Chapter 17

Tang Feiwai, ever since she received Lin Ye’s reply, felt like she had suddenly won the lottery, she jumped up from the armchair. She ignored the pillows and bottles that fell beside her, and hurried to the bathroom, turning on the faucet. The cold water flowed out, Tang Feiwai looked up at her face in the mirror, it was like a September apple, fully ripe.

At this moment, although she had already drunk three bottles of beer, her head was a little dizzy, but she was still sober, she knew what she was doing, she knew that drinking was just to bring forward this conversation.

She washed her face, wiped the thin sweat from her arms, changed her clothes, and took the 12 registered letters she had written to Lin Ye and went out.

They had made an appointment to meet at the bleachers behind Shujiang University Medical School, the place where Tang Feiwai and Lu Yuqing used to be rivals, and Lin Ye would sit below and watch. Now, it was almost 9 o’clock, the huge basketball court was empty, the lights were off. Tang Feiwai found a corner near the streetlight and waited quietly for Lin Ye.

The southern summer was hot and humid, even outdoors at night, she couldn’t feel any coolness. Tang Feiwai was in a hurry to leave, she forgot to bring a small fan, so she could only use her hand as a fan. However, after fanning herself several times, not only did it not bring a breath of fresh air, but because of this silly action, she felt even hotter.

It proved an old saying, drinking makes you stupid.

Tang Feiwai put the registered letters on her knees, buried her head in her phone, watching the time pass by second by second, she still didn’t see anyone. Did she regret it? She mumbled, and the next second she retracted her guess, Lin Ye was a person of her word, she never broke her promises, she was like that before, and she must be like that now. As expected, Tang Feiwai got up to throw the paper towel she had been using to wipe her sweat into the trash can. As she turned around, she saw Lin Ye walking towards her from five meters away.

In the night, the woman was wearing the simplest white T-shirt and gray shorts, with her hair tied up in a ponytail. Even in such a simple outfit, she easily captivated Tang Feiwai’s heart, making her mesmerized.

“Sorry, I’m late.” She put Lin Yangyang to sleep before changing clothes and going out, so she was late.

“No, it’s okay.” Tang Feiwai retracted her overly direct gaze, motioning for her to sit on the bamboo mat beside her.

Lin Ye thanked her and sat down as instructed.

For the next half minute, no one spoke. Tang Feiwai, because of her sudden nervousness, rubbed the envelope on her knees with her right hand, her lips were tightly pursed, she didn’t know how to break the silence. She secretly glanced to the right, and saw that Lin Ye’s hands were also on her knees, she was looking up slightly, gazing at the night sky ahead.

“Lin, Director Lin…” Tang Feiwai didn’t know how to address her at this moment, she hesitated for a long time before finally blurting out three words.

“Yeah.” Lin Ye replied coldly, so cold that the person on the right felt a shiver.

Tang Feiwai’s courage, which had been building up, was instantly shattered. She had originally prepared a long speech thanking Lin Ye as an opening, but now she had completely forgotten, she could only force herself to improvise, starting from their breakup, “At the end of 2013, I received the letters you sent me, four of them, and I also know that you wrote 12 letters.”

Lin Ye didn’t respond, she remained in the same posture as before. Tang Feiwai couldn’t see her expression, so she continued, “After I read the letters, I immediately called you, sent you a QQ message, but I couldn’t get in touch.” She paused, her voice choked, “I know, I deserve it.”

The night deepened, the surroundings became even quieter, Tang Feiwai could clearly hear Lin Ye’s throat swallowing, before she could continue, she heard the woman’s voice, seemingly devoid of emotion, “On December 7th, I sent that message, and then I deleted your QQ on December 15th, and then I went to the telecom office to change my phone number on December 16th.”

Ordinary letters, representing unknown romance. Actually, Lin Ye had told her everything in those 12 letters when she called her, the reason she wrote them down was also to give her a surprise, thinking that if by chance they didn’t get lost, Tang Feiwai, who was far away in a foreign country, would receive the letters, and when she was tired from studying and working, she could take them out to relax.

“I…” Tang Feiwai was speechless, she had been busy with her first surgery as an assistant during that time, she had been in the hospital for several days, reading literature, and practicing hand movements.

Lin Ye saw that she didn’t refute, her heart felt like it had been pricked by a needle unexpectedly, she tried to control her emotions and said softly, “Whether you read these letters or not, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It matters.” Tang Feiwai sniffed, her tone was firm, “I also wrote 12 letters, I sent them to your rented apartment behind the Second Affiliated Hospital, unfortunately, you must have moved at that time, and the letters were all returned by the post office.” She gently pushed the envelopes towards Lin Ye.

Lin Ye actually caught a glimpse of the tears in her eyes, but she still hardened her heart and ignored them.

The stack of envelopes lay quietly between them.

“If you really wanted me to receive the letters, you could have chosen to send them to the triage desk of the emergency department.” Although she had suppressed her emotions again and again, Lin Ye still lost her usual composure, her throat tightened, she said, “So, Tang Feiwai, you didn’t really care.”

She had never said such harsh words to Tang Feiwai before, she thought that by saying everything now, Tang Feiwai would understand the reasons for their breakup, and they could break up cleanly, no longer dwelling on the past.

“Tang Feiwai, you’re always like this, you think you’ve done your best, but have you ever thought about whether I, felt it?” She was hurting herself as much as she was hurting her, tears welled up in Lin Ye’s eyes.

“You can go two days without replying to messages, and when you do, you just say you’re tired, you’re sleepy, and then there’s no follow-up…”

Lin Ye’s every word was like a flood pouring into her mind, the fire that had been smoldering in Tang Feiwai’s heart was instantly extinguished.

Yes, Lin Ye was right, all along, her responses had been too few, she thought the other party wouldn’t mind, she thought the other party would understand her. They were both studying medicine, they already had few opportunities to be together, and a long-distance relationship was even more difficult, but Lin Ye could still find time, why couldn’t she?

Did she enjoy the other party’s initiative, get used to the other party’s initiative, but forget that the other party also needed her response?

A long-term unbalanced relationship, how could it last…

Tang Feiwai was enlightened, she wiped the tears that had inadvertently slid down her chin, and looked up to meet Lin Ye’s gaze. At this moment, Lin Ye was facing the light, Tang Feiwai couldn’t naturally see her tears that she was trying to hold back, but she could feel the other party’s unusual breathing, so she couldn’t help but blurt out, “I’m sorry.”

“No need.” Lin Ye looked away, adding, “Our breakup isn’t anyone’s fault, I’m also at fault, I never told you about my dissatisfaction.”

Tang Feiwai remembered that Lin Ye had hinted at it before by telling jokes and using a coquettish tone. Now she was speechless, she could only shake her head, she could only listen as the woman laid out all her past disappointments one by one.

“I can’t control you, so I can only control myself.” Less longing, slowly try to cut off the past, Lin Ye also erased the second half of the sentence that lingered in her mind, she got up and turned her back to her, her voice was hoarse, “I hope that in the future, you will meet someone you like, and you will be kind to her.”

Tang Feiwai quickly called out to her, “Lin Ye.”

The person in front of her paused slightly.

Tang Feiwai took a deep breath and said the words that had been weighing on her heart for a long time, “Can you, give me a chance?”

Lin Ye’s heart skipped a beat, she didn’t answer, she just paused for two seconds, then left her with a gradually receding back.