It felt familiar. The damp feel of the earth beneath my sneakers, the refreshing air that had brushed through the greenery. Everything felt so real.
My legs moved without my control. They walked, almost running, as if they had a destination in mind. Past Mr. Lee’s vast field of cabbages, past the general store where there were more things missing than present.
There was a swing hanging from the giant zelkova tree. The swing swayed gently back and forth in the breeze. I ran towards it, with my back to the zelkova tree, until my breath caught in my throat. Soon, I arrived at the large gate. A nameplate hung there, inscribed with Chinese characters. It was my grandfather’s name. It was one of the few Chinese characters that eight-year-old Joo-wan knew.
As I opened the gate, I saw Grandma Gangneung diligently preparing a meal. Mr. Choi, who was almost forty and still unmarried but kind and honest, was sweeping the yard and turned around with a smile. My grandfather, who had been weeding the garden, saw me and scolded me with affection, saying I had turned black from playing all day.
The strong smell of earth, the fresh air, the cozy zelkova tree and the swing, and the people who were so precious to me. They were always there, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I thought I would live like that forever. I thought they would always be my safe haven.
I should have stopped there. I should have struggled, no matter what, to wake up from this terrible nightmare. But my body wouldn’t listen. I reached out and forcefully flung open the closed gate. I couldn’t move my gaze away from the front. The nightmare was ruthlessly fulfilling its cruel premonition.
My grandfather’s hanok looked like a derelict house. Grandma Gangneung and Mr. Choi, who always welcomed me, were nowhere to be seen. The only one remaining was my grandfather, standing with his hands clasped behind his back. I called out to him, loud enough for him to hear. But no sound came out. My legs, which had been moving perfectly until now, were frozen in place, as if they were glued to the ground. My grandfather turned his back on me and walked away. I couldn’t stop him. The distance between us kept widening.
I knew the end of this nightmare. But I struggled with all my might to move my legs. I gritted my teeth and thrashed about.
Meanwhile, my grandfather opened the small side door and went inside. I finally managed to move my legs, which had been rooted to the ground, and hurried after him. My reason screamed like a siren, telling me to stop, but I couldn’t control myself.
I reached out to open the side door. But before my hand could touch it, the door swung open from the inside. And there, standing there, was a terrifying, cackling monster. My grandfather, whom I had been desperately chasing, was gone.
The monster grabbed my wrist, as if it were going to break it, and lurched forward, as if it were about to pounce on me.
‘You’re unlucky. You’re annoying. I don’t want to see you, so just die.’
I heard a child’s voice coming from the monster. I tried to pull my hand away, but I couldn’t overcome its immense strength.
I was desperately trying to escape when a hand suddenly reached out from behind me and covered my nose and mouth. I gasped for air. It hurt. I could tell who it was from the back, by his unique scent and the smell of nicotine.
The man behind me licked my neck with his tongue and laughed lewdly. I shivered all over. I wanted to get away. I wished anyone would help me.
I desperately turned my head. Suddenly, I saw my mother standing at the front gate, in my wavering vision. She watched my situation without any expression. I shook my head. I needed to wake up now. I didn’t want to taste that horrible despair again.
But my stubborn hand reached out to my mother. I looked at her desperately, begging her for help, screaming until my throat was raw. My screams, echoing only within me, didn’t reach her. She turned her head, as if she hadn’t seen anything, and soon disappeared out the gate. The gate slammed shut.
Immediately after, the monster, which had been lurking in front of me, swallowed me whole.
“…Haak!”

My eyes flew open. The cold sweat that had beaded on my face and back trickled down. I couldn’t blink, and I couldn’t exhale the breath that had been caught in my throat. My body trembled slightly. Beads of sweat clung to my parched lips. They tasted salty.
I finally exhaled, hearing someone’s breathing beside me. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs, my chest heaving. My limbs, which had been tense, tingled. I must have been having a bad dream.
I raised my hand and wiped my damp forehead. Finally, I closed my eyes tightly and opened them again.
I turned my head, following the sound of breathing. Filling my vision was Kwon Soo-hyuk’s sleeping face. It was still early morning, but the bluish light made his silhouette stand out against the night. The jaguar was still clinging to him.
I flinched instinctively because the jaguar was staring intently at me, its bright yellow eyes wide open. Its thick tail swished back and forth in the air.
Had my struggling woken him up? The thought made me feel a little guilty.
The jaguar didn’t growl at me. It just kept its eyes fixed on me, as if observing something curious. I also fixed my gaze on its jewel-like eyes. No, once our eyes met, I couldn’t look away.
How long had it been? The jaguar yawned, opening its mouth wide. It seemed tired of the long staring contest. Soon, it stood up, rising from its flat, prone position.
I felt a pang of anxiety. My wrists were still bound by the handcuffs, and I had nowhere to hide. Would it bite me? Maybe it would step on me.
But the jaguar easily jumped over me and went down under the bed. I turned my head slightly, and the beast looked at me for a moment, then turned away, uninterested, and left the bedroom. Its long tail swished back and forth before disappearing out the door. Only then did I let my head fall back onto the bed and exhale a sigh of relief.
Every time I shifted, my wrists rubbed against the handcuffs. My whole arm was stiff, as if it had been like that all night. I slowly moved closer to Kwon Soo-hyuk to loosen the handcuffs. Then I stared at his face.
Every time he breathed, the black hair that covered Kwon Soo-hyuk’s forehead rippled slightly. His long, thick eyelashes fluttered. His sleeping face was so serene, so captivating, that there was no trace of violence. It was hard to believe he was the same man from last night.
“…….”
I couldn’t remember the last time I had slept next to someone. It was so long ago, it was almost impossible to recall. Thinking about it, I realized I had hardly ever watched someone sleep like this. Except for the opposite, of course. Maybe that’s why it felt so strange.
As if he was having a bad dream, Kwon Soo-hyuk’s smooth brow furrowed. Soon, his jaw clenched. He rubbed his head against the pillow, groaning. Sweat began to bead on his usually smooth face. His massive body twitched occasionally.
“…Ugh.”

He looked pained. His breathing, which had been steady, became noticeably ragged. Was he having a nightmare?
I wished he would wake up, but like Joo-wan, Kwon Soo-hyuk couldn’t easily open his eyes. I watched anxiously, then hesitantly reached out my hand. I thought maybe I should wake him up.
My hand, slowly extended, was about to touch him when a heavy voice came from behind me.
“He doesn’t like to be woken up while he’s sleeping.”
I jumped, startled, and turned around. A man was standing by the open door. I didn’t know when he had arrived. It was the same man who had been slapped by Kwon Soo-hyuk last night. The area where he had been hit was slightly swollen.
Soon, the jaguar returned to the bedroom. Maybe it had gone outside because it sensed the man’s presence. It looked at Joo-wan again, its bright yellow eyes piercing. Joo-wan didn’t take his eyes off the beast either. In the midst of this strange standoff, the man outside suddenly bowed.
“You’re awake, CEO.”
I turned my head back to Kwon Soo-hyuk. I didn’t know when he had woken up, but his eyes were wide open. There was no trace of sleepiness. His pained expression had completely vanished.
“…Ah.”
Kwon Soo-hyuk sat up abruptly, forcing me to awkwardly rise as well. He ran his hand through his sweat-dampened hair and shook his head lightly. But it didn’t make the unease go away.
The man outside, with a practiced hand, took a robe and draped it over Kwon Soo-hyuk’s shoulders. Then, without any further instructions, he untied the handcuffs. As soon as my wrists were free, they were grabbed tightly by Kwon Soo-hyuk again. The pressure on the areas that had been rubbed and scratched all night caused a considerable amount of pain. But instead of wincing, Joo-wan stared at Kwon Soo-hyuk with a surprised expression.
“What were you trying to do with this hand?”
“…What?”

What was he talking about? When I tried to wake him up, Kwon Soo-hyuk was definitely asleep. I didn’t understand how he could sense my hand reaching for him.
When Joo-wan didn’t answer, Kwon Soo-hyuk tightened his grip. It felt like my wrist was going to break. Finally, Joo-wan, who usually didn’t react to most pain, frowned. Kwon Soo-hyuk stared intently at his eyes and warned him.
“Don’t touch me if you don’t want to become a cripple.”
Kwon Soo-hyuk pushed Joo-wan’s arm away, as if he were breaking it. Joo-wan lost his balance and stumbled. A clear handprint was left on his wrist, where it had been scratched by the handcuffs.
Was he so sensitive that he could sense someone’s presence even while sleeping? Maybe he was so vulnerable that he couldn’t even let his guard down while sleeping. Was he startled? It was well-intentioned, but I should apologize.
Joo-wan, who was about to leave the bedroom, apologized to Kwon Soo-hyuk’s back.
“I was just… trying to wake you up…”
Kwon Soo-hyuk stopped in his tracks. He didn’t turn around. Instead, the man following him stood awkwardly. Even he seemed unsure how Kwon Soo-hyuk would react.
Joo-wan stood firmly, facing Kwon Soo-hyuk’s back, which was like a wall, and apologized again.
“I just wanted to wake you up because you seemed to be having a nightmare. I’m sorry if I upset you.”
Kwon Soo-hyuk looked back at Joo-wan, as if he couldn’t believe it. The man standing between them tensed up, anticipating another violent outburst like the night before.
But that was it. Kwon Soo-hyuk immediately looked away and left the bedroom. The man, who had been standing awkwardly, quickly followed him.
The jaguar, who had been left in the bedroom with Joo-wan, yawned again, opening its mouth wide. Would heaven unfold as soon as he escaped hell? His first morning in Kwon Soo-hyuk’s house had raised more questions than ever.

How pathetic are the words of a woman clinging to a man who doesn’t love her? My mother’s life was proof of that. Biologically, females have a strong desire for procreation. That’s why they’re drawn to strong men who can protect them and their offspring from all threats. In that sense, my mother was a complete exception. You could call her pure, or to be honest, she showed the ultimate in terrifying obsession and madness.
Because of the sin of being born from her body, my life never followed a normal course. That’s why I didn’t even struggle. I had learned firsthand that it was just a waste of energy.
My father came home every other week when he felt like it, usually once or twice a year. His brutal violence had no reason. Violence is like that. That’s the first lesson that piece of trash taught me.
Whenever my father came home, I would hide in a corner of the room, holding my breath. If I ever happened to make eye contact, his huge hand would always fly at me. The reason was that my eyes were dirty.
‘You were here?’
My mother always greeted my father with a bright smile when she came home from work. In her eyes, that piece of trash was more important than her son, who was lying there, beaten and bruised.
My mother tried everything to win my father’s favor. She spent all the money she had, even borrowing from friends if she had to, just to fill his pockets. Whenever my father stayed home, the dinner table would be filled with dishes that we hadn’t even seen in a year. Of course, only my father was allowed to touch the food with his chopsticks.
After my father finished eating, I would quickly stuff myself with the leftovers. While I did that, my mother would cling to my father, screaming like she was dying, from behind me. That was the only reward my father gave her, for her blind devotion.
My father didn’t love my mother. He seemed to be bored by her. It was clear even to my young eyes. When my father left after a short stay, my mother would drown herself in alcohol every day. She would touch the bruises my father left on her young son, as if they were a memento.
She said she had to endure. She said she had to do that much for her son, for herself as his mother. My existence was just a way for her to keep my father tied to her forever. Conversely, for my father, I was a noose he couldn’t completely shake off because it was too uncomfortable.
From childhood, I had only one wish. It wasn’t to become rich or to be truly loved. It was for my father to die. For him to disappear completely from this world. That would be enough revenge for my mother. If that happened, my mother wouldn’t be able to live happily either.
‘Hello?’
I first met Joo-wan when my mother came home after disappearing for four days without a word. He was smiling brightly from the moment we met. He was my age, and we were both my mother’s children, but he had no shadows. Was that fair?
I wanted to make that bright face contort. It was the first desire I had ever experienced, beyond basic needs.
I threw the pillow I was using at Joo-wan’s face. It hit its mark. As expected, the smile vanished from his stupid face. He didn’t cry. He just seemed surprised. He didn’t understand what had happened to him, why he had to suffer like that.
‘Idiot.’
I didn’t apologize. I just cursed him and went back to watching TV. But something unexpected happened. A pillow flew back and hit me on the back of the head. Joo-wan, who had retaliated, was puffing out his chest, looking angry. It was ridiculous.
‘Apologize. It hurts.’
I felt I needed to assert my dominance. I didn’t want to be at the bottom of the hierarchy again. I needed to completely crush everything he had enjoyed until now to feel satisfied.
I pushed him over and swung my fists wildly. He didn’t cry even as he was beaten. Instead, he fought back, scratching, biting, and tearing. No matter how much I tormented him, he didn’t back down and continued to fight back. Then, he smiled brightly again, as if nothing had happened.
It was all so different from how I had acted when I had met a strong person. That’s why I was even more annoyed. My past suffering, which I had endured with gritted teeth, seemed so pathetic.
I wanted to shatter him. Until he cried uncontrollably, begging me to stop, unable to bear the pain. I needed to confirm that he was just a lowly creature, no different from me, to feel satisfied.
“You’re here to see patient Park Joo-wan.”
I was lost in memories of the past when I opened my eyes. Kim Je-guk, who had been my doctor, was standing in front of me. He bowed when our eyes met. Woo Hyung-seok nodded slightly in return.
Kim Je-guk went to the bookshelf and searched for something. It looked like a chart, or maybe a record book. Woo Hyung-seok intently followed his movements until he sat down opposite him.
After a long time, Kim Je-guk, finally seated on the sofa, flipped through the chart aimlessly. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. Why was he so nervous? Was it because of me, or the men outside the consultation room?
Woo Hyung-seok smiled faintly, and Kim Je-guk’s face flushed noticeably. It was true that he had that effect on people. Most people would be intimidated just by looking at his appearance. They wouldn’t dare to make eye contact. It was clear that he was a dangerous person. It was nice to see them cower, tail between their legs, avoiding his gaze.
Woo Hyung-seok suddenly leaned forward and offered a handshake. Kim Je-guk froze and just stared at his rough hand. He gestured with his hand, urging him subtly, and Kim Je-guk quickly took his hand with both of his. His butt almost slid off the sofa.
“Woo Hyung-seok.”
“Ah, yes.”