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The small villa was dimly lit deep into the night.
Ji Fan had already returned home.
The driver parked the car steadily at the entrance of the garden. Jiang Cha pulled her thoughts away from the distant past, opened the car door, got out, but hesitated a little.
Ji Fan seemed to be in a bad mood just now.
Did she dislike seeing her being close to others? Did that mean she actually cared?
At the beginning, Ji Fan had told her that she was just keeping her. But Jiang Cha couldn’t figure it out. What kind of person would only keep the same person for so long?
The word “keeping” implied a sense of playfulness. But she knew very well that Ji Fan, besides work, almost always stayed with her. Besides her, there was simply no one else.
What was a one-on-one “keeping” called?
Jiang Cha found it inconceivable, but she was always easily satisfied. Since Ji Fan only had her, it was very good, very satisfying.
She pushed open the iron fence of the garden and went home.
The second floor was lit up. The beige curtains were half-drawn, and Ji Fan was sitting in the study. Looking up from downstairs, only a thin shadow was reflected on the window.
When Jiang Cha pushed open the door, Ji Fan was still sitting with her back to her, without changing her clothes. Her slightly curled long hair looked very thick but not messy. She was propping her chin with one hand and holding a black LAMY pen in the other, writing something.
Only a floor lamp was lit in the room, and the lampshade was woven into a cocoon shape, with dim light.
Against that thin figure, it seemed inexplicably desolate.
Jiang Cha gently hugged her from behind and leaned closer, wanting to kiss her cheek.
Ji Fan paused for a moment, but this time she didn’t dodge.
A soft, feather-light kiss, with a floral fragrance from somewhere—
Perhaps the jasmine downstairs was in bloom, and the night wind carried the faint fragrance in?
Ji Fan was a little dazed.
At this moment, Ji Fan realized that Jiang Cha seemed to have never said to her, “I like you.”
As if there was a little cat scratching, Ji Fan really wanted to hear Jiang Cha say this to herself.
Ji Fan didn’t know what was wrong with herself either.
But when she saw Jiang Cha smiling at others and being so intimate with others, she felt very uncomfortable. Was Jiang Cha like that to everyone?
She always seemed to be in a good mood, and her eyes were always bright, looking at everyone as if she was very serious and cherished them.
Including that woman just now.
She felt uneasy and agitated.
Just then, Jiang Cha’s phone rang abruptly.
Jiang Cha took out her phone. Ji Fan glanced at the screen and saw that it was an unfamiliar number, and the address displayed was actually New York.
New York?
Some of her classmates at the dinner party had stayed abroad, so their numbers were fixed and they used local numbers. This time they came back to get together, and there were a few who came back from the United States. Did Jiang Cha just exchange phone numbers with someone?
Jiang Cha hesitated. She was not used to answering unfamiliar numbers, and she didn’t know whether to hang up or not.
“Answer it,” Ji Fan looked up and raised her eyebrows.
Jiang Cha had no choice but to swipe and answer the phone.
“Hello?”
“Put it on speaker,” Ji Fan lowered her eyes and said softly.
She pinched Jiang Cha’s fair finger that was hanging on her shoulder, her long lashes fluttering down, covering her gloomy expression.
“This is Jiang Han.” The voice on the other end of the phone was very soft, with a hint of a smile.
“Doctor Jiang? Is there anything I can do for you?”
“You left your key at my place.” Jiang Han laughed softly on the other end of the phone, “How can you be so forgetful? You even lost your key.”
Said in a smiling tone, this sentence inexplicably had a somewhat ambiguous feeling.
“I’m sorry, when are you free? Can I come over and get it?”
“Still ‘you’? Still ‘please’? We’re old classmates, why are you so polite to me?” Jiang Han laughed, “You’re too polite.”
Jiang Cha didn’t reply, just looked at Ji Fan.
Ji Fan was still looking down, and from this angle, she could see her elegant nose bridge and long, thick eyelashes.
Her expression was gloomy.
“How about Sunday morning?” Jiang Han said, “Send me your home address later, and I’ll bring it to you.”
Jiang Cha was a little panicked and glanced at Ji Fan’s expression. She just wanted to hang up the phone quickly, so she agreed.
After hanging up the phone, Ji Fan didn’t say anything.
But Jiang Cha felt a little pressured staying by her side, so she turned around and wanted to leave.
She slowly moved step by step to the door, and Ji Fan suddenly spoke up.
“Come here,” Ji Fan said.
So Jiang Cha turned around again and moved back step by step.
••••
Jiang Cha was sweating profusely and was exhausted. As she leaned against her arm to rest, she suddenly heard the person beside her ask casually, “Who was the person who called just now?”
“A classmate.”
“What kind of work does she do.”
“A doctor.” Jiang Cha explained without hesitation, “Don’t overthink it, she just came back for a reunion, and she’ll fly back the day after tomorrow.”
“I was just asking.” Ji Fan turned around and faced away from her.
Jiang Cha thought she was going to sleep, so she also began to fall asleep.
Drowsily, she heard the person beside her ask again, “Do you like me?”
Jiang Cha trembled and woke up, meeting Ji Fan’s clear eyes.
Her cheeks were a little hot for a moment.
“Say it,” Ji Fan continued to stare at her, “Do you or not?”
Jiang Cha nodded.
What was she going to do?
Her heart beat faster and faster.
But Ji Fan didn’t do anything, she just turned around again.
Jiang Cha always felt that there was more to come, but after waiting for a long time, the other person didn’t react at all. She leaned over to look, her breathing was even, and this time she was really asleep.
••••
The morning dew was heavy, and as she was half-asleep, her phone rang again.
Ji Fan knew instantly who was calling her.
It was the special ringtone she had set for Luo Yan, a piano piece, “Flower Dance.” The soft sound was like the girl in her memory, mature and gentle.
“Who is it?”
Jiang Cha gently wrapped her arms around her waist and looked up at her.
Ji Fan glanced down at the suddenly lit phone screen, then at Jiang Cha who was quietly looking at her. For some reason, she suddenly didn’t want to answer this call.
Ji Fan slid her white finger lightly and hung up the call.
Lowering her head, a gentle kiss landed on Jiang Cha’s brow.
“It’s no one,” Ji Fan said, “An old friend from before, there shouldn’t be anything important.”
Jiang Cha responded with an “oh” and didn’t ask any more questions.
Thinking of Luo Yan, Ji Fan’s thoughts were a little confused.
She met Luo Yan during the darkest period of her life.
That day, when Ji Fan returned home from school, the first thing she saw was that the family photo of the three of them, which had been placed on the dinner table, was gone. Looking at the cabinet next to the kitchen again—
Her mother’s portrait had also been removed.
Her father brought a tall boy and a strange woman into the house.
The strange woman looked at her and started a conversation without being invited.
She pointed at the boy and said with a smile, “Fanfan, this is your brother.”
Brother?
Ji Fan looked at her father, then at the boy, and they really did look alike.
A brother appeared out of nowhere, and her father was really capable.
From that day on, the family began to tilt resources towards her brother. Ji Fan always used what was left over from her brother, from her dining seat to her monthly allowance, all declaring her inferior status.
Luo Yan appeared at that time.
She was like a ray of light that suddenly shone into Ji Fan’s bleak life, making her feel for a moment that the world was actually still beautiful and full of light.
That day, while everyone was eating, her brother suddenly looked up and announced that he was about to have a girlfriend.
“Her name is Luo Yan,” her brother’s eyes sparkled.
A girl from the affiliated high school of Shanghai Theatre Academy, in the acting class, she wanted to be an actress in the future.
According to her brother, the girl was beautiful and gentle, and her family background was also good, a perfect match.
He also said very seriously that after chasing her down, he would definitely marry her.
Ji Fan’s half-brother was only in high school, and he actually said such a dedicated sentence about marriage and a lifetime together. Ji Fan found it quite strange—after all, he had her father’s blood in him, and he was naturally promiscuous.
What kind of girl could make him say such a promise of marriage and a lifetime?
One day, when Ji Fan was home alone, someone suddenly came to her door.
The girl standing at the door was wearing a snow-white dress, with her long, dark hair draped over her shoulders.
Ji Fan looked at her and asked, “Are you looking for my brother?”
The girl smiled and shook her head.
“I’m looking for you,” she said.
“Haven’t you eaten yet?”
Luo Yan looked at her and said softly with a smile, “I brought you sushi, I made it myself.”
That day was her brother’s birthday, and the whole family went out to celebrate, leaving Ji Fan, the extra one, at home.
She didn’t understand what this girl wanted to do, but no one could resist the warmth sent in the long loneliness.
Luo Yan began to visit their house frequently. At first, her brother brought her to play, but later she came by herself.
And every time she took special care of Ji Fan. Luo Ya could clearly see even the slightest emotion in Ji Fan. She was considerate, gentle, and beautiful, and Ji Fan couldn’t help but like her, even though she tried to dislike her.
There was even a little fondness that she didn’t want to admit.
One day, Luo Yan suddenly kissed her.
She leaned close to Ji Fan’s ear and whispered:
“You’re much better than your brother. Actually, I like you more.”
Luo Yan was the one who initiated her adolescence.
She did not accept her brother’s pursuit, but instead secretly began a relationship with Ji Fan.
At that time, they were still children, and they did a lot of childish things, but they didn’t dare to try anything adult. Ji Fan wasn’t without thoughts, but she only dared to think about some things that adults did, and she was even too shy to tell Luo Yan.
Ji Fan always thought they could take things slowly, and she was always patient.
But unexpectedly, Luo Yan suddenly wanted to break up with her after a while.
At that time, Ji Fan couldn’t figure it out for a long time. Many years later, she remembered that what Luo Yan said was not “I like you.”
It was clearly “I like you more.”
There was an extra “more.”
So, she didn’t have nothing for her brother either.
Ji Fan felt like there was a bone stuck in her throat.
Until now, she still couldn’t figure it out. After so many years, in this obsession, how much was it really because she still liked her, or was it just because she wasn’t reconciled?
Things that are unattainable are cherished more, so is it because she didn’t get it in the past that she especially wanted to possess it?
She had a headache, and at the same time, she realized one thing:
Jiang Cha and Luo Yan were already very difficult for her to equate, even in her half-awake fantasies.
Ji Fan was emotionally manipulated but she is no different from her father even without making commitments. Suffer.