Chapter 59
Yan Yuhe

Yan Yuhe descended from the mountain to explore the world at fifteen, never having experienced such a setback. He couldn’t understand why this happened. Reflecting on recent days, he didn’t feel he had done anything wrong. Each time he transferred yang energy, he did so with utmost dedication. He couldn’t fathom what had caused Xue Ming’s dissatisfaction, leading her to speak such cold words.

After much thought, Yan Yuhe wrote a letter to his Master, asking how to deal with a heartless person. However, his Master’s reply was disappointing, advising him not to meddle in others’ affairs and to return to the sect to receive his reward.

Firstly, this wasn’t meddling, as it was a problem he was facing directly. Secondly, Yan Yuhe believed his Master had a habit of favoring his less intelligent junior brothers, ignoring his own unfair treatment. He didn’t disagree with this and even supported the idea that Liu Mengyuan, who wasn’t very bright, deserved more care. However, dissatisfied with the reply, he slowed his pace on the way back, and for once, he intervened in a few local matters, something he usually wouldn’t bother with.

Throughout the journey, Xue Ming’s behavior was impeccable. Although she had said some unpleasant things that day, she later relied heavily on Yan Yuhe during their travels. For instance, when they traveled at night, she would stay very close to him, sometimes holding his arm and leaning half her body against him. She had also developed the habit of hugging him while sleeping, preferring to share a bed with him no matter how large it was. She would be so close that they were almost inseparable, even sharing his food at times.

When bathing, she would occasionally offer to scrub his back. Although Yan Yuhe didn’t understand this behavior, seeing her earnestly scrubbing his back made him think it was a good way to strengthen their bond.

In short, Xue Ming’s dependence on him became increasingly evident through various small actions, which helped alleviate Yan Yuhe’s frustration. He began to think that perhaps Xue Ming was not someone who easily expressed her true feelings. That night, she might not have said everything she wanted to say.

When she said, “I might like you today, but maybe not tomorrow,” there was probably another half to that sentence: “Or maybe I’ll like you even more tomorrow.” The more Yan Yuhe thought about it, the more it made sense, as Xue Ming’s behavior clearly showed that she liked him.

Realizing this, Yan Yuhe’s mood improved significantly. That day, he made a great effort to show his affection, filling her with yang energy and holding her close for a long time until she fell asleep.

Afterward, Yan Yuhe took her back to the sect. The other disciples’ curious glances at Xue Ming made him uncomfortable, but as the senior brother, he couldn’t reprimand them for looking. He only wanted to resolve the previous issues quickly, which he estimated would take two or three days, before taking her away again. He also wanted to introduce her to his Master as his future wife. Although Xue Ming was not willing to marry at the moment, Yan Yuhe believed it was only a matter of time and didn’t mind waiting a few more years. With both his parents deceased, he would need his Master to handle the wedding arrangements.

Whenever Yan Yuhe felt things were going smoothly, Xue Ming always found a way to give him a harsh reality check. Through the window, he heard Xue Ming’s voice saying that the world was vast and that she would find her place in it and leave on her own. Hearing these words, Yan Yuhe felt a dull pain in his chest, as if a soft knife was grinding against his heart, soon drawing blood and soaking his heart with sorrow.

At that moment, Yan Yuhe finally understood that she had never intended to stay with him and was always ready to leave. This was likely why she was unwilling to marry.

For Yan Yuhe, marriage was a bond, a medium to connect his fate with Xue Ming’s. However, for Xue Ming, marriage was a shackle that would hinder her desire to leave.

Yan Yuhe couldn’t suppress his anger. He even felt that Xue Ming was toying with him. Despite her showing so much affection and dependence, she could still casually mention leaving. He couldn’t understand what he had done wrong to make Xue Ming so indifferent and resolute in expressing her desire to leave to his Master. He watched Xue Ming standing under the tree with green leaves fluttering around, her face bright and cheerful as she greeted him, but his heart was filled with coldness. He wanted to grab her and ask why she was so heartless. But her bright eyes curved gently, like a beautiful crescent moon in the night sky, smiling at him. Yan Yuhe thought again that she was too timid and not the type to argue with others. Even if he questioned her, he wouldn’t get any answers. If his tone was slightly harsh, she might not be able to sleep at night, staring blankly.

When Yan Yuhe woke up several times at night, he saw her lying quietly beside him, eyes open, lost in thought. He didn’t know how long she had been awake. Seeing her expression, he would pull her into his arms and drowsily ask what she was thinking about. Xue Ming would always say it was nothing, just dreaming about past events.

Xue Ming said that insomnia was normal and that everyone had a few nights where they couldn’t sleep. But Yan Yuhe didn’t want her to lie awake alone in the long night. Seeing her like that made him feel as if she was surrounded by endless loneliness, prompting him to instinctively hold her and drive away that loneliness.

For the first time in his life, Yan Yuhe chose to avoid the situation. He took Xue Ming to his residence and then left for the back mountain, heading to his Master’s place to handle the aftermath of the Heavenly Thunder Ghost Extermination. The treasures Jiang Ruoming had stolen from the sect were returned to the treasure pavilion, and Yan Yuhe also attended to the other sects that came to reclaim the treasures she had tricked them out of.

He was so busy in the first two days that his days and nights were turned upside down, only returning when Xue Ming was already asleep. During the rare leisure moments in the house, Yan Yuhe would sit by the bed and watch Xue Ming sleep, doing nothing else and not feeling tired. Xue Ming was not a book or a painting; no matter how much he looked, he couldn’t see anything new. She always looked the same, but Yan Yuhe didn’t understand why he loved watching her so much. Sometimes, when his gaze fell upon her, he would find himself staring for a long time before snapping back to reality.

Xue Ming seemed to want to sit down and talk seriously with him, likely about leaving. Yan Yuhe resisted this from the bottom of his heart, believing it was an unnecessary conversation. He wouldn’t agree, nor would he understand her thoughts.

Rather than having disagreements and arguments, it was better not to talk at all. Yan Yuhe deliberately chose to return when she was asleep, enjoying the moments of peace by her side. However, her schedule wasn’t always regular; sometimes, she would still be awake, lying on a soft chair, reading a book.

She seemed to be in good spirits; even though she could only move around the back mountain, she didn’t find it boring. She even mentioned that Liu Mengyuan and other disciples came to play with her. Yan Yuhe’s expression remained unchanged, his emotions indifferent, but internally, he was already on high alert. Xue Ming was completely unaware of his wary gaze and continued to talk about how Liu Mengyuan was kind, adorably silly, and cheerful.

What does “sand sculpture” mean? Yan Yuhe thought to himself. If it means that Liu Mengyuan is a fool, he agrees.

Xue Ming also said that Liu Mengyuan looks good, which Yan Yuhe found amusing. He thought Xue Ming’s eyes must be temporarily malfunctioning, as she would call anyone with two eyes and a nose good-looking.

Yan Yuhe was well aware of Liu Mengyuan’s clinginess and his habit of pretending to be pitiful, which even made their Master favor him more. Yan Yuhe hadn’t cared about this before until he saw Xue Ming smiling and carrying the pastries Liu Mengyuan had given her, once again praising and admiring Liu Mengyuan. This ignited endless jealousy in Yan Yuhe’s heart.

Yan Yuhe believed this was a sign that Xue Ming wanted to abandon him and choose Liu Mengyuan, a prelude to her departure.

Uncontrollable anger spread in his heart. Yan Yuhe never thought he would one day become a coward, fearing something and choosing to avoid it, feeling helpless in the face of the situation. It was simply too ridiculous. Yan Yuhe’s eyes darkened as he watched the resentment born from Xue Ming’s stubbornness grow wildly in his heart. He fed Xue Ming three pills, lit a long lamp that burned all night and entangled her body, repeatedly sinking into desire. He wanted to merge his essence and blood into her body, attaching to every bone and vein, even if it meant becoming a shackle to bind her. In short, they had to be tightly fused together, inseparable.

Xue Ming cried bitterly, tears flowing from her clear eyes, falling onto Yan Yuhe’s body, rolling down his arm and chest like molten lava, burning him with pain. Even so, Yan Yuhe still felt it wasn’t enough, far from it. He frantically took and gave, until Xue Ming’s voice was hoarse from crying. Despite being bullied, she still clung tightly to him, curling up in his arms like a pitiful little beast, resting peacefully against his chest.

Yan Yuhe had never felt such hatred for Xue Ming. She was just a liar who casually spoke of love, skilled at manipulating hearts with sweet words. She pretended to be sincere, using bait to catch Yan Yuhe’s inexperienced heart, only to abandon him without hesitation, leaving him to face this predicament alone, bewildered.

Yan Yuhe pressed her back, lifting her up, then placed his ear against her chest. He heard her heart’s slow, rhythmic beating, the soft thumping symbolizing Xue Ming’s vibrant life and carrying all her emotions. He looked up at her peaceful sleeping face. Her long eyelashes still seemed damp, and faint tear stains were at the corners of her eyes, yet she slept soundly, appearing very obedient.

Yan Yuhe held her tightly, letting her body fit comfortably against his. His face was dark and gloomy, like a vengeful ghost. He whispered in her ear, “Even if you’re a mischievous liar, you’re mine and can only stay by my side. Understand?”

If Xue Ming was willing to stay by his side, that would be perfect; if not, Yan Yuhe didn’t think he would be the type to be easily manipulated. The thought of Xue Ming being with another man in the future made him feel the urge to cut that man in half.

The next day, Yan Yuhe went to see his Master and had a long talk. He first expressed his dissatisfaction with his Master’s favoritism towards his junior brother over the years, then pointed out that his junior brother was no longer young and couldn’t be kept on the mountain forever, as it had made him lazy.

Shui Xi was shocked and repeatedly asked Yan Yuhe if he truly felt she was biased.

Receiving Yan Yuhe’s calm response, Shui Xi said gravely, “Your junior brother has never been as capable as you. I never had high expectations for him. But you are different from others. I was close to your mother and received her dying wish to take care of you. I always wanted to train you with utmost dedication. Now I realize I have been too strict with you. It was my oversight, and I will be more mindful in the future.”

Yan Yuhe replied, “Master, you don’t need to worry. I didn’t come here for that. I hope you will agree to let my junior brother go down the mountain for training.”

Yan Yuhe added, “For three years.”

Shui Xi was silent for a while, then tried to speak on behalf of the junior brother. Yan Yuhe felt his Master was being biased again and said discontentedly, “I went down the mountain at fifteen and traveled for five years before returning.”

“…Wasn’t that because you ran away yourself?” Shui Xi said. “Besides, I sent you hundreds of letters asking you to return, but you kept making excuses. I even sent your uncle to find you, but you hid from him.”

Yan Yuhe replied expressionlessly, “That uncle wrongly blamed me back then. Master banished me from the mountain for six years.”

“Alright,” Shui Xi said. “Go tell your junior brother to pack his things and go down the mountain for three years of training.”

Yan Yuhe left his Master’s residence, exhaling a breath of stale air, finally feeling somewhat relieved. He held no personal grudge; he simply believed that his junior brother needed to go out and gain experience. However, this feeling didn’t last long. As he stepped into the back mountain, his heart was once again shrouded in gloom. He still had no good solution for dealing with Xue Ming, who wanted to leave.

Yan Yuhe could easily use some spiritual artifact to bind Xue Ming to his side, ensuring she stayed with him wherever he went. But this would only trap her body, not her heart. Although Xue Ming had a gentle nature, she would still cause trouble if she was unwilling, leading to endless arguments and confrontations, ultimately worsening their relationship.

Yan Yuhe thought, isn’t there any other way? If Xue Ming insisted on leaving, he could only do this.

As Yan Yuhe stepped into his small courtyard, he saw Xue Ming standing there, covered in blood. The sunlight made her face look as white as porcelain, and the crimson blood on her body almost hurt Yan Yuhe’s eyes. She was trembling all over, tears in her eyes, looking at Yan Yuhe with fear. Blood was continuously dripping from her hand onto the ground, making her look so fragile, as if she could die at any moment.

In that instant, Yan Yuhe hated that sword.

No one could take Xue Ming away from him, not even death. If the sword had a murderous intent towards Xue Ming, he would break it; if the heavenly reward would separate him from Xue Ming, he would refuse it; if the sect disciples said her lifespan was limited and that she wouldn’t stay with him for long, he would take Xue Ming away to find a method of cultivation; if Xue Ming wanted to leave on her own, he would still insist on being with her.

Whether she cried or caused a scene, he would comply with her in every way, except for one thing.

Separation was not an option.

Yan Yuhe had always despised expressions of love, considering them to be intangible and useless. True feelings were meant to be felt, not casually spoken. But in the end, he lowered his proud head and slowly confided in Xue Ming about his frustrations, the jealousy he couldn’t dispel, and his fear of her leaving.

Ultimately, he had to surrender to love. The things he once looked down upon tormented him, making him restless and anxious. In the end, he had to honestly offer his true feelings, expressing his desire to be with Xue Ming.

Love requires honesty. Yan Yuhe now had to tell Xue Ming bit by bit the words he had previously been unwilling to say.

Fortunately, Xue Ming was not a heartless person. She gently leaned on Yan Yuhe’s shoulder, using her gentle nature as usual to tolerate his stubbornness and respond to his feelings with a soft voice.

When she placed the ring made of grass on Yan Yuhe’s finger, he suddenly felt enlightened. The resentment lingering in his heart for days disappeared completely like clouds dispersing to reveal a clear sky. He finally felt Xue Ming’s possessiveness and saw her feelings for him, realizing his worries were not one-sided. Her introverted and timid nature made her reluctant to easily express her true feelings, causing his insecurity and constant doubts.

At this moment, Yan Yuhe finally understood that every seemingly casual expression of affection from Xue Ming was genuine. Her words of retreat were merely a form of self-protection. She needed clear and nurturing love to slowly open up her heart.

It doesn’t matter. There was plenty of time ahead. As Yan Yuhe held her, he thought he still had many opportunities to express his love in various ways. One day, Xue Ming would be willing to become his wife.