Chapter 124

“Nianxi, do you still wish to marry?”

“What about you?”

Pei Jian paused for a few moments, then gently said, “If fate didn’t favor us in the past life, I wish to reconnect and try again in the next life.”

His voice was charming, like cold jade striking a chime. When he recited these words slowly and softly, it inexplicably evoked a sense of wistful sorrow.

Ah, the people in this world always have endless worries.

When she longed for him, he couldn’t see it. By the time she let go and freed herself from the attachment, deciding to part ways, he picked up the thread of affection that had been severed and wanted to rekindle their bond.

Such is the fate of many lovesick men and women in this world.

Yet, even if the longing is as deep as the sea, old memories are as distant as the heavens.

Time has passed.

The two sat on a bench under the veranda, basking in the warm winter sunlight, feeling a sense of lazy leisure. A faint and gentle jasmine fragrance lingered in the air—it was Nianxi’s soft and delicate scent.

Pei Jian, restraining himself with great effort, pretended to act indifferent on the surface. “You haven’t answered me yet.”

Nianxi tilted her head thoughtfully and replied softly, “I would.” Her gaze rested lightly on an invisible point in the air as she spoke tenderly, “I don’t want to live alone anymore. When I was on the verge of death and you never returned, I told myself, in the next life, I don’t want to live so lonely again.”

“If I meet someone I like, and he likes me back, I will marry him.”

Pei Jian’s heart trembled violently. The calm expression on his face almost cracked in an instant.

Nianxi did not notice his unusual reaction and continued speaking gently, “Pei Jian, I have never regretted being kind to anyone. Even if I was let down or met with obstacles, it was because that’s what I loved and hated and because I am fine with it.”

Pei Jian listened almost numbly. When he heard her say she had no regrets, he should have felt relieved, but instead, his heart was weighed down by something even heavier, suffocating him.

He had neglected his wife, an undeniable fact.

At that time, he was too busy. Busy fighting for power and gain, busy defeating enemies in a single move, earning admiration, indulging in pride and ambition.

His heart was too full.

At that time, she, with a desolate frown and a thin, fragile figure like a breeze, faded right before his eyes—yet he remained indifferent to her withering. Now, Nianxi had blossomed once more, radiant and glowing, but it was no longer because of him.

“Are you… waiting for Gu Ci?”

The name “Gu Ci” was spoken so softly by him. It was the person he tried his best to avoid, something he refused to acknowledge. Yet, at this moment, he was desperate for an answer.

Nianxi never expected Pei Jian to mention Gu Ci.

Since Gu Ci left the capital, Pei Jian had often appeared before her. They would occasionally reminisce about the past and talk about people around them, even Qin Lang.

Gu Ci alone was like a forbidden topic—Pei Jian had never once brought him up.

She smiled gently and turned to look at him, her almond-shaped eyes radiant like the stars: “I am not waiting for Gu Ci.”

Pei Jian was stunned; his lips moved slightly. He was just about to speak when Nianxi continued, “I have already spent one lifetime waiting. In this life, I don’t want to wait for anyone anymore.”

“Jumping from one waiting period into another, Pei Jian, I don’t want to live like that again.”

“Waiting is such a lonely thing to do.”

“I still miss him.”

Her voice was incredibly gentle as she looked again toward the ancient tree in the courtyard.

“Gu Ci is entirely different from you. You are someone steadfast and resolute, unwavering in your determination toward a set goal. No one can shake your resolve.”

“Gu Ci is not like that. He has a softer heart, more concerns, and carries heavier responsibilities.”

When Gu Ci first left the capital, there were times when Nianxi would hear about something amusing, taste a delicious dish, or come across an interesting book. Her instinct was always to share it with him, just like how Gu Ci, when socializing outside, would always bring her something fun or tasty that he came across.

Habits are terrifying things. It slowly, imperceptibly eroded her resolve. However, whenever she looked up and realized that person was no longer beside her, her heart would always feel sad.

“I am not waiting for him, nor will I wait for anyone. It’s just that, in my heart, I still can’t let him go.” Nianxi spoke with utter honesty, sharing her innermost thoughts with Pei Jian.

She had always been like this. When Gu Ci left the capital for his mission, she could not bring herself to stop him, for it was his duty. But her love had always remained. Even though she had been hurt before, when it came to matters of the heart, no one was more earnest than her. With all her heart, unwavering and unconditional.

Perhaps only when the day came that her love finally ran dry would she be able to let go gracefully and move on without looking back.

Pei Jian had been loved by her and was then abandoned by her; no one understood this better than he did.

Her purity.

Pei Jian’s eyes suddenly stung with bitterness, his throat dry, and he almost lost his composure. He felt sorrowful for having let down someone as wonderful as Nianxi.

The courtyard fell into silence for a moment; neither of them spoke.

After a long pause, Pei Jian softly said, “I didn’t expect you to share these things with me.”

Nianxi’s eyes glistened slightly with moisture. “I didn’t want to worry my family. Talking about it with you, well, it’s not so bad.”

Pei Jian poured her a cup of tea, holding back his pain, and joked, “You used to love sharing everyday life with me. I never thought that one day, you’d share your feelings—about someone else’s feelings—with me.”

Nianxi hadn’t expected herself to share this with him either, and for a moment, she felt a little embarrassed. “You were the one who asked me first.”

Pei Jian suddenly turned serious and asked, “Have you been feeling down for a while?”

“Not really.” Nianxi thought for a moment and said, “Compared to my past life, I’ve come to terms with things quite well. Each day is fulfilling. Love isn’t the entirety of my life.”

Pei Jian chuckled softly. “Having me as a cautionary tale has certainly done you great.”

Nianxi agreed with a smile, “The trees planted by those who came before bring shade to those who come after.”

Pei Jian smiled helplessly, “It seems my rebirth truly is a trial.”

He still believes that Nianxi’s feelings for Gu Ci were not greater than she had once felt for him. In truth, they hadn’t spent much time together, but even so, mentioning Gu Ci still saddened her.

And the past life?

When she decided to let go of a love that had lasted over a decade, how painful must it have been for her?

Nianxi put down her teacup, turned to Pei Jian, and asked, “Do you know the cause of my death in the past life?”

“Probably because of me.”

Nianxi looked toward him, and Pei Jian shook his head, saying, “His Majesty was gravely ill at that time. King Jing’s faction had almost been eradicated, leaving only remnants. I’ve often speculated in recent days that perhaps it was because you and I had no children, and I never took a concubine that those people targeted you with malicious intent.”

Nianxi couldn’t have imagined that the reason for her death would be such a ridiculous one. “They thought you loved me?”

Pei Jian’s face showed a hint of embarrassment, and he smiled bitterly. “The Pei Prime Minister couple was indeed praised by everyone in the capital at the time.”

“Yes, everyone envied me for being so lucky,” she replied.

Pei Jian was left speechless, with no argument to make. At moments like this, the best course of action was to stay silent. The more you say, the more mistakes you make. So, he diligently replaced the charcoal in the heater for Nianxi instead.

Nianxi fumed for a while, secretly cursing those who had harmed her as blind fools. They couldn’t even figure out who Pei Jian’s true beloved was—no wonder they failed in their bid for the throne!

“Who do you suspect?” she asked.

Pei Jian handed her the hand warmer and said solemnly, “Commander of the Imperial Guards, Qi Chun; Secretary Du Shen of the Administrative Office for Shaanxi; and Lu Wensheng of the Duke Fu family.”