“All I want is for you to be the way you are, so don’t do this, Commander. You’ve been stressed, right? You’ve had a lot on your plate lately, and you’ve got new members……. I’m sure you’re feeling overwhelmed. I’m sorry for not paying attention. But I really like the present you, Commander. Past or present, any version of you is fine.”

Van meant it. He liked Cadel’s sacrificial side, he liked Cadel’s calculating side, he liked Cadel’s smiling face, no matter what it was. He liked everything about Cadel, there was nothing he didn’t like.

Even so.

“Ha……. Ah— really…… This is really driving me crazy…….”

Cadel rubbed his face and hung his head like a man who had lost his mind. He drew in a shaky breath, with an expression on his face that Van couldn’t tell whether he was crying or laughing.

“That can’t be possible. There’s no way the commander you like is who he is…….”

“I know my own heart best.”

“…….”

“Commander, please stop. No matter what you ask, my answer will never change.”

Even in his panic, Van conveyed his feelings clearly. Because he was confident. Because his sincerity would never change.

And then, suddenly, Cadel realized.

‘I should have told him, the first day I transmigrated, no, even after hearing from Kunra. I should have told him.’

He had gone too far. He knew where Van’s heart was, but he was too eager to turn away. Wouldn’t Van’s loyalty still be directed to Shin Yeohwan, at least a little bit? He consoled himself with the illusion that he needed to be a man worthy of Van.

It wasn’t like that from the beginning. The reason why Van continued to follow him was simply because he saw the will of Cadel Lytos remaining in this body. He was looking at a Cadel Lytos he didn’t even recognize, missing, admiring, and loving him.

Even though there was an enemy right in front of him who had no choice but to kill the man he loved. Instead of hating his enemy, Van showered him with affection.

“……You should take a rest, Commander. I’ll go find Sir Jeff.”

Van snatched the piece of cloth from Cadel’s hand and sat him down against the back of a tree. After extracting a promise not to make a move from Cadel, he set off in search of Jeff’s trail. Cadel mumbled something in a daze.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

* * *

Fortunately, Jeff’s wounds were not deep. He was discovered by an advancing army of monsters and faced a great crisis, but was lucky enough to run away and hide.

Van fired a signal flare to alert the others to their position, then left Jeff in the care of Lumen, who was the first to arrive and went to find Cadel. Cadel followed Van back to the castle without a word. Cadel’s demeanor was somber as if his earlier agitation had been an illusion.

King Lemyn offered a banquet to honor the Knight Order for their victory over the demon of the swamp, but Cadel refused. The reason was that the members needed rest more than a banquet.

The King was disappointed, but he understood Cadel’s point, and in lieu of a banquet, he offered the Scarlet Scales Knight Order a place to rest before they moved on to the next sealed area.

Cadel wrote a brief report in his spacious guest room and sent it to the Emperor. If nothing else happened, the next dispatch area would be decided soon. And he already knew where it was.

He refused to eat and instead took a bath. After scrubbing himself clean, he sat on his bed and stared blankly out the window. Cadel’s eyes became brightly colored following the setting sunset.

He had been staring at the same view for hours, unmoving. Kunra had left to analyze the magic circle, and his subordinates were resting in their own ways. No one disturbed Cadel. There was an occasional knock on the door, but he didn’t answer it.

His fixed eyes were vacant, his expression blank and dry. Like a hollowed-out shell, Cadel was frozen in place.

“…….”

His head moved when the calming glow of the sunset had completely faded. In the darkened landscape, it was the transparent window that illuminated Cadel’s face, not the outside. Cadel turned away as if to look away, then slowly rose to his feet.

He crossed the room with shaky, mechanical steps. A feeble hand grasped the doorknob, turned it heavily, and pulled.

“……Commander.”

Van had been standing in the doorway for who knew how long. He hadn’t expected Cadel to open the door first, and the look on his face was one of bewilderment.

“Come in.”

Without a trace of surprise, Cadel turned and let Van in.  The awkward smile slowly faded from Van’s face due to Cadel’s calm demeanor. Did Van sense something in Cadel’s uncharacteristic mood, or was it just an instinctive hunch? An uneasy feeling filled him.

He accepted the cup of water Cadel offered from across the table.

“I don’t have any tea. Should I call someone?”

“No, that’s okay, water will do. ……Have you been alone the whole time?”

“Um.”

“And meals?”

“I already ate.”

Cadel sat down across from Van, lying nonchalantly. Van’s lips twitched a few times as if he wanted to say something, but he chose to remain silent.

Van glanced at Cadel while uselessly fiddling with his water cup. Cadel was just staring at his full glass of water with his eyes downcast.

“……I was going to come by tomorrow, in case you were tired, but I was a little…… nervous. I hope I didn’t disturb you……?”

“No. Because I was going to find you anyway.”

“Feel free to tell me whenever you are having a hard time, Commander. It doesn’t have to be me you want to share it with. If you keep everything to yourself, it can rot.”

“……I just wanted to rot away on my own.”

“Pardon?”

With a bewildered answer, Cadel’s eyes turned to Van. The unfamiliar ash-colored eyes made Cadel seem foreign.

“Feel like I’m a stranger?”

“…….”

“Just today, or has it happened before?”

Van tried to decipher the meaning behind Cadel’s question. But Cadel’s gaze back at him held no clues, just a hollow, blank stare.

“Have I ever behaved strangely or differently from usual? Have you ever wondered why this person is like this?”

“That’s the kind of thing……. Commander’s always been a bit of a maverick. People aren’t always consistent. ……When things get tough, anyone can do things they wouldn’t normally do, and I’m no different.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

There was no sharp edge, no pushy attitude. He obediently agreed and accepted it calmly. Cadel didn’t get riled up. In fact, he was too calm, which made Van even more uneasy.

“But wasn’t it strange at the time? The day you woke me up in that old inn. The innkeeper kicked us out because we couldn’t pay for our accommodations, and I named the mercenary corps.”

“I remember.”

“I asked you your name, with a dumb face, acting weird.”

“Ah…… It was like that. Wasn’t it because you were half asleep?”

Cadel stared at Van’s innocent face and opened his mouth as if he were possessed.

“That was the start.”

“What do you mean by start……?”

“I stole Cadel Lytos’ body and lived in his place. That’s when it started.”

“What…….”

“I’m not Cadel Lytos, Van. I’m another human being transmigrated into this body.”

Van frowned slightly. Concerned eyes searched Cadel’s face, beginning to question his seemingly unaffected state. Cadel watched Van’s expression change slightly and spoke without pause.

“My name is Shin Yeohwan. I was living in another world and almost died in an accident, but when I woke up, I transmigrated into this body. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was you. I was able to impersonate Cadel Lytos with the knowledge I gained from my previous life.”

“What are you talking about? Are you serious……?”

“I possess this body, but I still have the soul of Cadel Lytos inside me, and it’s influencing my behavior. Perhaps that’s why you never suspected I might be someone else.”

“Commander?”

“Half and half. My soul and Cadel Lytos’ soul are mixed half and half, and that’s what keeps me in this body. But even if my soul leaves this body or not……. Cadel Lytos will die.”

“Commander, wait a minute. Stop. Why are you doing this?”

“So no matter what I do, I can’t give you back the real Cadel Lytos. But you know, the truth is…… I had no intention of returning it from the beginning. I was going to keep living in this body.”

Cadel’s voice trembled slightly with each unintelligible word. Van’s expression hardened, as did his pale face. He rose to his feet and tried to stop the rambling Cadel, but Cadel didn’t stop, instead dropping to his knees on the floor. Van’s eyes widened in horror.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lied to you all this time. I’m sorry I’m a disgusting piece of sh*t. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Why……. Commander, please stop…….”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t hide it until the end……. I’m sorry I couldn’t rot on my own…….”

“Get up, please. Please, Commander, stop.”

Van lifted Cadel’s head off the floor and yanked him to his feet. Ignoring his struggles, Van yanked him off, and Cadel staggered to his feet.

Tears had formed in Cadel’s cloudy eyes. Van tried to wipe them away, but Cadel shook his head.

“Don’t you get it? You don’t believe me, do you?”

“…….”

“Let’s go to the swamp area now. Kunra is there. Kunra will explain everything. You can believe what the Scarlet Dragon says, right?”

“Cadel.”

“Let’s go. Quickly.”

Cadel turned toward the door without bothering to remove his arm from Van’s grasp. The corners of Van’s eyes trembled slightly at the desperate force pulling him toward it.

“We have to go. Please go with me, Van. Okay?”

All he could see was the back of Cadel’s head, but Van could tell he was crying. That was why he couldn’t hold on, and he went out the door as if he was being dragged by Cadel.