Under such circumstances, to still successfully give birth to the child and raise them — even Shi Buyu had some admiration for that.

“Was no one in the palace aware that your mother was pregnant?”

Yan Shian shook his head. “My father’s line of heirs was difficult; he only had two daughters. The eldest was born to Consort Liang, she should be thirty-two this year. The second daughter was born thanks to the Empress sacrificing herself; she is twenty-six this year. The other consorts either couldn’t conceive or couldn’t keep their pregnancies. If he hadn’t been appointed crown prince early on, and hadn’t been personally taught by the national master, despite having no other faults, the crown prince’s position might have been hard to secure.”

He smiled with a hint of mockery and irony, then raised his tea cup for a sip, not bothering to look at Shi Buyu’s expression, continuing quietly with his gaze lowered.

“My mother was three years in the palace before showing signs of pregnancy. She knew how desperately my father wanted a son and worried it might just be a false hope. She found an excuse to quietly leave the palace, covering her face with a veil, and went to two medicine halls. Only after confirming the pregnancy did she tell my father. He was frightened too. Hearing the folk belief that if you keep quiet before the third month, the fetus would be more secure, he didn’t announce it to the imperial doctors nor anyone else; only the two of them secretly celebrated.”

These were things he had only heard from his mother once, on his fourteenth birthday, but even now he could clearly remember the expression on her face then. That brief period of happiness was like a flower blooming in a painful swamp, supporting her through one hardship after another, stumbling to the present day.

“My maternal grandfather didn’t know at first that my mother was pregnant, and she didn’t trust him either. Only after I was born and sent away did she tell him. He was terrified, fearing that if the matter was exposed it would implicate the family. He immediately sought a chance to be reassigned far away and didn’t dare return to the capital for six years. During those six years, he made many arrangements — he chose the smartest children in the family to send to safe places, left enough gold and silver to allow the Zou family to rise again. The children he sent away have never returned. He knew clearly that my existence was the biggest risk. By the time he killed me, it would already be too late. The emperor wouldn’t believe him, so he could only help me. Only by letting me succeed could the Zou family live in peace.”

Yan Shian smiled again. “My mother included the entire maternal clan in her schemes; even now my maternal grandmother hasn’t seen her.”

“Only your maternal grandfather and grandmother know about your existence in the Zou family?”

“My eldest uncle knows too. My grandfather worried that if anything happened to him, no one in the Zou family would know or care about me. My mother, if she went mad, would drag the entire Zou family down.”

Shi Buyu sighed, “Your mother is really amazing.”

Amazing, but also crazy. Since childhood, he was only allowed to do one thing. If he did anything else, no matter what, she would overcome all obstacles to appear before him, coldly reminding him of his identity, his hatred, and what he should do. If he resisted even slightly, she would slash her wrist, placing the bleeding wound in front of him, forcing him to watch and listen again.

He seemed to smell the scent of blood at his nose. Yan Shian picked up his tea cup and drank the remaining tea leaves with the tea, the bitterness and astringency of the leaves covering other feelings, making him feel somewhat relieved.

“I grew up in Baishui County, with a father and mother, as if I were truly their son. No one around suspected anything. They were wealthy and fulfilled my every request, but… they never got close.” Yan Shian smiled, “Everyone was like that. No matter how close the relationship, there was always a thick barrier between us. When I was little and didn’t understand, I would naively try every way to get close to them. When I failed, I realized that things that were easily within reach for ordinary people were impossible for me.”

“That’s really sad.” Shi Buyu propped up her chin. “I’m different from you. When I was little, I was the one who kept others at arm’s length. Anyone who got close to me, I wanted to hit them.”

Yan Shian was puzzled. “Why?”

“I don’t know, just felt uncomfortable, like I couldn’t breathe. After I chased them away, I felt better.”

Yan Shian’s fallen mood seemed to suddenly rise, and he even wanted to laugh from the bottom of his heart. “Your reputation as a jinx isn’t undeserved.”

“That’s right, earned it all by myself.” Shi Buyu returned to the previous topic. “Do your foster parents know your true identity?”

“No. Few people know. Before you came, I thought only my maternal family knew.”

Shi Buyu nodded and asked, “Some people are using your maternal grandfather, and they don’t even know?”

“Yes.”

Shi Buyu didn’t want to ask more, “Since you brought it up, who else?”

Seeing her impatience, Yan Shian didn’t pretend to be mysterious. He laid out all the arrangements he had made over the years.

“I have a pawnshop. It’s not easy to survive in the capital. Many officials struggle financially; if the family has a gambler, the pawnshop is visited more often. I also run a gambling den. Giving up some profits to get things they see as useless, many are willing to trade with me.”

He ran both the gambling den and the pawnshop, profiting from both ends. Not a good person, but a very lucrative business. Shi Buyu suddenly had an insight — so this is how business could be done! Learned something!

Yan Shian didn’t expect Shi Buyu would learn this fast. He continued explaining his various setups, but what he was hiding, only he knew.

For the current situation, Shi Buyu thought it was already enough.

“I have a clear understanding now.”

Yan Shian’s eyes deepened. “From now on, we share weal and woe. We are truly people on the same boat.”

Shi Buyu also became serious. “I will do my utmost to fulfill our deal.”

Deal… Yan Shian almost forgot that their current relationship was based on a transaction.

Seeing Shi Buyu stand as if ready to leave, he had a sudden inspiration and asked a question he had thought of but hadn’t planned to ask before: “What kind of person is that Daoist Wuxu?”

“White beard!” Shi Buyu sat back down. “He’s a greedy old man. When I first saw him thirteen years ago, he had a full white beard. Over the years, it’s gotten thinner, but he hasn’t changed much in looks — except his teeth aren’t as good. Auntie made maltose that stuck to his teeth and pulled one out. Since then, he didn’t dare steal food anymore.”

“…” Yan Shian had never seen such a recluse master; he couldn’t imagine what he was like.

“He truly knows everything — astronomy above, geography below, historical events, he understands better than his own remaining teeth. My eleven brothers above all studied different subjects; he taught them all. He even knows military strategy.”

Leaning on the armrest of the round chair, Shi Buyu laughed as she spoke. “After taking in my eleven brothers, he didn’t want to accept any more disciples, saying he had nothing left to teach. But then he took me in — a female disciple. He didn’t even know what to teach me, so he had each of the eleven brothers teach me a little to see which I was better at. Unexpectedly, I learned all quite well, so he just taught me whatever came to mind.”

As she spoke, Shi Buyu almost missed the old white beard.

Anyway, she couldn’t go back — better not think about it.

Shi Buyu stood up. “I’m going back to my room. If you think of anything you want to tell me, come find me anytime.”

“All right.”