Secretly

The bedroom window was open, no air conditioning, just a fan buzzing away. The curtains were half-drawn, occasionally fluttering with the breeze. On the single bed covered with a blue plaid sheet, Su Ran sat at the edge, looking towards Qin Yue.

Su Ran was still shocked; Qin Yue had sent him so much money, and it was his first time witnessing the other’s financial power.

“What do you want me to do?” Su Ran asked, dressed as a woman, his pale belly and long legs exposed, his hair draped over his shoulders, looking unexpectedly pure and pretty.

Qin Yue stepped closer, the breeze now warm. He bent down to kiss Su Ran’s lips, the lipstick slick, melting into his mouth with a fruity taste.

Gradually, Su Ran was pressed backward, his lips crushed, his tongue tantalized into numbness. Hot, large hands caressed his waist, kneading the soft flesh.

“Wait… wait…” Su Ran gasped, sweating, the heat unbearable, as if he were in a steam oven, struggling to breathe.

Qin Yue let him go and propped himself up, “What’s wrong?”

Su Ran’s eyes reddened, a sheen of moisture in them, lipstick smeared across his lips. He whispered, “It’s so uncomfortable, can you be gentler?”

Qin Yue smoothed his hair and kissed him again.

They started with the sky tinged with orange light and stayed until it darkened. Su Ran got up from the bed, adjusting his slipping shoulder straps, feeling a bit guilty. He hesitated at the door before opening it.

He had thought Fu Qian’an must have returned to his room by then, otherwise… As he opened the door, he locked eyes with a stunned Fu Qian’an, who was sitting on the sofa, looking like he had been there the whole time.

Su Ran felt awkward, not sure if Fu Qian’an had heard anything. Though Qin Yue had only kissed him… but when it went down to his stomach, he couldn’t help but stop it.

Fu Qian’an looked at Su Ran, his makeup smudged, marks still visible on his waist and legs. His chest heaved, a sweet and bloody taste rising in his throat, thinking maybe he didn’t care about those gifts.

“I’m going to remove my makeup,” Su Ran said, then entered the bathroom.

After changing, he didn’t speak much with Fu Qian’an, walking out with Qin Yue instead.

On the way back, Su Ran was silent, as was Qin Yue. They walked quietly together.

After a while, it was still Su Ran who spoke first, quietly, “Don’t send gifts anymore… it’s too much pressure for me.”

“Do you not feel pressure when you accept gifts from others? That F has been sending you a lot, I see he’s over level sixty,” Qin Yue remarked.

Su Ran bit his lip, then said, “But he’s just online, you can’t touch or see him, I don’t want us to be like that… it doesn’t look proper for a streamer…”

Su Ran protested softly, the whole situation having taken him by surprise. Who could have thought that just as he was trying to decode the garbled text, Qin Yue would light up his phone right before his eyes, turning privileges into something tangible.

But he didn’t want that, preferring Qin Yue wouldn’t send anything.

However, Qin Yue didn’t listen to him; he held his hand, “Aren’t you forgetting? Even if I’m not your top donor, we still have that kind of relationship.”

As he spoke, Qin Yue leaned in and kissed Su Ran’s lips again. This time, without the slippery lipstick, they were dry and soft, as sweet as ever.

The kiss didn’t last long. Qin Yue quickly let go, and Su Ran stared at him, his eyes reddening slightly, a look of hurt on his face. But then he thought, maybe that was indeed the case, now regretting it, but who could have predicted Qin Yue would really agree?

Su Ran pursed his lips, feeling they had swollen from the kissing; they had been in the bedroom for nearly two hours. He softly suggested, “Could you not kiss me all the time?”

Hearing this, Qin Yue chuckled, then bent down, “One last kiss, and no more tonight.”

Before Su Ran could respond, his lips met Qin Yue’s again. His shoulders tensed, his lips tingling, but he didn’t close his eyes. People were still passing by the roadside; they were nearing the university, and he feared being seen.

Just as he thought this, he suddenly heard rapid footsteps approaching, then felt a strong pull as someone yanked him away. Su Ran turned his head, his heart skipping a beat—it was Pei Zhiyang. Why was it always so coincidental?

“What are you doing!” Pei Zhiyang burst out, then swung his fist at Qin Yue. Caught off guard, Qin Yue took the blow hard.

Pei Zhiyang felt his blood boiling, ready to explode. He couldn’t even stand Fu Qian’an not kissing Su Ran, let alone witnessing Qin Yue kissing him.

Without giving any time for explanations, Pei Zhiyang was already brawling with Qin Yue. Su Ran watched the scene unfold, anxious and bewildered.

The two were similar in build, fighting fiercely, nothing like the previous times when Fu Qian’an was just taking hits. Su Ran was a bit scared to get close, fearing he might get hurt, but fortunately, they both avoided him.

Finally, Su Ran found the right moment to intervene, standing between them, “Stop fighting!”

Both were breathing heavily, Pei Zhiyang’s eyes bloodshot, looking utterly unable to accept the situation. He turned to Su Ran, his voice almost choked, “What’s going on!”

Caught off guard, Su Ran felt like a husband caught cheating; he felt inexplicably guilty, “Let’s talk when we get back.”

Reaching out, Su Ran grabbed Pei Zhiyang’s hand, trying to soothe him, while Qin Yue touched his mouth and hissed, then looked at Su Ran, “It hurts.”

Su Ran wanted to check, but Pei Zhiyang firmly held his hand, looking back into Pei Zhiyang’s reddened eyes, Su Ran was caught in a dilemma.

Eventually, the three of them walked back to the university side by side. In the dormitory corridor, Pei Zhiyang pulled Su Ran aside, Qin Yue trying to stop them, but Su Ran shook his head at him, “I need to explain things first.”

With that, Pei Zhiyang angrily led Su Ran away, passing students turning their heads to look at them. Pei Zhiyang and Qin Yue both had injuries on their faces, looking grim and fierce, with Su Ran caught between them, leaving everyone wondering what had happened.

Once inside Pei Zhiyang’s dorm, he sat on the bed, furious, looking at Su Ran, “How are you going to explain this to me!”

This was the first time Pei Zhiyang had shown such temper towards him, as if Su Ran had done something terribly wrong, perhaps because he hadn’t shared the situation with him, feeling like a betrayal of a friend.

So, Su Ran confessed—though not entirely honestly. He didn’t want a third person to know about his online romance and crossdressing with Qin Yue.

Sitting next to Pei Zhiyang, Su Ran massaged his arm to comfort him, starting to explain but suddenly realizing he couldn’t.

Pei Zhiyang saw him struggling to speak, his fierce eyebrows furrowed, “Speak up, is he threatening you? It’s okay, you can tell me. If he’s bullying you, I’ll be the first to not let him off.”

Su Ran immediately said, “No,” then his voice faded to a near-whisper, “Because we’re dating…”

Pei Zhiyang leaned closer to Su Ran, shocked, then asked, “What?”

Taking a deep breath, Su Ran gathered his courage, “Because we’re in a relationship.”

Pei Zhiyang’s face contorted for a moment, then stammered, “Aren’t you dating that blond guy?”

Su Ran’s voice dropped even lower, he leaned closer to Pei Zhiyang’s ear, as if afraid others might overhear, “So I’m dating him secretly, I didn’t let Fu Qian’an know.”

Pei Zhiyang was utterly stunned, taking a while to digest Su Ran’s words, then chuckled, stopped, and chuckled again, repeating the process.

Su Ran shook his arm, “Are you okay?”

Pei Zhiyang waved his hand, indicating he was fine, then rubbed his face, “So Qin Yue is the victim.”

“He knows,” Su Ran said.

Pei Zhiyang was bewildered, “How did you convince him?”

Su Ran replied, “Didn’t convince him, he agreed on his own.”

Pei Zhiyang was shocked; he felt his worldview shaken. Qin Yue, who always seemed so composed, had agreed to this?

“Now you know,” Su Ran muttered, “Next time, you two get along.”

Pei Zhiyang looked at the person next to him, seeming soft and easy to bully, but unexpectedly dominant in relationships. He felt as if he was seeing him anew.

“I can’t get along with him,” Pei Zhiyang said, unable to accept, “You should break up with him, and that blond guy too.”

Su Ran widened his eyes, “No, you need to learn to get along with them.”

Pei Zhiyang was so frustrated, he found it unbelievable, “I can’t get along with them at all.”

As he spoke, Pei Zhiyang’s chest heaved more rapidly, he turned to Su Ran, staring intently at him, “Or you break up with them, and date me.”

Su Ran was shocked by his words, “How can that be, we’re lifelong friends.”

Pei Zhiyang’s throat choked for a moment; he now realized that being friends was no match for being lovers.

He watched the person next to him, gradually becoming mesmerized, and instinctively moved closer. Before he could think it through, he had kissed Su Ran’s lips, soft, like jelly, causing his heart to beat wildly, more thrilling than anything else.

But Su Ran widened his eyes, not expecting Pei Zhiyang to kiss him. When he realized what was happening, he immediately pushed him away, “Pei Zhiyang! What are you doing!”

At that moment, Pei Zhiyang also snapped back to reality. His blood seemed to boil, his face reddening, his gaze involuntarily fixed on Su Ran’s lips, wanting another kiss…

Su Ran slapped his arm, “What are you thinking, why would you do that…”

Then Pei Zhiyang’s mind cleared, he thought it through, then said, “Our relationship is better than what you have with that damn Qin Yue and that blond, why can they kiss you and I can’t, I can’t tolerate anyone being closer to you than me.”

Pei Zhiyang’s chest heaved violently, Su Ran immediately understood his feelings, thought for a moment, then leaned close to Pei Zhiyang’s ear, “How could they be closer than us, we are… I’ve never been like that with them.”

Pei Zhiyang paused, then said, “You mean…”

Su Ran nodded, “Yeah, so the closest ones are still us two.”

He could understand Pei Zhiyang; his former roommate was very concerned about him being too close to others, regardless of gender, he interpreted this as a form of jealousy between friends. Pei Zhiyang at this moment was like that roommate, although somewhat incomprehensible, he saw other good friends who didn’t seem to exhibit such jealousy, wondering if it was just because he cared too much about him.

Pei Zhiyang gripped Su Ran’s hands, “Baby Ran, just leave them, date me instead, I’m a thousand times better than them, let’s be together.”

Faced with Pei Zhiyang’s earnest request, Su Ran felt at a loss, “Isn’t that… isn’t that too big a sacrifice?”

To win back a good brother, using this method?

Pei Zhiyang immediately said, “No, I can’t accept you being like that with others, I can only accept you being with me.”

Saying this, Pei Zhiyang kissed Su Ran’s lips again, his hand moving as if they were helping each other like before. They could do this much; why couldn’t they be lovers?

His thoughts were chaotic, a tangled mess, but then suddenly clear, as if a light had shone through, helping him sort his thoughts, a moment of epiphany.

His many years of friendship with Su Ran, no one had ever come between them, so falling for Su Ran was the most natural thing, this was love, no, it must be love. He loved Su Ran so much, he couldn’t bear him being close to others, much less others taking his place, or doing things even closer than he could, he couldn’t accept it.

Su Ran was kissed until he was dazed, his body heating up, sweat beads forming on his skin, vaguely realizing, should they really help each other like this?

Just then, a knock on the door interrupted their progression to the next step. Su Ran’s mind snapped back to reality, and he quickly pushed Pei Zhiyang away. His cheeks were hot and red, standing and straightening his clothes, turning to look at Pei Zhiyang, seeing his discontent as sweat beads formed on his clear jawline.

Su Ran hurriedly straightened his clothes and wiped the sweat from his face, saying, “You’re fine.”

Su Ran went to open the door, and there stood Qin Yue, his gaze darkening when it landed on his sweat-dampened hair and flushed cheeks, “Why aren’t you back in the dorm?”

Su Ran met his pitch-black eyes, feeling guilty, “I’m going back now.”

Qin Yue stared at him, Su Ran had no choice but to turn back to Pei Zhiyang, “I’m going back first, you should rest early.”

Pei Zhiyang watched the departing figure, staring at the closed door, his chest burning like fire, unbearable.

Rest early? How could he possibly sleep tonight?

Back in the dorm, Su Ran somewhat avoided Qin Yue, fearing to meet his frightening gaze.

Qin Yue took a few steps forward; Su Ran immediately moved to the side, then saw that Qin Yue sat on the bed to rest.

He immediately went to the bathroom, relieved, and quickly washed up before returning to bed, then looked at Qin Yue, “Aren’t you sleeping?”

Qin Yue had been sitting by the bed since entering the dorm. He now stood up, and Su Ran thought he was going to turn off the light, but instead, he came towards him. Qin Yue sat on his bed, his hand caressing his plump, reddened lips, now looking even more inviting.

Su Ran moved to the side, “What are you doing…”

The next second, he fell silent because Qin Yue kissed him. They had both just freshened up, their mouths minty fresh, the kiss felt cool.

But soon, it turned fiery. When Qin Yue let go, Su Ran was somewhat dazed, his eyes reddening, his voice tinged with hurt, “Didn’t we agree, no kissing at night?”

Qin Yue’s expression was as usual, no ripples, but his eyes grew darker, “Then why did you kiss Pei Zhiyang? What else did he do to you?”

Hearing this, Su Ran was stunned, very guilty, but he didn’t plan to answer. He simply flipped the covers and dived in, covering his head, muffledly saying, “I’m going to sleep, so tired.”

Qin Yue looked at the bulge on the bed, his eyes flickering, and finally sighed, lifting the covers slightly, letting Su Ran’s head out, whispering, “Don’t suffocate, sleep.”

Then he turned off the light, and the dorm plunged into darkness.

From pitch black to dim light, from the cool light to a warmer color.

In the morning, Su Ran groggily got up from the bed, grabbed his phone, and saw a message from Fu Qian’an.

The message said he wanted to live outside with him, they could look for a place together, asking if he agreed.

Su Ran fell into thought, under the current circumstances, he really didn’t want to stay in the dorm anymore, he couldn’t balance the relationship between Pei Zhiyang and Qin Yue.

In fact, he had this thought last night, and it seemed Fu Qian’an had the same idea. He replied, “You start looking for a place, move if you find something suitable.”

Actually, he didn’t want to stay in the dorm tonight, just as he was thinking about this, the dorm door opened, and Qin Yue came in with two bags of breakfast.

He placed the breakfast on the table, “Come eat breakfast.”

Su Ran “oh”ed, then got down from the bed and sat next to Qin Yue. He first drank some soy milk, Qin Yue watching him, Su Ran dressed in soft short-sleeved shorts pajamas, his feet casually in slippers, his feet pale and tender, toes round and cute, legs long and fair, his hair a bit messy, obediently sipping soy milk.

Qin Yue turned his head and kissed his soft cheek. Su Ran, still a bit groggy, stared at Qin Yue, the straw slipping from his mouth, Qin Yue laughed at his reaction, then kissed his lips again.

This completely woke Su Ran up, he felt a bit uncomfortable, slowly munching on breakfast, then stealthily glanced at Qin Yue, hesitant to speak.

Qin Yue’s profile was superior, his features distinct, eating slowly and elegantly.

“Um…” Su Ran tentatively started.

Qin Yue looked at him, “What is it?”

Taking a deep breath, Su Ran spoke up, “I want to move out of the dorm.”

Hearing this, Qin Yue was taken aback, then his expression cooled, “No.”

Su Ran paused, then said, “But I’ve already decided, it’s more convenient for my streaming work if I live outside.”

Qin Yue frowned, looking at Su Ran with a trace of sorrow in his gaze, “Is it because of me?”

Su Ran choked for a moment, indeed partly because of him, but he couldn’t say that, “No… it’s just more convenient for work…”

Qin Yue stared into Su Ran’s eyes, then said, “Then I’ll move out with you.”

Hearing this, Su Ran immediately refused, if that happened, Pei Zhiyang knowing would blow his top, he couldn’t handle that.

“No, I… I’m going to live with Fu Qian’an…” Su Ran said guiltily, quickly adding, “We’ll have separate rooms, different rooms…”

Qin Yue took a deep breath, his eyes reddening, a pleading look in his gaze towards Su Ran, “Did I do something wrong, why do you suddenly want to move out.”

Su Ran’s heart tightened, he hurriedly waved his hands, “No no, really no, it’s just moving out, don’t think too much…”

Qin Yue leaned closer, looking earnestly at him, “Yesterday was my fault, I shouldn’t have kissed you for so long, and I shouldn’t have kissed you at night. From now on, I’ll only kiss you with your consent, I won’t threaten or force you anymore, please don’t move out.”

Su Ran felt like his hair was standing on end, when had Qin Yue ever spoken to him with such a low stance, and even said he wouldn’t threaten him, was his decision to move out that powerful?

But his mind was made up, “I’m moving out… it won’t affect anything else…”

Seeing that Su Ran wouldn’t change his mind, Qin Yue silently bowed his head, his gaze unfocused as he stared at a spot, silent for a long time before saying, “Don’t give up the dorm, I’ll keep it for you, if you really don’t come back, I’ll handle the room checks for you.”

Hearing this, Su Ran’s eyes immediately brightened, “Really?”

Su Ran was somewhat incredulous, Qin Yue had a strong sense of principle, previously no matter how much he pleaded, he wouldn’t help, but now he was voluntarily offering to help him.

Qin Yue “hmm”ed, not saying much more, “Eat.”

•

That evening, Su Ran tried out what Qin Yue said, after his live broadcast, he stayed at Fu Qian’an’s place.

After washing up and removing his makeup, he was about to close the bedroom door when he saw Fu Qian’an coming over, standing in front of him with a tender look, “Baby, good night.”

Su Ran “hmm”ed, then said, “Good night.”

But Fu Qian’an didn’t leave, he took a step forward, as if he wanted to kiss him, Su Ran immediately alarmed, said, “What are you still doing here, go to sleep.”

Fu Qian’an paused, then awkwardly scratched his head, “Okay, then I’ll go to sleep, baby, sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams,” Su Ran said, then immediately closed the door and locked it.

On the plot, other main characters initially showed interest in him, but Fu Qian’an from start to finish showed no interest at all, this guy better not get too deep into his role, Su Ran was a bit wary, if he started having any thoughts, the plot would definitely collapse.

Su Ran stretched lazily, then lay down on the bed, he scrolled through his phone, seeing it was almost eleven, he put the phone aside and went to sleep.

Just as he was dozing off, he suddenly felt someone knocking on his window. He immediately opened his eyes, jumped out of bed and turned on the light, very alertly looking towards the window.

Then he saw Qin Yue, standing outside the window, his hands holding a bunch of food, motioning him to open the window.

Su Ran then relaxed, fortunately, this was the first floor, he opened the window, took the food and let Qin Yue jump in. He glanced at the room door, fearing Fu Qian’an might hear any noise.

For Fu Qian’an, it would be quite strange for the top donor big brother to come looking for him in the middle of the night.

Su Ran then turned his gaze to Qin Yue, seeing he had already stepped onto the windowsill, then took off his shoes and stepped down onto the bed.

Su Ran was somewhat shocked, lowering his voice, “Why did you come?”

Qin Yue also lowered his voice, “I wanted to have a midnight snack with you.”

Su Ran stared at the pile of aromatic food, swallowed, then saw Qin Yue placing the bag on the computer desk, then opening each one, the fragrance immediately spreading.

He took a skewer of grilled meat to Su Ran’s lips, “Eat.”

Su Ran’s eyes sparkled; he had just been struggling whether to have a midnight snack or not, not because he was afraid of getting fat—he was the type who never gained weight no matter how much he ate—but because it was almost bedtime, so he had held back, not expecting Qin Yue to actually bring it to him.

Qin Yue sat on the edge of the bed, holding the standing person in his arms, letting him sit on his lap to eat, watching the person eating happily in his arms, he kissed his cheek, then stared at his glistening earlobe, then sucked it into his mouth.

Su Ran felt his ear tingle, he dodged a bit, “Don’t do that…”

Saying this, Su Ran’s voice immediately weakened, almost forgetting that Fu Qian’an was sleeping in the next room.

This time Qin Yue didn’t move further, but just quietly held him, his nose buried in his neck.

Su Ran turned back to look at him, then handed him a skewer of lamb, he hadn’t expected that Qin Yue would go to such lengths to bring him a midnight snack, sneaking in through the window, and after coming in, still deliberately lowering his voice.

Half a month ago, he was still a cold and principled person.