Chapter 64: Silent Struggle

His pain came entirely from guilt, and also…

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Perhaps it was because she had encountered a similar plot point—regarding the last dream—that Li Yunli’s memory suddenly became clear.

Originally, she had only dreamed of taking refuge at Yongqing Temple, where the young monk Jingkong, then still known as Qingnian, had torn up the scriptures to provide warmth for everyone.

She had completely forgotten how she had felt at the time.

But now, in this moment, Li Yunli suddenly remembered.

The feeling was as if she had personally experienced it, as if she were there herself.

At that time, her emotions seemed… utterly defeated.

It was as if she had suffered the greatest failure in the world, her heart in despair, completely crushed.

Jingkong tore up the scriptures to warm her because he was afraid she might take her own life in the sacred land of Buddhism.

“I never realized… Being a princess isn’t easy at all. They all want me dead—the Empress Dowager and Yongcheng Marquis can’t wait for me to disappear. When I first arrived, all I wanted was to be a carefree princess, indulging in pleasures, but they never intended for me to live at all!” She hugged her knees, muttering in a daze, her spirit broken. “I want to go home. I want to go home… What should I do now…?”

Jingkong didn’t know what to say. He could only try to comfort her: “The flood was too great, beyond human control. This isn’t your fault. The people won’t blame you for this.”

But Li Yunli shook her head desperately, in unbearable pain: “I can’t fight them… I can’t win against them at all… I originally thought that if I came, things would be different. Even if I didn’t achieve great things, at least I could live peacefully as a proper princess, without a terrible reputation. But now, I can’t even survive…”

She trembled, her eyes filled with despair.

It was as if this flood had swept away all her ambition, completely breaking her.

She had come here, so confident that she could change everything. With both status and power, she thought she could be a happy and carefree princess.

But this man-made flood struck her head-on.

It turned out that she wasn’t just arrogant—she was a complete failure.

Jingkong, however, remained calm. He let out a bitter chuckle: “I don’t understand Your Highness’s pain, but I can tell you my story. Would you like to hear one?”

Supporting himself on his knees, he tossed the scripture in his hands into the fire and cast a glance at the people huddled outside.

“Today, Your Highness accused me of killing. I don’t regret it. A single pheasant might save a life. That pregnant woman is about to give birth. Her husband is a wealthy official from Yongzhou, living in comfort.”

Li Yunli looked at him, assuming he was just another worldly, pragmatic monk.

But his gaze was gentle, and his tone held a hint of sorrow: “To be honest, Your Highness, I’m not afraid of being laughed at—I was engaged to her before I became a monk.”

Li Yunli’s eyes widened slightly. She turned her head, stiffly glancing at the pregnant woman.

The young monk Jingkong smiled. “So, I’m not really a good monk. I don’t recite scriptures well, I don’t worship Buddha properly, and I have no grand aspirations of saving all beings. I just wanted to take a secret look at her.”

For a monk to say something like this while looking at a woman about to give birth—it was downright mad.

Especially at a time like this, when disaster loomed and no one knew if they would even see tomorrow.

For a moment, Li Yunli didn’t know which of them was more tragic. The sorrow in her heart did not lessen in the slightest.

She pulled at the corners of her mouth, forcing a smile that looked worse than crying. “Next life, act sooner. Otherwise, all you’ll be left with is regret.”

Jingkong smirked, his movement utterly unlike that of a monk. He tilted his chin at her. “Same to you. Next life, don’t be so easily defeated. You’re the princess of Great Chu, after all.”

Both of them were lost in their own sorrows, falling silent for a long time.

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This memory surged back like a tidal wave, overwhelming Li Yunli’s mind.

She swayed slightly, steadied herself, and felt a chill run down her spine.

She knew exactly who the Li Yunli in this memory was!

She was just like her younger self!

Li Yunli was well aware of her own obsession with meticulous plans. In the past, whenever a carefully laid plan fell apart and all her efforts ended in failure, she would fall into deep despair.

The crushing sense of defeat she felt in this memory was too intense. It was as if she had once considered Yongzhou her battlefield, and when the flood broke the levees, sweeping the people away, all her courage and faith collapsed in an instant.

If her plans had carried the weight of so many lives and the stability of an entire region, then when everything was destroyed, she would have broken completely.

Li Yunli fully understood why the person in the memory had reacted that way.

At the same time, a deep question rose in her heart.

Was the person in the dream really her?

She gasped, snapping out of her thoughts.

Now was not the time to dwell on the past—there was still so much to be done.

This time, she would not fall into despair!

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Xiao Linjia had just received news that Li Yunli had returned to Yongzhou. He hadn’t even made it back to the yamen before military orders arrived.

Li Yunli commanded him to immediately leave behind a thousand soldiers to assist Yang Xu in evacuating the people, while he was to lead the rest of the troops to clear a path for the evacuation.

No matter how hard he thought about it, Xiao Linjia couldn’t figure out the deeper meaning behind this order. But military orders were absolute—he followed them without question.

Yet, just as he led his troops out of the city, they suddenly encountered a large force flying the Western Border Army’s banner!

Following his orders, Xiao Linjia engaged any who blocked the way.

“Damn it!”

As he fought his way through the enemy ranks, he realized that only one banner was actually imitating the Western Border Army’s—the leading general was unrecognizable, and their combat style was unfamiliar.

“Who the hell are these damned bandits?!”

With a sweep of his spear, Xiao Linjia cut down the enemy before him, feeling more and more uneasy.

The princess had given him no explanation of her strategy, no clue about the enemy’s identity, and no reason why he had to clear a path.

But the urgency of the order meant the situation must be critical.

And the more critical the situation, the more tense he became.

This was the land of Great Chu. These were Chu faces he was cutting down.

Xiao Linjia fought with a burning fury, one thought pounding in his head: These men are rebels!

But who had rebelled?!

And why had the rebellion begun in Yongzhou?!

He had taken all the soldiers to protect the people’s retreat. The princess was still inside the city—what would happen to her?

Would she be left defenseless?

With mounting frustration, Xiao Linjia took out all his fury on the battlefield, slashing his way toward Leopard Head Mountain.

Meanwhile, within Yongzhou City, Ji Wenxun had been staying close to Li Yunli. When he saw her pulling Feng Mu into Zhou Foxiao’s library, he became increasingly anxious.

“You sent General Xiao away—what about you?! What are you planning?”

Li Yunli wiped the sweat from her forehead, her voice calm.

“I don’t need him. Right now, I need to save the people of Yongzhou. Ji Jie, stay with me.”

Shen Ziyu and Feng Mu flipped through stacks of books at lightning speed.

Li Yunli took a deep breath and declared, “If my suspicions are correct—this flood… is man-made!”