Chapter 2: Just Thinking About It Is Exciting

As someone who had gone through two years of university and four semesters of university finals, Lin Zhi, a ^[1]“half-pot water” (半壶水, bàn hú shuǐ) is a Chinese metaphor used to describe someone who is mediocre or not very skilled in a particular area.”half-pot water” student, always felt a sense of urgency before every semester’s final exams.

Back in high school, if you didn’t do well on an exam, it just meant your rank was lower. But in university, failing an exam could be disastrous, a retake was considered lucky. Lin Zhi’s biggest fear was not passing the retake, leading to a need to retake the course and ending up sitting in class with the younger students… Let’s not even talk about that.

So, Lin Zhi quickly opened his textbook, grabbed a pen and paper, and got everything ready, hoping that Wang Wu would go over the key points before the final exam.

However, Wang Wu shook the textbook and took out a folded-up math exam paper from the pages. “Alright, take out the exam we didn’t finish last class. We’ll solve it this class.”

Lin Zhi was stunned. What could he highlight in math? He had thought Wang Wu would be reviewing the economics textbook he had been studying for the past two years.

Lin Zhi glanced at the exam paper on Chen Guyang’s desk and then fumbled through his own desk to pull out his paper. When he flipped to the next page, he saw that half of the questions were left blank.

On the podium, Wang Wu had already swiftly drawn a spatial diagram of a quadrilateral pyramid on the blackboard and added two auxiliary lines. Lin Zhi’s gaze followed the chalk in Wang Wu’s hand as it moved across the board, and as he watched, his focus gradually blurred.

At this point, for some unknown reason, it seemed like he had returned to three years ago.

Lin Zhi furrowed his brow. He couldn’t figure out if his memories had been transferred to his past self three years ago, or if time had somehow reversed itself. Lin Zhi hoped it was the latter.

If it was the former, it meant everything that was supposed to happen had already happened. His father had passed away, his best friend had fallen into despair, “Zhi” was still waiting for him on the park bridge, and maybe after his “death,” a passerby would use his phone to inform “Zhi” that he had sacrificed himself to save someone.

Ah, maybe he had done a good deed just before his “death,” and that’s how he earned a second chance at life.

Lin Zhi didn’t want to think about it too much. His head was hurting. Since he had the rare chance of a rebirth, he would seize the opportunity and try his best to make up for the regrets of the past three years.

Lin Zhi’s thoughts were all over the place, but he spent the entire class trying to work out the timeline and roughly plan what he should do next.

When the bell rang for the end of class, Lin Zhi quickly stuffed his phone into his pocket and rushed out of the classroom before Wang Wu, heading straight for the small garden between the two rows of classrooms in the “U”-shaped building.

In the short few minutes between classes, students were busy pairing up to go to the bathroom or napping at their desks. Generally, no one had the leisure to enjoy the scenery in the small garden.

Lin Zhi found a quiet corner, pulled out the phone he had discarded two years ago, unlocked it with his fingerprint, and tapped on the contacts icon.

The first contact in the list was labeled “Dad,” the person Lin Zhi was currently hoping to call.

His finger trembled slightly as he tapped on the “Dad” entry. A phone number popped up that he could recite by heart.

For a time, whenever Lin Zhi thought of his father, he would repeatedly dial this number, but the voice of his father never came through on the other end.

This time was different. After a few beeps, a deep, resonant male voice answered.

“Hello!” The man’s voice was strong and full of energy. “Why are you calling me now? Aren’t you in class?”

The moment Lin Zhi heard the voice, his eyes reddened.

How long had it been since he last heard his father’s voice, a bit louder than most people’s, sometimes a bit grating, but Lin Zhi missed it dearly.

He remembered that in his teenage years, he didn’t like it when Lin Qingye spoke loudly, finding it annoying, especially in public when it made him feel embarrassed.

But now, hearing that booming voice, Lin Zhi imagined his father forcing himself to sound strong, though his weakness couldn’t be hidden in the tone. His father would cough after a few words, unable to sleep all night due to chest pains, growing thinner and frailer.

“Say something,” his father’s voice rose a little. “Did you get into trouble again?”

“Dad—” Lin Zhi didn’t expect his voice to crack so much. Even the one word came out with just breath at the end.

Lin Qingye paused for a moment, whispered something to a colleague nearby, then stepped out of the factory floor to find a quieter place.

During this time, Lin Zhi blinked rapidly, trying his best to suppress the tears that were welling up.

“Speak,” Lin Qingye took off his mask, and his voice became clearer in Lin Zhi’s ear. “What happened?”

“It’s nothing,” Lin Zhi’s nose was a bit blocked, and his voice sounded muffled. He casually made up an excuse. “Next week is the final exam. The questions are too difficult, and I don’t know how to solve them.”

“…If you don’t know how to do it, just leave it blank,” Lin Qingye seemed a bit speechless. “You’re crying over this?”

“I’m not crying,” Lin Zhi immediately countered, speaking his mind straightforwardly. “I just… miss you a little.”

In the past, Lin Zhi would never have said something like this to Lin Qingye. To be precise, the father and son never really had an open-hearted conversation. Even when Lin Qingye’s life was coming to an end, they stubbornly refused to say those emotional words.

Later, Lin Zhi spoke the words “Dad, I miss you” many times, either to an unanswered phone call, to an empty street, or to the cold tombstone, but Lin Qingye could no longer hear him, let alone respond.

“Ah,” This time, Lin Qingye responded, his voice filled with amusement. “You little rascal, aren’t you coming home tomorrow? Tomorrow is Saturday, right?”

“I think so,” Lin Zhi said, though he wasn’t entirely sure.

“Well, then you and I can see each other tomorrow night,” Lin Qingye comforted him. “If you can’t do the questions, just skip them and focus on the ones you can do, okay?”

“Okay,” Lin Zhi sniffled. “Dad, wear your mask while you’re at work. The gases in the factory aren’t good for your lungs.”

“Got it,” Lin Qingye replied readily. “Aren’t you still at school? You’d better head back to class.”

“Mm, bye, Dad. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, son.”

Lin Zhi hung up the phone, sniffed again with force, and his eyes still felt a bit warm. He decided to wait a little while before heading back to class.

He decided to walk around and get some fresh air. As Lin Zhi turned around, he accidentally bumped into Lu Liu, who was standing two meters away.

Lu Liu was holding a stack of exam papers, looking like he had just returned from the teacher’s office.

While Lin Zhi was on the phone, he had been looking at the classroom, not noticing when Lu Liu had come over.

Lin Zhi looked at Lu Liu for a few seconds with reddened eyes and felt the urge to sniffle again.

So, Lin Zhi sniffed loudly with a “whoosh.”

Then Lu Liu moved, walking toward him with his hand reaching into his uniform pocket. By the time he reached Lin Zhi, he handed Lin Zhi a small packet of tissues.

“Thanks,” Lin Zhi said softly.

Lu Liu didn’t speak, just nodded lightly and walked past Lin Zhi into the hallway toward the classroom.

The tissue package had already been opened, but it was still somewhat puffed up, probably only one or two sheets had been used.

Lin Zhi pulled out a sheet, covering his nose, and blew his nose quickly. He hesitated for a moment, wondering whether to return the rest of the tissues to Lu Liu.

Earlier, he thought he had forgotten what Lu Liu looked like, but in reality, he hadn’t. He didn’t want to admit it, but when imagining what “Zhi” looked like, Lu Liu’s face would always flash in his mind.

Just now, when Lu Liu walked toward him, Lin Zhi’s mind flipped to thinking about “Zhi,” waiting for him on the park bridge.

Lin Zhi quickly unlocked his phone and found the familiar green icon on his cluttered home screen. When he clicked on it, he didn’t see the usual pinned contacts or the familiar profile picture with the slogan “Plant trees and forests, benefit the present and the future.”

Although he had expected this result, when Lin Zhi couldn’t find “Zhi” in his contacts and the search for “Zhi” in the add friends section showed “User not found,” he still felt a deep sense of disappointment.

Lin Zhi had met “Zhi” just before his sophomore year started. Back then, he was alone and couldn’t remember when the “righteous” friend had appeared in his contact list.

When a red “1” appeared next to “Zhi’s” profile picture, Lin Zhi had thought it was just an advertisement. But when he opened it, it turned out to be a piece of motivational writing. After reading it, Lin Zhi didn’t feel encouraged at all, so he ignored it.

Fortunately, “Zhi” didn’t give up, and continued sending Lin Zhi a piece of motivational text every morning, noon, and night. After sending them for a whole week, Lin Zhi finally responded one morning when he woke up naturally, with a simple “Good morning.”

Lin Zhi didn’t want to dwell on who this person was or where they came from, he just knew that at that time, if he didn’t find someone to confide in, he might end up with some kind of mental illness, and then one night, under the cover of darkness, he might swallow some sleeping pills and join Lin Qingye.

As time passed, Lin Zhi gradually became familiar with “Zhi.” He shared with him the impact his father’s death had on him, the unfortunate circumstances of his best friend, but he never told him about his unrequited love, which had no beginning or end.

“Zhi” quietly received the messages, then sent Lin Zhi long blocks of motivational texts, encouraged him to study during his supplementary exams, even remotely tutoring him in math. Eventually, “Zhi” became Lin Zhi’s boyfriend, but he never told Lin Zhi his real name, never let Lin Zhi hear his voice, or see what he looked like.

All Lin Zhi knew was that “Zhi” was also a sophomore, studying law at a university in B city, and that he was originally from J city, just like Lin Zhi.

When Lin Zhi found this out, he was quite surprised because looking at “Zhi’s” profile picture, he thought “Zhi” was studying urban planning and management at some agricultural university.

So, life is still fair. It gave Lin Zhi a second chance to make up for the regrets of his past life, but it also made it impossible for him to find any trace of his boyfriend’s existence.

Sighing, Lin Zhi walked into the corridor as the bell for class preparation rang and glanced at the sign on the classroom door, “Senior Year 2, Class 3.”

He deeply regretted that he hadn’t asked “Zhi” for his name, where he was from, which high school he attended, or what he looked like. If he had, maybe they would’ve connected before college and secretly had their first love.

Just thinking about it was exciting.