Yan Chen smoked half a pack of cigarettes.

Nicotine burned the nerves, magnifying all the panic in his heart infinitely.

As the cigarette burned down, it seemed to sap all the strength from his body. He clenched the railing with both hands, slowly lowering himself, his stomach hurting so much that his face turned as pale as paper.

He bit his teeth tightly, burying his face in his arms, refusing to make a sound.

After a moment, he heard the balcony door behind him being pulled open. He looked up and saw An Yi wearing thin hospital clothes standing in front of him, his eyes instantly reddening.

Looking down at him from above, An Yi asked, “How did you find me?”

Yan Chen answered truthfully, “I’ve always had someone follow you.”

At first, he just wanted to see him every day, without disturbing or getting close to him, but later he greedily wanted to know more.

Every morning at eight o’clock, it was the time that person reported to him about An Yi’s latest whereabouts, and also the time for exchanging photos taken the previous day. But today, Yan Chen had a premonition of anxiety early in the morning, waiting for an extra half an hour, but the other party remained silent.

Yan Chen called the person and learned that they were wandering around Xicuo Village. It took a while to find out that An Yi had entered the mountain with the guide in the middle of the night.

Yan Chen’s eyelids twitched because he had seen the heavy snow warning issued by Yun Tong Mountain at eight in the morning.

He had someone waiting at the village entrance, ready to contact him as soon as An Yi came down the mountain, but he remained restless.

Canceling all his meeting schedules, Yan Chen immediately rushed to the airport, flew to the nearest city, and after landing, he didn’t dare to rest for a second. He drove three hundred kilometers on the highway and then took a detour on a small road, rushing to Xicuo Village.

Ignoring the villagers’ attempts to stop him, Yan Chen grabbed the emergency kit and entered the snow-covered Yun Tong Mountain.

Luckily, he was lucky enough to see An Yi’s chain pieces hanging on the branches not long after climbing. They had appeared frequently in the photos over the past few days, which Yan Chen had scrutinized countless times.

“I’m sorry.”

Yan Chen suddenly hugged An Yi’s leg, choking out repeatedly, “I’m sorry…”

An Yi was still moved by the twists and turns of his day.

Surprised that even in the face of life and death, someone would cross mountains and valleys to come for him.

He raised his hand, gently placing his palm on Yan Chen’s head.

Yan Chen was slightly stunned, wrapping his arms around An Yi’s legs tighter, his suppressed sobs wetting his apology, like a continuous drizzle falling into An Yi’s ears.

“It’s okay,” An Yi’s voice was also blurred by the rain, “I’m fine now.”

But Yan Chen buried his face in his abdomen, unable to control his tears even more.

He kept saying “I’m sorry,” as if those were the only two words he could say.

An Yi didn’t need his apology.

“I don’t blame you,” 

Yan Chen was wrong to have someone secretly take photos of him, but part of the reason he was saved was also because of this. He didn’t need Yan Chen to blame himself so much, “Stop crying.”

His fingers slipped into Yan Chen’s hair, gently scratching his scalp, “I’m really not angry.”

But Yan Chen grabbed his wrist, his crying becoming deeper and more mournful, his whole body trembling.

An Yi pressed down on Yan Chen’s shoulder, pushing him away a bit forcefully. He bent his knees, looking at Yan Chen’s frighteningly red eyes and excessively rapid breathing rate. He frowned, lightly covering Yan Chen’s mouth and nose with his palm.

“Calm down, you’re hyperventilating…”

Yan Chen still tightly clenched his wrist.

A painful sob escaped from between An Yi’s fingers.

An Yi straightened up a bit, his other hand holding the back of Yan Chen’s head, letting him lean against his shoulder.

“Take deep breaths… exhale…”

Yan Chen followed An Yi’s guidance, gradually regaining a sense of stability.

He used his fingertips to trace the scars on An Yi’s wrist, choking up as he repeated, “I’m sorry” once again.

These long and old scars, after being torn and healed repeatedly over a long period of time, had become insensible imprints, lined up on the inside of An Yi’s forearm.

He actually, only just now, realized.

He really dared to still say he loved him? What kind of love was this?

What kind of love was built on pain, blood, and tears? And what kind of love would slowly erode someone’s will to live? He had been too self-righteous.

Yan Chen thought that by giving An Yi a house, a smooth road, he could fill the rift between him and An Yi.

But until today, he realized he was completely wrong.

What lay between them was a cruel and unbearable chasm filled with past grievances, and nothing he did could make the scars disappear.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Don’t hurt anymore, I won’t let you hurt anymore in the future.”

“Don’t do anything foolish again in the future, I’m sorry.”

“… “

Yan Chen held An Yi tightly, repeatedly saying similar words.

An Yi’s chest felt sour and swollen, as if something was about to burst out.

He lifted his head, not letting the tears in his eyes fall, gently patting Yan Chen’s broad yet fragile back, and said hoarsely, “You misunderstood, I didn’t go into the mountains to do something foolish, I went to gather inspiration.”

“Don’t cry, it was just an accident, it had nothing to do with you.”

“I’m fine, really.”

“… “

All the comforting words made Yan Chen feel even more guilty and regretful.

An Yi was still injured now, yet he was willing to let go of the barriers and come to comfort him. Why didn’t he cherish such a gentle heart and instead smashed it with his own hands?

Yan Chen felt utterly ashamed.

He carried An Yi horizontally, walked into the ward, and with a lingering reluctance, laid him back on the bed.

“I’m going to wash my face.”

An Yi nodded, watching him take a few steps away. Suddenly, he asked Yan Chen, “Is your stomach better now?”

This caring question caused Yan Chen another wave of heartache.

He looked deeply at An Yi, sadness swirling in his eyes that An Yi couldn’t understand. “It’s okay, you rest well, don’t get out of bed.”

Yan Chen left for a long time.

An Yi waited for a few minutes, unable to resist the tiredness, and fell asleep again.

It wasn’t until the sunlight outside the window brightened, and the warm spring sun shone on his eyelids, that he frowned, waking up from the dream of the heavy snow falling.

Except for him, the ward was empty.

He absentmindedly glanced at the balcony for a while, occasionally brushing his palm against his palm, where it seemed there were still remnants of Yan Chen’s warm tears.

Before long, he heard the door of the ward being pushed open.

An Yi looked over in the direction of the sound, wanting to ask a question but stopped himself, putting on a surprised expression, “Nancang? Why are you back?”

“Hearing that you had an accident, how could I still have the heart to have fun abroad?”

Xie Nancang received the news yesterday and immediately bought a plane ticket back to the country, not even changing out of his beach pants. “Where did you fall? What did the doctor say?”

“It’s nothing serious, I just need to rest in bed for a few days.”

“That’s good,” Xie Nancang breathed a sigh of relief, scanning the ward, then asked again, “Where’s Yan Chen? Why isn’t he with you?”

“I don’t know,” An Yi said before realizing it was odd, “How did you know Yan Chen is here?”

Xie Nancang’s face also showed a hint of surprise.

It seemed that Yan Chen hadn’t told An Yi.

An Yi pressed further, “Do you guys have contact?”

“Yeah, he couldn’t find you yesterday, so he called me,” Xie Nancang sat by the bedside, quiet for a moment, then decided to tell An Yi, “I told him about your past.”

An Yi was slightly surprised.

When Xie Nancang received Yan Chen’s call, his first reaction was inexplicable, but from Yan Chen’s anxious tone, he guessed the situation was urgent, otherwise he wouldn’t have called.

“There are some things that I originally didn’t want to tell you, but since you came to find me today, I think it’s necessary for you to know, after all, it’s related to you,” Xie Nancang told Yan Chen, “The first time I met An An on the Fate Goddess, he wanted to jump into the sea. Later, I took him snorkeling, and he even tried to take off his oxygen mask.”

“And then, the night you went to Tianxing Bridge Apartment to find him, when he heard your voice outside the door, his first reaction was to rush to the balcony. He was so stressed that he wanted to jump off the building.”

“I saw many self-inflicted scars on his arms. I’m not sure if you knew about these things, but it’s obvious that in the past, he was not happy with you. You brought him a lot of pain.”

Xie Nancang warned Yan Chen.

“An An took a long time to get out of your shadow. If this time, because of something stupid you did, he feels provoked to the point of despair, I won’t let you off.”

An Yi listened quietly.

At the same time, outside the door, Yan Chen, holding a bag of steaming hot steamed buns, was also quietly recalling what Xie Nancang had told him yesterday.

Every word, like a bone-chilling knife, thrust pain deep into his marrow.

But the most painful thing he could taste was nowhere near the one-thousandth of what An Yi was enduring. As the mastermind, he wasn’t even qualified to call it pain.

Before, when An Yi loved him, he exchanged it for a body full of scars.

Later, when An Yi hated him, he was willing to risk his life to stay away from him.

Now, he wanted to love An Yi, but no matter how he hugged him, he would only hurt An Yi.

At this point, in this dead end, what else could he do?

…

Too scared to approach, can’t get any closer.

The steam from the steamed buns in Yan Chen’s hands gradually dissipated.

They were cooling down.

He walked towards the nurse station, entrusted the steamed buns to the ward nurse to pass on. The nurse, seeing his pale face, asked with concern, “Are you okay? Is there something wrong?”

Yan Chen waved his hand, didn’t say anything, and turned away.

His figure looked lonely.

The nurse felt strange, she picked up the nutrient solution, took the steamed buns, and went into An Yi’s ward.

“Is that handsome guy your friend?” the nurse asked as she set up the IV drip for An Yi, mentioning Yan Chen, “I saw him with you late last night, and then he stood in the corridor for a long time, and suddenly left. Is he not feeling well? His face didn’t look too good.”

An Yi stared straight at the bag of steamed buns on the table, his nose tingling.

He suddenly understood why Yan Chen had hugged him and kept apologizing last night, crying until he hyperventilated, and also understood the look Yan Chen had given him later.

Yan Chen wasn’t really apologizing for having someone follow and take photos of him.

Or, not entirely.

Xie Nancang stood by the window and glanced downstairs.

He asked An Yi, “Do you want me to call him back?”

An Yi slowly shook his head, raised his eyes to smile at Xie Nancang, but tears fell from his eyes first.

He said, “No need.”

—Yan Chen had already bid farewell to him.