Chapter 24: Actually, It’s Not Completely His Fault That He Can’t Let Go…

Thinking about those unpleasant memories, Lin Zhi turned and seriously asked, “Xiao Jing, can you promise me something?”

“Okay,” Yao Wenjing agreed and then asked, “What is it?”

“No matter what happens in the future,” Lin Zhi said solemnly, “Don’t ever let yourself fall into self-destruction.”

Yao Wenjing: “?”

“Is that okay?” Lin Zhi asked.

Yao Wenjing blinked several times in confusion and anxiously asked, “Why are you suddenly saying this? Did something happen?”

“No, nothing,” Lin Zhi stubbornly wanted Yao Wenjing’s promise, “Just say yes, okay?”

“I already agreed earlier,” Yao Wenjing said.

“Then you have to keep your word,” Lin Zhi smiled in relief. Although he didn’t know what had happened during the year and more that he and Yao Wenjing were out of touch in his past life, he was determined not to let Yao Wenjing make the same mistake again.

“By the way,” Lin Zhi suddenly remembered that there was still no resolution to the current issue, so he politely asked, “Why have you been avoiding me lately? You didn’t even go home last week during the break.”

“I’m not avoiding you,” Yao Wenjing looked down at the ground, “It’s just that my performance in the last quiz wasn’t good, so I wanted to stay at school and do more practice.”

Yao Wenjing wasn’t lying. After completing all the subjects in two weeks, the school would tally up the rankings. His rank had dropped nearly a hundred places recently, and part of the reason was that he had been distracted by other things.

“Don’t put too much pressure on yourself,” Lin Zhi had told Yao Wenjing this many times before, and now it seemed he needed to add one more thing, “Don’t overthink things.”

Yao Wenjing quickly glanced at Lin Zhi and couldn’t help but wonder what he meant by saying that.

“Overthink what?” Yao Wenjing licked his dry lips and said, “I’m not overthinking anything.”

Lin Zhi placed his hand on Yao Wenjing’s shoulder and, as Yao Wenjing looked up, gave him an ambiguous look and said, “I already know everything.”

“You… you know everything?” Yao Wenjing turned his face away, “Did Lu Liu tell you?”

Lu Liu wasn’t trustworthy—he had clearly promised not to say anything!

“Mm,” Lin Zhi didn’t confirm or deny, only comforting him, “Actually, there’s no need to feel embarrassed in front of me. You know my situation too, right? We’re both almost adults, it’s completely normal to like someone.”

Yao Wenjing could tell from his words that Lin Zhi probably didn’t know who he liked. He pressed his lips together and tentatively said, “But my feelings… they’re not normal.”

“Who says that?” Lin Zhi became upset at these words, “In those timeless love stories, some people love ghosts, some love spirits, everyone’s preferences are different. Why should anyone say our feelings aren’t normal?”

Yao Wenjing slightly parted his lips, his heart beating a bit faster. For a moment, he didn’t notice the oddness in Lin Zhi’s words.

“Of course,” Lin Zhi changed his tone and added, “No matter who you like, as a friend, I’ll support you. But I still hope you’ll like someone who can make you become a better person.”

“Mm,” Yao Wenjing nodded blankly, “He’s a good person.”

Lu Liu was indeed a good person, Lin Zhi thought. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have kept Lu Liu in his heart for so many years, even now…

In his past life, Lin Zhi had been very down for a while, often thinking aimlessly in the quiet of the night. If he had learned to express his feelings honestly earlier, would he have felt a long-lasting fatherly love and affection before Lin Qingye got sick? Would he have been able to bring a satisfying end to his years of unrequited love? Even if the ending wasn’t a happy one for everyone, at least there would be no regrets.

Unfortunately, at that time, he also thought his feelings weren’t normal.

Lin Zhi suppressed the faint sourness in his heart and smiled, “Well, you should just try to pursue him.”

“Do you think I can?” Yao Wenjing said doubtfully.

“Of course, you’re not bad,” Lin Zhi said, his tone shifting, “But it can’t affect your studies. I’ve improved, and if you fall behind, I’ll catch up with you.”

“I won’t,” Yao Wenjing said casually, then hurriedly added, “I’m not saying you’ll catch up with me, I mean I won’t fall behind anymore…”

“I understand,” Lin Zhi smiled.

When it came to comforting others, Lin Zhi was always articulate, but when it came to himself, things were clearly different.

Ever since discovering the “truth” that Yao Wenjing liked Lu Liu, Lin Zhi felt uncomfortable every time he saw Lu Liu, especially since they were desk partners. There was no way to avoid him—every time they looked up, they would see each other.

Lu Liu always knew that Lin Zhi had a tendency to space out in class. Whenever he noticed Lin Zhi drifting off, he would immediately stop him. But recently, when Lin Zhi spaced out, Lu Liu hesitated, because Lin Zhi would often glance at him unconsciously.

In Lu Liu’s mind, his inner self would jump between selfishness and loyalty, and in the end, selfishness won out. He didn’t remind Lin Zhi and just bent the corners of his mouth.

After all, whatever Lin Zhi missed in class, he could explain it to him privately afterward, using a method that suited Lin Zhi better.

Unfortunately, Lin Zhi didn’t space out for long. Usually, after two or three minutes, he would suddenly snap back to reality, then awkwardly look down and poke at the paper with his pen, his expression on the side of his face exposed to Lu Liu showing frustration.

Lu Liu really wanted to open Lin Zhi’s head to see what was inside, but that was just a thought—opening someone’s head seemed too gory. He still hoped that someday he would hear Lin Zhi’s thoughts directly from his mouth.

What Lin Zhi was thinking was exactly what showed on his face—he was indeed frustrated. It seemed like he had fallen into a vicious cycle. He kept telling himself that he couldn’t, and shouldn’t, have any improper thoughts about Lu Liu, but the more he told himself, the less he could control his mind.

Especially when he thought that maybe, in the not-so-distant future, Yao Wenjing would gather the courage to confess to Lu Liu, it reminded him of the cautious, youthful self he had in high school in his past life.

How could he be so terrible? While still longing for “Zhi,” he couldn’t let go of his obsession with Lu Liu.

After class, Lin Zhi took advantage of the moment when Lu Liu left his seat to open the last page of his notebook. He picked the most noticeable highlighter and wrote a few words in the center of the page, repeating the phrase three times, each time with clear handwriting.

Since he couldn’t control his thoughts, he would write them in his frequently used notebook to remind himself constantly.

After all, both studying and love could be pursued.

The busy and fulfilling senior year in high school became even more intense with the approaching countdown to the college entrance exam, which was changed every morning by Lu Liu. After winter arrived, the senior students, buried in intense studying with no exercise, started falling ill one after another. Although it was just common colds and fevers, the constant coughing and sniffing in the classroom were still unsettling.

Lin Zhi joined the ranks of those sick, curled up in his seat in a heavy down jacket, tired.

In fact, Lin Zhi’s resistance had always been quite good. He rarely got sick, and in his memory, he hadn’t fallen ill more than five times in a year.

This time, he had been sick for three days and hadn’t recovered because he had hardly moved at all this semester. Every day, it was just the dormitory, cafeteria, and classroom. Even the once-a-week PE class, once it was free time, he would just return to the classroom to sleep.

Recently, with all the mental strain, Lin Zhi would fall asleep as soon as he put down his pen at night. During class, with Lu Liu watching him, he couldn’t sleep, so he would try to nap during the brief moments of free time.

His thermos was empty, and Lin Zhi reluctantly got up to refill it. Before he could ask Lu Liu, who was sitting on the outer side, to let him out, Lu Liu had already taken the thermos from his hand.

“I was just about to get water,” Lu Liu said, holding his own thermos, “I’ll get one for you too.”

“Thanks,” Lin Zhi said lazily and sat back down, vaguely remembering that Lu Liu had just gotten water last class, but he hadn’t seen him drink much.

It seemed like he was just using Lin Zhi’s illness as an excuse to help him get water.

Lin Zhi turned to look at Lu Liu, who was bending over the water dispenser in the back of the classroom. With a class monitor like this, it wasn’t hard to see why he couldn’t let go, right?