Chapter 20

Cheng Shuinan’s heart hung in the air. Though his gaze was fixed elsewhere, his peripheral vision uncontrollably lingered on Zhang Jingzhu.

The excruciating pain he endured as his fishtail transformed into legs seemed less unbearable at this moment. He pursed his lips, his hanging hands clutching the edge of his pants, his knuckles turning white.

Zhang Jingzhu’s hand rose.

Cheng Shuinan abruptly turned his head to stare at her, his eyes filled with pleading. He called out in a low, husky voice, “Zhang Jingzhu, don’t…”

 The merman’s gaze shattered, tears welling up in his eyes.

Zhang Jingzhu, you must harden your heart and throw the pearls far away, trample on the sincerity he offered, and make him understand that falling in love with a human has no good outcome.

Zhang Jingzhu thought viciously in her heart.

But at the same time, a pang of reluctance arose within her. What was wrong with him? Why would you treat him this way?

Zhang Jingzhu retracted her raised hands. Under Cheng Shuinan’s gaze, which gradually overflowed with anticipation, she placed the pearls on the coffee table in the living room.

“These are yours. You should keep them yourself. Whether you keep them or throw them away is up to you. I won’t take them.”

Zhang Jingzhu went back to her room and changed her clothes.

Cheng Shuinan leaned against the wall, his pupils shrinking abruptly. “You… where are you going?” He forced a miserable smile. “It’s just… a few pearls. If you don’t want them, then don’t. Dinner is ready. Don’t leave. Stay and eat, okay?”

Zhang Jingzhu walked to the entrance and slung her bag over her shoulder.

Cheng Shuinan ran over, boldly grabbing her bag strap for the first time. He pleaded once more, “It’s snowing outside, and it’s already dark. If you… if you don’t want to see me, I’ll leave now… I’m sorry. It’s my fault for making things difficult for you.”

As he spoke, he was about to open the door.

Zhang Jingzhu stopped him: “Where could you go if you left here?”

Cheng Shuinan pursed his lips, silent for a while before saying, “I don’t have a fishtail now. I’m no different from a human. I can go anywhere.”

Zhang Jingzhu pushed him back into the house: “Cheng Shuinan, I think you need to calm down and think carefully about what your feelings are. I just happened to meet you and rescued you. You’re just grateful to me, not anything else. If someone else had rescued you, you would feel the same way.”

“No…” Cheng Shuinan retorted.

“Don’t speak yet. Listen to me.”

Zhang Jingzhu leaned against the doorframe, stretching out her foot to block the other side. She was really afraid that Cheng Shuinan would leave if he said he would. He was unfamiliar with this place, silly and naive. Where could he go if he left?

She didn’t want to see the merman she had painstakingly nurtured back to health fall into the hands of someone with ill intentions again.

“Think carefully about what I said. Wasn’t our previous way of getting along good enough? Why do you have to…” Zhang Jingzhu lowered her eyes. “You’re a merman, and you’re rather simple.

 You think that when someone is kind to you, it means they like you. But it’s not like that. There are many kinds of emotions. You only feel gratitude, trust, and dependence towards me. Anything more is just the intimacy between friends…”

Cheng Shuinan listened quietly to her words.

“I have another apartment nearby. I’ll go stay there for a few days. You stay home and think about it. When you figure things out, I’ll come back…”

Zhang Jingzhu didn’t give Cheng Shuinan time to react. She stepped back, closed the door, and ran to the elevator, quickly pressing the button.

She just hoped that Cheng Shuinan would give up on those airy-fairy feelings and let their lives quickly return to how they were before.

Cheng Shuinan had no idea what was going on in Zhang Jingzhu’s mind. Her words, “When you figure things out, I’ll come back,” sounded more like a threat, as if she would never see him again if he didn’t do as she wished.

The door closed almost against his face.

A strong feeling of shock reached his brain, and his whole body trembled.

Zhang Jingzhu had said so many things, each sentence denying his feelings. But he hadn’t had a chance to tell Zhang Jingzhu:

He liked her.

And he was rejected.

Cheng Shuinan had thought he had discreetly hidden his shyness and affection in the pearls he gave her. Not only did she not accept them, but she even guessed his thoughts and then rejected him without hesitation.

He should be sad, but his heart was no longer under his control. It actually felt a faint glimmer of hope in Zhang Jingzhu’s decisive rejection.

Even though she was angry, she didn’t throw away the pearls. Instead, she carefully placed them down, as if they were fragile treasures.

Even though she didn’t want to see him anymore, she didn’t kick him out. Instead, she left in the heavy snow.

Cheng Shuinan quietly leaned against the floor-to-ceiling window, watching Zhang Jingzhu drive out of sight.

His lips slowly pursed. He didn’t know what to do to get Zhang Jingzhu’s love.

Suddenly, he remembered the mermaid story Zhang Jingzhu had mentioned:

Could the mermaid in the story get the love of the person she liked?

Cheng Shuinan opened his phone and started searching.

The name of the story was The Little Mermaid.

Zhang Jingzhu did indeed have a few apartments in the city center, but they weren’t that close to her current place. The roads were snowy, and she didn’t dare drive too far. She found a hotel nearby and checked in.

She paid for three days.

She was determined not to contact Cheng Shuinan for these three days.

He would surely weigh the pros and cons.

She didn’t sleep well that night. When it got light, she stayed in bed for a while. The hotel was near her company, so she could get up later and still make it to work.

She arrived at the office.

There was a girl in the same office as Zhang Jingzhu who was also a relative of someone important. She had bought a large bag of snacks and placed them on her desk. She was wearing headphones and watching a movie. When she heard the door open, she quickly greeted Zhang Jingzhu: “Jingzhu, I bought a lot of snacks. Have some.”

Zhang Jingzhu rubbed her eyes: “No, thank you.”

“Did you stay up late watching dramas too?”

Zhang Jingzhu mumbled a  hmm.

The female colleague: “What drama did you watch last night? Share it with me! I didn’t sleep all night. I almost died from the sweetness of the male and female leads. Have you seen this movie? It’s super, super, super good!”

The scene on the screen was beautiful. A man was holding a woman and kissing her on the beach.

Zhang Jingzhu was uninterested.

“I forgot the name.”

“Okay.”

Zhang Jingzhu wasn’t sick, and she had eaten a lot for breakfast, but she just didn’t feel well. It was a kind of fatigue caused by mental exhaustion. The people in the office could tell she was in low spirits. Some colleagues who were friendly with her asked her a few concerned questions, but she gave them the same answer:

“I’m fine! I ate a lot this morning. Maybe I ate too much?”

The breakfast prepared by the hotel was beautifully plated and looked appetizing, but Zhang Jingzhu found it tasteless. She gulped down the breakfast that she should have savored slowly. Her stomach still didn’t feel full, so she bought some more food from the breakfast shop next door.

Something was missing.

What Cheng Shuinan made most often in the morning was noodles. At first, he just made plain noodles with a few pieces of vegetables and an egg in the broth. Later, he became more and more creative. No matter when Zhang Jingzhu woke up, she could always eat hot noodles.

Moreover, as Cheng Shuinan learned more about human knowledge, he went from initially letting Zhang Jingzhu order whatever she wanted to gently rejecting her requests. He would patiently ask Zhang Jingzhu what she wanted to eat.

Sometimes, Zhang Jingzhu would deliberately make things difficult for him, asking for dishes that required a lot of effort and time, using ingredients that were hard to find. He would look confused, then hold his phone and watch videos. If he couldn’t make it, he would apologize to Zhang Jingzhu with a disappointed expression.

Cheng Shuinan would also…

 Stop, I can’t think about it anymore.

Zhang Jingzhu clasped her hands around her head and remained motionless for a long time.

Zhang Ning: “Jingzhu, are you feeling unwell again?”

Zhang Jingzhu shook her head.

Zhang Ning sat next to her with a cup of coffee, looking doubtful.

Zhang Jingzhu’s complexion clearly didn’t look good. Her skin was already very fair. Her usually clean face had a red pimple on her chin, and her dark circles were even more noticeable.

She looked listless, her eyes dull.

Zhang Ning: “Jingzhu, you don’t look good at all. I saw you glowing a few days ago. I even guessed you were secretly dating someone. You couldn’t hide your smile. How many days has it been? Did you really start dating someone? Are you fighting with him today… or did you break up?”

Zhang Jingzhu waved her hand: “I’m not dating anyone. I just didn’t sleep well last night.”

Zhang Ning: “If you’re really not dating anyone, don’t blame me for being nosy. I do have a very good guy here. Do you want to meet him?”

After graduating from college, Zhang Jingzhu had been introduced to many men by her elders, most of whom were from families with business dealings with her own. Seeing those introductions that were like job applications, with family backgrounds that made people envious, Zhang Jingzhu would think of her parents.

A bland, uneventful life.

Without any love or passion.

Zhang Jingzhu rejected them.

Later, Zhao Jing also joined the ranks of providing potential dates. Knowing that her daughter didn’t like men from business backgrounds, she specifically chose a man from a scholarly family. He was currently teaching at a top university in China. He was a professor in his twenties.

Zhang Jingzhu also thought that this man’s family background and profession were perfect, but she was worried about the huge difference in their education levels.

Zhang Jingzhu only had a bachelor’s degree, while the man had a doctorate.

In the end, nothing came of it.

“This guy is the same age as you. He’s my husband’s friend’s younger brother. Don’t worry about his family background. His parents are retired teachers. He’s currently in graduate school studying Chinese painting. He’s very tall, almost six feet tall. He’s very handsome. I’ll show you his picture…”

Zhang Jingzhu leaned over to look at the picture. The guy was indeed handsome. He was smiling confidently and radiantly in the photo. So, her worried nerve started to twitch. She asked in a low voice, “He’s so handsome. Doesn’t he have a lot of girls chasing after him?”

“Of course.”

“He’s too handsome. I wouldn’t feel secure.”

Zhang Ning clicked her tongue: “Zhang Jingzhu, do you ever look in the mirror? Don’t you know how beautiful you are? Could someone who isn’t good-looking match you?”

Zhang Jingzhu: “Then… then he’s the same age as me…”

Zhang Ning crossed her arms: “So what? What’s the problem?”

“It’s easy to have conflicts when people of the same age date… Besides, men’s psychological maturity ages are generally much later than women’s. If you date someone the same age, it’s like dating a child…”

Zhang Ning was convinced by Zhang Jingzhu’s reasoning: “It’s okay. I have a lot of other guys here. Look at this… I have a personal interest in this one. I don’t introduce him to anyone else. This is my cousin. He’s five years older than you. Can you accept that age gap? He works at a research institute. He’s busy with his career and hasn’t had time…”

After being rejected again by Zhang Jingzhu with all sorts of strange reasons, Zhang Ning closed her phone, stood up straight, and looked down at her.

Zhang Jingzhu: “… Maybe we should just forget it.”

Zhang Ning: “Zhang Jingzhu, I suddenly have a question. You haven’t even dated anyone before, have you?”

Zhang Jingzhu: “Yeah.”

Zhang Ning laughed: “I knew it. That’s why you’re so hesitant, worrying about this and that. You haven’t even met the person, you haven’t even started dating, and you’re already imagining all sorts of breakup scenarios in your head. You’re very pessimistic about love.”

Zhang Jingzhu blinked and nodded: “I wouldn’t say pessimistic. It’s just that I think it’s better to be cautious. After all, marriage is a big deal…”

Zhang Ning interrupted her: “Marriage is a big deal?”

Zhang Jingzhu looked puzzled. She didn’t understand what she had said wrong.

Zhang Ning: “Jingzhu, you’re still young. There are many possibilities in the future. I introduce you to guys because I think they’re pretty good and worthy of you. If you two find each other suitable, you can date, live together, and enjoy happiness… It’s not like I’m introducing you to them so that you can get married the next day! Marriage does require caution, but dating is different.

 If you don’t like someone, you can move on to the next one. Even if you get married, you can still get a divorce if you’re not satisfied… Why are you skipping the beginning and going straight to the end?”

Zhang Jingzhu nervously clenched her hands: “But, what if we’re not compatible in the end? If we break up, we can’t even be friends. It’s better not to start at all…”

Zhang Ning shrugged: “I think we should enjoy the present. Can friends stay together forever? Besides, the future is far away, and no one knows what will happen. But you’re already setting yourself up for failure before it even begins.”

Zhang Jingzhu nodded thoughtfully.

Zhang Ning: “So… which one do you want to meet? I’ll send you his WeChat. You can get to know each other. Just think of it as chatting between friends…”

Zhang Jingzhu directly rejected her: “No need, Zhang Jie.”

Zhang Ning was speechless: “So all that I just said, you didn’t listen to a single word.”

Outside the window, the cold wind whipped up the snow, causing it to fly wildly.

Zhang Jingzhu lay on her back on the soft bed in the hotel.

She had to admit that she had been affected by Cheng Shuinan.

Countless times, she had picked up her phone to call him, wanting to ask him how he was doing at home, but she would finally throw the phone away with a heavy heart.

Out of sight, out of mind.

But it was destined to be another sleepless night. Zhang Jingzhu’s phone made a sound indicating a new message. She picked up her phone with a lack of interest. The contact’s profile picture looked like it was randomly chosen, with no unique features.

She opened the chat box.

It was a voice message.

Zhang Jingzhu hated voice messages sent by others. They were full of meaningless chatter. If it was text, she could read it in three lines.

She pursed her lips, expressionless, and waited. Her finger hovered over the screen, hovering for a long time before finally landing.

“Zhang Jingzhu.”

Zhang Jingzhu’s heart skipped a beat. Few people would call her by her full name. The name was just a code. Her parents and friends usually called her Jingzhu. But when they said Jingzhu, it only meant “I’m talking to you now.” It didn’t have any other meaning.

But Cheng Shuinan was different. From the very beginning, when he said her name in his hoarse voice, his tone always carried an unspoken gentleness, very solemn.

As if it wasn’t just a name, but a treasure held in his mouth.

“I have some things I want to tell you, but I can never say them when I’m in front of you. I’ve been struggling for a long time, but I still think I should tell you. Before I met you, I was in that warehouse. There was no fresh air there. Even during the day, it was gloomy, and no sunlight could penetrate.

 I had already… I had already given up on living. My wounds were increasing every day, but I couldn’t feel the pain. My mind was numb. It was you… Zhang Jingzhu. It was your appearance that made me feel that continuing to live in this world wasn’t so unbearable…”

“For you, it might just be a trivial matter, but for me, it’s a precious memory that I can’t forget. It was on that day that I saw a complete night sky for the first time, with stars twinkling. You held my hand and took me in, a homeless man…”

“I’m filled with gratitude and trust towards you. I can’t help but want to depend on you… I’ve thought about it for a long time, and I can’t figure it out. You said there are many kinds of human emotions, and I only have these towards you. But there’s no authoritative research to prove that I can’t…

 “Feel love”

“You said that if it were someone else, I would feel the same way. But… Zhang Jingzhu, I feel like you’re making things difficult for me. I’ve already met you. You’ve already appeared in my life. From now on, there will never be anyone else…”

Zhang Jingzhu clenched her phone in one hand and grabbed a pillow with the other, pressing it against her face, hiding her entire face in the soft pillow. She held her breath tightly, turning her face red. As if that would prove that her face wasn’t red because of what