Chapter 27

Tang Feiwang sent the message one second, and the next second, another line appeared in the chat box, meaning that they had edited their messages almost simultaneously.

“Dr. Tang, I’m already used to my current pace of life, I don’t need anyone else to get involved, I hope you understand.”

Tang Feiwang’s eyes, which had been fixed on the screen, instantly dimmed. She stood there for a few seconds, then suddenly her body went limp, she slid down against the door, and finally collapsed on the floor.

Five minutes passed, and there was silence outside the door. Ten minutes passed, and still nothing.

Did she not even want a gift from a friend?

Facing reality, Tang Feiwang’s arms trembled uncontrollably, she could only hold her backpack tightly in front of her, as if a drowning person in the river grabbing a lifebuoy, fiercely, desperately holding it in her arms. Her suppressed emotions finally erupted, tears streaming down her face. There was grievance, there was the powerlessness of defying her parents these past two days, but more than anything, there was confusion about this feeling. She didn’t know if there was any point in persisting, she didn’t know if Lin Ye would get tired of her if she persisted, and she didn’t understand why, even though she could feel the other person still cared, she had to push her away so completely, leaving no room for anything…

The room didn’t have air conditioning, the surrounding air was mixed with sticky tears and sweat, a suffocating heat spread, but Tang Feiwang felt cold all over, as if she had fallen into an ice cave.

However, in the blink of an eye, her eyes lit up again. Because the wall was thin, she heard the sound of the door opening, which had almost been drowned out by her own cries, and 10 seconds later, another soft closing sound. Tang Feiwang stood up with anticipation, pressed her body against the door, and looked through the peephole. She saw that the gift bag hanging on the doorknob opposite was gone.

Tang Feiwang sniffed, tears still welling up in the corners of her eyes, but her heart warmed up a little. She kept telling herself that as long as Lin Ye accepted the gift, it meant there was still a glimmer of hope, and she couldn’t give up easily.

20 minutes ago, Lin Ye closed the book she had been reading, turned off the desk lamp, and prepared to rest. She moved to the edge of the bed and sat down, letting down her long hair that had been tied up with a hair tie, when she suddenly noticed the faint glow of her phone on the bedside table.

Who would be calling at this time? She reached out and picked up the phone, Tang Feiwang’s name appeared on the screen. Just like the midnight birthday wishes she received from her last night, she didn’t feel any joy, but instead, her heart was filled with turmoil.

They had broken up five years ago. Perhaps because of daydreams and night dreams, Tang Feiwang often appeared in her dreams without warning. Fortunately, in the past year, with the arrival of Yangyang, her life had a new focus, and this phenomenon gradually eased. Now, the other person had returned to China, and they were working in the same group, spending every day together, and there was a tendency for the old flame to reignite.

It’s better to cut it off than to drag it out, and if it continues, it will only hurt everyone involved. So Lin Ye didn’t respond to Tang Feiwang’s birthday wishes, and now that she was calling directly, she bit her lower lip, turned off the bedside lamp, and let the phone buzz beside her, the screen lighting up and dimming, dimming and lighting up again, ignoring it completely. After a while, the phone finally stopped vibrating, and Lin Ye picked it up again. She clicked on the WeChat chat box, looked at the birthday wishes Tang Feiwang had sent 23 hours and 59 minutes ago, suppressed the chaotic emotions in her heart, edited the words she had been thinking about for days, and pressed the send button.

She thought everything would end, but as her fingertips were still touching the screen, she received a new message. So, for the next 15 minutes, Lin Ye was caught in a dilemma. If she went out to get the gift, would Tang Feiwang misunderstand, after all, she had just told her to give up her hopes? But if the gift was left outside, with more people coming and going during the day, what if it was stolen? Would it be too much of a waste of her feelings…?

After much hesitation, Lin Ye curled her fingers, turned on the bedroom light, and walked out in slippers.

The moonlight was like water, bathing the whole room.

She was wearing a thin shirt, walking hesitantly, her heart still struggling, but her right hand had already unconsciously reached for the doorknob and opened the door. It was quiet outside, but if she listened carefully, she could faintly hear the sound of sobbing from behind the door opposite. Lin Ye’s heart tightened, her gaze fixed on the security door, as if she could see through the door, the person curled up on the floor, sobbing so hard she was gasping for breath.

Her eyes instantly turned red, she didn’t step forward, but took the gift bag and turned around to close the door.

The gift bag was light, but the contents felt like a thousand pounds, weighing heavily on Lin Ye’s heart. She took quick steps, and within seconds, she was back in the bedroom. As soon as the door closed, her right hand reached into the bag, took out the book, and Lin Ye took a closer look. With just one glance, the tears she had been holding back outside the door couldn’t help but flow out, sliding down her cheeks and onto the cover of the book.

She remembered one day in March seven years ago, when her favorite lily novel, Old Sea Tang Opens, was released in physical form, with a limited edition of 3,000 copies. That day, Lin Ye was on the day shift, praying that she would get off work on time, but she ended up working overtime. Tang Feiwang, who was far away in Heidelberg, was also called to the lab by her tutor, so they both missed the chance to grab the book.

Over the years, Lin Ye often searched for resale messages on Xianyu, but she missed out every time. The price of the physical book also went from the original 38 yuan to 2,000 yuan, even the signed ones went for 3,000 yuan, and they were snatched up within 10 minutes of being listed.

Lin Ye couldn’t imagine how Tang Feiwang managed to buy this book. Was it expensive? But she knew that these out-of-print physical books were often more valuable than they were worth, and it took time and effort to find them, to squat and wait, to communicate with the sellers. Lin Ye’s mind was racing, and she casually flipped to the first page of the physical book, two lines of words caught her eye.

To Lin Ye: Wish you all the best in your work, may you always be bathed in spring breeze. Hai Mu, August 26, 2018.

The To she wrote today, no wonder yesterday when she knew Qian Xiaoli was Hai Mu, she mysteriously said, “You’ll get a surprise tomorrow.” She was busy at the time and didn’t pay attention.

Lin Ye sniffed, raised her head to hold back her tears. She wanted to take out the bookmark that came with the book and save it, but as she flipped through a few pages, a bookmark fell to the ground, so she squatted down to pick it up, and found that it was a special dog-shaped bookmark. When she looked closely, she saw a few words on it, exactly the same as what Tang Feiwang had asked her in person that night, “Lin Ye, can you, give me another chance.”

She didn’t understand why, but at this moment, Lin Ye felt like every word Tang Feiwang had written by hand was stepping on her heartbeat. But Lin Ye didn’t know that the gift box Tang Feiwang had put in her backpack contained a gold bookmark she had specially ordered from a jewelry store near the hospital a few days ago, although the words engraved on the surface were different; she didn’t know that Tang Feiwang was worried about crossing a line, took out the gold bookmark, but forgot to take the paper bookmark in the physical book with her.

Now, the person who was lying on the sofa in the room opposite was belatedly realizing, scratching her head and ears, afraid that Lin Ye would block her. After thinking it over, she tentatively sent a message to give both of them a way out. After all, Lin Ye’s previous words were too blunt, now that she had accepted the gift, she wanted to thank her a few words, but she didn’t know how to start.

“The gift is to fulfill a promise I made seven years ago, please accept it.”

The floodgates of memory opened, and Lin Ye suddenly realized that on the night she was trying to grab the book, after she got off work, she called Tang Feiwang overseas, her voice full of regret, and the other person softly comforted her, making a promise before hanging up the phone. Seven years later, Lin Ye had forgotten, but she still remembered.

Her thoughts flew, Lin Ye’s throat felt dry, her breathing became heavier, and for a few seconds, she even thought about whether she could take back the message she had sent to Tang Feiwang 20 minutes ago… But the next second, she pinched her fingertip with her nail, and her reason returned. Words spoken are like water spilled, how could they be taken back?

Lin Ye knew Tang Feiwang’s personality. When it came to interpersonal relationships, she wasn’t afraid of repeated setbacks, but she was most afraid of being directly rejected, so she didn’t beat around the bush, she used the most straightforward words to cut off the other person’s hopes, and also her own. So, she was sure, they had no future together.

Except, as colleagues, as friends who accepted a gift, she could still politely reply, “Thank you, I like it very much.”

But she had calculated everything, except that time had changed, and the current Tang Feiwang was no longer the Tang Feiwang of the past.

The other side replied instantly, “Did you see the bookmark?”

Lin Ye was stunned for a moment by Tang Feiwang’s question, not understanding what she meant. Before she could reply, she received more messages.

“I have a strong sense of self-esteem. In middle school, a classmate said I got into the top class because of my father’s connections, so I went from the bottom of the top class to the top five in the grade. In my third year of graduate school in Heidelberg, I don’t know where my classmates heard that my tutor was a colleague of my mother’s during her visit and study in Germany, and they spread the word that I got a chance to apply for a combined master’s and doctorate program because of my connections, so I worked even harder to prove myself to others.”

“Lin Ye, I always felt before that I needed to be good enough, independent enough, and accumulate enough capital before I could come out successfully, before I could stand with you openly and get my parents’ blessing, so I was driven by my worthless self-esteem and these thoughts, and I plunged into my studies and work. Now I realize that I was too focused on myself, I overlooked the give and take that should be in a relationship, and I ignored your emotional needs.” She didn’t tell the other person that she had already come out, because there were too many uncertainties at the moment.

“I know I’m to blame, so I don’t expect to be forgiven immediately, after all, I’ve let you down so much with your kindness and tolerance.”

She laid out her past mistakes frankly, sending voice messages. Perhaps because she had been crying before, her voice was a little hoarse from beginning to end, and almost choked up at the end, “I still want to ask, can you give me another chance, a chance to make you believe in me again, to love me again.”

Lin Ye pressed play on one voice message after another. In the darkness, a touch of tenderness finally appeared on her face, which she hadn’t been able to control, but it was also mixed with a faint sadness. She replied softly, “It’s late, go to sleep, we have to work tomorrow.”

Five meters away, Tang Feiwang, whose phone almost hit her head, was so excited after hearing her reply that she almost jumped off the sofa. Because even though Lin Ye didn’t answer directly, it was enough compared to her silence a week ago, it was a huge improvement. In just 30 minutes, the person who had experienced great joy and sorrow wiped the tears from her cheeks and, emboldened, sent another message, “Okay, but I have a gift for you when I’m on the night shift tomorrow.”

The gold dog bookmark, on which she had personally engraved a few words with a goldsmith’s knife: May all you get be what you desire, may you always be happy year after year.