No one knew how long they kissed. It was just a kiss, yet they both approached it with an intensity as if they wanted to devour each other. Liang Zhen was particularly wild, touching Shao Mingyin’s neck, chin, and pulling his hair repeatedly, as if he finally got to taste the candy he had longed for. He kissed so passionately that he couldn’t think of anything else.

As the initial confusion and bewilderment faded, Liang Zhen’s eyes were filled only with intense affection and desire. Kissing Shao Mingyin felt so right that he couldn’t move away; he just wanted to consume him whole.

Eventually, they did part, but Liang Zhen’s hands continued to wander over Shao Mingyin’s body. Gasping for breath, Shao Mingyin grabbed Liang Zhen’s wrist to stop him from moving. Looking at Liang Zhen again, it was now Shao Mingyin who appeared lost.

Shao Mingyin looked into those clear eyes, seeing no regret for what had just happened. Instead, he felt at a loss and mumbled, “But you’re not…”

You’re not even gay.

Liang Zhen didn’t deny it. He had high standards and wouldn’t settle; if he hadn’t met the right person, he would rather be alone. He couldn’t separate sex and love like Song Zhou could, and he had never been interested in a life of indulgence.

Even though he had never had a girlfriend, Liang Zhen knew he wasn’t gay.

But—

“But now I’ve met you.”

Liang Zhen touched Shao Mingyin’s hair. Finally, he could openly caress it without waiting for him to fall asleep. He wanted to him touch more—his face, neck, shoulders, collarbone…anything that was Shao Mingyin. He was obsessed.

“Shao Mingyin, I’ve met you,” he said, his hands shifting to embrace him. “I like you.”

But Shao Mingyin seemed not to hear him. He stopped responding, retreating from the embrace.

“You won’t like this,” Shao Mingyin shook his head, despairing at the increasingly intense desire in Liang Zhen’s eyes. “You’re not. You won’t like this.”

It was the first time Liang Zhen saw fear in Shao Mingyin’s eyes. It turned out that Shao Mingyin could be scared too.

“You’re not gay,” Shao Mingyin stammered, “You’re not. How could you like this, how could you accept…”

…How could you accept another man’s body.

“Why can’t I accept it?” Liang Zhen’s tone was firm and unquestionable. The more Shao Mingyin resisted, the more persistent he became. The more Shao Mingyin retreated, the more Liang Zhen advanced.

“As long as it’s you…” Liang Zhen said, breaking free from Shao Mingyin’s hold. He reached into Shao Mingyin’s underwear, and when he grasped the part that responded, he heard Shao Mingyin’s breath quicken.

“As long as it’s you, I like it all.”

“Liang Zhen, stop…” Shao Mingyin’s entire body heated up instantly. He wanted to stop Liang Zhen, but with his most sensitive part in Liang Zhen’s hand, he was powerless.

“Let go…” he could only warn verbally, though it was useless. “Don’t touch there.”

“Why?” Liang Zhen’s voice was innocently curious. “You clearly have a reaction.”

“No…” Shao Mingyin tried to push him away, but he had no strength left. Men always know how to please men best. With just his hand, Liang Zhen had captured Shao Mingyin, who buried his head in the pillow, one hand weakly pushing Liang Zhen, the other biting down on his curled finger.

“Don’t touch, Liang Zhen, don’t touch.” Shao Mingyin was in pain, trying to pull himself out of the desire.

Liang Zhen actually stopped, withdrawing his hand, but continued to caress over the underwear, teasingly.

“Why can’t I touch it?” Liang Zhen asked, his voice sounding very innocent.

“Just…” Shao Mingyin couldn’t give a reason, “Just don’t touch there, let go of your hand.”

“But you obviously have feelings, you obviously like me too, or…” That innocence turned sour, becoming wary, becoming possessive, “Or has someone else touched you here?”

Liang Zhen was really just asking. Shao Mingyin was six years older than him, so having had sexual experiences was perfectly normal. Liang Zhen himself was a virgin; he had no reason to expect others to be the same.

But unexpectedly, Shao Mingyin buried his head even deeper, his voice coming through the pillow, muffled and dull.

“No.”

Liang Zhen blinked, feeling like he was experiencing the calm before a storm: “What do you mean by no?”

Shao Mingyin stopped avoiding the question. Some things had to be faced: “I haven’t been with anyone.”

“Oh, I see,” Liang Zhen was dumbfounded, and what he said was particularly inappropriate, “So you’re a virgin too.”

“Then…” Liang Zhen was puzzled, “How do you know you’re gay?”

“I’ve always known. I even had a boyfriend in college, someone from the same school.”

“Didn’t you go to police college?” Liang Zhen’s eyes widened, thinking Shao Mingyin was really daring, “Then… what happened?”

“Then I finally got a leave, didn’t go home, and went to a hotel with him.” Shao Mingyin was still panting, his emotions heavily suppressed, “My dad’s a policeman too, thought something was off, investigated… caught us red-handed in the hotel… we broke up after that.”

Liang Zhen was speechless. He could imagine that scene, how awkward it must have been, how shocking for a father without any buffer.

Shao Mingyin was equally distressed. It had been years, and he was facing Liang Zhen, he had told Liang Zhen. But after saying it, he regretted it. Those deliberately forgotten memories were still so clear when recalled, and Shao Mingyin was panicking.

“Do you want me to help you?” He asked Liang Zhen, not waiting for an answer, and continued himself, “Do you want me to do it like last time? I’ll help you.”

“No… don’t!” Liang Zhen grabbed Shao Mingyin’s hand, “Wait, wait, weren’t we talking just fine, why did it suddenly…”

“Can we not talk about this?” Shao Mingyin’s tone carried a hint of pleading, “Don’t talk about this anymore.”

“Okay, okay, we won’t talk about it,” Liang Zhen soothed him, just like he had promised before, if Shao Mingyin didn’t want to talk, he wouldn’t ask, if Shao Mingyin wanted to speak, he would listen. And the panic Shao Mingyin showed now might be the real part of him. He couldn’t always be as calm as he usually seemed. Yes, he didn’t try to avoid his sexual orientation, which seemed pretty carefree, but that didn’t mean his path was any easier than others’. Shao Mingyin had struggles, was conflicted and struggled, so much that he hadn’t truly taken that step forward over the years. And when he was struggling, he could only bear it alone.

“Let’s sleep,” Shao Mingyin wanted to turn around, “It’s too late, let’s sleep.”

Liang Zhen asked back, “Can you sleep?”

Shao Mingyin didn’t answer, the answer was obvious. But Liang Zhen looked at him like this, liked him more and more, didn’t know what he was thinking, and just crawled under the covers, Shao Mingyin didn’t know what Liang Zhen wanted to do until his underwear was pulled down.

When the warmth belonging only to the mouth enveloped that area, Shao Mingyin felt his scalp tingling.

He had refused, he had been saying no from the beginning, he didn’t know when he got caught up in it. He suddenly grabbed Liang Zhen’s hair, different from his own, Liang Zhen’s hair was longer and harder, just like him, with a kind of wild strength in his bones, just like his name, truly real.

Liang Zhen lifted the covers completely, he wanted Shao Mingyin to see clearly who gave this indulgent pleasure. He held Shao Mingyin’s hand in his right hand, their fingers intertwined, and he could feel Shao Mingyin’s body trembling. Especially at the moment of release, even though he was lying flat, Shao Mingyin arched his back, his chest puffing up, and his legs uncontrollably shook. Liang Zhen continued to suck, in the extended climax, besides the uncontrollable moans and muffled groans, Shao Mingyin kept calling his name.

In that call, there was resistance, as if something deceitful or wrong had been done, and Shao Mingyin resisted and feared.

But that call was also inviting, like a person who had been standing still for too long, suddenly illuminated by a beam of light in an unchanging dilemma, unable to get out of the quagmire.

“Liang Zhen…” He wanted to say so much, like this was wrong, you’re not gay, you don’t need to wade into this mess.

But when Liang Zhen cleaned him up with his tongue, lying down next to him, he didn’t even need to find a tissue.

Because Liang Zhen swallowed it all, and when he spoke, his breath had his own scent.

“You see, I didn’t lie to you, did I?” Liang Zhen raised his chin, as if boasting, and also as if praising, “As long as it’s you, I like it.”

He wasn’t gay before, but he met Shao Mingyin.

So as long as it’s Shao Mingyin, as long as it belongs to Shao Mingyin, he liked it.

And when Shao Mingyin took the initiative to kiss him afterwards, sealing his lips, Shao Mingyin’s final barrier also broke down.