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Chapter 35 – Bitterness
For a moment, she wanted to sever ties with Pei Shang.

As soon as the words fell, the atmosphere instantly froze.

Xie Zhuoguang lifted his eyes and met Pei Shang’s gaze. His usually cool and detached eyes, like a misty autumn fog, flickered evasively in panic.

In this confrontation of gazes, he couldn’t deceive his own heart.

Seeing this, Pei Shang let out a cold snort. He knew Xie Zhuoguang too well not to understand what that reaction meant.

The anger that had been dormant in Pei Shang’s chest for years was like molten lava deep underground, just waiting to burst through and spew in all directions.

His eyes narrowed, and his voice turned colder than ever.

“Xie Liulang, you are the only friend I’ve ever truly held close to my heart all these years. I have treated you no worse than I treat myself.”

He lowered his eyes and continued:

“Others envy your status, covet the glory of your entire family, and only see your flawless, upright side — admiring you like the bright moon in the sky or the clear breeze between the mountains. But I know you. I understand you.”

“You were so pitiful as a child! On a snowy night, wearing only thin clothes, as dusk fell, no one from your household came to fetch you. That image has stayed with me all these years. I always reminded myself that Liulang is my closest friend; if no one looks after him, I will. And yet, what was the result?”

Pei Shang raised his eyes, locking them tightly on Xie Zhuoguang.

“You knew very well that Yao-meimei is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Why did you still approach her? There are so many noble ladies in the capital — why her?”

By now, Pei Shang’s voice was hoarse.

Today, he had to get a promise.

He had a nagging premonition that if he and Yu Mingyao could not end up together, the root of the problem would be his best friend before him — Xie Zhuoguang, who outwardly appeared lofty and untouchable, untainted by worldly dust.

The two of them were barely ten feet apart. As Pei Shang stepped closer and closer, the tension grew taut, as if on the verge of snapping. No one dared breathe.

Pei Shang approached Xie Zhuoguang, needing a clear answer — that this man had no intention towards his beloved, and would not overstep again.

He was about to demand an answer to his earlier question.

But when he caught sight of Xie Zhuoguang’s downcast brows and eyes, his gaze, as if compelled by something unseen, landed on the blue robe Xie Zhuoguang was wearing. A sharp instinct made him blurt out:

“That day at my residence, when your clothes got wet, did you change into the scarlet robe?”

Just those dozen or so words cut like a sharp blade, tearing open the ugly truth Xie Zhuoguang most wanted to hide.

Hearing this, Xie Zhuoguang’s eyelashes trembled like a fluttering butterfly.

He remained silent for a long moment before finally opening his tightly pressed lips and answering hoarsely:

“Yes.”

Despicable!
Shameless!
Scoundrel!

In the instant he heard the answer, countless curses surged in Pei Shang’s mind.

This man had always preferred wearing blue. Because of that habit, Pei Shang had kindly mentioned that there was a blue robe in his wardrobe that Xie Zhuoguang could borrow — and yet he!

He harbored unspeakable thoughts and coveted Yao-meimei!
His sister-in-law!

Pei Shang turned his head away, not wanting to look at Xie Zhuoguang even for another second.

“I won’t see you out.”

Those four words expressed all his anger and hatred.

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On the long bustling street that connected East Street to West Quarter, people came and went endlessly.

At this moment, a carriage with blue curtains silently passed by. The silver-gilded osmanthus ram’s horn lantern hanging at its front swayed gently in the wind, producing crisp chimes.

Inside the carriage, Cheng Qing sat on a soft cushion, holding a bronze sword, carefully observing Xie Zhuoguang.

The heir, who was usually not fond of talking much, had not spoken a single word since leaving the Pei residence today.

His brows and eyes were as deep and still as an untouched jade pond — filled only with deathly stillness.

Cheng Qing sighed, recalling the day the heir had rescued Miss Yu. Drenched in wet clothes, he had worn the same expression.

He had made no sound, head bowed, as he wiped his dripping hair with a cloth, his entire being filled with self-abandonment, even carrying a sense of self-destruction.

All this, just for a Miss Yu — was it truly worth it?

Cheng Qing watched for a long while and finally couldn’t help but speak.

“Did the heir quarrel with Young Master Pei again at the Pei residence today? Or was it again about Miss Yu?”

As the words fell, inside the square carriage with blue curtains, Xie Zhuoguang still kept his eyes closed and said nothing.

Cheng Qing grew anxious and was about to speak again when a cold, piercing male voice rang out.

“She knows.”

She? Who?

Was it she or he?

Cheng Qing widened his eyes. The next moment, the man’s voice sounded again.

“He knows too.”

After answering, a trace of pain flashed in Xie Zhuoguang’s usually emotionless eyes.

His gaze fell on the couch opposite him. Without waiting for Cheng Qing to ask more, he continued on his own.

“I had expected Pei Shang to notice, but she… she clearly already knew everything. She knew the one who saved her wasn’t Pei Shang. Why does she still stay so close to him?”

He paused a beat before continuing:

“I thought I was a gentleman, able to ask for nothing in return. When I jumped in to save her, I only thought of getting her out quickly. The pond water was so cold — what if her body froze?”

“But when she ignored me afterwards, I still couldn’t help but feel jealousy, even wanting to ask her why she was so heartless. Yet… what right do I have?”

Although Xie Zhuoguang’s expression remained calm, the hand resting on his knee was clenched so tightly that the veins bulged prominently — strikingly obvious.

He was far less composed than he appeared.

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By the flickering candlelight, in front of a pear blossom wood dressing table engraved with orchid patterns, Yu Mingyao sat in her moon-white nightdress on a stool, letting Yanyue comb her hair.

Her long black hair cascaded like a waterfall over her shoulders, and from behind, her graceful figure made her look like an exquisitely beautiful lady.

Yanyue gently combed Yu Mingyao’s hair, occasionally glancing at the young lady, who was lost in thought in the bronze mirror.

No matter how many times she saw Miss Yu’s face, no matter how familiar it was, it always left her momentarily stunned.

“Miss, is something troubling you?”

With a peach wood comb in hand, Yanyue combed from Yu Mingyao’s forehead to the crown, and from there all the way to the hair tips.

Noticing that the usually playful, talkative young lady was unusually silent and burdened today, Yanyue asked while retrieving a small celadon jar of osmanthus hair oil from the top drawer of the dressing box, dabbing a bit of oil to gently rub into Yu Mingyao’s hair ends.

Hearing her, Yu Mingyao lifted her eyes to glance at Yanyue in the mirror but remained silent, like a puppet letting Yanyue move her as she wished.

When the comb finally reached the last stroke, Yanyue sighed heavily.

“Miss isn’t much older than me, yet she’s truly grown up now. Otherwise, how could I have no idea what Miss intends to do?”

“What tricks is that clever mind of yours scheming again?”

Yu Mingyao let out a soft laugh, but the curve of her lips carried an unconscious bitterness.

Yanyue lowered her gaze and tucked a stray lock behind Yu Mingyao’s ear before sighing deeply and speaking again.

“I really don’t understand. Young Master Pei is wholeheartedly devoted to you — clean family background, good temperament, handsome appearance. Why does Miss still hesitate to this day?”

Her clear eyes met Yu Mingyao’s.

Yu Mingyao’s gaze wavered and dropped.

Past and present lives intertwined; love not yet finished, hatred not yet dissipated.

She understood Yanyue’s meaning and knew that after accepting the bracelet from Pei Shang’s mother, still wavering like this was improper.

But if love could be controlled by one’s own will, there wouldn’t be so many lovesick men and resentful women in the world.

She didn’t know what exactly filled the heart in her chest.

She only knew that with such a murky, clouded heart, to face Pei Shang’s pure, blank slate — she truly felt guilty.

Yu Mingyao kept her head lowered for a long time and, in the end, not a single word of explanation left her lips.

She didn’t realize that her tendency to avoid and stay silent mirrored exactly the Xie Zhuoguang she had hated so deeply in her past life.

Seeing this, Yanyue shook her head. After Yu Mingyao lay down and the pale blue bed curtains were drawn, she finally left.

Thud —
The folding screen closed.

Lying sideways and with her back to the outside, Yu Mingyao finally turned her body and lay flat after hearing the sound.

Xie Zhuoguang’s cold gaze during the day, the confusion from mistaking identities, and all the tangled emotions that disturbed her heart — now, in the dead of night with only herself, finally overflowed uncontrollably.

Everyone sympathized with Pei Shang, sympathized with Xie Zhuoguang — but who had ever pitied her?

Was it her choice to be trapped endlessly in affairs of love, unable to find peace?

In her past life, she had given her heart completely, and the price had been the lives of her maternal grandmother and elder brother.

In this life, though she had already long confirmed Xie Zhuoguang’s true feelings, was simply having mutual affection enough to guarantee a happy life?

The Xie Duke’s household was so vast, and just Xie Zhuoguang’s stepmother alone was not someone easy to deal with.

She truly didn’t want to walk the same old path again.

But if it were Pei Shang instead, would fate really be any different?

When a man is deeply in love, he overlooks every flaw — even a pockmarked face can seem like Xi Shi’s beauty.

But when the feelings fade, even the most beautiful woman becomes, in her husband’s eyes, a haggard old shrew with a black heart.

They would take concubines, sneak around, and commit every vile act.

Today, Pei Shang adored her courage and devotion to him.

But what if, one day, his eyes were no longer filled with love? Jealousy and suspicion would gurgle and ooze from every pore.

He would grab her by the throat and question her — had she ever harbored feelings for Xie Zhuoguang?
Had she ever been physically intimate with another man?

Men, ah…

As Yu Mingyao thought, the corners of her eyes reddened like frosted rouge, spreading layer by layer.

She smiled and smiled, and tears uncontrollably overflowed from her eyes. She bit her arm hard, trying to suppress her sobs, not letting a single sound escape.

In this world full of people, there were talented, open-hearted women, women obsessed with power who refused to lose to men, and women who saw love as armor and toyed with noble sons in the palm of their hands.

Why, of all people, did it have to be her — ensnared by the threads of love?

Yu Mingyao was truly unwilling!

Large tears fell, soaking her lashes, sliding down her cheeks little by little.

She lay there limp, letting all the gloom drown her.

Even when the soft knocking on the window sounded two or three times, she showed no intention of getting up.

She listened to the sounds outside, her face full of bitter smiles.

The lustrous white jade bracelet on her wrist fit just right, and when left idle, it looked especially harmonious — as if this bracelet had always been meant for her.

Staring at the bracelet, for a moment, Yu Mingyao wanted to sever ties with Pei Shang.

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