18: Start to burn

“October 17, 2015, heavy rain.

I…

My confession was rejected.”

This didn’t seem unexpected.

Because Yu Yue had never shown any feelings for Xu Yuanzhe beyond friendship.

But what really frightened Xu Yuanzhe was that Yu Yue was straight, and he had never considered being with a guy. When he heard Xu Yuanzhe confess to him, Yu Yue looked scared.

It was raining heavily at that time.

Xu Yuanzhe had come to take Yu Yue out that day. When he arrived at the school, he saw a girl spinning around in front of Yu Yue. With just one look, Xu Yuanzhe could tell that the girl liked Yu Yue.

Unfortunately, Yu Yue was smiling at that girl and didn’t seem to reject her.

Xu Yuanzhe admitted that he panicked. The idea of starting with friendship shattered at that moment. He endured the entire day, but in the end, on the rainy street where he escorted Yu Yue back, he confessed to Yu Yue.

As expected, he was rejected.

Yu Yue’s eyes were red at that time, Xu Yuanzhe didn’t know if it was because he was scared or fearful. He kept shaking his head, saying, “I… I’ve always treated you as a friend.”

For the first time, Xu Yuanzhe was so persistent and asked, “Can’t you give me a chance?”

Yu Yue looked like he was about to cry, “I don’t like guys, I never… never thought about being with…”

Xu Yuanzhe guessed Yu Yue wanted to say “homosexual.”

After spending so much time together, Xu Yuanzhe often had a fleeting feeling that Yu Yue might have feelings for him because he hadn’t seen Yu Yue smile so happily in front of others.

But now, everything was a misunderstanding on his part.

The rain continued to pour. Xu Yuanzhe grabbed Yu Yue’s wrist, feeling Yu Yue’s hand trembling in his palm.

They only had one umbrella, and it was Xu Yuanzhe’s umbrella.

Yu Yue tried to break free but didn’t dare.

After a long time, Xu Yuanzhe slowly released Yu Yue’s hand.

Before Yu Yue could react, he handed the umbrella to Yu Yue and said, “It’s okay, go back quickly. The rain is getting heavier.”

Yu Yue didn’t have a chance to say anything.

Xu Yuanzhe had already turned and ran into the rain.

He didn’t look back at Yu Yue’s expression because his own expression was probably quite miserable.

For so long, Xu Yuanzhe had been pursuing Yu Yue. He took Yu Yue to various attractions in B City, went mountain climbing, visited coffee shops, watched movies, and went to arcades with him. He admitted that he was a boring person who even looked up guides for these simple things, but he still tried his best to make Yu Yue happy.

However, Yu Yue still didn’t develop any feelings for him.

Xu Yuanzhe didn’t feel awkward; he only felt sorry, sorry for Yu Yue.

Originally, he wanted to bring happiness to Yu Yue, but now he might become Yu Yue’s shadow, someone Yu Yue would avoid and dislike.

Drenched in the rain, Xu Yuanzhe went back, bought a few bottles of wine, and went into the hospital after finishing them.

It wasn’t just because of the alcohol; Xu Yuanzhe had been wanting to save money to buy a car so that he wouldn’t have to make Yu Yue take the bus when they went out.

The fifty thousand yuan he had saved was almost gone.

Xu Yuanzhe never paid much attention to what he ate. He had eaten too many instant noodles before, drank a few cups of strong liquor now, and his stomach hurt so much that he almost passed out. His roommate took him to the hospital.

When he woke up, his roommate told Xu Yuanzhe, “I called your little friend from your home and gave him a call. He said he’s coming over soon; he’s probably almost here now.”

It took Xu Yuanzhe a while to realize that his roommate referred to Yu Yue as “your little friend.”

Because Xu Yuanzhe had been going out with Yu Yue, his roommate thought they had become a couple.

His roommate didn’t know that Xu Yuanzhe’s confession to Yu Yue had failed today.

Xu Yuanzhe was still in considerable pain. He snatched back his phone and called Yu Yue.

When the call connected, Xu Yuanzhe said in a hoarse voice, “I’m okay. Don’t listen to them, no need to come over…”

But the hospital announcement echoed from the other end of the phone.

Shortly after, Yu Yue seemed to be running over, accompanied by some light panting. “I’ve arrived. Which floor are you on? I’m coming up right now.”

Xu Yuanzhe remained silent for a moment.

He hadn’t expected that Yu Yue would be willing to come.

Eventually, Yu Yue rushed into the large ward, reaching Xu Yuanzhe’s side.

His forehead was dotted with fine sweat, looking quite worried. Upon hearing that it was a stomach problem, he only relaxed slightly, then said to Xu Yuanzhe, “You’re always working outside; you need to eat properly.”

Xu Yuanzhe gazed into Yu Yue’s eyes.

His silence temporarily silenced Yu Yue as well.

Outside, the rain was still falling. Yu Yue held Xu Yuanzhe’s umbrella and went out, walking several blocks. In those times takeout wasn’t so prevalent. He finally bought a hot bowl of porridge and brought it back.

Xu Yuanzhe knew that Yu Yue was always kind to everyone. Regardless of whether the person lying in the hospital bed was him or not, as long as they were Yu Yue’s friend, he would probably do the same.

After being discharged, Yu Yue, just as Xu Yuanzhe had expected, didn’t actively seek him out again.

Before, he used to initiate plans to hang out with Xu Yuanzhe.

For nearly a month, there was this coldness between them.

No WeChat messages were exchanged, and not a single call was made.

On Yu Yue’s birthday, Xu Yuanzhe anonymously bought him a cake and flowers, but he felt that Yu Yue could figure it out.

Xu Yuanzhe told himself that this was the last time. He knew that after being rejected, continuing to bother the other person in such matters would only make them feel troubled. It shouldn’t be done, but Xu Yuanzhe also told himself that this was the last time.

Successfully navigating a crush was never an easy task.

He himself was not exempt from this difficulty.

Moreover, there was such a significant gap between them.

It was also on the night of Yu Yue’s birthday that someone posted photos of his birthday celebration on Weibo.

Xu Yuanzhe only then learned that Yu Yue wasn’t even at school tonight and couldn’t possibly receive the cake and flowers.

Yu Yue was celebrating his birthday outside with his celebrity friends.

For the first time, Xu Yuanzhe saw how celebrities celebrated their birthdays.

It was so luxurious, grand, and… extravagant.

But what did Xu Yuanzhe have?

He only bought a small bear-shaped cake and a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

In comparison, it seemed quite shabby.

Sitting on a chair in the dormitory, one leg bent, Xu Yuanzhe scrolled through Weibo repeatedly, looking at the picture of Yu Yue, just turned eighteen, surrounded by celebrities.

So, this was the gap.

At 10:30, Xu Yuanzhe sent a WeChat message to Yu Yue.

He said, “Happy birthday.”

There was still no reply from Yu Yue.

Xu Yuanzhe put down his phone and went to take a shower.

After the shower, it was nearly eleven o’clock.

Xu Yuanzhe dried his hair, glanced at his phone, and unexpectedly found three missed calls and several messages.

All of these missed calls and messages were from Yu Yue.

Xu Yuanzhe stared at the phone without moving.

After a few seconds, he reacted and checked what Yu Yue had sent.

The three WeChat messages from Yu Yue were:

“Are you at school?”

“I’m at your school. Can you come to pick me up when you’re free? I don’t know where your dorm is.”

“I found out. I located the dorms of the Performing Arts Department. I’m now downstairs in your dorm building. Can you come down?”

“…”

Xu Yuanzhe held the phone, feeling his heart beating incredibly fast.

He didn’t know why Yu Yue suddenly came over.

Quickly changing his clothes and putting on shoes, Xu Yuanzhe ran downstairs from the eighth floor to the first floor. By the time he reached Yu Yue, he was almost out of breath.

Yu Yue was holding a cake in one hand and flowers in the other, both bought by Xu Yuanzhe.

Xu Yuanzhe stared blankly at Yu Yue.

Yu Yue, holding the cake, pursed his lips. For some reason, whether it was due to the lighting or something else, his ears seemed a bit red. “You haven’t… come to see me lately.”

Xu Yuanzhe moved his lips.

He didn’t know what to say.

In Xu Yuanzhe’s experience, after a failed confession, it was generally impossible to continue being friends. Especially tonight, he had clearly recognized the gap between him and Yu Yue. In the future, this gap would only grow…

Yu Yue didn’t hear Xu Yuanzhe’s answer. He lowered his head, holding the cake string and blushing, and asked, “You… you…”

After a long pause, he didn’t say anything.

Xu Yuanzhe patiently waited.

Though he said patiently, his own heartbeat was so loud that he could barely hear anything.

As if having a premonition that Yu Yue was going to say something.

Sure enough, after struggling for a while, Yu Yue finally spoke, “Um… I wanted to ask you, do you… do you still like me?”

Xu Yuanzhe looked at Yu Yue.

Without hesitation, he answered, “Yes.”

Yu Yue’s face turned even redder.

He lowered his head, stared at his toe for a long time, and said, “I… I’ve thought about it for a long time. I feel like… maybe, I might have some feelings for you too. If you don’t mind, I… I can give it a try with you. But I… I’ve never dated a guy before, of course! I haven’t dated a girl either, so I don’t know… I don’t know…”

Yu Yue seemed to be expressing that he wasn’t sure if he could accept it.

Without waiting for Yu Yue to speak, Xu Yuanzhe answered preemptively, “If you can’t accept it, then let’s part ways.”

Yu Yue lifted his eyes, and his clear black and white gaze met Xu Yuanzhe’s.

After a moment, he whispered, “You haven’t come to see me, and I thought you didn’t like me anymore.”

Xu Yuanzhe felt like the sound of his own heartbeat was about to engulf the entire world.

He didn’t know what to consider himself at this point, nor did he know what to do. He never dared to imagine that there would be a day when Yu Yue would come to him and say that he also had some feelings and was willing to give it a try.

Xu Yuanzhe wanted to pull Yu Yue into his embrace.

But he was afraid that he might be too abrupt and scare Yu Yue.

So, Xu Yuanzhe restrained himself.

With nowhere to go, the two of them sat on a small stone bench below the dormitory building and opened the cake box.

Xu Yuanzhe shielded the wind with his hand, and Yu Yue lit the candle with a lighter.

“I barely managed to escape from them…” Yu Yue raised his head and said to Xu Yuanzhe, “Those people threw me a birthday party, and it was so annoying. The person who sent the cake kept calling me, so I made up an excuse and ran out.”

Xu Yuanzhe looked at Yu Yue without saying a word.

He was thinking, for Yu Yue, was celebrating his birthday with those celebrities really not as good as sitting on this small stone bench, having an extremely ordinary birthday?

After cutting the cake, Yu Yue ate a piece, leaving the rest for Xu Yuanzhe to take back.

Yu Yue only held the bouquet of flowers and was ready to leave.

Xu Yuanzhe grabbed Yu Yue’s wrist and said, “Take the cake back for your roommate to eat.”

Yu Yue visibly paused.

Realizing that he was holding onto Yu Yue and afraid that Yu Yue might be uncomfortable, Xu Yuanzhe quickly let go.

Holding the flowers, Yu Yue turned back and looked at Xu Yuanzhe. His ears were red, and his face was also flushed, but he was standing in a dimly lit area, making it hard to see clearly.

Yu Yue said to Xu Yuanzhe, “It’s too big. It’s inconvenient for me to take it back. Give it to your roommate.”

After a brief pause, he pursed his lips, his eyes turning red. The whole person seemed like he was about to evaporate. “Just tell them… it’s the birthday cake for your boyfriend.”

Having said that, Yu Yue turned and ran away.

Leaving Xu Yuanzhe standing alone in place, from head to toe, everything was starting to burn.