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“This time, I’ll twist fate and make sure I don’t fail…”
It felt like being drenched in cold water. Afrosa tried to pull away and run, but her legs wouldn’t move, as if they’d been cast in plaster. She trembled so violently her teeth chattered. Sliding helplessly to the ground, she tried to catch her breath, only to see her husband—now clad in a resplendent ceremonial uniform—kneeling before her.
She shook like she’d seen a ghost. She felt as if she might wet herself. Short of breath and nauseated, she could hardly bear it. Yet, despite her panic, her husband’s face remained gentle and kind.
“Rose.”
Why did she feel this way when looking at him? Never once before had she felt such dread toward Alec. The man before her was someone who cherished and loved her more than anyone else.
“I love you.”
It was horrifying. Those words were so terrifying she wanted to pierce her ears with a sharp object to drown them out.
He reached out with his long arms, lifting her as easily as if she were a child, and sought her lips. His lips brushed against her soft skin, and Afrosa flailed, trying to push him away.
“No… I don’t want this… I don’t want you.”
She squirmed desperately, biting her lips to hold back her protests, but there was nothing she could do. She tried to scream, but halfway through, she went blank.
“Rose?”
Waking from the dream was instantaneous. Gasping, Aphrosa sucked in a deep breath and found herself drenched in sweat, staring at Alec. His face showed clear concern as he looked down at her. Afrosa, still reeling from the nightmare, instinctively smacked away the hand reaching for her. It was a reflexive reaction, not an intentional one.
“S-sorry…”
Her eyelids trembled uncontrollably, and her voice, weak and frail, barely escaped her lips. Alec’s expression grew even more tense as he heard her unsteady apology. Afrosa swallowed hard a few times and met his gaze. The vivid memory of the dream, where she felt nauseated at the sight of him, remained fresh in her mind.
“Can I touch you?”
His long fingers approached again, hovering near her forehead as if checking for a fever. Afrosa hesitated but nodded. In truth, she didn’t want to feel his touch; the thought of it made her stomach churn.
The idea of retching while feeling the hands of the man she loved was unbearable. Yet, she couldn’t refuse. She didn’t want to see Alec’s face twist in pain because of her rejection.
“You’ve got a slight fever.”
His warm palm rested on her forehead. For a moment, it felt like tears would burst forth, unbidden. As she bit her lip to hold them back, his graceful fingers brushed against her chin.
In that instant, her stomach turned violently. Afrosa slapped his hand away and quickly got out of bed. Leaning forward, she doubled over and began to retch onto the floor.
“Urgh… ugh…”
Nothing came out of her empty stomach. The only sensation was the stinging burn from what might have been stomach acid refluxing upward. Unable to contain the surge of tears, Afrosa began to cry softly.
Alec’s hand reached out to grasp her trembling shoulder, and Afrosa turned to look at him, shivering.
“Rose.”
“Darling… something’s wrong with me.”
Fighting off the fading fragments of her dream, Afrosa’s tears grew heavier. Her body felt strange. So did her emotions. She wasn’t particularly cold, yet waves of chills kept rushing over her. This was something entirely new—a helpless, consuming fear she couldn’t shake off.
“It’s okay. It’s okay, Rose. Come here…”
Alec opened his arms, and Afrosa collapsed into them, sobbing. She buried her face in his chest and tried to stifle her sniffles. She didn’t want to think about anything—not about that revolting dream or anything else. She clung to the hope that it would all dissipate by morning as she cried in his embrace.
“Did you have a nightmare?”
“Yes.”
“What was it about?”
She didn’t want to tell him. Afrosa shut her eyes tightly and shook her head.
“It was just… just a bad dream.”
She wanted to say, Just like the ones you’ve had, it was only a bad dream for me too. But she didn’t have the strength to say more. All she wanted was to stay in his arms and forget everything.
When had she fallen asleep? Afrosa, who had cried herself back to sleep in her husband’s arms, only awoke after midday to have her morning meal. Alec had personally brought her a wooden tray with oat porridge and honey tea.
Afrosa quietly stared at him. The dream she had hoped would fade by morning surged back to the forefront of her mind the moment she saw his face. Not wanting to frown in front of him, she averted her gaze.
Dreams are strange that way, aren’t they? They don’t make sense, nor do they follow any logic. Things that could never reasonably happen in reality unfold in dreams without reason or explanation. Yet, she couldn’t believe how shaken she still was by such an absurd thing.
She scolded herself for trembling like this—like a frightened child—well into the daylight hours. It wasn’t even an especially horrifying dream. Alec didn’t die in it, nor did she suffer some gruesome death. He had simply appeared. That was all.
Yet, why…?
“Are you still thinking about that dream?”
The question came as she slowly chewed a spoonful of oat porridge. Staring down at the bowl, Afrosa shook her head. She didn’t want to worry him unnecessarily. Besides, she wasn’t as unsettled as she had been earlier.
“Rose.”
“No, I’m fine.”
The fingers brushing her ear shifted to trace her jawline. Fortunately, she no longer felt her stomach churn at his touch. Relieved, Afrosa carefully met his gaze.
“How long has it been since your last monthly bleeding?”
“Why?”
“We haven’t been using protection.”
The spoon she had been idly stirring her porridge with froze mid-motion. Come to think of it, she hadn’t bled this month. Startled, Afrosa looked up at her husband. While it wasn’t unusual for her period to be delayed by a couple of days, she’d never gone this long without it.
“Rose, I think….”
“…”
“I think you might be carrying my child.”
His gentle voice carried a soothing warmth, each word deliberate and soft. Alec’s lips curved into a faint smile, and Afrosa could only stare back, speechless. His strong yet tender fingers brushed the back of her hand, lingering on the delicate ridges of her veins. Then, with a quiet confidence, he rested his hand on her lower abdomen.
“W-what do we do if that’s true?”
Afrosa stammered, her voice barely above a whisper, as if in a daze. Alec looked up from where his hand rested against her still-flat stomach, his gaze locking with hers. Flustered, she instinctively shrank back, her shoulders drawing inward.
“Don’t you want a baby?”
“I-it’s not that…”
“Then what is it?”
Afrosa lowered her gaze, unable to understand why she felt this way.
She had always hoped and prayed fervently for a baby to come into their lives. Every morning, she would dream of a child being born to them—whether a boy or a girl, as long as the baby was healthy and brought joy to their family.
It had been three years since their marriage. They made love often, sharing their affection night after night. During their honeymoon, they hadn’t cared about time or place, and even now, neither of them had ever avoided intimacy. Yet, no baby had come.
Ever since their wedding, Afrosa had waited for a child. Like other women, she wanted to become a mother and watch a toddling baby take its first wobbly steps. So if there were signs of pregnancy, she should have been overjoyed.
She had never missed a menstrual cycle before—not once—making even the thought of a false pregnancy impossible. This time, she had missed her period, and her husband had noticed the changes in her. Whether it was a false alarm or real, the word “pregnancy” had left her husband’s lips. That alone should have made her happy.
“You always wanted a baby,” he said.
“…”
“Don’t you want one anymore?”
She shook her head. Of that, she was certain. She wanted a baby. A son with Alec’s dark hair and steely eyes. But for some reason, a tear welled up in her eye.
“Rose.”
“…I do. I want a baby—a baby that looks like you.”
The tear slid down her cheek. Alec, who had been holding her delicate chin, leaned in and kissed her cheek. Afrosa closed her eyes. She couldn’t understand why tears were falling when she had always wanted this.
Later that morning, they went to see the physician. The older man initially teased them for being frequent visitors, but when Alec mentioned her missed period, his expression brightened with delight.
After examining her pulse, the physician confirmed that Afrosa was indeed pregnant. To rule out any mistakes, his wife, an apothecary, was called to double-check the symptoms. She concurred with the physician’s diagnosis.
“Congratulations! Your husband must be overjoyed.”
Blushing at the physician’s grandmotherly smile, Afrosa lowered her gaze, her lips curling into a shy smile that made her look more radiant than ever. Alec wrapped his arms around her slender waist as they left the physician’s home.
“Is there anything you feel like eating?” he asked.
“Not yet.”
“How are you feeling?”
Earlier, Afrosa had been trembling and crying in his arms. Now, she seemed quieter, though her smile had vanished. Alec bit his lip as memories of his past life surfaced.
“Afrosa feels different,” he thought.
Just as he had changed from his past self, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Afrosa had, too. He recalled walking this same path in his previous life. Back then, they had been endlessly happy. Now, however, her face seemed clouded, pale, and slightly fearful. She shouldn’t have changed… but it feels like she has.
“Are you feeling unwell?”
“…No.”
He wanted to reassure himself, to believe that Afrosa hadn’t changed. That his memories, his fears, were nothing more than nightmares haunting him in the dark. But…
“It’s just a little… hard to believe,” she murmured, lowering her gaze. Her lips pressed together in a melancholy expression. Alec gently embraced her, his hand resting over her lower abdomen. Afrosa leaned into his chest like a fragile girl seeking comfort.
“It’s okay. Everything will be fine.”
He held her close, whispering the words like a prayer. Stroking her soft, flaxen hair, he lifted his gaze.
As they left the physician’s home, he noticed a faint presence nearby. The figure, draped in a weathered, pale-green robe, stood in the shadowed alley, watching them. Alec’s hand, which had been resting on Afrosa’s back, moved protectively to her abdomen, his touch both gentle and shielding. The man in the robe shifted his gaze to Alec’s hand.