Chapter 17: Absolutely Devoted

Time flew by in the blink of an eye—this was already Sheng Han’s third year at Migu University. Compared to the jam-packed schedule of her freshman and sophomore years, her current course load had significantly lightened. The university now gave students more free time to manage on their own.

That afternoon, she had no classes and no urgent student council matters to handle. For once, she was able to relax. Sheng Han was watching a movie alone in her apartment when her phone buzzed.

She glanced at the screen and froze.
It was a message from Xiu Jie:

“I recorded a song and uploaded it to my QQ Space. Listen when you have time. It’s called Uncopyable and Unpasteable.”

Sheng Han stared at the message, puzzled.
She didn’t remember any song by that name—what a strange title.
She couldn’t focus on her movie anymore. Her thoughts were consumed by the message.

With a mix of curiosity and anxiety, she opened Xiu Jie’s QQ Space.
She searched high and low but found nothing titled Uncopyable and Unpasteable.
She even searched online—but the song didn’t seem to exist anywhere.

So she messaged Xiu Jie back, saying she couldn’t find it.

His reply was just three words:

“Silly girl.”

And then—nothing more.

It had been ages since Sheng Han dared to visit Xiu Jie’s QQ Space.
But now that she had, she noticed something new—
a clarinet solo he had recorded recently: “Absolutely Devoted” by Sam Lee (Li Shengjie).

She sighed. So the mysterious song didn’t exist after all.
Still, since she was there, she clicked play.

The moment the melody began, the sweet, aching tones of the clarinet filled her ears.
Even after all this time, Xiu Jie’s playing still touched her deeply.

That night, Sheng Han had a dream.

In it, she was seated in the audience of a concert hall.
Onstage, Xiu Jie was playing the clarinet, eyes locked on her, pouring his soul into “Absolutely Devoted.”
As the music swirled around her, a soft, radiant smile returned to her face—
a kind of happiness she hadn’t felt in a long time.

What she didn’t realize was—Xiu Jie’s so-called Uncopyable and Unpasteable song was that clarinet solo.
He meant that the song couldn’t be copied or shared—because it was meant only for her.
Only for Sheng Han. That’s why it couldn’t be duplicated.

But she hadn’t understood.

And just like that… they missed each other again.

---

A few days later, still feeling unsettled about the mystery song, Sheng Han tried to ask Xiu Jie about it again.
But this time, he denied ever sending the message.

---

Then, some time later, another message from Xiu Jie arrived:

“Sheng Han, I realized I still can’t forget you.
There’s a girl at school who confessed to me.
But I thought of you—I remembered how you can draw, dance, sculpt, and make crafts.
I asked her if she could do any of that. She said no.
So I turned her down.
I even tried dating someone recently, but I felt nothing for her.
I didn’t want to waste her time, so I broke up with her.
Sheng Han, I still can’t let you go.
You’re the only one I have feelings for.”

Receiving this out of nowhere completely threw Sheng Han off.
Her heart, which she had tried so hard to still, began to race uncontrollably.

She still liked him. Every day, every hour, every second—she had never truly forgotten Xiu Jie.

The words “me too” hovered on the tip of her tongue, aching to be said.

For the past three years, Xiu Jie was the one who stayed lodged in her thoughts.
She had longed to share his joys, bear his sorrows, walk beside him through every storm.
But then… she thought of Tian You—the one who had stood quietly by her side, never asking for anything in return.

She owed him too much already.

She couldn’t just walk away from him—not now.
It would be too cruel.
After all, she had never intended for him to be a mere placeholder.

From the moment she agreed to be with Tian You, she had promised herself that love could be nurtured over time.

---

But even so—

That cruel voice from the past still echoed in her mind, clear as day:

“Stop trying.
Don’t degrade yourself like this.
Hurting yourself to prove love—
what a joke.
If you can’t even love yourself,
what right do you have to love someone else?
Sheng Han, don’t make me look down on you.”

Xiu Jie had once spat those words at her—sharp, cold, and final.

She had tried so hard to forget them.
To forget him.
To convince herself that time could smooth over anything.

And yet, the moment his name reappeared on her phone screen,
her heart reacted as if it had been thrown into chaos—
beating wildly, trembling with confusion.

---

Back in her freshman year, before social media was so advanced,
they could only call each other to keep in touch.
Half her living expenses had gone to phone bills.

But after their breakup, they lost all contact.

For the past three years, Sheng Han had kept her word.
No matter how desperately she missed him, she never reached out.

Now, with video calls and voice messages becoming the norm,
they had more ways than ever to connect.

But there was no longer any reason to.
She had never once video-called him. Not even once.

---

This sudden message from Xiu Jie was the last thing she had expected.

After agonizing over it, Sheng Han finally decided to go against her heart.
Holding back the tears and the pain,
she typed out her reply:

“Let’s just wish each other well, Xiu Jie.
Like you once told me in high school—
‘Everything will be okay.’
We’ll get used to it, eventually.”

Her fingers trembled.
She bit her lip.
Then pressed Send.

---

On the other end, Xiu Jie opened the message with shaking hands.
He stared at the words for a long time.
And then, with a bitter smile, he turned off his phone.

From that moment on—nothing more.

Sheng Han never received another message from him again.

---

That evening, Tian You came to pick her up for dinner.

Sheng Han forced a smile, pretending as if nothing had happened.
She went with him quietly.

But that night, her heart felt like it was drowning in the depths of the sea—
so heavy, so cold.
She could barely breathe under the weight of it.

Still, she didn’t want Tian You to worry.
She didn’t want him to feel hurt.

So she acted normal.
She carried it all in silence.

Let it be, she thought.

Let it all drift away with the wind.