance.

Noticing Xu Shiqi’s anxiety, Wen Jialuo sighed, “The soundproofing here is excellent. No matter what we talk about, no one will hear us.”

“What… are we going to talk about?” Xu Shiqi had no choice but to sit up straight, testing the waters with her question.

“What to talk about?” Wen Jialuo’s lips curled up. “Don’t say you have no questions for me. I know you do. If you don’t ask them out loud, they’ll probably remain stuck between us.” She paused for a moment. “If you have something you want to ask, go ahead. This time… I’ll tell you the truth.”

Xu Shiqi had thought she was doing well enough, but everything she didn’t express, everything she had hidden, had been seen through by the girl. Xu Shiqi sat in silence for a long time. It wasn’t until someone knocked on the door, bringing in two steaming cups of coffee, that she finally managed to ask her first question: “When did you realize you liked girls?”

Wen Jialuo raised an eyebrow: “Do you remember that story about my secret crush?”

Xu Shiqi nodded, understanding: “So it really was? Not a senior, but a senior sister?”

She struggled to suppress a sense of sourness that threatened to fill the air. She felt weak for lingering on the past, which was hardly worth it, especially since she had also discovered her attraction to the same sex without any reason.

“That part doesn’t matter at all.” Wen Jialuo seemed unaware of Xu Shiqi’s tone and just shook her head, lost in thought for a moment.

“The best lies are half-truths. In my lie, aside from a tiny bit of truth, the rest is all false. But that small part of truth is the most important.” Seeing Xu Shiqi blink at her with a questioning look, she continued, “The girl who made me realize I liked girls was from a different school. I saw her during a joint event between our two schools in my sophomore year. How to put it? It was a very subtle feeling.” She thought for a moment. “I hadn’t liked anyone before, so I suppose it was that initial rush of first love. I met her a few times, and she seemed truly perfect, but looking back now, she was just a symbol of femininity.” Seemingly finding her description amusing, Wen Jialuo paused before adding, “But at the end of the day, she just gave me that feeling, allowing me to understand why I wasn’t interested in boys—it was a matter of orientation. That realization seemed to be more important than her making my heart flutter. For me, that’s what first love amounted to.”

“But your stories of unrequited love feel too real,” Xu Shiqi couldn’t help but interject.

Wen Jialuo laughed: “What’s so difficult? Just read a few romance novels, and the plot is always like this.” Her tone carried a hint of boastfulness. “I hypnotized myself so much that even real hypnosis couldn’t draw out the truth. So, what do you think? Should I go for an Oscar?”

The next day, when Xu Shiqi woke up, she found her side empty. She lay there quietly, staring into space, feeling increasingly lazy about getting out of bed.

She didn’t know when Wen Jialuo had left or what she was thinking when she did. At that time, Xu Shiqi was still in dreamland, completely unaware, just as she didn’t know how much the girl liked her. About love, some say that it doesn’t take much, just a little bit will do. But is that really enough? Xu Shiqi felt lost, sensing a pang of disappointment, as if she had lost the warmth beside her.

The warm blankets and the faint warmth of memories allowed Xu Shiqi to drift off until there was a knock on the door.

Before she had a chance to speak, the door swung open. Wen Baohua walked in first, followed by Wen Jialuo.

“Seventeen, why are you still in bed?” Wen Baohua teased as she approached the bedside.

The girl who had left the room sometime before had now settled herself on the sofa, flipping through a magazine.

Xu Shiqi sat up in bed, draping a jacket over her shoulders. Her voice was still a bit groggy from just waking up, softer than usual: “I had a dream last night. A fox uninvitedly lingered by my side, and no matter how much I tried to chase it away, it wouldn’t leave, so I ended up struggling all night.”

Wen Jialuo, who was leafing through the magazine, lifted it to cover her face, leaving Xu Shiqi uncertain whether she was laughing or doing something else. But Wen Baohua didn’t see this; she widened her eyes and exclaimed, “A fox? Have you been reading too much ‘Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio’? Did Grandma ask you to tell ghost stories?”

“No, not really,” Xu Shiqi laughed. “You know I love sleeping in, and since I can’t get up, I have to come up with a reason.”

Wen Jialuo stood up at this moment: “It’s getting colder again today. Remember to wear an extra layer.” After saying that, she left, as if she had only come in to say that.

Xu Shiqi sneezed twice in response, then started getting dressed. Just as Wen Baohua was about to speak, the girl who had just left popped her head back in. Seeing Xu Shiqi stretching her back while putting on a sweater, such a simple action made her look somewhat graceful. “Sister, come out.”

“What’s up?” Wen Baohua asked curiously, turning to leave. She didn’t forget to look back at the person getting dressed. “Seventeen, we’re going to buy some New Year’s goods today. Are you coming?”

Xu Shiqi poked her head out from her sweater: “No, I’ve already promised my mom I’d go with her.”

“Then on the way back, you can bring some of those dried melon seeds your mom likes. Someone sent a lot to our house, you can take some back for Auntie.” As she spoke, she was already being pulled out by her cousin, just in time to hear a “good” from inside before the door closed.

“What’s going on?”

“…Where are the dried melon seeds? I’ll move them to the car first,” Wen Jialuo said. “I’ll take her to the store later.”

“I think they’re piled up somewhere, but I forgot,” Wen Baohua said, looking her up and down. “Did you do something to make my classmate feel bad? Why do you seem especially nice to her lately?”

Wen Jialuo was taken aback, laughing as she wrapped her arm around Wen Baohua’s shoulder: “Sister, are you jealous?”

Wen Baohua was also a bit stunned; it had been a long time since she heard her cousin speak so lightly… It seemed like the girl who had once lost her spirit had returned.

Seeing that it was Wen Jialuo who was taking her again, Xu Shiqi had no particular thoughts.

Once in the car, the girl spoke: “The melon seeds are in the back seat.”

Xu Shiqi turned to look back, and when she turned around again, she saw the girl looking a bit thoughtful. “What’s wrong?”

“The first time I invited you to dinner was when you followed me, right? I think I was buying dried melon seeds back then?”

Bringing up the past made Xu Shiqi feel a bit embarrassed. She had never stalked anyone before, and the one time she did, she got caught: “You still remember?”

“Did you back then—” Wen Jialuo’s gaze was fixed on her.

Xu Shiqi quickly interrupted, “No!”

Both fell silent.

Some things still hadn’t been clearly expressed, like an invisible line that was always the last barrier before crossing over. Xu Shiqi sat quietly, looking down, afraid to look at the girl until she heard the sound of the engine starting, which made her relax slightly.

After the car began to drive away, Xu Shiqi realized that the direction they were headed was entirely in the girl’s hands. Knowing that she drove with great concentration, Xu Shiqi decided not to ask anything, letting her take her to some destination. With these thoughts, she couldn’t help but feel a bit rebellious about going with the flow, but the steady speed of the car and the gentle music flowing inside helped her calm down.

This time, Wen Jialuo really took her to a café. The place had just opened, and while they were still wiping the glass walls from the cold, she barged in.

Fortunately, she seemed very familiar with the place, going straight to the owner to request a private room. Once inside, she closed the door.

The enclosed environment and the girl’s assertiveness made Xu Shiqi feel slightly tense. She thought she wouldn’t have to mention what the girl might have wanted to do last night, trying to maintain that seventeen-centimeter distance. But the girl clearly had other thoughts.

With walls on all sides, this place looked much safer than the riverside park, but it also created a sense of vigilance because of the unknown outside the walls.

Seeing Xu Shiqi on edge, Wen Jialuo sighed lightly: “The soundproofing here is excellent; whatever we talk about won’t be heard by anyone.”

“What are we… talking about?” Xu Shiqi sat up straight and asked tentatively.

“What are we talking about?” Wen Jialuo raised the corners of her lips, “Don’t tell me you have no doubts about me. I know you do. If you don’t ask them, they’ll probably always be stuck between us.” She paused, “If you have something to ask, go ahead. This time… I will tell the truth.”

Always thinking she was doing well, but her hidden feelings, which she didn’t want to express, were all seen through by the girl. Xu Shiqi stayed silent for a long time until someone knocked on the door, bringing in two cups of rich coffee. She finally asked her first question: “When did you realize you liked women?”

Wen Jialuo raised her eyebrows: “Do you remember my story about my crush?”

Xu Shiqi understood: “So it’s true? Not a senior, but a senior sister?” She tried hard to control herself, not letting any sourness seep into the air. She felt ashamed; the past wasn’t worth clinging to, and she herself hadn’t just stumbled upon her feelings for the same sex.

“That’s really not important,” Wen Jialuo said, seemingly unaware of Xu Shiqi’s tone. She shook her head slightly, looking a bit lost in thought.

“The best lies are half-true, half-false. In my lie, only a tiny part was true; the rest was false. But that true part was the most important.” Seeing Xu Shiqi blink inquiringly, she continued, “The girl who made me realize I liked the same sex was from a different school. I saw her during a joint event between our universities in my second year. How should I say it? It was a very subtle feeling.” After thinking for a moment, she added, “I had never liked anyone before, so it was probably that feeling of first love. I met her a few times; she seemed truly perfect, but looking back, she was just a symbol of femininity to me.” Seeming to find her description amusing, Wen Jialuo paused before saying, “But ultimately, she only made me realize the reason I was uninterested in boys was due to my sexual orientation. That realization felt more important than the fact that she made my heart flutter. For me, that’s all first love amounted to.”

“But your crush stories are way too real,” Xu Shiqi couldn’t help but say.

Wen Jialuo laughed: “What’s so difficult about it? Just read a few romance novels; they’re all about such plots.” There was a hint of pride in her voice, “At that time, I even hypnotized myself to the point where real hypnosis couldn’t extract the truth from me. How about that? Should I go for an Oscar with my acting skills?”

Xu Shiqi was stunned but didn’t find it amusing. She looked at the girl’s frail appearance and thought of that room, filled with the warmth of sunlight in April. “If you’re so sure, why make yourself look so miserable? The essence of acting is in the heart, not in external appearances, right?”

“Then I find it very strange—” Wen Jialuo suddenly leaned closer to Xu Shiqi, their eyes locked.

“What are you doing?” Xu Shiqi’s back stiffened slightly as she stared at her.

“You’ve been troubled because of me, right?” Wen Jialuo said softly, not aggressive at all. “You’re suffering because of me, right?”

Xu Shiqi held her breath, her palms cooling. She reached for her coffee cup, taking a deep breath of the lingering aroma. See? Just being gazed at like this, it felt as though she was immersed in deep emotions, leaving her no courage to turn away. It wasn’t just trouble and suffering; she felt almost like a different person.

Wen Jialuo’s gaze continued to scour her, as if searching for some trace, but ultimately retreated without results: “You seem so timid, always hesitant when facing me; even when your eyes hold desires I can’t ignore, you still don’t dare take a step. Didn’t you suffer when you first realized you liked the same sex?”

Xu Shiqi sighed softly, managing to smile: “You’ve hit the nail on the head. Ignorance is fearless; I decided from the beginning not to like anyone, so I cut off all thoughts and persisted. In fact, avoiding it all along allowed me to enjoy my tranquility.” But in the end, she still couldn’t escape the web of emotions, and she was stuck right here with you. Xu Shiqi took a sip of her coffee, not saying this part out loud. But that had essentially acknowledged her feelings. Her face flushed slightly; it felt like the girl’s gaze upon her was somewhat intense.

“I’m the opposite of you,” Wen Jialuo said softly. “In the beginning, I felt very distressed. When you realize you think differently from most people, you naturally start to doubt yourself. At first, I was a bit world-weary, uninterested in anything, so I didn’t eat much. By the time I realized, I had already lost control and was in too deep.”

“I made myself suffer a lot because of this issue, regretting it afterward and feeling that I was too young then to cherish myself. But later, I told so many lies that I almost began to believe them.” She shrugged, “That became the best excuse I used as a shield.”

As Wen Jialuo spoke, there was a mature weariness about her. Xu Shiqi, who hadn’t shared in that past, dared not ask about the anguish. Some people could lightly affirm themselves, while others would get stuck in a quagmire and struggle to confront it. There are countless people in the world; aren’t we just opposites?

“So later I thought—” Wen Jialuo’s tone suddenly changed, “After suffering so much, if there’s no one worth my efforts, I might as well live alone like a fabricated story; but if fate brings me that woman, I will never let the chance slip away.” She looked at Xu Shiqi, “Even if no one understands or forgives me, I must do so.”

Xu Shiqi held her breath, unable to move under the girl’s gaze. In that instant, she felt like a prey that had lost all its strength, left to be torn apart.

Strangely enough, this slightly violent thought made Xu Shiqi’s heart race uncontrollably. She never expected that such a thin girl could possess such an aggressive gaze and a confidence that was hard to ignore.

Perhaps even she herself couldn’t see through her own thoughts, and yet the girl had already seen them clearly. Xu Shiqi felt a faint sadness within; she knew that once these feelings were expressed, there would be no turning back. The girl’s last words held an all-consuming determination, yet this was what left Xu Shiqi hesitating.

She had been silent all along, and the girl seemed to be waiting for her response. Would she be hated for her cowardice and timidity? Who would know that the seemingly composed self had such a weak character inside?

The silence in the room was finally broken by a ringing phone. Wen Jialuo looked at Xu Shiqi and slowly answered the call.

“Hello…
—-
“I understand. I’ll head back right away.”

“My grandfather is back.” Wen Jialuo stood up, her eyes filled with a sorrow similar to Xu Shiqi’s. “If I’m the only one being brave, it’s useless. But I promised you, no matter what decision you make,” she steadied herself. Xu Shiqi didn’t dare look up, only vaguely hearing her voice choke up, “I will always be here.”

The girl left the room, leaving the door ajar. Warmth flowed out of the room as Xu Shiqi sat there, dazed.

Coffee would get cold, but if people’s hearts weren’t warmed, would they also grow cold?