Chapter 12: Goodbye, Never Again

Sometimes, it’s the people we least want to hurt that we end up hurting the most.

Sheng Han sat by the window in the classroom, staring blankly outside. In her earphones, Chou Huei’s “Promise” was playing:

“You and I promised not to bring up painful memories, and vowed never to make each other worry.
To be our happiest selves, to take care of ourselves—even if one day, we’re alone and lonely.
We promised that if we argued, we’d stop quickly.
We said there would be no secrets, we’d be open with each other.
I will love you gently, foolishly love you, without caring whether it’s fair or not…”

As she listened, Sheng Han’s tears fell again, uncontrollably.
It had been three days since that incident. In those three days, Sheng Han had done nothing but go to class, eat at the cafeteria, and return to the dorm. She avoided every other place. Hao Yu had tried looking for her, but she refused to see him. No matter who tried to talk her out of it, she wouldn’t listen.

What troubled Sheng Han most now was whether or not she should tell Xiu Jie about what had happened.
To others, maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal. But for Sheng Han, who had come from the small town of Qiongmo, it felt like a betrayal.

Should she confess everything to Xiu Jie?
She didn’t know how he would react. Would he rush over, furious, and beat up Hao Yu, then comfort and forgive her? After all, Sheng Han was the victim here.
Or… would he break up with her, end everything for good? That was what Sheng Han feared most.

Maybe she should just keep it from him. With so much distance between them, if she didn’t say anything, he might never find out.
But… could he really never find out? Shouldn’t couples be honest with one another, with no secrets?

Simple-minded Sheng Han didn’t yet understand that sometimes, to protect the ones we love, we have to tell white lies—kind lies.

In the end, Sheng Han decided to tell him everything.

Years later, if she ever looked back at her current self making this decision, she’d probably scold herself for being so foolish—so dramatic.

That evening, Sheng Han dialed Xiu Jie’s number.

“Hello?” came Xiu Jie’s gentle and magnetic voice on the other end.

“What are you doing?” she asked softly.

“Just finished up work with the student council. Everything’s wrapped up today. It’s been super busy with all the events lately—I’ve been neglecting my silly girl, and I’m really sorry. But now that it’s all done, I promise I’ll talk with you every single day.
The National Day break is coming up, and I’ve finally saved enough from my part-time jobs to buy a plane ticket. Once the holiday starts, I’m flying over to see you. The time I save flying means I get two extra days with you.”

Sheng Han listened quietly, her face glowing with happiness—but her heart twisted with pain. Tears streamed silently down her cheeks.

“Xiu Jie… I have something I want to tell you.”

Noticing something off in her voice, Xiu Jie frowned.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” he asked, worried.

“Xiu Jie… what if…” Sheng Han hesitated. “What if one day… I… um… someone else…”

She couldn’t go on. Her voice faltered. She could feel that Xiu Jie was trying his best to stay calm, to be patient—but inside, he was panicking.

Taking a deep breath, Sheng Han forced herself to speak again:

“What if one day, someone else… kissed me without my consent? What would you do?”

“Sheng Han, I know you. You know I do. This… isn’t just a ‘what if,’ is it?”
Xiu Jie’s voice was trembling. He was doing his best to steady his increasingly ragged breathing, but he was already shaking all over. Even his tone quivered.

Xiu Jie and Sheng Han were both from the small town of Qiongmo, and as classmates who spent every day together, they didn’t need many words to understand each other—just a glance, a breath, and they would know what the other was thinking. But unless Sheng Han gave him a clear confirmation, Xiu Jie would rather believe this was all just a prank, a joke she was playing to punish him for neglecting her these past few days because of how busy he had been. Or maybe—just maybe—she would say it was all hypothetical, that she was just teasing him, just messing with him.

Even if it was true, Xiu Jie prayed with all his heart that Sheng Han wouldn’t say it outright. For the first time, he wished she would lie to him.

But Sheng Han didn’t.

Over the phone, Sheng Han said quietly,
“It’s true. It’s not a what-if.”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
After a brief moment of silence, a blood-curdling scream of despair erupted from the other end of the call—a scream so powerful it could pierce through anything. And that scream… tore right through Sheng Han’s already bleeding heart.

“I’m sorry…” Sheng Han sobbed.

“Sheng Han, I love you so much! So, so much!”
“When you bump into something, when you get a scratch, I feel the pain too! When it comes to you, I don’t even want anyone to touch a single finger of yours—not even once! I cherished you so much. I wished I could hold you in my hands every single day. And you… you actually…!”

Xiu Jie’s voice was shaking, his words choked with sobs. Sheng Han could tell—he was truly, deeply hurt. He was crying like a child who couldn’t find his way home—so helpless, so devastated.

Sheng Han was already crying so hard she could barely make a sound.
She regretted it. Deeply.
Why had she confessed the entire truth?

“No secrets between us, complete honesty”— this time, she was wrong.

“Sheng Han… these next few days… let’s not contact each other, okay? I need… I need some time alone to think… That’s all. Goodbye…”
Xiu Jie sounded like all the energy had been drained from him. He was no longer the vibrant boy she knew—just an empty shell.

“…Okay. Bye…”

Beep…

The call ended.

For the next several days, Sheng Han kept comforting herself:
“Xiu Jie will forgive me. He will… he will…”

But would he really?

It had already been a week since their last conversation. Sheng Han clutched her phone day and night. She even slept with it by her side, too scared to put it on silent. But… for a whole week, his name never once appeared on her caller ID.

Finally, she panicked.
She started calling him nonstop.
But all she heard was the endless ringing…

“The number you dialed is currently unavailable. Please try again later.
Sorry, the subscriber you dialed…”

If he wouldn’t pick up, maybe he’d read a message?
But every text she sent vanished into a void—no reply, no response. Nothing.

This time, Sheng Han had truly lost Xiu Jie.

She realized… he wasn’t going to talk to her again. He didn’t want her anymore.

She never thought that the “goodbye” he said that night…
would become “never again.”