◎ Red Rose ◎

Shi Li lay under the sofa, her fingers unconsciously “fiddling” with the small white medicine bottle.

What had she neglected?

It seemed related to Chen Du.

She tried to recall what Dr. Liu just said, but no matter how hard she tried, her mind was filled with garbled noise, like a tangled tape, distant and near.

No matter how she filtered and decoded, only a few scattered keywords remained.

“Secret… medicine… ten percent… avoiding…”

What exactly was he talking about?

And that pretty sister Shu Yun, she wasn’t Chen Du’s girlfriend but his sister?

No, that was wrong.

Shi Li suddenly frowned and floated out from under the sofa, heading straight into the bathroom.

The set of black and white couple’s electric toothbrushes still stood guard obediently on the washbasin. On the right side of the mirror, an acrylic tray held a set of shiny brand-new high-end women’s skincare products — toner, day cream, night cream, eye cream, all complete.

Then who were these for?

Shi Li confusedly raised her hand, trying to touch the mirror.

The cold glass surface reflected no outline of her, only endless emptiness.

The “her” that the pretty sister mentioned, who was she?

Shi Li carefully recalled Shu Yun’s words and extracted some information.

— That “her” lived in the hospital room for a long time, and Chen Du visited her every day, bringing her flowers and reading stories, so she wouldn’t be lonely or bored.

In other words, Chen Du’s girlfriend was someone else.

That “her” was sick and hospitalized.

Is the illness very serious?

That’s why Chen Du runs to the hospital every day.

That’s why Chen Du is so upset.

But some things are still hard to explain.

Like those mysterious scenes that suddenly appeared in her mind just now at the hospital.

Snowy night, under the dorm building, spinning hugs, burning tears.

And some even more unfamiliar, more distant scenes.

All those fleeting fragments are blurry and hard to see clearly, but there are always two people in the scenes.

Two people whose faces cannot be seen.

Sometimes it’s pouring rain outside the window, the lunchbox on the table is cold, the computer hums, he suddenly holds her hand, the gentle strength, she falls into an embrace, an irresistible, passionate kiss…

Sometimes it’s a sunny day, a steaming subway, countless people packed tightly in the small carriage, unable to breathe, suddenly a strong slender arm wraps around her waist, holding her in that small space…

Countless heartbeats, whispers, flushed faces, intertwined fingers…

What are these?

Shi Li vaguely feels that these chaotic scenes can be pieced together into a fact, a fact she must remember, must know.

But no matter how hard she tries, she cannot piece it together. Maybe being a ghost for so long, not needing to think much, her brain has rusted.

And for some reason, whenever she thinks about these, that soul-tearing feeling comes back.

As if her soul is missing a piece, the empty spot right at her chest, the most important place.

Although she has no flesh and blood, Shi Li feels real, bloody pain.

She groans softly in discomfort. Suddenly, a strong wave of unease and sorrow floods her mind, as if she is about to lose something.

Shi Li doesn’t dare think further.

Could these be memories obtained from Chen Du’s body after possessing him?

Anyway, none of this concerns her.

But one thing is certain —

Shi Li crosses her arms and looks into the living room.

The moonlight softly shines, casting spots on a small spider web in the corner, dust rises from the cigarette butt on the coffee table, four or five unwashed clothes pile on the sofa, unpaid bills lie scattered on the floor.

Not to mention the empty refrigerator, the rusty faucet, and a corner of the cabinet moldy…

— Chen Du has not lived well these past years.

Shi Li doesn’t know what he has gone through, but from what she’s seen these days, Chen Du has given up his former ambitions, given up his university pursuits, he has even abandoned his numb efforts.

He lives here aimlessly, without faith, without hope, more like a lost soul than she is.

Shi Li presses her lips, feeling oddly sorry for him.

No matter what, she must finish her obsession quickly and leave here soon.

Chen Du has suffered enough, and because of her, he’s been hospitalized twice in three days.

She cannot continue to harm him.

Shi Li looks toward the door and gently bats her eyelashes, making a decision.

When Chen Du comes back, she will send him a dream to ask him to withdraw the money from the card, burn it for her, and then she will leave.

Just like before, no debts owed between them.

And then she waited for several more hours.

Time seemed to stop, the ticking of the clock was exceptionally clear.

Until the sky outside the window began to lighten, dawn broke, dispelling the surrounding shadows, and the door lock finally made a sound.

Shi Li stood silently in the quiet living room, quietly watching Chen Du push the door open. This time he was alone.

He bent down to change shoes and placed what he was holding on the shoe cabinet.

Shi Li squinted and saw it was a bouquet of roses — or rather, a bouquet of roses almost past their prime.

The roses were fiery red, too red, to the point that the edges of the petals had begun to blacken and curl, yet still beautiful and intense.

Were they taken from his girlfriend’s hospital room?

Chen Du put his shoes away, his unusually striking face still showed no emotion, long eyelashes casting a blurry shadow, silently and distantly sinking into the morning light.

He picked up the bouquet again, walked into the dining room, closed the curtains, and placed the flowers in the vase on the table.

The thorns pricked his hand, but he didn’t care, bent down to arrange the stems, poured water, then gently touched the drooping petals with his pale fingertips.

Shi Li tilted her head slightly.

So, the passionate and overwhelming love scenes that appeared in her mind earlier definitely did not belong to her.

Shi Li clearly remembers that her relationship with Chen Du was ordinary.

They were together for two years, too busy with their own things, hardly paying attention to each other, too lazy even to quarrel.

The only quarrel they had was the last one.

— The breakup.

Shi Li remembers that their breakup was because of a bouquet of roses.

It was five years ago, August, the height of summer in Beilin.

That day, many things happened, all seemed unlucky.

These things happened almost every day, but that day they all happened at once —

The draft she wrote was returned by the newspaper editor seven or eight times, she rewrote it all day, but the editor finally accepted the first version; she was recommended by a senior from the department to join a so-called exam prep class costing three thousand yuan, but the materials were almost just the original lectures, and when she wanted a refund, the other party blocked her; she worked overtime late, and on her way home received a call from her mother, a brief greeting, then a request for money.

“Xiao Li, we plan to buy a house for your brother in the Beilin suburbs. We asked about the price, it’s really not expensive, but the down payment is still a bit short… Mom remembers you said last time that the student loan money is saved? So you can lend us that money first, Mom will help repay the loan in two years…”

Shi Li doesn’t remember exactly what she said, probably “The money is not due yet,” “One or two months left,” “Let’s talk later,” something like that.

Her mother was not very pleased and ended the call abruptly.

The lively summer night in Beilin, Shi Li put her phone back in her pocket, bent down to pick up a stack of drafts she had just put down, holding them to her chest.

Looking around, the pedestrian street was brightly lit and bustling.

She exhaled numbly, and suddenly noticed many couples on the street, all in pairs.

Among the usual food stalls and jewelry stalls, many unfamiliar stands had appeared, all selling flowers.

Almost all sold roses, and the price was unusually uniform and expensive, ten yuan per flower.

Shi Li belatedly checked the calendar and realized it was the Qixi Festival.

A very special day, and yet a very ordinary day.

Across the crowd, Shi Li looked far at the rose bushes in the flower stalls.

The roses were dazzlingly red, adding a fiery warmth to the ordinary long night.

People crowded around the flowers, selecting, paying, carrying one bouquet after another.

Maybe influenced by the atmosphere, Shi Li even wanted to buy one.

But she opened her phone and looked.

The fixed deposit couldn’t be touched, three thousand yuan meant for this month’s living expenses had just been scammed, and her credit was all used up.

Her salary for this month would only be paid tomorrow.

Just ten yuan, yet she couldn’t afford it now.

Shi Li wanted to leave, but suddenly an impulse surged.

She dialed Chen Du’s number.

Chen Du was working overtime that night and was surprised when he answered, asking what was wrong.

He probably didn’t know what day it was, or simply didn’t care.

“Nothing,” Shi Li’s warm breath blew into the phone, her toes kicked a stone by the roadside, “Just… Chen Du, when you come home, could you bring me a rose?”

“Just one, a red one.”

After saying this, Shi Li felt embarrassed and awkwardly explained, “It’s not for anything else… I just feel the house is a bit empty, a little cold, a flower would make it lively.”

On the other side of the call, Chen Du was silent for a moment.

Amid the background noise, Shi Li heard someone calling his name, telling him to go to a meeting.

He gently covered the receiver, replied to the other person, then after a few seconds asked her again, “…Bring a flower, right? Okay. I have to go to a meeting now, you go to sleep first. Don’t wait for me.”

His voice was hoarse, tired and rushed.

But he didn’t seem annoyed with her.

She said “Okay.”

Shi Li suddenly felt much better. She smiled faintly, told him to remember to drink water and come back early, then hung up calmly.

That night, Shi Li hummed while cooking some dishes, fighting off drowsiness until late, waiting for Chen Du to come home.

She jumped up from the dining table when she heard the door lock turn, wearing a thin nightdress, skipping to greet him.

He, as usual, held his laptop bag in his left hand, patted her head with his right, didn’t notice the full table of dishes, and walked tiredly to the room.

Shi Li looked around. He didn’t have anything else in his hand.

She almost thought he put the flower in his laptop bag.

But Chen Du just sat at the desk, took out the mouse and computer from his bag, turned it on, his long fingers pressing the keyboard, line by line, cold and indifferent.

Shi Li was not convinced, walked over and unzipped his bag to look inside.

Empty, like a black hole, no color at all.

He forgot.

…

Shi Li doesn’t remember exactly what they argued about.

Only that she was too proud to cry, didn’t mention the flower, just dumped all her emotions onto him, and Chen Du’s face turned pale, he closed the computer, and silently looked out the window as she cursed and blamed him.

That hot summer night became their last meeting.

She said coldly that people like them should never have been together in the first place.

She probably said a few more harsh words, something like back in college many people chased her, and she just picked the wrong person.

Chen Du suddenly turned around, staring at her face, the muscles by his jaw twitching, daring her to say it again.

“No matter how many times you say it, it’s still like this.”

Shi Li sneered and pointed to the door, telling him to get out.

“Shi Li!”

He shouted at her for the first time.

The memory ends here; she can hardly recall what happened afterward.

The last scene was Chen Du storming out the door…

This was the end of their relationship.

During the five years in the underworld, Shi Li often thought about these things and felt that she had been too much, really too much.

She said so many hurtful words.

Chen Du had been quite good to her.

It was just a flower, was it really necessary?

He struggled every day chasing the big plans laid out by his boss, how could he have the energy to remember special days?

He shouldn’t have to bear her bad moods; those hurts were not caused by him, so why dump them all on him?

But Shi Li also understood that their relationship was indeed very ordinary.

They broke up over trivial quarrels, and neither tried to hold on.

Later on…

Less than two months later, she died alone, very deservedly, in her rented apartment…

Shi Li snapped back to reality, didn’t look at the bouquet anymore, floated to the sofa, closed her eyes, and listened to Chen Du washing, bathing, and changing into pajamas.

After tossing and turning for several days, he must be very tired.

Sure enough, Chen Du drew the curtains, blocking out the glaring daylight, and immediately fell asleep.

Shi Li floated into the room, squatted by the bed, and watched him sleep.

He didn’t seem very peaceful, occasionally frowning and turning over, sometimes as if getting punched in a dream, instinctively curling over and holding his abdomen, a cold sweat covering his forehead.

This guy, even when sleeping, is so restless.

Shi Li curled her lips, lay down on the floor, and boredly propped her chin up watching the ceiling.

Maybe she should just let him sleep a little longer.

This person is really tired.

She waited until Chen Du slept until nighttime, confirmed he had enough rest, then finally leaned close to his ear, cleared her throat, and softly called him.

“Chen Du.”

No response.

Shi Li spoke a little louder, moving closer to his ear.

“Hey, Chen Du, can you hear me?”

And added a little self-introduction.

“I’m Shi Li, your ex-girlfriend. Do you remember me?”

On the pristine princess bed, Chen Du’s tightly closed eyelids twitched suddenly.

Shi Li’s eyes lit up; it seemed he really heard her.

Apparently, she was right; when his consciousness was deeply asleep, maybe he could sense her.

Suppressing the excitement bubbling inside, Shi Li tried to continue politely.

“Sorry to disturb your sleep, Chen Du. I’m sending you this dream because my life in the underworld is really miserable and poor. I don’t even have money to reincarnate. If this continues, I’ll become a lost soul, vanish into smoke and ashes, sob sob.”

“You don’t know, ghosts can actually die again. If I vanish, I won’t even be able to reincarnate. I will disappear completely.”

She cunningly played the victim to prepare the ground for what came next.

Sure enough, Chen Du’s eyebrows twitched again, and his lips struggled to move, as if shocked by her savings.

Shi Li knew this amount was not small; any bad person might have pocketed it.

But she knew Chen Du wasn’t like that.

Still, five years had passed, times changed, people changed… what if?

Puffing out her cheeks, making a fierce ghost face, she leaned closer and threatened, “Chen Du, if you don’t do as I say, beware, I’ll curse you. Being cursed by a ghost will bring you bad luck!”

“If you dare to pocket the money,” she fiercely “bit” his ear, “I won’t let you go even as a ghost!”

“Of course,” she added both threats and incentives as double insurance, “if you obediently burn the money for me, I promise to pray for you every day, bless you with longevity, success in your career, happiness with your current girlfriend, and a house full of grandchildren, okay?”

After she finished speaking, the beautiful face on the bed suddenly twitched.

The next second, Chen Du curled his body tightly, long eyelashes trembling violently, then abruptly opened his eyes, eyes filled with lingering confusion.

Chen Du woke up, the dream ended.

His consciousness still seemed foggy, lying in bed dazed for half a minute, suddenly his expression changed, he threw off the covers unsteadily, barefoot, without turning on the light, rushing to the bathroom.

He opened the drawer, trembling hands searched for a while, then pulled out that yellowed envelope.

In the cold mirror, his pale handsome face froze for a moment.

He stared fixedly at the envelope, expression seeming incredulous.

The next instant, he started looking around, seeming to search for something, urgent and confused, his steps chaotic like a sleepwalker trapped in a nightmare, buzzing around the apartment like a headless fly.

Shi Li floated in midair, completely unaware of what he was looking for.

What she had just said, did he hear it? Since he found the envelope, shouldn’t he quickly burn the money for her?

Only then could she return to the underworld.

Shi Li watched Chen Du, and after he failed to find anything, he lay back down.

His hands trembled, pulling the covers tightly around himself, tightly closing his eyes, seemingly trying to escape back to the dream, to keep sleeping.

“…”

What is he doing?

Is he not going to burn the money?

Annoyed by her disturbing his sleep?

“Hey, Chen Du, what are you doing? I’m at a critical moment of life and death, can you not sleep yet?”

But Chen Du couldn’t hear her now.

He seemed desperately trying to fall asleep again, but his chest heaved violently, breathing chaotic, all emotions tangled in his turbulent breaths, unable to calm.

Thump, thump, thump…

The pounding heartbeat sounded clearly in the silent room.

A few minutes later, he suddenly sat up, his lean arm opening the bedside drawer, dumping out several melatonin tablets, and shoved them all into his mouth, tilting his head back, his Adam’s apple moving sharply, swallowing hard.

Shi Li propped her chin, watching him confused, muttering, “…Are you really that sleep-deprived? Taking so much melatonin can’t be good.”

Half an hour, one hour, two hours…

In the biting darkness of the north, Chen Du lay completely still.

Unfortunately, he still could not fall asleep.

No one knows how long passed before he slowly opened his eyes, staring straight at the ceiling, eyes full of bloodshot veins.

At that moment, Shi Li suddenly felt Chen Du was awake and in despair.