47. No Regrets

Today, Xu Yuanzhe didn’t work the entire day.

In the afternoon, the plan was to go to Rome, but it was put on hold due to rain.

However, it didn’t matter; Yu Yue had things to do at the hotel.

He showed Xu Yuanzhe some photos.

Over the past five years, Yu Yue had been to many places and taken many photos. He wanted to share the paths he had walked and the scenes he had seen with Xu Yuanzhe.

“At that time, I joined a club,” Yu Yue placed his laptop on the bed, leaned in front of the computer, fingers on the keyboard, flipping through the photos on the computer, “called Eden. Eden provided me with funds for making films. In return, I voluntarily pledged that a portion of the profits from each film I make in the future will be donated to this club.” He paused slightly, “Of course, the contribution of funds is not mandatory, it’s voluntary.”

Xu Yuanzhe sat next to Yu Yue, watching the photos flashing on Yu Yue’s computer.

Outside the window, raindrops pattered on the windowsill, the sound gradually becoming distant, like a light and airy melody.

Yu Yue opened a photo, “This is Antelope Canyon. At that time, I shot a short film called ‘Above the Cliff,’ specifically coming here for the scenery.”

He opened a photo with antelopes standing on the edge of a cliff.

Looking at the antelopes in the photo, Xu Yuanzhe found it difficult to imagine where Yu Yue was standing and from what angle he took this picture.

“This…” Yu Yue flipped to another photo, “This was on our way back, driving on Route 98 in Arizona. We happened to see the sunset, so I stopped and took a photo.”

In the photo, there was an endless road and the orange sunset at the end of the road.

In these photos, there was no trace of Yu Yue.

Because these photos were all taken by Yu Yue himself.

It was as if looking at these sceneries through Yu Yue’s eyes.

When Yu Yue traveled to many places for shooting, Xu Yuanzhe was almost always busy filming in China. At that time, he was likely an unknown actor, eating box lunches in some corner, quietly observing the performances of big shots, silently learning.

Yu Yue continued to flip through the photos.

At first, he would explain the time, place, and events surrounding each photo to Xu Yuanzhe. However, gradually, Yu Yue stopped talking and just flipped through the pictures.

The room became quiet for a moment.

Seeing Yu Yue not speaking, Xu Yuanzhe also lowered his eyes, watching Yu Yue.

As if there was a sudden surge of discomfort.

Yu Yue slowly flipped through the photos, gradually sinking into memories, even forgetting that Xu Yuanzhe was still beside him.

He recalled that although he had been to so many places, there was always a particular sense of regret at each location. During that period, the feeling was especially pronounced—the landscapes he once wanted to share with someone had eventually become moments experienced alone.

What is love?

Yu Yue felt that he had never consciously yearned for Xu Yuanzhe. Yet, Xu Yuanzhe always permeated his life, seeping into every crack and crevice of time, regardless of the places he went or the passing of countless seasons. That figure would always appear in the interstices of time.

His fingers gently pressed the keys.

As Yu Yue continued flipping through the photos, he discovered that there was a video towards the end.

He didn’t pay much attention and directly pressed play.

Yu Yue himself didn’t know what kind of video this was.

In the video, he seemed to be by a seaside, but he couldn’t recall which seaside it was. He appeared to be sitting on a beach close to the sea. The camera captured a burning bonfire, and judging by the direction of the flowing seawater in the distance, it should be a beach in the early morning.

Beside the bonfire was a bottle of wine.

Gradually, Yu Yue remembered. This should be a celebration after the completion of some shoot. A group of people went to the beach to drink, continuing until the early morning. Many people around him got drunk, but Yu Yue didn’t drink. He just sat there.

In the video, a drunken person was singing, the voice somewhat wavering but still maintaining a recognizable melody.

“I also know this courage, even if it exhausts my life,

But I still love you,

I gave everything for you, so I ended up with nothing…”

If he remembered correctly, this song in the video should be sung by Steven.

The video ended here.

Yu Yue leaned in front of the computer, staring at the static bonfire on the screen.

At this point, it was difficult to recall his emotions at that time. It probably wasn’t good, especially when he heard Steven sing the words, “But I still love you.”

Originally, Yu Yue wanted to skip this video and continue scrolling through the rest.

Unexpectedly, a hand reached over from the side.

Xu Yuanzhe’s fingers were slender with distinct joints. Due to the angle, the veins on the back of his hand were prominent. His fingers gently pressed on the keys, replaying the video once again.

After watching the video, Xu Yuanzhe asked Yu Yue, “Did you drink?”

“I didn’t drink,” Yu Yue glanced at the wine bottle on the beach in the video, “They did. If I had drunk, it wouldn’t have been possible to shoot this video so steadily.”

Xu Yuanzhe didn’t say anything.

Yu Yue leaned in front of the computer, propped his chin, not uttering a word, just silently looking at Xu Yuanzhe’s hand.

After a moment of silence, Yu Yue suddenly straightened up, turned around, and faced Xu Yuanzhe.

His hands braced on either side of his body, and because he sat up abruptly, Xu Yuanzhe didn’t have time to move away. For a moment, the two were very close, almost nose to nose.

Outside the window, the rain softly pattered.

Yu Yue looked into Xu Yuanzhe’s eyes and said, “If I ever got drunk in these five years, I would have come looking for you to reconcile.”

Xu Yuanzhe didn’t answer.

He gazed at Yu Yue’s clear black and white eyes, remained quiet for a long time, and his voice lowered significantly, carrying a faint hoarseness. “Then I’d rather you didn’t.”

Yu Yue was taken aback.

Xu Yuanzhe’s nose touched Yu Yue’s, lightly brushing against it. Lowering his eyelashes, he said, “I’m glad that you chose to reconcile with me in a completely sober state.”

Yu Yue didn’t say anything.

After a moment, he slightly tilted his head forward, leaned in, and gently kissed Xu Yuanzhe’s lips like a dragonfly touching the water.

Before Xu Yuanzhe could react, Yu Yue propped himself up and asked, “Why do you have so little confidence in yourself? Do you think I’ll regret it?”

In a moment of silence, Yu Yue’s voice was soft as he said, “I have never regretted it, from meeting you at sixteen to now, at twenty-six. Never regretted.” There was a slight pause. “What about you? I want to hear the truth. Have you ever regretted?”

In fact, for Yu Yue, even if he heard Xu Yuanzhe say he regretted, he wouldn’t be too sad. At that time, both of them were too immature, especially Xu Yuanzhe, burdened with much more than Yu Yue. He would worry about whether he could truly give Yu Yue something, whether he had really ruined Yu Yue, as Yu Jingnian said, dragging him into an irreparable abyss.

The rain outside seemed to intensify, and the sky darkened.

The hotel was a luxurious suite. On this bed near the window, Yu Yue and Xu Yuanzhe sat facing each other, listening to the rain outside.

After an unknown amount of time.

Xu Yuanzhe said, “I have no regrets.”

Yu Yue’s eyelashes trembled ever so lightly.

Xu Yuanzhe looked at Yu Yue. “I just always felt indebted, felt guilty for making you live in such a small place with me, for always accidentally tripping over your feet, for you using a bathroom light that always broke and a window that wouldn’t close.” There was a slight pause, his voice became much hoarser. “After the breakup, I truly regretted it, but I didn’t have the courage to find you again.”

Even though Yu Yue was prepared, prepared to hear Xu Yuanzhe say he regretted.

But at the moment when he heard those four words, “I have no regrets,” Yu Yue’s eyes reddened slightly.

But he didn’t even notice.

The sound of rain grew louder.

Yu Yue blinked, suppressed that surging emotion, and spoke very softly, very quietly, “Coward.”

He was referring to Xu Yuanzhe.

And Xu Yuanzhe admitted it.

His Adam’s apple moved up and down slightly, a very low “mmm” he answered over the sound of the rain, “I am.”

Xu Yuanzhe reached out, the palm of his hand against Yu Yue’s neck, pulling him closer, and then kissed his lips.

This kiss was deep and lasted a long time.

The indoor lighting was incredibly dim, and it was exceptionally quiet, almost only the sound of kissing and the gradually distant rain.

Yu Yue moved the hand that was supporting himself to the side, inadvertently pressing the computer’s touchpad. At that moment, the video on the computer began to play again.

Yu Yue subconsciously wanted to turn back to pause the video.

But Xu Yuanzhe didn’t let him turn back.

So, in the computer, Steven’s somewhat off-pitch but oddly fitting song began playing again.

“But I still love you…”

Love always feels indebted~