Chapter 16: Thoughts

Xu Jun Ying and Qin Meinang escorted Zheng Mei Yu back to Madam Zheng’s residence and took the opportunity to pay respects to her.

Madam Zheng asked Meinang, “I heard you prepared some kind of hotpot feast for the old madam today. It was lively and delightful, wasn’t it?”

Meinang respectfully responded, “Yes. Eating hotpot in winter warms the body. If Mother wishes, I can prepare one for you too.”

Madam Zheng smiled without giving a clear response. She looked slightly better today, reclining on a warm couch in a sapphire-blue satin robe embroidered with the character for “fortune.” A dark purple beaded ornament on her forehead gave off a subtle glow, making her eyes appear brighter than usual.

Madam Zheng was actually not that old, just in her early forties. Before her youngest and most beloved son, Seventh Master Xu Jun Jie, died in battle, she was a vibrant and attractive woman who managed the grand marquisate efficiently, sparing the old madam any concerns. But within a month, the overwhelming pain of losing her son left her a shadow of her former self, thin and frail with graying hair, her face lined with sorrow. She lay in bed day after day, lifeless.

Remembering how Madam Zheng had taken care of him so tenderly in his childhood, Xu Jun Ying couldn’t help feeling sorrowful. Back then, his mother had been gentle and loving, often touching his face and wiping away his sweat with her handkerchief. She personally brought each season’s clothing to his room, carefully inspecting each piece and making sure everything was just right. Her smile was warm, and her voice soft and comforting.

In front of the maids, however, her demeanor turned cold and authoritative, ensuring they served him respectfully. As he grew up, his mother didn’t allow any concubines in his quarters, and due to his strict nature and life at the frontier, he hadn’t been with any woman until he met Qin Meinang at twenty-three.

He wasn’t sure if he should thank or resent his mother for this. Years of life and death battles on the front lines never bothered him. But during one return at age twenty-two, he heard his grandmother chiding his mother for not giving him a companion to warm his bed, expressing concern that, without heirs, the family’s lineage might be at risk. It was then he realized he had no child to carry on his title and family name.

The next year, while on leave, he met his cousin Zhuang Yu Lan, whom his grandmother had arranged for him to marry. She was a gentle and familiar presence, a possible match. But then, the emperor invited him for an outing to Ming Lake, where he met Qin Meinang. In that moment, he felt love for the first time. The emperor, who had grown up with him, granted his request for marriage without hesitation, much to his grandmother’s chagrin.

His mother, however, enthusiastically arranged for Qin Meinang’s entry into the family.

After two days of marriage, he returned to the frontier. He went to war, faced countless near death experiences, and returned victorious only to learn that Meinang had given birth to their son, Heng.

“Cousin Jun Ying, have some hot tea!”

Zheng Mei Yu stood gracefully before Xu Jun Ying, offering him a delicate blue and white porcelain cup. Madam Zheng’s gaze flickered upon recognizing it as her niece’s preferred cup.

For Meinang, Zheng Mei Yu presented a cup adorned with fine red flowers on a white base. Meinang thanked her but placed it on the table, saying, “I just had tea at the old madam’s residence, so I’m too full to drink more.”

Xu Jun Ying also gently set his cup aside, and Zheng Mei Yu glanced at him before lowering her gaze.

“Mother, you look well today. Did you take Doctor Su’s prescription?” Xu Jun Ying asked.

Madam Zheng nodded. “Yes, the doctor you invited, Su, is much better than the one Sixth invited!”

“Doctor Su oversees the imperial consort’s treatments, so he’s hard to get. He heard about Meinang’s situation and volunteered. I invited him to come back for you.”

“Jun Ying, you are very considerate. I’m feeling much better now!”

“Doctor Su’s medicine works wonders. Mother, don’t worry. Seventh Brother died heroically in service to the nation, and you still have me to take care of you.”

Madam Zheng covered her eyes with a handkerchief and choked up, “I know… I understand.”

In her heart, she felt deep regret. She had been blinded by ambition, sending Jun Jie to war with hopes that, under Jun Ying’s protection, he would earn military merits, allowing him to claim a rank in the future. But fate had other plans. Jun Jie, proud and brave, had pursued the enemy too far and fell into an ambush.

Upon hearing the tragic news, she fainted and refused to believe that her bright, handsome son was gone. She even suspected Jun Ying had sent him to his death, clawing at him in her grief. She’d raised him since he was three and never seen him cry, but he let her scratch his face without resisting.

“Seventh Brother died in battle, he was a hero! Mother, you still have me, and my son can also be like your son.” His words struck her like lightning, grounding her. She hugged him and cried bitterly.

Meinang, feeling sympathetic yet unsure of how to comfort Madam Zheng, remained silent, knowing words could often deepen the pain. Having never met Xu Jun Jie, she felt only sorrow. She noticed Xu Jun Ying glancing at her, and, worried he might disapprove of her silence, she decided to share the recent discussion about her managing the household. As expected, Madam Zheng took interest and stopped crying.

“The old madam wants you to manage the household? Can you handle it?” Madam Zheng asked, surprised, as Meinang had always been gentle and unassuming.

Meinang replied with a smile, “It doesn’t seem too hard, and with Mother here to guide me, I’ll manage. I can start with the smaller things and consult you for the bigger decisions. I’m eager to learn.”

Madam Zheng’s lips curled in a pleased smile. “No one is born knowing how to manage a household. If you’re willing to work hard, I’ll speak to the old madam and help whenever needed.”

“Thank you, Mother. I’m ready to take on this responsibility.”

After chatting a bit more, Madam Zheng grew tired and sent them off.

At the courtyard gate, Zheng Mei Yu hesitated and said to Xu Jun Ying, “Cousin, I left my embroidery frame in the east courtyard. Could I accompany you to retrieve it?”

Xu Jun Ying nodded. “Rui Zhu and Rui Bao found it while tidying and put it aside for you.”

Hearing this, Meinang realized that the servants her grandmother had assigned to Xu Jun Ying’s residence had higher status. She recalled that Madam Zheng never liked sending women to his quarters, so her grandmother had intervened. Meinang hoped to walk with her husband alone on the path back to Qin Hua Hall. This would be their private time together, and she wanted to savor it.

With a warm smile, she gently but firmly told Zheng Mei Yu, “Dear cousin, how did your embroidery frame end up in my husband’s study? It’s too late for a young lady to go with her cousin alone. I’ll have Cui Rui bring it to you tomorrow.”

This stopped Zheng Mei Yu in her tracks.

Before they left the hall earlier, Meinang had been annoyed seeing her husband and cousin exchange subtle glances. Now, as she walked closely beside Xu Jun Ying, she savored the warmth he radiated, feeling a sense of security. Her reserved but steadfast husband was hers, and she was the mother of his child.

Under Zheng Mei Yu’s watchful gaze, Meinang linked her arm with Xu Jun Ying’s and playfully said, “Husband, it’s cold out here. Let’s go!”

She felt his body tense but persisted, leading him forward. He nodded to Zheng Mei Yu, saying, “Cousin, you should return. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

With that, he allowed Meinang to lead him away. Their attendants followed at a distance, and as they passed Zheng Mei Yu, they giggled.

In the darkness, Zheng Mei Yu’s face burned. She bit her lip, standing still for a long time, until Madam Zheng sent Chun Yue to call her inside.