Gu Wenxi lay in bed unable to sleep. He wasn’t conflicted about his orientation; after all, he was never constrained by conventional notions, and the essence of being attracted to men or women didn’t differ much to him. The problem lay in the fantastical nature of this feeling itself, which needed further examination of its authenticity.

He kept recalling past experiences of love, hoping to find even a hint of comparable experiences. Occasionally, he would also remember instances where he felt flushed and anxious staring at his romantic partner’s face, but those fleeting so-called palpitations were unreliable. After a short while, he would feel indifferent, and love would turn into a child’s game, exhausting to keep up with.

He began to doubt if he was a scoundrel. Clearly not that interested, yet still repeatedly accepting others’ affection; and himself, completely fleeting.

He had seen deep love, such as Wen Nan’s love for Gu Yuching, and Gu Yuching’s love for Gu Wenheng’s mother. However, their love had brought him a family tragedy, which instinctively made him resist this self-righteous sentimentalism.

After pondering over all this, he didn’t think his feelings for Du Yunyan were that special. It was probably just a moment of impulsiveness, causing him to act foolishly; besides, Du Yunyan had already said he wasn’t interested in him.

For now, Gu Wenxi temporarily gave up on the ambiguous fantasies about Du Yunyan, but his right hand uncontrollably picked up his phone from the bedside table and opened the recently saved phone number. He suddenly wondered if that person had WeChat.

After searching with the phone number, he actually found him. Du Yunyan’s WeChat name was “Yunyan”, and the profile picture was a photo of Yangyang and Beibei together. Although the dogs in the photo looked smaller than they were now, Gu Wenxi recognized them at a glance.

Since they had exchanged numbers, adding him on WeChat shouldn’t be a big deal, right? He immediately sent a friend request without hesitation, thinking that if it was accepted, he would definitely check out his Moments. If it wasn’t, well… he would just make excuses and ask him to add him tomorrow.

Du Yunyan’s response came quicker than he expected.

【Accepted your friend request, now we can start chatting】

Opening the chat box, upon seeing this system message, Gu Wenxi, as planned, first searched for Moments.

However, he was mistaken. Du Yunyan’s Moments were completely empty, with nothing at all.

He wondered why Du Yunyan even bothered with WeChat. Gu Wenxi boredly tossed his phone aside, closed his eyes, his mind unusually clear, yet still not feeling sleepy.

As soon as the screen dimmed, he turned over, opened it again, and found the conversation with Du Yunyan still there.

Since they had added each other on WeChat, he thought, why not send a message to bother him a bit? Gu Wenxi thought, taking liberties.

And so he did.

【Are you still awake?】

After half a minute, two words popped up: 【I am】

Gu Wenxi sent another: 【What are you doing?】

No response from the other side.

Not one to give up easily, he sent a sticker with a pretending-to-be-upset expression.

Finally, Du Yunyan replied: 【Writing letters】

People still wrote letters these days… Gu Wenxi asked: 【Who are you writing to?】

【It’s none of your business】

Gu Wenxi knew he wouldn’t tell him everything. But chatting on WeChat was different from talking face to face, and they didn’t have to talk about anything specific. He felt this back-and-forth was more interesting. They continued exchanging messages from their separate rooms, Gu Wenxi sending one or two, and Du Yunyan replying at his own leisure.

【What are we having for breakfast tomorrow?】【Let’s make breakfast together?】

【Whatever you like】

【What time are you getting up?】

…

After a dozen or so messages, Du Yunyan couldn’t hold back anymore: 【Go to sleep】

【Then why aren’t you asleep?】

【Alright, I’ll go to sleep too】

Gu Wenxi wasn’t sure if he actually went to sleep, but Du Yunyan was definitely annoyed by him. Seeing that, he stopped bothering him and threw his phone back onto the bedside table, burying his head in the pillow and pulling the blanket tighter.

Great, now he couldn’t sleep even more.

In three days, it would be the winter solstice, and according to tradition, they would eat dumplings. This time, Du Yunyan planned to make black sesame filling dumplings and asked Gu Wenxi to help in the morning.

The black sesame had been roasted and crushed the night before, mixed with sugar and oil, and the filling was placed in a small bowl. The glutinous rice flour dough was placed in another container.

Rolling the big dough into strips, then dividing it into small round balls, Gu Wenxi followed Du Yunyan’s example and stuffed black sesame filling into the middle of the small round balls, occasionally stealing glances at him.

After realizing that his feelings were not quite right, Gu Wenxi had been cautious and thoughtful in his interactions with Du Yunyan over the past two days.

His heart still raced when Du Yunyan got close.

It was ridiculous. He still couldn’t believe whether this purely sensory hormonal response could be used as a gauge for emotions. Could being with the person you liked forever make you blush and feel warm all your life?

As Du Yunyan made dumplings, his eyelids drooped slightly, making his eyelashes appear very long.

“What are you thinking?” he asked without looking up.

Gu Wenxi timely withdrew his gaze from his face. Lost in thought, some black sesame spilled from the spoon.

“Nothing, sorry.” He didn’t want to reveal his little secret when things were unclear. The more you worry about it, the harder it is to get out of it. Maybe if he relaxed a bit, he would realize he was overthinking things in a few days.

The dumplings cooked up round and plump, and Gu Wenxi took a light bite, the thick black sesame filling oozing out, sweet and a bit hot. His eyes glanced sideways at Du Yunyan, who was still cautiously blowing on the dumplings with a spoon.

White steam rose steadily between them, and Gu Wenxi felt that everything in front of him was no longer clear.

With the arrival of the winter solstice, the weather suddenly turned cold, and the inn’s doors remained tightly shut, still filled with gusts of cold wind.

After finishing the dumplings, Gu Wenxi also drank the hot soup in the bowl, hoping to dispel some of the cold.

“Is it going to snow here?”

Du Yunyan ate slowly, maintaining the same pace. “It’s possible, but it won’t be too heavy.”

Snow… Gu Wenxi was afraid of the cold, but he was also looking forward to the mountains being covered in white.

……

Night fell, and the wind grew stronger. Gu Wenxi stayed in his room after dinner and didn’t go out again. The closed windows transmitted a mournful “whooing” sound, overshadowing the warm air from the air conditioner, creating a slightly eerie atmosphere in the otherwise quiet rural night.

He called Gu Wenheng to inquire about the family’s situation. Although Gu Wenxi had some rebellious tendencies, overall, his temperament was excellent. He didn’t hold grudges, and after so long, any anger he had towards Gu Yuching had long dissipated, and he also cared about his health.

“Ge,” after chatting for a while, Gu Wenheng asked him, “When are you coming back? It’s almost New Year’s…”

There was about a month left until the Lunar New Year, and the Gu family’s New Year atmosphere wasn’t very strong, but in the past, Gu Wenxi would at least come home for the New Year’s Eve dinner.

This year… his first reaction was, how would Du Yunyan spend the New Year?

“And,” Gu Wenheng’s voice came through the receiver again, “Dad’s turning fifty-five in February. We agreed earlier that you have to come back, right?”

“Oh, I’ll see.” Gu Wenxi remembered. It was half a year ago when he suggested that his dad should have a big birthday celebration.

If it weren’t for the recent distractions, he might have already been prepared to go home.

Originally, when he heard that Gu Yuching was doing well, Gu Wenxi breathed a sigh of relief, but talking about reality made him lose his peace again. After ending the call, he didn’t know how to resolve his worries and didn’t want to look at the content on WeChat Moments. He opened Weibo, which he hadn’t checked for a long time, and scrolled through it aimlessly.

A travel blogger he followed recommended a horror movie. That blogger was eccentric, speaking in an exaggerated manner, and insisted that it was a movie that one wouldn’t dare to watch alone.

Gu Wenxi was brave and liked watching horror movies. He didn’t believe he could be scared. After a quick search, he found it on a video app on his phone. Since he had nothing else to do, he clicked on the movie to distract himself.

The story was set in a small mountain village, where a young college student, after quarreling with his family, accidentally boarded a bus to a remote mountain area, unaware that he had embarked on a real journey of death.

Damn, the déjà vu was too strong, right? Just after watching the beginning, combined with the synopsis, Gu Wenxi felt his heart palpitate. Reason told him he should quit while he could, but perhaps he was too confident in his courage, or it was his habitual recklessness. Instead of turning off the movie, he propped up his phone on the stand, adjusted to a more comfortable position, and watched more attentively.

The movie was only a little over an hour long, but Gu Wenxi felt like he had ridden countless roller coasters, his heart jumping up and down.

The sound of the wind brushing against the window seams showed no signs of weakening, now sounding like ghosts wailing, even the low hum of the air conditioner seemed eerie.

He finally temporarily forgot about his family, but his nerves were even more tense. Despite the cold weather, even with the air conditioner on, the room temperature wasn’t very high. He felt waves of cold creeping up from his back.

He pulled the blanket up higher, only exposing his head, just as it rested on the pillow, there came a “knock knock knock” sound from outside the door.

The rhythm of this sound was quite regular, with very even intervals between each two knocks, so much so that it didn’t sound like it was made by a person. It startled him so much that he sat up in bed, almost falling off.

“Who’s there?” his voice trembled, not particularly loud, and there was silence outside the door. After a few seconds, there were two more “knock knock” sounds in succession.

He became even more nervous, cautiously approached the door, and asked, “Who is it?”

“It’s me, Du Yunyan.”