Chapter 35 – Lara

In January, when she lost her real father, and in May, when even her mother, who had held her father’s severed head twisted in agony, abandoned the world, Lara was left with nothing.

Since the day she was born, the world had always been harsh and cruel to Lara. No one was kind, and nothing was easily given to her.

The experience of giving up and despairing was something built from a young age. More than the confidence that she could succeed, it was always the premonition that nothing would ever return to her, just as it had always been. It was simply the way things were.

Knowing one’s place was the way to live with less hardship. The oldest slave Lara knew, who had been with the family for years, always said this while she trimmed Lara’s beautiful sandy-colored hair. It was better not to be greedy, for life would hurt less, and the end wouldn’t be tragic.

“Your father died because of that. He dared to wear a crown that the master hadn’t permitted, and that’s why his head was cut off,” the old woman said.

“Therefore, you must not be greedy,” she added as they dug a pit in the earth and built a stone grave. The elderly woman didn’t cry, but instead, she gently patted Lara’s head for a long time.

“You’re too pretty for your own good.”

“…”

“There is no greater tragedy than a poor, insignificant woman being beautiful in this world.”

The old woman, with her back to the mother, who was crying under the shade of a tree, grabbed Lara’s chin and whispered. Lara didn’t understand the old woman’s concern.

First, the old woman had said not to be greedy, then to know one’s place to avoid pain, and now she was saying that Lara was too pretty for her own good. At an age when she didn’t even understand what a tragedy was, the way the old woman clucked her tongue as if Lara’s features were a terrible curse made her uncomfortable.

Lara pulled her chin out of the old woman’s grasp and shook her head lightly. She was about to pout and burst into tears when the old woman grabbed her chin again and raised it roughly.

“Some foolish man will come and take advantage of you first.”

The old woman’s hooked nose twitched, and her black eyes seemed like suffocating darkness. Lara, seeing her twisted face, felt a shiver of fear. Her mother’s wails never ceased.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Lara nodded. Now, it wasn’t the stone grave of her late father that made her want to cry, but the old woman. As tears welled up in her eyes, the old woman clicked her tongue. She didn’t wipe Lara’s tears but only pursed her lips.

“It means that the ones who will covet you will ruin your life. You will fall even more miserably than your father.”

It was nonsense to her, but Lara listened carefully. The old woman always spoke in strange, incomprehensible ways, then clicked her tongue before disappearing to the labor camp. It was the same today.

Lara, unable to rouse her mother, dragged her to the tree where the burial would take place, then lay down with her cheek against a straw bed. Afterward, she was washed and cleaned, then silently placed beside her mother. Meanwhile, people were calling a priest to send her father’s soul to heaven and handed him a silver coin as a token of gratitude.

The old woman, solely caring for Lara, clicked her tongue in pity. She said that Lara’s life was more pitiful than the woman who lost her husband or the man who died unjustly. Lara didn’t understand.

“There is no one in this world who will love you.”

“……”

“No one will protect you. So when some wealthy man…”

The old woman’s lips, a dark brown like tree bark, paused for a moment. Lara looked into the elderly woman’s concerned face.

“So, when you grow up, Lara, when you become a beautiful woman with a slim waist and big breasts like your mother, men like that will come after you.”

“……”

“The sons of the lord here are already like that. So, when you have a big backside and can bear children, those men will try to take you.”

“……”

“The sons of the lord might first try to woo you with sweet words, just to lift your skirt a bit. But don’t trust what those men say. They…”

The old woman hesitated again. Lara was no longer curious about what more she had to say.

“They are not sincere. Do you understand what I mean?”

Lara shook her head. The old woman said nothing. Some young slaves who had worked alongside her father approached the grieving mother, who was still hugging her father’s stone grave, sobbing. “Get up, Rosa. It’s time to go,” they said. The sun was setting.

Her mother didn’t rise and collapsed to the ground, and one of the young slaves lifted her up. Lara was worried about her mother and tried to go to her, but the old woman grabbed her wrist. Lara turned to see if there was more to say.

“Remember this. Everything they say is a lie. Well, maybe it’s true for a while, but when it’s time for them to give up what they have, they will be the first to abandon you.”

“……”

“The time they once loved you, or enjoyed being with you, will be nothing more than a bitter memory for them. They will shake it off and marry someone similar to them, have children, and forget all about you.”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Even if you don’t understand what I’m saying, just agree. Answer that you will remember my words.”

“Grandmother, my arm hurts.”

Scared, Lara began to sob. The old woman shook her head. She meant that she wouldn’t let go until Lara said what she wanted to hear.

“You will always be an outsider in their society. When you try to stand by the man you love, the people around you will mock and ridicule you. They will laugh at you, saying that a lowly girl, who has nothing but beauty, dares to climb above her station.”

“Yes.”

Lara nodded.

“Do you understand?”

The old woman asked. Lara furrowed her brows. She didn’t understand. She couldn’t make sense of any of it. Lara just wanted to escape the old woman. The old woman twisted her expression.

“It’s fine if you don’t understand. Just say you understand.”

“Yes, Grandmother. I’ll do it. I won’t forget.”

“If you don’t want to remember my words, remember your father. Remember how your father died. He was beheaded like a pig for daring to wear a crown that was never meant for him.”

Lara, who had been struggling to free her wrist, stopped moving. She froze in shock.

The old woman pulled the corners of her lips into a smile. Lara shivered. Only then did the old woman release her wrist. Lara ultimately remembered the old woman’s words. No, she remembered every detail, even the deep wrinkles on her face, because of the final words the old woman spoke.

That dark, suffocating face. The breath-stealing black eyes…. When they returned home, one of the young men who had laid her unconscious mother on the straw bed spoke to Lara.

“That old woman doesn’t know when to stop, talking to a child like that.”

The young man, looking down at Lara’s mother, turned to her with a stern voice and muttered.

“Did that old woman warn you to be careful of men?”

Lara couldn’t answer. She didn’t even understand what she had heard. Don’t be greedy. Know your place. And something about skirts and the lord’s sons… it was all unpleasant to her.

“That old woman’s brother hanged himself many years ago.”

It wasn’t that he was hanged, but that he hanged himself. Lara, frozen, stared at the young man’s face.

“Hmm… I think it was from some count’s family. Or was it a baron’s? She said that she had a child with a noble bastard, and then she had to flee because the family threatened her life.”

Lara didn’t know what a bastard was. But from the context, it seemed to refer to a child. She was confused. Why would a woman’s life be in danger because she had a child? But since he said it, she accepted it without much thought.

“Anyway, I don’t know whether she had the child or not, but… then she became a noblewoman’s wife for a few years before being falsely accused and dying.”

“……”

Silence surrounded them. The young man rubbed the air with an expression of distaste and sighed. Lara, trembling with an unknown fear, nervously rubbed the floor with the tips of her toes.

“Now that I think about it, the old woman isn’t wrong. Especially you, Lara. You’re so pretty that even now, the lord’s sons won’t leave you alone.”

The young man’s words brought to mind the lord’s two sons. The lord had two sons and a daughter. The two sons were mischievous and playful, while the younger daughter was mature and beautiful.

Lara thought about the girl who served her—exactly the same girl. She was skilled in embroidery and piano, fluent in foreign languages, and had perfected her manners, always behaving with grace.

Lara thought of the two boys who tormented her every day. Both of them, tall and handsome like their father, were always harsh and persistent with her.

They would chase her while she was scrubbing the floors, splash water from the wringer onto her, and laugh as they tossed dust onto her. They would mock her by flipping up her skirt, especially the younger son, who would pull on her braided hair and laugh at any opportunity.

When Lara, shocked and in tears, cried out, they would stop briefly, then try to kiss her or bring her sugar cookies from the kitchen to comfort her. But none of it could soothe her. Lara only wished they would leave her alone.

Lara didn’t care what the two boys were to her. Whether they were promising young men in society, or the brothers of the girl destined to be a future empress, it didn’t matter to her.

All Lara wanted was to live peacefully with her mother and father. But now, her father was dead, and her mother was slowly starting to lose her sanity. Lara saw no future for herself.

“The old woman is right. There’s nothing wrong with living carefully.”

The young man murmured in a low voice. Lara nodded indifferently. She listened with one ear and let the words slip through the other, thinking all of it was pointless.

Days passed, and with each one, her mother withered more. As she became unable to work on the farm, the other slaves who had helped with the work began to grow frustrated.

At times, Lara even felt she had no desire to live. Even when she was eight, she had felt the same way.

And so, the reason Lara never found the courage to marry and share her life with someone, even as she grew older, was the habit she had developed since childhood. For her, courage equaled greed.

When she lost something she had, the first thing she did was give up. Without even thinking of running away, she simply conformed.

“Lara.”

It was when Lara was gazing down at her suffering mother, unable to swallow her resentment. The small villa where Lara and her mother lived was home to about fifteen other slaves. It was hard to tell how many hundreds of years old it was, or when it had last been renovated.

The old villa was so cramped for fifteen people that aside from the table and chairs, whose age was also unidentifiable, there was hardly any furniture.

It was another daughter from the family they lived with who called out to her. Her name was Sophie. Sophie, five years older than Lara, had a thin frame and wore an old apron.

Lara was quite close with Sophie. According to her mother, Sophie had been as happy as if a real sister had been born when Lara was born. Lara couldn’t help but like her.

She was the only person who treated her warmly aside from her parents. In a world where everyone else was cold and indifferent, Sophie was one of the few kind souls to her.

Since her father’s death, Lara hadn’t had a chance to talk to Sophie. She tried to greet her with her usual “Sophie unni” and a smile, but Sophie’s expression was dark.

As Lara hesitated, glancing at Sophie, Sophie finally spoke.

“Would you like to talk for a bit?”

“Okay.”

“Alright, let’s take a walk while we talk.”

Sophie took Lara’s hand. Lara, feeling like she was walking with her real sister, braved the chilly wind as they strolled around the house.