Chapter 17: Kiss Me  

Those once cold and sharp phoenix eyes now looked shattered, filled with hidden grievances, gazing at Shen Zhansi with an infatuated stare, unwilling to blink.  

Yet Shen Zhansi was frantic with worry. Yan Qingye had left abruptly without explanation and returned in such a state—it was enough to scare her to death.  

She helped Yan Qingye onto the sofa and was about to call for a nurse when she suddenly froze in place.  

Shen Zhansi’s pupils contracted slightly as she stared blankly at the hospital door, as if unable to believe what was happening. Slowly, she lowered her gaze to the arms wrapped tightly around her waist.  

A jolt of electricity surged through her, a tingling numbness flooding her limbs. Shen Zhansi suddenly felt her body grow light, so light it seemed she might float away. Yet she was grateful that Yan Qingye held her tightly, anchoring her so she wouldn’t drift off, lost and adrift.  

A soft sob sounded behind her, and Shen Zhansi’s heart clenched violently, a sharp pang forcing her to bend slightly at the waist.  

Her nose stung unbearably.  

Yan Qingye was crying.  

Why was she crying?  

Yan Qingye pressed tightly against her back, tears soaking through her hospital gown, the damp fabric clinging uncomfortably to her skin.  

But what pained Shen Zhansi most right now was her own helplessness. She didn’t know what had happened to Yan Qingye, why she had drunk so much. All she knew was that Yan Qingye was in deep, deep sorrow.  

In such a short time, she had already seen Yan Qingye cry twice.  

This woman, once lofty as the Iceberg Goddess, was now in this small hospital room, clinging to her and sobbing uncontrollably.  

“Yan Qingye.”  

Shen Zhansi’s voice was gentle, as if afraid of startling her.  

The arms around her waist tightened, as though fearing she might pull away.  

The intoxicating scent enveloped her, yet Shen Zhansi’s heart ached with bitterness.  

She pitied her, yet couldn’t suppress her jealousy.  

Who had reduced her to this state? Who was it she truly wanted to hold?  

Her throat dry, Shen Zhansi heard herself speak.  

“Yan Qingye, let go of me, okay? I’ll call a nurse to check on you.”  

“Shen Zhansi, I feel so awful.” The words, laced with grievance, came from behind her, choked with sobs, enough to shatter anyone’s heart in an instant.  

Shen Zhansi clenched her fists at her sides, fighting back the tears threatening to spill. In a low, hoarse voice, she said, “Just loosen your grip a little. I want to turn around and look at you, okay?”  

Yan Qingye seemed to relent slightly at her words, the arms around her waist loosening their hold—but not entirely, as if still wary of letting go completely.  

Still, Shen Zhansi felt this was enough. Slowly, she turned to face Yan Qingye. She didn’t know how much Yan Qingye had drunk, but her eyes shimmered with a drunken glow as she tilted her head up, gazing at Shen Zhansi with that same infatuated stare.  

Shen Zhansi was lost in her gaze, yet a voice in her mind remained clear and rational, reminding her:  

None of this truly belonged to her.  

Suppressing the ache in her chest, Shen Zhansi knelt down. Yan Qingye’s arms naturally looped around her neck, her eyes never leaving Shen Zhansi’s face.  

Gently, Shen Zhansi cupped Yan Qingye’s face in her hands, using her thumbs to wipe away the tears with tender care, her gaze focused and soft.  

If one day she had to leave her, then in the time before that, she would do her best to treat her well.

The more careful and gentle she was, the more aggrieved Yan Qingye became. No matter how she wiped them, the tears wouldn’t stop flowing as she murmured in a low, accusing tone, “I’ve waited for you for so, so long. If you hadn’t come back, I would have started liking someone else.”

Suddenly, Shen Zhansi felt as if struck by lightning—her entire being cleared for an instant.

What did Yan Qingye mean by those words?

Why… why did she use the word “wait”?

Shen Zhansi’s heartbeat quickened uncontrollably. She wanted to press Yan Qingye for clarification, but seeing the unbearable distress etched between her brows, she found herself at a loss for words.

After much hesitation, noticing Yan Qingye’s eyelids growing heavier, she finally couldn’t wait any longer and asked, “Yan Qingye, open your eyes and look. Who am I?”

She wanted to know—who exactly did Yan Qingye think she was at this moment?

Hearing this, Yan Qingye’s eyelids fluttered as she struggled to open her eyes, gazing at her weakly.

She looked very carefully, then let out a soft laugh.

“Shen Zhansi, you’re Shen Zhansi.”

Shen Zhansi pressed her lips together, unsatisfied with this answer, and pressed further, “Which ‘Si’?”

Yan Qingye’s brows immediately furrowed. Perhaps due to the alcohol, the relaxed Yan Qingye now seemed displeased, her beautiful face scrunched up in confusion.

“What do you mean, which ‘Si’? Aren’t you just Shen Zhansi?”

Shen Zhansi grew anxious. “You know exactly what I mean! That  Shen Zhansi —the ‘Si’ as in ‘refined.’ Between her and me, who exactly are you calling?”

The more she spoke, the more bitter her words became, until her voice choked with sobs.

She refused to be a substitute, yet she still held onto illusions about Yan Qingye. What she wanted to hear from her lips was the name of the real Shen Zhansi.

The more agitated she became, the more urgent her tone, and the more Yan Qingye felt like she was being interrogated—which only deepened her sense of grievance.

Yet amid her distress, she also felt uneasy. She clung tightly to Shen Zhansi’s neck, burying her face against her shoulder.

“Do you think I’m improper? That you mind me having interacted with her?”

Shen Zhansi’s arms, which had been about to embrace her, froze mid-air as she stood there, stunned.

Her heart constricted, pounding wildly. She was so tense her voice came out hoarse.

“So… you don’t like her, right?”

If she didn’t like her, then why had she interacted with her?

“Mmm~”

Yan Qingye nuzzled against her neck, as if finding a comfortable spot, then settled quietly against her without another sound.

Shen Zhansi crouched there dumbly, letting her lean. What did that sound mean just now? Was she responding to her, or was it just a sigh of comfort?

Slowly, she rested her hands on Yan Qingye’s shoulders and tentatively called in a low voice, “Yan Qingye.”

When there was no response, Shen Zhansi gritted her teeth and whispered again, “Qingqing?”

“Mmm~”

The arms around her tightened further.

Shen Zhansi fell silent, reluctant to wake Yan Qingye. In the end, she could only suppress all her burning questions, gently stroking her back to lull her into deeper sleep.

From Yan Qingye’s earlier words, could she take it to mean that she had only interacted with that  Shen Zhansi  but hadn’t actually developed feelings for her?

If she hadn’t fallen for  Shen Zhansi , then the person she liked…

Could it be her?

Shen Zhansi’s heart burned with this speculation, yet she didn’t dare believe it outright.

Ten years—she couldn’t afford to gamble.

“Qingqing, let’s go sleep on the bed, okay?” Shen Zhansi whispered softly in her ear.

Yan Qingye seemed unwilling, squirming slightly in her arms before continuing to sleep soundly with her eyes closed.

Seeing her like this, Shen Zhansi sighed helplessly. Assessing her own strength, she thought she should be able to carry her—thanks to that morning workout routine.

Carefully lifting Yan Qingye into her arms, Shen Zhansi frowned slightly as she adjusted her hold.

Too light.

Yan Qingye now appeared to be at least 170 cm tall, but her weight made Shen Zhansi doubt she even reached 40 kg.

Suppressing the ache in her chest, Shen Zhansi carried her cautiously to the hospital cot. Just as she was about to lay her down, Yan Qingye tightened her arms around Shen Zhansi’s neck.

“Why won’t you kiss me?”

The utterly aggrieved tone pierced Shen Zhansi’s heart like a needle.

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