Chapter 18: I Must Survive!

Right after Chen Wenfang left the Zong family, Comrade Wu from the Military Family Placement Office arrived at the Zhou household.

At the time, Deng Xiangyun was sitting by the back door stitching shoe soles. Her three children were playing in the backyard, and from her spot, she could keep an eye on them. It wasn’t until someone called her that she put down her work and hurried to the front door.

When she went out and saw who was standing outside the yard, Deng Xiangyun was stunned for a few seconds before she came back to her senses and stepped forward to ask, “Comrade Wu, what brings you here today?”

“I’m here to bring you a job,” Comrade Wu said with a beaming smile.

“A job?” Now Deng Xiangyun was truly surprised. “What kind of job?”

“Don’t worry, this time it’s a good one,” Comrade Wu reassured her, seeing her uneasy expression. “Comrade Hu from the hospital pharmacy is retiring and transferring back here. Director Chen is urgently in need of someone and asked our Military Family Placement Office for help. Our Director Luo thought of you right away. It’s a great job—8 a.m. to 6 p.m. with a lunch break, and the hospital even provides meals. You tell me, where else could you find such a good job, even with a lantern in hand?”

Deng Xiangyun could tell it was a good job, but precisely because it was so good, she felt uneasy. In a low voice, she said, “It is a good job, but… why would such a great job suddenly fall into my lap?”

If it had been someone else asking that, Comrade Wu might have scolded them for overthinking, but she understood exactly why Deng Xiangyun would ask that.

After marrying Zhou Jianhai, Deng Xiangyun followed him in the military and registered with the Military Family Placement Office as soon as her household registration was transferred.

But who was she? Someone from a Black Five family background. If Zhou Jianhai hadn’t sacrificed his future to marry her, she would’ve ended up living in a cowshed.

Coming from such a background, even though she was lucky enough to marry a soldier, she was never seen as the same as other military wives in the compound.

So even though she had a technical school diploma and could write and do accounting, none of the better job vacancies in the nearby units were ever offered to her.

The jobs people like Gao Xiulian looked down on—like raising chickens or cleaning fish—weren’t even options for her. What they arranged for her was either sweeping the streets or cleaning toilets. Director Luo said only by doing the hardest labor could she become reformed and rejoin the working class.

Deng Xiangyun really did clean toilets, but when she got pregnant and had terrible morning sickness, she quit. After giving birth, she used the excuse of having no one to look after the baby and never returned to work.

At the time, Director Luo was very dissatisfied, believing that this showed a flaw in her ideological mindset and a failure to withstand hardship.

When Zhou Jianhai found out, he was furious and reported it to the army. He accused Director Luo of forming cliques under the guise of job assignments, playing the game of “those who follow me thrive, those who oppose me perish.”

He argued that while his wife had a problematic family background, her political thinking was solid—otherwise, how could she have spent two whole years scrubbing toilets without complaint? The real reason she didn’t continue was due to objective factors—early death of her parents, no one to care for the child—not because she didn’t want to work hard.

To be fair, those two years Deng Xiangyun spent cleaning toilets weren’t for nothing. If she hadn’t, even Zhou Jianhai’s sacrifice of his own future wouldn’t have been enough to prevent others from labeling her with a political stigma.

Still, because of her background, she was always a step lower in everyone’s eyes. In the end, the army gave both sides a reprimand: Director Luo was told to be cautious with her words and actions, and Zhou Jianhai was warned not to act on impulse. They came to a superficial reconciliation.

Of course, that was only on the surface. After that, Director Luo treated Deng Xiangyun like she was invisible and never offered her another job.

So it was no wonder Deng Xiangyun couldn’t believe such a good job had suddenly landed on her.

And she wasn’t the only one surprised—Comrade Wu herself had been stunned when she first heard about it. In that moment, her thoughts had aligned perfectly with Chen Wenfang’s:

Just how much did their director hate Zong Shao, that he’d rather let go of past grievances with Zhou Jianhai just to keep Zong Shao’s wife from getting a hospital job?

So before she even came over, Comrade Wu knew her mission—she had to get Deng Xiangyun to accept the job.

And she also knew that being too pushy or praising the job too much wouldn’t work. The more hardship someone had experienced, the more cautious they’d become. If you overhype something to them, they’ll think you’re trying to set them up, and they’ll be even less likely to take it.

So, Comrade Wu started selling the “hard-luck” story: “Originally, this job wouldn’t have come to you, but Director Chen had high standards—she insisted on someone with at least a junior high education. You know the situation of the military wives in our compound—having even attended junior high is rare, let alone graduated. Aside from you, I really couldn’t find anyone who met the requirements. And Director Chen wouldn’t budge, said if there was no one here, she’d call the county high school for referrals.”

At this point, Comrade Wu clapped her hands. “Director Luo got anxious—said if Director Chen bypassed our office this time and successfully hired a county high grad, then other units might follow suit. What would happen to the rest of the military wives here? No jobs left for anyone!”

“Director Luo was troubled, and we subordinates had to find solutions. I happened to have the full list of military wives and flipped through it twice—then I saw your name.” Comrade Wu took all the credit and continued, “Originally, our director wasn’t keen on giving you such a good job, but Director Chen was pushing so hard that she had no choice but to agree.”

Had Comrade Wu said this was Director Luo’s idea, Deng Xiangyun might have suspected something and rejected the offer. But now that the credit was going to Comrade Wu, and Director Luo was painted as reluctantly agreeing, Deng Xiangyun began to waver. “What about Director Chen…”

“No need to worry about her,” Comrade Wu smiled. “She just wants someone educated and meticulous. I heard you used to work as an accountant before joining your husband—she was thrilled. Said anyone good at accounting is bound to be detail-oriented. As long as you agree, it’s settled. Just report to the hospital next Monday.”

When Deng Xiangyun still didn’t say anything, Comrade Wu asked patiently, “Comrade Deng Xiangyun, you’re quiet—do you still have concerns?”

Deng Xiangyun replied hesitantly, “A little… you know my youngest, Xiao Shitou, is still very young. I’ve been staying home to take care of him.”

“He’s over three already, not that little anymore.” Even as she said that, Comrade Wu offered a suggestion: “If you’re worried about leaving him alone, ask your neighbors—see if someone is willing to help watch him. A lot of military wives with jobs do that. Or you could even take him to work with you, as long as he doesn’t interfere with your duties.”

After a moment of thought, Deng Xiangyun asked, “Comrade Wu, can I take a little more time to think about it?”

But Comrade Wu had her mission—she couldn’t let Deng Xiangyun delay. She quickly said, “It’s not that I don’t want to give you time, but Director Chen is in a rush. She needs a decision today, or she’ll reach out to the county high school. Think about it—there are so many graduates every year, and only a handful of state-owned factories. If she’s willing to hire from the county high, the school will jump at the chance. Once that’s done, what part of this will still involve you?”

Deng Xiangyun licked her lips. “I…”

But before she could finish, Comrade Wu cut her off: “If you never want to work again, I won’t push. But if you do want a job, please listen to me and say yes. This is a rare opportunity. Miss it, and it’ll be very hard to find another one later.”

That was the honest truth. If Deng Xiangyun refused, and Director Chen hired a county high student instead—or if the job circled back and ended up with Lin Wei—then she could forget about ever getting another assignment from Luo Shuzhi again.

Although Deng Xiangyun didn’t know about Lin Wei’s situation, she thought of the latter, so she knew — this was her only chance.

To accept, or to refuse?

No more hesitation. Deng Xiangyun said firmly, “I want to work in the hospital pharmacy.”

…

While Deng Xiangyun was making her decision, Lin Wei had just finished washing the enamel cup Director Chen had used for tea. After placing it on the sideboard in the living room, she returned to her room upstairs.

Once inside, Lin Wei didn’t throw herself on the bed in discouragement. Instead, she dug out a diary and fountain pen she’d brought from her hometown, flipped to the last page, and began to write.

What she was writing wasn’t just anything — it was everything in the original novel related to her.

In the novel, not long after Lin Wei’s death, Zong Shao transferred back to Shicheng because there was no one to take care of the children. He took a job as the deputy director of a small state-owned factory.

He was capable, and within a few years he was promoted from deputy director to director. The once-small state-owned factory gradually expanded and became the industry leader in the Hunan province region.

But with success came problems. Zong Shao was bold and ambitious, wanting to expand further. However, the leadership above him was conservative, fearing he’d go too far and drag down the factory. Tensions escalated.

In the mid-1980s, Zong Shao chose to leave the state-owned factory and head south to Shenzhen to start his own business.

It was there that Zong Shao met the male and female leads.

Actually, he met the male lead first. The male lead had just left the army and was also preparing to start a business. They met by chance, and because they got along well, they became business partners.

Then one day, the male lead invited Zong Shao to his home for dinner. The moment the female lead saw Zong Shao, she lost her composure. The male lead became suspicious and subtly probed until he found out Zong Shao was the man the female lead had feelings for. This led to a relationship crisis between the leads.

At the same time, the partnership between the male lead and Zong Shao also became precarious.

Fortunately, the leads eventually cleared the air. The male lead continued his partnership with Zong Shao. That’s why Zong Shao had a lot of scenes in the latter half of the novel. Once his business stabilized, he also brought Mingming and Ruirui to Shenzhen, so the two boys had considerable screen time too.

Therefore, even though Lin Wei never even had a proper appearance in the novel, she was mentioned quite frequently.

But most of those mentions were emotional, retrospective filler. Once Zong Shao became successful, people were constantly trying to set him up with women. Every time he refused, someone would bring up Lin Wei and lament her fortune and misfortune.

What Lin Wei had to do now was piece together a complete timeline of her life in the novel using those scattered fragments.

This sounded complicated, but for Lin Wei, it wasn’t that difficult.

She had a good memory. Even though nearly a week had passed, she still remembered the novel’s plot in vivid detail.

In fact, ever since waking from the dream, Lin Wei had been trying to recall it all in her mind. But the train was noisy and crowded, and she didn’t dare write it down in case she lost the diary and caused a scene.

So once she opened the diary, she began writing quickly.

But that was only at first. By the third page, her pace slowed, and by the fourth page, she had to think a long time before continuing.

Eventually, she couldn’t recall any more new details. After pausing for half an hour, she put down her pen, flipped back to the beginning, and started reading through it again, trying to organize the timeline of events.

That part was easier. Among the events listed, many were from the past. Lin Wei had experienced them firsthand and could confirm their timing at a glance. The remaining events that took place on the island were only six or seven.

The problem was, after sorting out the timeline, Lin Wei realized that while she could confirm she died in a typhoon next summer, the exact timing and surrounding events were still a blank.

And without those, changing her fate would be incredibly difficult.

All she could do was continue thinking. But before she got anywhere, she heard Mingming’s voice from downstairs. She quickly stashed the diary deep inside the wardrobe, walked to the dressing table, patted her cheeks, and composed herself before heading downstairs.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

Mingming looked surprised and asked, “It’s lunchtime! Mommy, did you just wake up?”

Lin Wei quickly raised her hand and glanced at her watch. It was already 11:30. She rubbed her face and asked, “Are you hungry? Mommy will cook now.”

Mingming shook his head. “Not really. But Xiao Shitou’s family started eating, and his mom said we could eat there too. But Ruirui said you told us not to eat at other people’s homes, so we came back!”

He blinked at Lin Wei, his whole posture screaming: Praise me!

Ruirui, embarrassed, covered his face and quietly scooted away.

Lin Wei couldn’t help but laugh. “You two are so well-behaved today. How about I reward each of you with a banana?”

Mingming’s eyes lit up and he nodded vigorously. “Yes, yes!”

Ruirui wasn’t shy anymore either and came back to stand beside his brother, eyes full of expectation.

Lin Wei handed each child a banana and went into the kitchen to cook lunch.

Lunch was simple — a pot of vegetable soup, a plate of shredded potatoes, and a dish of seaweed.

The seaweed was from the marine product supply station. Since it was vegetarian, it didn’t require ration coupons and was very cheap — one cent could buy a huge bundle.

It was Lin Wei’s first time seeing it, so she didn’t buy much and only prepared half a plate. But after tasting it, she found it crisp and appetizing, perfect with rice.

The boys liked it too. Mingming, being playful, bit loudly on purpose, making the seaweed crackle as it snapped.

Ruirui, more practical, used a big spoon to scoop nearly half the plate into his bowl. By the time Mingming realized, most of the seaweed was gone.

So the brothers started fighting over food.

The meal felt more like a battle until Lin Wei finally slapped the table, and the boys quieted down.

…

After lunch, Lin Wei took the boys upstairs for a nap.

Ruirui fell asleep quickly, but Mingming couldn’t. After tossing around on the master bed for a while, he ran off to his own bed in the guest room, then came back a few minutes later, repeating the cycle.

Lin Wei lay back with her hands behind her head, eyes closed, continuing to recall details from the novel.

In the novel, Zong Shao and the boys didn’t avoid mentioning her, but they rarely spoke about her death. According to the female lead, her death was a source of pain for them.

The leads were smart and tactful, so they never brought it up. Later, the female lead did meet some people from Yazhou Island, but when they talked, they deliberately avoided mentioning Zong Shao, assuming she hadn’t moved on.

Naturally, the female lead didn’t ask either — she didn’t want to stir up trouble. Although the couple stayed on good terms with Zong Shao, she always kept a respectful distance from him.

This made Lin Wei’s death a mystery in the novel.

But not entirely without clues. During lunch, Lin Wei suddenly remembered something.

In the novel, the male lead once had dinner with company executives. When someone didn’t see Zong Shao, they casually asked about him. The male lead replied that he had something going on at home and couldn’t make it.

Then an older employee said, “It seems like every year on this day, Zong always has something at home and doesn’t show up.” Someone teased him, asking how he remembered that so well. The old employee replied:

“My wife’s birthday is on Army Day. Every year after celebrating with her, I go to work and always hear about Zong taking the day off. You tell me — wouldn’t I remember that clearly?”

“Mommy, are you asleep?”

Lin Wei heard Mingming’s voice at her ear and opened her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

He whispered, “Can I eat a mango?”

“You want a mango?”

The little guy nodded quickly. “Mm-hmm! I only had one little bite yesterday, but Daddy ate a whole bunch!”

He spread his hands wide to show just how much his dad had eaten.

Lin Wei: “…A mango is only about the size of a palm, how could your dad have eaten that much?”

Mingming said with a heavy sigh, “That was a figure of speech. I was trying to express that the mangoes Dad and I ate were very different in size.”

Lin Wei laughed. “You know what a figure of speech is? Who taught you that?” He even had a whole rationale for it.

Mingming: “Uncle said it. Auntie wouldn’t let him smoke, so he lay on the bed saying he felt awful and was going to die. Auntie softened up and let him smoke, and then he got better. Then Auntie got mad and said Uncle was lying, but Uncle said he wasn’t lying—it was a figure of speech to show how miserable he felt without smoking!”

Listening to Mingming recount this twisted logic, Lin Wei’s mouth twitched. “How do you even know about that?”

Mingming: “I saw it secretly,” he said as he stood up and whispered into her ear. “I also saw Uncle sneak a kiss from Auntie.”

Lin Wei: “…!!!”

She immediately looked at her elder son with a serious expression. “Did you see anything else?”

Mingming: “What?” he asked in confusion.

Lin Wei let out a breath of relief. “From now on, you’re not allowed to learn things from your second uncle, understand?”

Mingming: “Why not?”

Lin Wei: “Because what your second uncle did was wrong. First of all, smoking is very bad. If you do it too much, your lungs will turn black…”

Mingming interrupted: “What are lungs?”

Lin Wei pressed her hand on his chest. “Lungs are things inside your body. If they’re red, you can breathe. If they turn black, you’ll die.”

At his age, Mingming didn’t quite understand death, but just the thought of something inside him turning black made him panic. “I won’t smoke! I don’t want to turn black!”

Lin Wei hummed in agreement and continued, “Also, even though your uncle argued that he was just using exaggeration, he was actually lying. He was using the love his family had for him to get what he wanted. That’s not good. If this becomes a habit, and your loved ones find out you’ve been lying, they’ll be very hurt.”

Mingming lowered his head and thought hard. After a long while, he looked up cautiously. “Mom, did I lie to you just now?”

The two brothers seemed clever, but at three or four years old, they hadn’t yet developed a sense of right and wrong. They simply copied what they saw. So Mingming didn’t understand that his uncle’s actions were wrong or if he himself had lied.

Hearing Lin Wei’s explanation, the little boy started to worry.

Lin Wei stroked his soft hair and said gently, “You didn’t exactly lie just now, it was more like an exaggeration. But if you said Dad ate all the mangoes yesterday and you didn’t get any at all—that would be a lie.”

Mingming drew an analogy: “So if Uncle wasn’t actually feeling bad but said he felt terrible, that was lying, right?”

Lin Wei nodded. “You didn’t lie, but you weren’t completely right either. When we speak, we have to be honest—call a one a one, and a two a two. Saying one is two or shrinking two into one is wrong.”

Mingming looked confused and asked uncertainly, “So saying one is one and two is two, that’s correct?”

Lin Wei nodded again. “That’s right.”

Even though he’d been reassured, Mingming still felt dizzy with all the thinking. As he pondered, he grew sleepy, yawned, turned over, and snuggled into his mother’s arms—completely forgetting about the mangoes.

But later that day, Mingming did get to eat the mango he had been thinking about. After he woke up, Lin Wei washed one, sliced it in half, and gave it to both Mingming and Ruirui.

The mangoes bought from the supply and marketing co-op were perfectly ripe. As soon as they entered the mouth and were pressed with the tongue, the flesh would melt and the sweet juice would flow down the throat, as if it sweetened the heart itself.

While the kids were eating, Lin Wei returned to the matter Mingming had interrupted.

Thinking about it again, her memories weren’t focused just on Zong Shao and the boys anymore—she started recalling details about the female lead’s family life.

Because the families were in business together, they got along quite well, and Mingming and Ruirui were familiar with the male and female leads’ children. Later, when they moved into the same villa community, they interacted even more.

As she thought more, Lin Wei recalled something that had happened the day after Army Day.

That day, Luo Yun’s daughter had returned from outside and ran into Zong Shao and his sons on the road. Seeing them dressed formally, she found it odd and asked the brothers a few questions. But the boys were distant, which made her feel hurt. She later declared to her mom that she didn’t want to play with them anymore. Luo Yun told her they had serious business to take care of and not to be unreasonable.

But Luo Yun didn’t explain what kind of “serious business” it was. And since Lin Wei didn’t find the date particularly meaningful, she hadn’t thought much of it at the time.

However, after recalling a conversation between the male lead and his colleagues, Lin Wei began to find it strange.

She suspected that in the novel, her death anniversary might fall on that very day.

That would explain why Zong Shao took leave each year on that date, why the three of them dressed formally, and why they went out together—it was probably to visit her grave.

Lin Wei didn’t know how others would feel upon learning the date of their own death, but once she confirmed it, she felt strangely calm.

If her time was already limited, knowing the exact day was better than blindly waiting for it.

At least, her chances of surviving would improve.

When she was still on the boat, Lin Wei could think calmly: if struggling was pointless, how should she spend the rest of her days? But now, only one thought remained in her mind—

She didn’t just want to spend this one year with Zong Shao and the children. She wanted to be with them for the next ten, twenty, many years.

She must live!