Chapter 4

Because of the shock, Yao Xi went straight to her room and lay down as soon as she returned to the Siyuan Bureau. Since she had managed to save her life, she had to continue living. How could the Internal Affairs Bureau dare to neglect the Empress Dowager’s orders? Someone had already been sent to inform her that she was to guard the gates of Ning’an Palace that night. Guard duty wasn’t physically demanding, but it was utterly exhausting. If she didn’t get some rest now, she wouldn’t be able to endure the long night ahead.

She had just begun to feel drowsy when the door clicked open. Since she lived alone and didn’t expect anyone to intrude during the day, she had left the door unlocked and simply lay down in her clothes.

The one who entered was Zheng Dayun. He had changed into his official uniform, his hair neatly slicked back with oil, not a single strand out of place. And judging by his pale complexion… had he applied powder? Yao Xi thought that eunuchs truly were different from ordinary men. Even Zheng Dayun, who usually carried himself in a masculine manner, enjoyed dressing up.

“Brother Zheng?” Yao Xi hadn’t expected him to come.

After kneeling to see the Empress Dowager off, she had returned to the Siyuan Bureau, while Zheng Dayun had gone back to the Silijian. It hadn’t been long—why was he here again? And with so many things in his arms? Fighting off her sleepiness, she got up, pulled a chair over for him, and poured a cup of cold overnight tea. She was too tired to fetch hot water, so this would have to do.

Zheng Dayun set the items on Yao Xi’s bed, took the tea, but didn’t drink it. Instead, he sat down, cradling the tea bowl. “I was worried that you’d been frightened by the Empress Dowager, so I came to check on you. I also happened to bring back some small gifts from Zhejiang, so I figured I’d bring them over while I was at it.”

Small gifts? Yao Xi glanced at the pile nearly covering her bed and recalled a sorrowful song lyric: We are different, different… Everyone has a different life…

They were both eunuchs, yet look how wealthy he was compared to her!

“Why didn’t you have a servant bring all this over?” she asked.

“Wouldn’t that be inconvenient?” Zheng Dayun replied, his gaze on Yao Xi both complicated and unreadable. His eyes traced her slim waist—thinner than his own thigh—and he swallowed.

He had been holding back for more than a year, thirsting like a man lost in the desert. And Yao Xi was the clear spring that could quench his longing.

The only thing keeping him from acting on impulse was the discipline drilled into him by his godfather, Tang Huaili, and the deeply ingrained moral teachings from his years of studying poetry, literature, and etiquette. Eunuchs did not lose their desires just because they had been castrated. Many with power still sought to satisfy their cravings, often by force.

But Zheng Dayun was different. His family had been scholars since his grandfather’s generation. Before they fell into ruin, he had attended private school, and it was this education that had earned him Tang Huaili’s favor when he entered the palace. Most eunuchs came from poor families and were illiterate; he was one of the few exceptions.

He never forced himself on others. He believed pleasure only came when both parties were willing. And with his charm, he was confident that, if he truly wanted someone, he could win them over.

“Brother Zheng, you’re being too generous. These fabrics and utensils are all of excellent quality. How could a lowly servant like me dare to use them?” Yao Xi lamented internally. If only this pile of goods were banknotes instead!

“Since you’re with me, I won’t let you suffer any mistreatment.” Zheng Dayun said this as he naturally took Yao Xi’s small hand in his own, squeezing it gently. The softness sent a shiver down his spine.

Yao Xi stiffened. Something was off. She yanked her hand free and took a large step back. “When did I ever say I was with you?”

She wasn’t being confrontational—just confused. Zheng Dayun wasn’t someone she could afford to offend. In fact, there was no one in the palace she could afford to offend.

“When you first entered the palace, you clearly agreed to become my sworn brother. Why are you acting differently now?” Zheng Dayun’s expression darkened.

A terrible thought struck him. He had been away from the capital for over a year—could Yao Xi have grown lonely and taken up with someone else?

“Are you seeing someone?” His gaze sharpened. “Who is it? A eunuch? A palace maid?”

Seeing Yao Xi’s hesitant expression, he jumped to the worst conclusion.

“A guard?”

????? ?????

Before she could even figure out what had caused this misunderstanding, Zheng Dayun had already concluded that she was cheating on him—and had even decided who her lover was!

“So… what exactly does being sworn brothers mean to you?” Yao Xi suddenly realized the misunderstanding had gone too far.

“What do you think it means?” Zheng Dayun asked bitterly. Feelings could change, lovers could leave—but brothers were supposed to stay.

“I thought it meant we became sworn brothers. You know, like the Peach Garden Oath…” Yao Xi trailed off, noticing his expression growing uglier by the second.

Afraid of offending him too much and ruining her chances of survival in the palace, she carefully patted his trembling shoulder, trying to soothe him. “It’s my fault for being ignorant and causing Brother Zheng to misunderstand. Please don’t take it to heart.”

“Now that you understand, let me ask you again—are you willing?”

Zheng Dayun had always liked Yao Xi. He had never been able to truly have her, and during his time in Zhejiang, he had only fallen for her more. He wasn’t the kind of person who would force someone, but he still hoped—prayed—that she would agree.

Yao Xi looked into his expectant eyes and sincerely said, “Why don’t you become my godfather instead?”

It wasn’t every day one found a rich and powerful benefactor. Yao Xi had no interest in offering herself for the sake of status, but she also didn’t want to lose this golden opportunity.

She had nearly lost her life today just for offending the Empress Dowager. Who knew whose wrath she might incur next? Having a powerful backer in the palace would make all the difference. And if Zheng Dayun became her godfather, then Eunuch Tang, the head of the Imperial Household Department, would also be her grandfather in name. That would be an invaluable connection.

Of course, even with that, she knew it wouldn’t save her from the Empress Dowager’s wrath. But for everything else? It would be a powerful shield.

Most importantly, it would make Zheng Dayun lose interest in her—without making an enemy of him.

Zheng Dayun was a contradiction. When she first entered the palace, he would visit her daily. He was loyal, yet romantic. He understood etiquette and shame, yet sometimes acted completely out of line. He was a man torn between the morals he had learned in his youth and the power he had gained in the palace.

And Yao Xi had no intention of getting caught between those contradictions.

Zheng Dayun had another reason for his attachment. He deeply respected his deceased father and placed great importance on the father-son bond. This was why he remained fiercely loyal and filial to his godfather, Eunuch Tang.

Eunuch Tang, having served two emperors, could read people as easily as flipping his palm. It was for this reason that he chose to take Zheng Dayun under his wing and use him for his own ends.

With Zheng Dayun’s romantic nature, he knew that no matter how obedient he was, there would inevitably come a day when he would be neglected and discarded. Compared to fleeting affections, the bond between father and son was far more enduring.

“What?” Zheng Dayun thought he had misheard.

“I said, why don’t you become my godfather?” Yao Xi beamed at him with a flattering expression.

“In your dreams.” Zheng Dayun was amused by her words. “I’m only eight years older than you. How could I be your godfather?”

Seeing that he seemed less angry, Yao Xi smiled even more brightly. She took a step forward, grabbed his arm, and swayed it back and forth like a spoiled child.

“I’m Lu Xiu—bah! I mean, I’m Yao Xi! I knew a thousand characters by the age of three, could recite Tang poetry by five, mastered the Four Books and Five Classics by seven, and became proficient in poetry and song by eight! I can cook, do housework, wield an embroidery needle to paint landscapes, flowers, and birds on cloth. I can carry water, lift bags, and endure hardships. People call me Yao Hao!”

Zheng Dayun burst into laughter at her shameless boasting. At first, he had been drawn to Yao Xi’s appearance, but as he recalled their earliest days together, he realized he had visited the Siyuan Bureau almost daily, even confiding in her about his childhood in the Zheng family—something he had never shared with anyone else. He was a cautious man, yet he had trusted her so quickly.

It wasn’t just her looks that made him want to be close to her. He liked the way she listened to him with such focus, the way she would occasionally frown as she thought things through. Maybe he hadn’t spent enough time with her yet. Maybe she was just a slow-moving person.

People who were slow to warm up often formed the deepest, most enduring bonds.

At the same time, a part of him feared losing interest, just as he had with others before. Yet, for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to hurt Yao Xi. For the first time in his life, he felt genuine tenderness toward someone.

“If you’re really as capable as you claim, I wouldn’t dare adopt you as my son,” Zheng Dayun teased, reaching out to ruffle her hair.

Yao Xi pointed at the pile of gifts on her bed. “Should I return these to you later?”

“Keep them.” Zheng Dayun waved off the idea. He had chosen each item specifically for her—how could he take them back? “Don’t rush to define our relationship. Life in the palace is difficult. Having a companion makes things much easier. You may not feel that way now, but you will in time.”

He wanted to see if his feelings for Yao Xi would remain the same in the long run. As things would later prove, he was overthinking it.

Yao Xi nodded. She knew that Zheng Dayun’s words came from the heart. She had already experienced loneliness. She had no real family—Sun Ergou and his wife were her enemies. She had entered the palace alone, with no friends by her side.

Eunuchs had their own power circles. Zheng Dayun, as Eunuch Tang’s godson, naturally associated with other eunuchs under Eunuch Tang’s command, as well as those aligned with the high-ranking seal-holding eunuchs. He belonged to the upper echelon of palace politics.

Meanwhile, figures like Eunuch Meng from the Eastern Depot belonged to an entirely different circle.

It wasn’t that no one paid attention to her, but their interest was usually in that kind of way. There were a few who genuinely wanted to be friends, but because she was a woman, she had to keep her distance.

“I’ll walk you out,” Yao Xi offered.

Tears welled in her eyes as she suddenly realized that her future might be nothing more than this—hiding her secret and growing old alone in the deep palace.

“No need. Get some rest. You still have night duty ahead of you.”

After Zheng Dayun left, Yao Xi didn’t go back to sleep, afraid she would miss her night watch.

She arrived at Ning’an Palace half an hour early, bringing small gifts that Zheng Dayun had given her to hand over to the junior stewards. In the palace, this was called “paying respects to the mountain.” A little goodwill went a long way in preventing bullying.

She also tucked two steamed buns into her robes in case she got hungry in the middle of the night, and even brought a storybook to pass the time.

Yao Xi had prepared for everything—except getting lost.

It wasn’t that she didn’t know where Ning’an Palace was. However, one of the roads leading there had recently been rebuilt. She walked in the direction she remembered, but the further she went, the more desolate it became.

She wanted to stop a palace maid or eunuch to ask for directions, but when she looked around, there was no one. No lanterns, no voices, only the endless darkness of the palace. She didn’t even realize when she had strayed from the main path.

As the night deepened, the surroundings became an indistinguishable blur. Yao Xi shivered. The palace was full of ghost stories, and now, with no light around, it didn’t matter whether her eyes were open or closed.

Worst of all, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was following her.

Time was running out. If she didn’t hurry, she’d be late for her shift. She quickened her pace, but every path she took led to a dead end—a towering palace wall, a locked gate.

---

Meanwhile, inside Ning’an Palace, Wan Yi reclined with her eyes closed, resting.

Beside her, Aunt Yanxi whispered, “Madam, the servants report that the eunuch named Yao Xi hasn’t arrived. We’re short on staff tonight. Should we request a replacement from the Internal Affairs Bureau?”

Wan Yi’s brows furrowed in displeasure. “Does my palace house dragons and tigers?” she scoffed.

So that little eunuch would rather die than serve in her palace?

Wan Yi had been pampered since birth—she had never experienced the humiliation of being rejected. The thought gathered in her throat like a lump of air she couldn’t swallow.

Her voice turned cold. “Send someone to check his quarters. See if he’s dead or fled. If he ran, bring him back alive. If he’s dead…”

She trailed off, suddenly unsettled.

It wasn’t that she felt sorry for him.

No, it was the idea that a mere eunuch had humiliated her by throwing away his worthless life.