Chapter 76

Pei Jian stood with his hands behind his back, gazing at the endless night sky. His silhouette was heavy with contemplation, and he had been standing there for quite some time.

During the day in the court, he had clearly devised a strategy: step by step; he would turn Jiang Yuan and Princess Xinchang against each other, instigating a chaotic feud between them until both were utterly ruined and disgraced. What he sought was far from the mild outcome he ended up with. He could never easily let go of those who intended harm toward Nianxi.

Yet, when Gu Ci arrived, he almost instinctively withdrew.

To Pei Jian, retreat was the most futile and cowardly act. Once the thought of retreat entered one’s mind, any chance of victory was lost.

For him, withdrawing and giving up was exceptionally difficult. He had always been a tenacious individual, someone who never wavered. The one and only time he compromised in his life was for Nianxi.

But it was already too late.

He realized it too late.

The night wind carried a chill, whistling through the tent’s drapes, while inside the tent, everything was quiet. Suddenly, the lamp wick crackled and burst, plunging the world into darkness.

Pei Jian did not turn around. He stood silently, immersed in solitude, as though being alone had become his norm ever since Nianxi left him.

Though he hated to admit it, when it came to relationships, he was less thoughtful and caring than Gu Ci. Despite being married to her for so many years, he didn’t understand her as well as Gu Ci did. That’s why, after her rebirth, every time he saw her, she was vibrant and joyous, growing livelier and more charming by the day. Thus, in the court today, he chose to retreat.

The lone moon hung in the sky.

The wine he drank during the night became a tumultuous mix of emotions burning in his chest. Pei Jian stubbornly replayed memories of his time with Nianxi over and over again.

Finally, he remembered the moment when his heart was first moved.

Not long after meeting at Chongming Tower, Wen Qingheng often invited him to visit his residence, and every time he came, she would always appear unexpectedly.

Father Wen loved books, and their residence had an entire room dedicated to a library filled with towering bookshelves and a sea of volumes. Whenever he visited, he couldn’t help but linger there.

On one occasion, while searching for an ancient text deep inside the library, he overheard her asking Wen Qingheng from outside, “Where is Lord Pei?”

Wen Qingheng must have directed her toward him. Soon, he heard her footsteps entering the library. At some point, he had developed the ability to recognize the lively, light rhythm of her steps. He listened as she searched through the rows of bookshelves.

At first, her steps were slow, like the shy secrets of a young girl. Gradually, they quickened, filled with eager anticipation, until they became faster and faster—and then, they stopped abruptly. He had taken a step forward and was standing at the corner of the last row. If she turned that corner, the first thing she would see was him. But that day, the young girl, in her haste, ended up running straight into his arms. Her face flushed crimson with embarrassment, and she hurriedly stepped back. When she looked up, the graceful curve of her slender neck was mesmerizing. She murmured softly, “Lord Pei…”

She added, “I didn’t know you were here.”

Immediately after, Wen Qingheng’s voice came from outside, “Nian’er, have you found Shizhang’s text?”

The scene of her being caught off guard was both charming and delightful.

The young girl was exposed on the spot, her neck flushing red with embarrassment. The bright spring sunlight filtered through the gauzy window, casting dappled shadows on her fair, rosy face. Outside, birds chirped melodiously, and tiny specks of dust floated in the air. Amid the scent of ink and books, there was a faint, elusive fragrance.

They both forgot to respond to Wen Qingheng’s question.

Pei Jian could only remember her doe-like, lively, and enchanting eyes. Dressed in a peach-pink gown, she smiled radiantly at him amidst the vibrant spring day. It felt as though his heart blossomed along with her smile. Pei Jian found it hard to describe the emotions stirring within him at that moment. He simply thought that the world’s beauty could be no greater than this.

After that, they grew closer day by day.

Yes, he, too, had experienced the kind of joy and excitement that Gu Ci had shown earlier. His mood was always buoyant, and apart from his studies and her, nothing else weighed on his mind.

There may be one difference.

He never shared Gu Ci’s anxiety and insecurity because he always knew that Nianxi loved him. He was deeply immersed in that love. And so, he became even more driven, as if propelled by some unseen force, his mind constantly tense, yearning for success and glory.

Yet, Nianxi never valued those things. She cherished “companionship” more. Her parents-in-law treated him exceptionally well, too. But he was impatient, chasing power and profit, ultimately losing sight of his original intentions.

He still remembered when they were newly married and attended a banquet together. It was a grand occasion to celebrate the conferment of a title upon a colleague’s wife. On the way back, she leaned against his arm, half-closing her eyes, and said to the deepening night, “Today, Madam Li was so proud. Everyone at the banquet praised her husband for his ambition and said how fortunate she was. Only in her twenties and already conferred a title.”

She was adorably naive at that time, “But that ceremonial robe is so heavy. In the heat, I saw Madam Li sweating profusely at the back of her neck.”

Amused, he pinched her delicate nose, “I think you are even more fortunate than Madam Li.”

Hearing this, she sat up, cupped his chin with her hands, thought seriously for a moment, then nodded and smiled, “Of course, my husband is much more handsome than hers!”

He laughed heartily and pulled the mischievous her into his arms, nibbling on her earlobe and whispering, “I mean, you don’t have to wait until you’re twenty, nor endure the heat, to be conferred a title.”

She giggled foolishly. Not because of the title but because he lightly licked her earlobe, and she was most ticklish there.

Later, Nianxi truly became the envy of every noblewoman in the capital. As he rose steadily in his career, her ceremonial robes became increasingly grand and splendid.

But, but…

Pei Jian’s expression was grave as he gazed into the deep night. In the lonely days that followed, the smiles on Nianxi’s face grew fewer. She must have refused to believe the words I once said about her good fortune. Had she regretted it long ago?

She regretted it so much that she left without looking back, choosing a life without me.

Pei Jian greedily searched through his memories for all the happy moments with Nianxi. Those times when her smile was as beautiful as flowers, those once beautiful moments. But the more he thought, the more desolate his heart became.

If he had never seen the sun, he could have endured the darkness. But now, the sun made his loneliness even more desolate.

The swelling, burning pain in his eyes almost made him lose control. In the turbulent midnight of his memories, he indulged in his fragility, letting it rage freely where no one could see.

“Lord, it’s late.” A cautious reminder came from behind him, and Pei Jian responded softly.

A moment later, he turned around, his face cold and solemn, steady and noble. He became that meticulous, promising young statesman once more. All the lonely thoughts were firmly pressed deep in his heart.

He had promised Nianxi that he would no longer force or pressure her but to continue loving her in the way she liked.

This time, he would never forget.