Volume 4: Snow-Capped Mountain

45. For a long time

Yu Yue never expected that he would suddenly decide to reconcile with Xu Yuanzhe.

From three in the morning until seven in the morning, Yu Yue had not slept at all; he sat on the sofa lost in thought.

He pondered over many things, reminiscing every bit of the time he spent with Xu Yuanzhe five years ago and recalling the moments they spent apart over these five years. The only thing he feared was that neither of them was the same as they were at the beginning, and they couldn’t find those initial feelings again.

Although he had such thoughts, Yu Yue had no regrets.

At seven-thirty, he had a light breakfast, fed Xiao Yu, left the keys under the door, and then drove to the airport to meet Xu Yuanzhe.

Yu Yue promised to go to Italy with Xu Yuanzhe.

Everything was a decision made in the heat of the moment, just like when he received the teddy bear birthday cake from Xu Yuanzhe; he suddenly decided to give it a try, and later when he decided to live with Xu Yuanzhe.

Yu Yue was impulsive in nature, doing things without considering the consequences, just like when they broke up initially. He never thought that he would endure a full five years in the slow cooling after boiling over.

Yu Yue drove on the road, looking at the clear sky ahead. It had snowed all night, and the clouds and fog had dispersed.

Over these five years, he rarely had such moments of inner peace.

As the airport got closer, Yu Yue saw a clear sky with a glider passing low overhead, leaving a faint trace in the sky. For some reason, at this moment, he suddenly felt like crying, maybe because he was about to see Xu Yuanzhe.

Yu Yue felt that he was not ready yet to meet Xu Yuanzhe in a new capacity.

Ex-boyfriend? Lover? A reunited lover?

However, thinking like this, Yu Yue still parked the car downstairs at the hotel Xu Yuanzhe mentioned. Unconsciously, he arrived at the door of Xu Yuanzhe’s hotel room.

Yu Yue rang the doorbell.

He still wasn’t ready…

The door opened.

Yu Yue raised his eyes and looked at Xu Yuanzhe.

Xu Yuanzhe stood by the door, and his dark eyes gazed at Yu Yue.

Before Yu Yue could say or do anything, he felt his line of sight darken. The next moment, he was tightly embraced, so tight that it was almost suffocating. There were no sounds except for Xu Yuanzhe’s heartbeat.

Yu Yue blinked lightly.

It’s strange to say that on the way here, he didn’t feel his eyes getting hot or reddening. But the moment he was embraced by Xu Yuanzhe like this, tears suddenly streamed down his face.

In silence for a moment, Yu Yue closed his eyes, a very soft voice choked up, “Won’t someone see us like this at the room door?”

Xu Yuanzhe’s voice was also hoarse, not in good condition, “I don’t mind.”

Yu Yue didn’t speak.

After a while, Xu Yuanzhe took Yu Yue’s hand and let him into the room first.

Yu Yue handed his ID to Xu Yuanzhe, asking him to help book the plane tickets.

While waiting for Xu Yuanzhe to book the tickets, Yu Yue sat on the large bed in the room. For a moment, he even felt like a child, like the time when he was eighteen and initially together with Xu Yuanzhe. He felt at a loss, didn’t know what to do next, a bit nervous but not uneasy, rather calm.

It was always like this; as long as he was with Xu Yuanzhe, Yu Yue felt like he didn’t need to think about anything.

He raised his eyes and saw Xu Yuanzhe leaning against the table, slightly lowering his eyes, using his phone to book and reschedule tickets for Yu Yue. He was wearing a dark knit sweater with a V-neck, revealing beautiful and distinct collarbones, but he seemed thinner than a few years ago.

After booking the tickets, Xu Yuanzhe put down his phone.

He came to Yu Yue, half-knelt down, and said to Yu Yue, “I booked a flight at ten. We still have time. Do you want to take a nap first?”

Yu Yue felt that he probably wouldn’t be able to sleep.

But he hadn’t slept since three in the morning, and he didn’t know how he nodded in a daze, took off his shoes, and lay down on the bed.

After lying down, Yu Yue asked Xu Yuanzhe, “Are you going to sleep?”

Xu Yuanzhe looked down at Yu Yue.

Yu Yue just wanted to ask if Xu Yuanzhe wanted to take a nap as well, without any other meaning.

After a quiet moment, Xu Yuanzhe said, “I might not be able to sleep and may disturb you. You go ahead and sleep.”

Yu Yue nodded and didn’t say anything more. He quietly closed his eyes.

He thought he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

But perhaps he was too tired. Not only did he stay up all night, but emotions were also draining. The moment his head touched the pillow, he unexpectedly fell into a dream, unable to hear any sounds.

Maybe it was because all around him was Xu Yuanzhe’s presence, so Yu Yue didn’t even have a dream during this nap, sleeping exceptionally soundly.

When he woke up, he still felt a bit moist at the corners of his eyes.

Feeling empty inside, as if someone told him that his reunion with Xu Yuanzhe was just a dream.

But when Yu Yue opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Xu Yuanzhe’s hand.

Xu Yuanzhe’s hand was right in front of Yu Yue’s eyes. He was reading a book, occasionally flipping the pages. His hand was in front of Yu Yue, lifting and lowering, so real yet so unreal.

Xu Yuanzhe sat at the head of the bed, reading a book while Yu Yue slept beside him.

Yu Yue didn’t move at all; he pretended to still be asleep, quietly watching Xu Yuanzhe.

After a while, the wristwatch on Xu Yuanzhe’s wrist made a light sound.

Yu Yue instinctively closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep.

After a moment of silence, he felt a hand gently stroking his face and heard a soft voice saying, “Wake up.”

It was only at this moment that Yu Yue opened his eyes, trying hard to make his gaze look a bit blurry, as if he had just woken up, looking at Xu Yuanzhe.

Xu Yuanzhe said, “I’ll boil some water and have something to eat before we set off.”

Yu Yue nodded.

He sat up, feeling a bit stiff in the neck from lying in the same position for too long. He rubbed his neck and wrists, and when he turned his head, he happened to see the book that Xu Yuanzhe had placed on the bed.

Originally, Yu Yue didn’t plan to examine it closely.

However, he found that the book Xu Yuanzhe was reading was actually a picture book.

Yu Yue couldn’t help but lean in for a closer look.

It was “The Little Prince.”

The page spread open was right where Xu Yuanzhe had left off. Underneath the illustration, there was a sentence that read:

“If you want to create bonds with others, you have to bear the risk of shedding tears.①”

The next line was:

“Although we are not afraid of shedding tears, it has to be worth it.②”

Yu Yue lowered his eyes, staring at these two sentences in a daze.

He had never thought that his life could suddenly become clearer, as if he had walked out of the fog, just by seeing these two sentences.

During the days after the breakup with Xu Yuanzhe, Yu Yue had been unable to understand.

Sometimes he was very good at getting caught up in trivial details, his mind extremely obsessive, like being sick. He even led himself into a trap that was easy to collapse, torturing himself while resenting Xu Yuanzhe. At that time, he became more and more unable to understand why he, who had clearly done nothing wrong, had to suffer such pain. He couldn’t understand what he had gained from this love.

But today, seeing this sentence, Yu Yue seemed to suddenly understand.

Indeed, loving someone also meant taking the risk of shedding tears.

However, the true standard for evaluating tears was not happiness or pain, but whether it was worth it.

At this moment, Yu Yue had a clear answer to the past five or ten years.

He felt that he and Xu Yuanzhe had never been unworthy.

That was enough.

It was enough for him to return to Xu Yuanzhe without any regrets.

There was nothing worth entangling, nothing worth suffering, nothing worth not understanding.

They loved each other, and they were worth it. In the gaze of thousands of people, they could see the never-fading love in each other’s eyes.

Yu Yue thought, what else did he have to be dissatisfied with?

Beside him, Xu Yuanzhe brewed a cup of hot milk and cereal, handing it to Yu Yue.

Yu Yue looked at the cup of cereal that Xu Yuanzhe handed him.

He didn’t move or say anything for a while.

Xu Yuanzhe looked at Yu Yue.

After a while, he asked, “If you don’t have an appetite…”

He didn’t finish his sentence.

Suddenly, Yu Yue sat up, rushed towards Xu Yuanzhe, knelt on the bed, and tightly embraced Xu Yuanzhe’s neck.

Xu Yuanzhe instinctively moved the slightly hot cup in his hand away, freeing up the other hand to hold Yu Yue.

Yu Yue held Xu Yuanzhe tightly.

After a moment, he sat up again, cupped Xu Yuanzhe’s face, lowered his eyes slightly, and looked at Xu Yuanzhe’s lips.

A few seconds of silence, Yu Yue lowered his head and gently kissed Xu Yuanzhe’s lips.

His tears were hot and fell on Xu Yuanzhe’s face.

Yu Yue’s voice was very soft, like a murmur, with a hint of choking.

He said, “Let’s get back together.”

Xu Yuanzhe looked at Yu Yue’s eyes so close.

The corners of his eyes were red, and his voice was low and hoarse.

Xu Yuanzhe said, “Okay.”

“Let’s get back together.”

“Okay.”

Five years late, but Yu Yue finally said these words and finally heard the answer he wanted.

He hugged Xu Yuanzhe tightly, finally uncontrollably crying out, as if he wanted to cry out all the grievances of the past five years to Xu Yuanzhe, regardless of everything, just wanting to cry openly.

But these tears were so happy.

This time, for the trip to Italy, Xu Yuanzhe booked a first-class ticket.

After settling into their seats on the plane, Yu Yue sat by the window, feeling the long-lost spaciousness.

These years, he has been running around a lot, but because he earned and spent his own money, he hasn’t flown first class again.

When the plane was about to take off, Yu Yue said to Xu Yuanzhe, “Actually… First class is very good, but economy class is not bad either. Although trains are tiring, and walking is even more exhausting, if the destination is the same, and the journey is with you, I can handle it in any way.”

Xu Yuanzhe didn’t say anything.

Actually, Yu Yue didn’t feel like he was saying anything romantic; he was just earnestly talking about something.

After a long silence, amidst the tremendous roar of the plane taking off, Xu Yuanzhe slightly turned his head, as if wanting to say something. But before he could, Yu Yue turned his head first and spoke, “I know you’ve been trying hard to get me to fly first class, wanting to make our journey less arduous.” He paused, his voice softened, “You’ve achieved that now.”

Xu Yuanzhe looked into Yu Yue’s eyes.

The sunlight outside was bright, and those distinctly black and white eyes seemed to no longer be so hazy, becoming clear and pure.

The plane’s flight gradually stabilized, but the roar continued to be loud. It seemed like Yu Yue said something more, but Xu Yuanzhe couldn’t hear anything. He lowered his eyes; at this moment, he just wanted to kiss Yu Yue. Unfortunately, a flight attendant came over at this time.

The flight attendant was very good, obviously recognizing Xu Yuanzhe but not showing excessive excitement. She just smiled a bit more, offered them blankets and slippers, introduced the basic services, and then left.

When Xu Yuanzhe wanted to talk to Yu Yue again, Yu Yue had already turned on the first-class entertainment screen.

Yu Yue asked, “Do you think your movies are here?”

Xu Yuanzhe could only retract his gaze, landing it on the screen in front of him. “It’s hard to say; some older ones might be here, but I didn’t make good movies back then.”

“It’s okay,” Yu Yue slowly scrolled down with the remote control. “Let’s start with the youthful you and then see the present you.”

Yu Yue didn’t expect to find Xu Yuanzhe’s movie here.

Filmed four years ago, “Sudden Rain,” a suspense movie starring Xu Yuanzhe.

Yu Yue clicked on the movie, put on his headphones, and also put headphones on Xu Yuanzhe. “Have you ever acted in a romantic movie?”

Halfway through the opening credits, Xu Yuanzhe finally said, “No.”

“Not a single one?” Yu Yue looked at Xu Yuanzhe.

Xu Yuanzhe said, “None.”

Yu Yue thought, it’s really a coincidence. The first romantic movie Xu Yuanzhe would act in is the one he directed, and the first romantic movie he directed would also star Xu Yuanzhe.

Thinking about it this way, it seemed like the unexplainable regret he felt many years ago when holding the invitation from Eden, suddenly found its resolution in this moment.

The first-class cabin of the plane was very quiet.

Neither of them spoke, and for a while, there was only the sound of the air flow outside and the intense gunfire sounds from the movie coming through the headphones.

It’s unclear how much time passed.

Yu Yue slightly turned his head and said to Xu Yuanzhe, “I hope when we’re filming movies, we can cooperate happily.”

There was actually no sound in Xu Yuanzhe’s headphones; he had turned off the sound on his side. Only by doing this could he hear Yu Yue’s voice anytime.

He also turned his head, looking at Yu Yue. “Of course, Director Yu.”

Yu Yue was rarely amused by this address.

He said, “I hope Film Emperor Xu’s acting skills can be fully displayed in romantic movies too.”

Xu Yuanzhe remained silent.

The two inexplicably found themselves very close, breaths entwining at this moment. The movie continued to flicker with intense fight scenes, but neither of them had the mindset to watch the movie; it seemed like both wanted to kiss at this moment.

But in the end, Xu Yuanzhe just slightly lowered his head, gently resting his forehead against Yu Yue’s, closed his eyes, and after a while, lightly brushed Yu Yue’s cheek and ear with the tip of his nose.

The flight from City A to Italy took thirteen hours.

It was a long journey, at least in terms of time.

It’s unclear how many movies were changed, the sky outside the porthole darkened, and eventually turned into nighttime flight. In the pitch-black night sky, only the lights on the wings of the plane could be seen flickering. Everything around was quiet.

When the flight attendant came to serve meals, Yu Yue was already asleep.

Xu Yuanzhe didn’t wake him up, just made a gesture and told the flight attendant they didn’t need it. The flight attendant nodded and retreated behind the curtain.

Lately, Yu Yue had been staying up late editing the film. Originally, he didn’t feel particularly tired, but after reconciling with Xu Yuanzhe, it was as if he had lifted a thousand-pound burden off his shoulders. It was a strange feeling, as if from this moment on, he no longer had to worry about many things. The drowsiness that had not appeared for a long time surged up now.

Yu Yue fell asleep, but sleeping on the plane wasn’t comfortable. It felt like he had slept for a long time, but when he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the intense darkness outside the porthole, so thick it seemed impenetrable.

The light in the first-class cabin had dimmed.

Yu Yue maintained a posture without moving, noticed that he was covered with a blanket, and without thinking, he knew it was placed by Xu Yuanzhe.

He moved his eyelashes slightly, glanced to the side, and saw Xu Yuanzhe’s hand placed on the seat.

Yu Yue didn’t look up to see if Xu Yuanzhe was awake or asleep.

But in such a dark cabin, the probability was high that he was asleep.

He looked at Xu Yuanzhe’s hand in the dark, stayed quiet for a long time, moved the hand under the blanket, hesitated for a moment, but ultimately used his fingertips to gently touch Xu Yuanzhe’s hand.

Xu Yuanzhe didn’t react.

Yu Yue knew Xu Yuanzhe must be asleep.

He first hooked Xu Yuanzhe’s fingertips with his own, then little by little, twined upward, wanting to hold Xu Yuanzhe’s hand.

But at this moment, Xu Yuanzhe suddenly tightened his grip on Yu Yue’s hand.

Almost before Yu Yue could react, Xu Yuanzhe had already enveloped Yu Yue’s hand in his palm. After a while, probably thinking this position wasn’t comfortable enough, he changed to intertwining all ten fingers with Yu Yue.

The cabin was very quiet.

It’s unclear how much time passed before Yu Yue finally spoke.

His voice was very soft, with a slight hoarseness from just waking up, “Why aren’t you sleeping yet?”

“Asleep,” Xu Yuanzhe’s voice came from the dark cabin, “just woke up.”

It seemed that Yu Yue’s guess was correct.

He didn’t even need to look at Xu Yuanzhe’s face to know if he was asleep or not. Yu Yue had seen it many times before when Xu Yuanzhe came home late from work or filming, intending to sit on the sofa for a while before taking a bath and going to sleep, but ended up falling asleep as soon as he sat down.

Back then, Yu Yue stood in front of Xu Yuanzhe, watching him on the sofa, and noticed that every time he fell asleep, his hands would relax completely, fingertips slightly drooping, not moving at all.

After that, neither of them spoke.

Yu Yue fell asleep again in a daze, and when he woke up again, their hands were still tightly clasped, not separated at all.

The sky outside the window was getting bright.

Yu Yue sat up slightly.

The plane was flying a bit lower now, and through the hazy layer of clouds, he could see continuous snow-capped mountains.

Yu Yue gazed out of the window for a long time. When he turned back, he found that Xu Yuanzhe was also awake, and his dark eyes were blinking at him without a break.

Yu Yue leaned over and softly said to Xu Yuanzhe, “After Italy, can we go to Switzerland or Iceland?”

Xu Yuanzhe said, “Sure.”

After the plane landed, Yu Yue turned on his phone.

His phone was almost blown up because of the thirteen hours of being out of reach due to being turned off. Colleagues at work were one thing, but people like Steven and Dan Hang had practically driven themselves crazy trying to find him.

Dan Hang was the most persistent.

He made more than a dozen calls and sent a bunch of messages.

The last thing Dan Hang said was, “If you don’t reply to my messages again, I’m really going to call the police. Where the hell did you run off to?”

Yu Yue picked up his phone, opened the camera, and took a picture of the hands he and Xu Yuanzhe were holding. He sent this photo to Dan Hang without saying anything.

Soon, Dan Hang replied with a “?”.

A few seconds later, he said, “Okay, okay, you guys go on your little honeymoon.”

Yu Yue hadn’t had a chance to reply.

Dan Hang said again, “But, during your, um, private time, can you keep your phone on? Don’t be so immersed in it, I was really scared when I couldn’t find you.”

This time, Yu Yue replied to Dan Hang with a “?”.

Dan Hang asked, “Weren’t you two inseparable for thirteen hours?”

Yu Yue: “…”

He casually took a picture of the airplane window and sent it to Dan Hang.

The plane was still taxiing.

Beside him, Xu Yuanzhe asked, “Dan Hang?”

Yu Yue lowered his head to reply to the message, inevitably pulling his hand away. He said, “Hmm,” and after sending the message, he added, “He has quite an imagination.”

Xu Yuanzhe glanced down at Yu Yue’s phone.

He saw the words “thirteen hours” at a glance.

After knowing that Yu Yue was on the plane, Dan Hang realized he had misunderstood and sent another message, “Hehe, I thought you two finally reconciled, and things were getting passionate…”

Yu Yue replied to Dan Hang with six dots.

Although this misunderstanding was neither big nor small, it was still a bit awkward. But Yu Yue just wanted to talk to Xu Yuanzhe about everything, “My phone was off for thirteen hours, and then I told him that we got back together, and he thought we were…”

Yu Yue regretted bringing up this topic a bit.

His ears turned a bit red, “Thought we were doing something.”

Xu Yuanzhe remained silent.

Yu Yue’s ears turned even redder.

He had a sentence he wasn’t sure whether to say or not, but in the end, he couldn’t hold it back and said it, “If I have to say, thirteen hours is too little, these five years can’t be made up for in thirteen hours…”

Yu Yue’s intention was that if the five years of separation could be made up in thirteen hours, then it wouldn’t be a big deal. The five years he and Xu Yuanzhe had been apart weren’t the ordinary person’s pain, nor the torture an ordinary person could endure. In just thirteen hours, their deep feelings for each other seemed to be diminished.

But Yu Yue himself felt that the more he spoke, the more inappropriate it became, so his voice became softer.

He turned his head to look at Xu Yuanzhe.

Xu Yuanzhe was also looking at Yu Yue.

After a moment of silence, Xu Yuanzhe leaned forward slightly, his forehead gently touching Yu Yue’s forehead, his voice very low, “I know.”

Yu Yue didn’t say anything more.

In the past, many people in the world had told him that Xu Yuanzhe wasn’t suitable for him, that they weren’t suitable for each other. During the five years of separation, Yu Yue repeatedly told himself that Xu Yuanzhe wasn’t suitable for him. Even if they were to reunite in the future, he wouldn’t be with Xu Yuanzhe again.

But at this moment, feeling the warmth of Xu Yuanzhe’s forehead against his own, Yu Yue lifted his eyelashes slightly, looking up and catching a glimpse of Xu Yuanzhe’s Adam’s apple.

Yu Yue thought, they were naturally meant to be together.

No one could separate them again.

The phone vibrated.

Yu Yue lowered his head and saw a voice message from Dan Hang.

He opened the speaker.

Dan Hang’s voice came through the phone:

“Anyway, I wish you both a long and happy relationship!”

Yu Yue lifted his head and asked Xu Yuanzhe, “Will we?”

Xu Yuanzhe didn’t hesitate, “We will.”

Yu Yue didn’t say anything.

Because Xu Yuanzhe had already lowered his head and gently kissed his lips. It was a light touch, as if just trying the waters, but once their lips met, it was difficult to separate. It wasn’t until the very last second before the plane came to a complete stop that Xu Yuanzhe left Yu Yue’s lips.

Yu Yue’s breathing was a bit unstable. It had been too long since he received a kiss, and everything felt so unfamiliar yet familiar, making him want to cry.

They felt so natural, as if they hadn’t been apart for five years.

Just like lovers who hadn’t seen each other for only five hours.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Show me your waving hands!!!

(¹ ² Excerpts from “The Little Prince”)