Social Anxiety in Ancient Times
Social Anxiety in Ancient Times 1

Chapter 1

Yongchang Year 6, Ninth Day of the First Month.

Delicate white and light snowflakes drifted into the corridor, resembling the willow catkins dancing along the riverbanks in early summer. They gently brushed past the outer wall of the study and landed on Li Mu’s freshly combed hair.

Li Mu hugged her knees, squatting under the window outside the study. She anxiously listened to the conversation between two men inside and waited for them to leave.

Li Mu was not originally named Li Mu, nor was she the original owner of this body. In March of the previous year, the original owner, only sixteen years old, died of illness, and Li Mu, who had been in a car accident, took over her body.

Because her college roommate loved Hanfu, Li Mu recognized the clothing here at a glance—it was very similar to Ming Dynasty Hanfu.

At that time, Li Mu was very desperate. She reached under the blanket and touched her feet—fortunately, they were not bound and crippled, so she could barely manage to live on.

But it was only “barely.”

The original owner left her no memories, and when she transmigrated, her body was already sixteen years old. She couldn’t pretend to be an ignorant child to adapt to this era slowly, so she needed a reason—a reason to explain why she knew nothing about her surroundings.

Li Mu, who loved reading online novels, was well-versed in the tropes of transmigration stories. She knew that the most common method for transmigrators in her situation was to pretend to have amnesia.

However, her situation was slightly unusual—she had social anxiety disorder. Unlike the somewhat overused “social anxiety” seen online, she suffered from a genuine phobic disorder. So, within three seconds, she decided to pretend to be crazy and foolish, which suited her better than “pretending to have amnesia.”

Within two days, everyone in the Li family knew that the fifth daughter, who had been bedridden for over a year, had her brain damaged by a recent high fever.

Li Mu thought the Li family would abandon her, as described in various films and literary works, or lock her up in a room to prevent her from running around and disgracing the family.

To her surprise, the old madam of the Li family was exceptionally kind to her. Not only did she continue to let her stay in her courtyard, but she also sought medical treatment for her everywhere, allowing Li Mu to see many doctors and slowly recognize the people around her. She also confirmed that this was not the Ming Dynasty—

The country she was in was called “Yong,” and the emperor’s surname was Gu, not Zhu. It was an imaginary dynasty not found in history books. The familiar setting made her realize that she had actually transmigrated into a novel called “Drunken Phoenix.”

When the car accident happened, Li Mu was reading the final chapter of this book in the passenger seat, so she still remembered the plot.

The novel tells the story of the female protagonist, Li Yunxi, who is taken into the palace at the age of ten as a maid after her family is executed. In the palace, she accidentally meets the male protagonist, a neglected prince, and they grow up and struggle together, eventually becoming the Empress.

The original owner, Li Mu, was the female protagonist’s cousin. When Li Mu transmigrated, the female protagonist had just turned nine, and there was still a year and two months before the Li family would be executed.

Li Mu spent several months adapting to her new environment. Determined to survive, she began a long and arduous journey of self-rescue.

“Drunken Phoenix” noted that the female protagonist’s family would be executed because her uncle, Li Wendao—Li Mu’s father—conspired with other officials to assassinate King Yan. The assassination attempt failed, and all officials involved were implicated. Later, when the female protagonist gains power, she reviews the case files of the assassination attempt. The files recorded that the mastermind, the Grand Tutor, had sent a poetry collection containing a secret letter to Li Wendao through the Minister of Rites, inviting him to join the plot. Li Wendao accepted the invitation and used his official position to assist the Grand Tutor in the assassination. The book does not specify when the poetry collection was sent to Li Wendao, and Li Mu does not know if her father is already involved in the assassination plot. She tried to investigate her father and, after a long period of exploration, learned to use “hide and seek” to evade the maids and nannies assigned to her by the old madam. She found several places where Li Wendao often entertained guests, including his study.

Whenever she had the chance, Li Mu would squat outside the study to eavesdrop. When the study was empty, she would climb in through the window to search for secret letters or suspicious poetry collections related to King Yan’s assassination.

However, as the days passed, Li Mu never heard or found any clues about the assassination.

— Until this morning.

Li Mu was dragged out of bed by the nanny who took care of her. Outside the partition door, she heard the lively voices of three ladies coming to greet the old madam, along with several of her siblings.

Li Mu’s unique condition exempted her from getting up early, so she usually didn’t encounter them. But today was the ninth day of the first month, the birthday of the Buddhist deity. Every year on this day, the old madam would take the whole family to attend the fasting ceremony at Mingtai Temple.

Li Mu already had trouble sleeping, and last night, she was anxious and worried about going out with a large group of people today. She tossed and turned in bed for most of the night before finally falling asleep. Now that she had woken up, she didn’t feel sleepy; she was just a bit cold in her hands and feet, and her movements were slower than usual. It was as if moving slower prevented her from leaving this small room and facing the lively and talkative Li family members outside.

Compared to Li Mu’s slow movements, the maids and nannies responsible for taking care of her were quick and efficient. They soon helped her change clothes and comb her hair and brought her chicken and bean porridge and sugar cakes to fill her stomach.

Li Mu quietly ate while Nanny Zhao hurriedly brought a brazier behind her and began ironing the clothes laid out flat. In a low voice, she scolded the two maids, Qianyun and Feixing, saying that these clothes were for Li Mu to wear when she went out today. If her clothes got wet from the snow, she would need to change. The clothes should have been ironed last night, but the maids had been lazy and neglected this important task.

Nanny Zhao’s scolding, mixed with the sounds from outside, made Li Mu sigh internally for the umpteenth time—she really wanted to go home.

“Daddy!” The lively conversation outside was interrupted by a crisp, childish voice.

Li Mu recognized it as the female protagonist’s voice, Li Yunxi. The old madam had three sons, and Li Yunxi’s father was the youngest.

Sure enough, the old madam called out, “Third son, why are you alone? Didn’t the eldest son ask you to accompany the guest? Where is he?”

The third master of the Li family was a scholar with a gentle and refined demeanor. He spoke in a cultured manner. He replied to the old madam, saying that the guest was Lord Wen from the Ministry of Rites. The Ministry of Rites was in charge of the imperial examinations, and as they chatted, the topic of preparing for the spring examinations inevitably came up. To avoid suspicion, he had come over first.

Li Mu’s months of eavesdropping outside the study had not been entirely in vain. She had at least figured out that the current Minister of Rites was surnamed Wen and had been a classmate of Li Wendao. They both had a hobby of collecting calligraphy and paintings, and Li Wendao would occasionally invite Lord Wen to his study to appreciate his new acquisitions. In the past, every time Lord Wen visited, it was just a pretense, and he never gave Li Wendao any poetry collections.

Li Mu was unsure if this meeting would be as uneventful as the previous ones. Moreover, there were so many people waiting to go out together. If she sneaked into Li Wendao’s study, it would surely cause an uproar in the entire household. The commotion was too great and would draw attention. Just thinking about it made Li Mu’s scalp tingle.

Li Mu didn’t want to go, but she had no choice—there were only four months left until the Li family would be executed, and she couldn’t afford to take any risks. Thus, the scene of her squatting under the study window at the beginning.

Fortunately, this time, her trip wasn’t in vain.

In the study, Lord Wen gave Li Wendao a poetry collection, saying it included two poems his youngest son wrote at a poetry gathering, and asked Li Wendao to critique them when he had time. They then talked about other things, and Li Mu waited a long time until Lord Wen finally said his goodbyes. She thought she could take advantage of the moment when Li Wendao saw the guest out to sneak in and search the poetry collection for secret letters. Unexpectedly, Lord Wen stopped Li Wendao before stepping out of the study, saying, “I know you have plans to go out today, so I won’t trouble you to see me off personally.”

Li Wendao didn’t insist and instructed the steward to see him off. He then returned to the study to put away the poetry collection but suddenly felt that his friend’s behavior today was a bit unusual. Earlier, when they talked about preparing for the spring examinations, it seemed like a deliberate attempt to send his third brother away.

His third brother taught at Tanlin Academy and was known for his excellent poetry. If his third brother had been there, he would have opened the poetry collection to see the poems written by Lord Wen’s son.

Could it be…

Li Wendao stopped his action of putting away the poetry collection. He opened the collection and quickly found the poems written by Lord Wen’s son. He looked at them but couldn’t see anything unusual, so he went to find the second poem. Before he could discover anything, there was a commotion outside the study.

Li Wendao instinctively closed the poetry collection, feeling guilty, and paused for a few moments before asking what was happening outside.

The servant waiting outside replied that the fifth young lady was missing, and the entire household was searching for her.

Li Wendao hesitated for a moment, then placed the poetry collection on the desk and left the study. As soon as the study door closed, Li Mu quickly got up from the ground. She heard footsteps approaching this secluded corner and hurriedly climbed through the window.

When the maids searching for her arrived, they saw only the overgrown path between the study and the courtyard wall. The path, neglected due to its seclusion, was empty and devoid of any human presence.

Inside the study, Li Mu suppressed her rapid breathing and scanned the room’s furnishings, quickly locking onto the poetry collection on the desk.

The poetry collection was bound in the traditional Chinese style, with a blue cover often seen in historical dramas. However, after transmigrating, Li Mu realized that traditional Chinese bookbinding was not as simple as aligning double-sided printed pages and stitching them together.

Books of this era were single-sided printed, with the printed side folded outward. The folded edge formed the book’s opening, while the other side formed the spine. The pages were fixed with paper twine, then covered with a book cover, and finally stitched together.

Don’t ask how she knew this so well—curiosity led her to dismantle a book herself.

This binding method left gaps in the middle of the pages, like a paper tube, hence the term “tube pages.”

Li Mu didn’t know the name of Lord Wen’s son, so she had to find all the poems written by people with the surname Wen. Sure enough, she found a hidden letter in the gap of one of the tube pages. It was called a letter, but it was actually just a thin piece of paper.

The paper was filled with writing. Li Mu didn’t stop to read it carefully; she directly stuffed it into her clothes and put the poetry collection back in its place.

After doing this, she quickly returned to the window, opened it, and was about to climb out when the study door suddenly opened from the outside. With one foot on the windowsill, Li Mu turned her head and met the shocked gaze of Li Wendao, who had returned unexpectedly.

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