48. Cheng Shiyu x Zong Ling

The familiar voice rang in her ears, mingling with the sea breeze and the lingering twilight, filling her chest until her empty heart was brimming full, almost overflowing.

Even though it had been a long time since they last met, she could still recognize her at a glance.

It seemed like she had changed, yet not changed much at all.

Cheng Shiyu stood still in astonishment.

For a long, long time, until a huge wave crashed over her ankles, soaking her pants cuffs and letting fine sand seep into her shoes, did she slowly come back to her senses.

Cheng Shiyu wanted to say “long time no see” to her, but when she opened her mouth, nothing came out.

The only response was the reddened eyes, illuminated by the twilight.

In the distance, the setting sun was reflected in the sea, blurring the boundary between the horizon and the ocean.

Night fell quietly on Moon Island.

The streetlights flickered on, adding to the beauty of the scenery, illuminating the world even brighter.

A small crack opened up in the barren wasteland of her heart, letting in a ray of light.

Memories rushed in like a flood, ruthlessly invading her mind, leaving her defenseless, with no choice but to retreat.

“What’s wrong?” It was Zhong Ling who spoke again, with a bold smile on her face, just like in the past, even her voice sounded carefree. “Don’t you remember me?”

But if one listened carefully, they could hear the tremble in her voice.

Even her smile seemed shaky, filled with immense sadness.

Cheng Shiyu’s throat tightened, afraid that if she opened her mouth, she would expose everything.

She just stared straight at her.

Zhong Ling reached out and pinched her cheek, “You’ve gotten thinner.”

The tone was light and casual, familiar, as if they hadn’t been apart for two years, but two days.

It was as if they were still the old lovers teasing each other, and the next sentence could lead to a flirtatious exchange.

Cheng Shiyu hesitated to speak, “I’m fine.”

Cheng Shiyu had imagined countless times how she would meet Zhong Ling again.

But she had never expected it to be like this.

Zhong Ling, who had just been exposed in the hot search for a scandal, stood on Moon Island, the waves wrapping around their feet, as if wanting to bind them tightly to this palm-sized island.

And Zhong Ling would casually pinch her cheek, show a regretful expression, act as if she still loved stepping on her, and laugh at her in the same uninhibited way as before.

But there was no hatred.

Even though she had unceremoniously ended things back then.

Even though she had left abruptly at the height of their passion, changing her phone number.

Even though she had told Zhong Ling that she was tired of her.

Seeing her again now, Zhong Ling had no hatred.

Only calmness remained.

She probably doesn’t love anymore, Cheng Shiyu thought.

Cheng Shiyu would rather she hated her, drowning herself in raging hatred, than be so calm.

“Why did you come?” Cheng Shiyu turned away first, just like in the past, with her back to Zhong Ling, gradually regaining her voice and thoughts, “What a coincidence.”

“Not really.” Zhong Ling followed behind her unhurriedly, always maintaining the perfect distance, “I just wanted to… take a break here.”

Zhong Ling had wanted to say, I wanted to see where you grew up, I wanted to see the place you returned to after abandoning me, I wanted… to see you.

But the words never made it to her lips, not allowing herself to appear so desolate.

It was just a simple escape, but it turned into a chance encounter.

A true, unexpected encounter.

Zhong Ling left home with just a backpack, ready to go wherever she pleased.

But when she saw Moon Island while buying tickets, she decided to drift across the sea and come here.

She had considered the possibility of meeting Cheng Shiyu here, but it had been so long since they last communicated. Even her college roommates couldn’t reach her later on.

Zhong Ling even attended their class reunion one year, but didn’t see Cheng Shiyu.

That day, she even helped pay the bill. A drunken classmate leaned on her shoulder and said, “I saw Cheng Shiyu’s mom.”

But that was all they knew.

There were even rumors in their class that Cheng Shiyu’s family was too backward, so her mother took her back home to find a new spouse.

The story was told convincingly, and many people believed it.

But Zhong Ling just smiled and said nothing.

It had been too long since they last met; she was starting to forget what Cheng Shiyu looked like.

But she didn’t expect that as soon as she stepped off the boat, even from a distance, she could still accurately capture Cheng Shiyu’s figure.

Just a side view was enough for her to recognize her.

It seemed like she hadn’t forgotten.

She had just buried it deep because it hurt too much.

“Don’t think about it anymore, don’t miss it anymore, don’t live like this anymore,” Zhong Ling admonished herself. But after seeing Cheng Shiyu, she couldn’t help it.

She didn’t deliberately seek her out; she just happened to come here and easily found her.

This probably counted as… fate?

Zhong Ling was behind her, tracing her silhouette with her eyes.

Her hair had grown longer, her back looked thinner but more graceful.

“How long are you planning to stay?” Cheng Shiyu struggled to come up with this greeting.

It was just right, not too intimate, nor too distant.

Just like old friends who hadn’t seen each other for a long time.

In short, she was pretending.

Pretending not to be familiar, yet pretending to be familiar.

Cheng Shiyu deliberately walked slowly, her ears pricked up, listening to the footsteps behind her on the sand, making dull sounds.

But this sound didn’t annoy her; it even made her feel more at ease than the rhythmic sound of the waves.

Zhong Ling honestly replied, “I don’t know.”

Cheng Shiyu: “…”

Zhong Ling asked back, “How long do you want me to stay?”

Cheng Shiyu hesitated slightly, “Up to you.”

The heavy atmosphere reached its peak at this moment.

Zhong Ling lazily kicked the sand under her feet, sending moist grains into the air.

Then they fell back to the ground, blending in with the many other grains of sand, as if they had never been lifted.

Not far away, someone had set up a microphone, and in front of them, a soothing male voice mingled with the sound of the waves.

[I’m afraid of drifting around/ and also afraid of getting caught in whirlpools

Most afraid of encountering you in this vast world with nowhere to hide

Luckily, the wind will take you around me/ saying goodbye and truly never meeting again]

The lyrics are particularly apt.

Usually, this kind of song never makes it onto Zhong Ling’s playlist.

But she happened to have heard this one.

Last year, a junior used this song as the ending theme for her graduation short film. The story was simple too; a couple had a campus romance, recognized by everyone as a model couple, but faced with the harsh realities of society upon graduation, they mutually agreed to break up, facing the unknown future.

The confusion of graduation season and the turning point of emotions were intertwined. The sweet love in college turned into sharp knives after graduation, cutting away at their emotions, quietly parting ways in the end.

Zhong Ling served as a special guest producer for her junior.

It was clearly the most commercialized short film, shot like an extended MV, yet Zhong Ling left halfway through watching the finished product and spent the night drinking.

After drinking too much, she repeatedly called the number that had become empty, only to hear the mechanical voice saying, “Hello, the number you dialed is not in service.”

In the silent depths of the city at night, she leaned against the bed, sat on the floor, resting her head on the edge of the bed, tears flowing backwards.

Listening to this song again now, the tenderness in Zhong Ling’s heart was touched.

Since Cheng Shiyu left Jiayi, they had truly never met again.

Moon Island was not far from Jiayi, less than five hours by boat.

After sleeping on the boat, she would wake up at the pier of Moon Island, standing on the coast watching the sea meet the sky.

As they approached, the man’s singing abruptly stopped, and amidst the accompaniment, he shouted, “Xiaoyu, your brother was just looking for you.”

Cheng Shiyu turned her head, stunned for a moment, then said, “I just saw him.”

The man smiled, “Where are you going?”

Cheng Shiyu coldly replied, “For a walk.”

The man’s speaking voice and singing voice were two different tones. When singing, his voice was low, sad, and melancholic, but when speaking, he always sounded cheerful.

“Okay.” The man asked again, “Is there a song you want to hear? I’ll sing it for you.”

Cheng Shiyu hesitated for a moment, then instinctively replied, “No.”

After a while, as the man was preparing to search for songs to sing, Cheng Shiyu suddenly said, “Can you sing 《Passing By》?”

The man searched for it, “What a coincidence, it’s one of my specialties.”

Then he started playing the accompaniment.

He must have been live streaming, because as he played the accompaniment, he said, “Friends in the live stream, remember to follow~ I’ll sing good songs for you every day, follow the streamer and never get lost~”

Almost immediately, he started singing.

[In the bustling crowd/ you passed by me

I stole a glance at you/ then quietly walked away

But I didn’t expect you also quietly looked at me

Oh~ passing by day after day

But still haven’t stepped forward to talk to you

You know I’m timid and cowardly

So you took the initiative to come find me~]

He sang passionately, but Cheng Shiyu didn’t linger for too long, continuing on her way without stopping.

But she sang along softly.

Her voice was deep, hoarse, with a hint of huskiness, naturally suited for singing melancholic songs.

Singing this song at this moment felt somewhat discordant.

《Passing By》 was an old song from many years ago, with a light melody combined with a dreamy saxophone, reminiscent of the discotheques of the 80s and 90s.

But before, Cheng Shiyu always sang this song.

Or rather, Zhong Ling always forced her to sing this song.

Cheng Shiyu doesn’t like singing because she’s tone-deaf.

When she sings with her low, husky voice, it sounds like Donald Duck quacking. But Zhong Ling, with her perverse sense of humor, always finds it amusing, especially during the s*x.

Cheng Shiyu’s voice always ends up fragmented by Zhong Ling’s insistence.

Cheng Shiyu is always helpless; she says she won’t sing, but then can’t resist Zhong Ling’s coaxing and pleading.

Zhong Ling usually seems carefree, but in bed, she’s very fragile and cries easily.

When she cries, she even likes to bite people. For a while, Cheng Shiyu’s shoulders were covered in bite marks.

So Cheng Shiyu would smack her on the butt.

Once, Zhong Ling bit really hard, so Cheng Shiyu smacked her back just as hard.

Afterwards, when they were done, Zhong Ling looked at herself in the full-length mirror in the room, using her hoarse voice to question her, “Why did you hit so hard?”

Cheng Shiyu took off her T-shirt, “Look what you did.”

Zhong Ling immediately felt guilty, crawling into bed and curling up in her arms like a cat, “But you shouldn’t hit my butt either.”

Cheng Shiyu glanced at her sideways, “Then where should I hit you?”

Zhong Ling: “…”

Zhong Ling was at a loss for words, then pitifully said, “I’m an adult, and I’m still getting spanked by others. It’s embarrassing.”

“No one saw it.” Cheng Shiyu said.

Zhong Ling took advantage of the situation, “Then I want to hit you too.”

Someone who rarely exercises is no match for someone who trains every day at the police academy. Before she even touched Cheng Shiyu’s back, she was suppressed onto the bed.

Her two slender arms were tied together with a pillowcase Cheng Shiyu casually grabbed.

Then came a bout of fooling around.

Zhong Ling could barely get out of bed the next day.

Thinking back, there were also absurd moments between them.

Absurd to the point that they stayed in a hotel for three days and three nights without leaving the room.

Cheng Shiyu pretended to have a hard time getting leave, but in reality, she skipped class that day and got punished with a 20-kilometer run after going to school, almost running herself ragged.

When they were on the phone, Zhong Ling joked, “You made my legs weak, and the teacher punished you until your legs were weak too. We’re all the same.”

Cheng Shiyu: “…”

But the past is in the past. Since Cheng Shiyu left Jiayi, Zhong Ling has almost never heard this song again.

It wasn’t until after wrapping up filming that some colleagues reminisced about their youth and sang this song.

But they sang it too well, unable to match Cheng Shiyu’s charm.

In fact, no one could sing it like her.

Zhong Ling didn’t tell Cheng Shiyu that when she sang after s*x, her low, hoarse voice was incredibly sexy, so sexy that just listening to it would make Zhong Ling’s body automatically produce hormones.

She loved Cheng Shiyu’s voice.

But Cheng Shiyu didn’t talk much back then, maybe because Zhong Ling talked too much, so Cheng Shiyu patiently played the role of a follower.

Except in bed.

So Zhong Ling tried various ways to make her talk.

Now, as Cheng Shiyu sang “Passing By” again, it didn’t have the same flavor as in Zhong Ling’s memory.

It wasn’t at all sexy; instead, it seemed a bit sad.

Like the kind of sadness you feel when you’ve lost your wife.

Zhong Ling was amused by the metaphor she thought of, but quickly suppressed it.

Cheng Shiyu’s singing voice also became more subdued, a little embarrassed.

It seemed like someone had noticed her little thoughts, so she pursed her lips and stayed silent.

The two of them had walked far away.

The coastline of Moon Island seemed endless, and it would probably take a very long time for their footsteps to measure it all.

The song gradually became indistinct and disappeared.

The sea breeze turned chilly, and in the distance, lights from thousands of homes gradually lit up, making the beautiful little red building on the island stand out even more.

Cheng Shiyu pondered, deliberated, and finally managed to squeeze out a sentence, “Is there anywhere you want to go?”

Zhong Ling hesitated slightly, “The hotel?”

Cheng Shiyu remembered her nitpicking when she stayed in hotels, furrowing her brow, she said, “There probably aren’t any hotels here that meet your standards.”

At most, there were guesthouses and similar accommodations.

Zhong Ling shrugged and smiled, “I’ve been running around with drama crews for the past couple of years; I can stay anywhere.”

At that time, nitpicking with her was just because they needed a soft bed to do things, they needed absolute quiet, soundproof glass, so they could shout and do whatever they wanted without reservation.

Only then could they experience the most pleasure.

As for later, they stayed in deserts, rainforests, and even slept under bridges.

When they had night shoots, they were too lazy to return to the hotel after filming, so they huddled in a lounge chair for a few hours, then continued shooting after waking up.

After “Silence” brought her fame, she had been filming continuously for two years.

So there was a steady stream of finished products on the market, making her the acclaimed new director she is today.

But it seemed like her good luck had run out.

She didn’t know who she had crossed, or maybe it was because she was too sincere as a person, or maybe her methods weren’t smooth enough.

So she was appreciated by someone, only to be betrayed, someone dug up old videos and leaked them online, and someone else started a massive smear campaign.

But she had had enough of these threats these days.

Unable to sleep day and night, afraid that the video would ruin her career when it was leaked.

But when the video really came out, she just found it ridiculous.

Since when did sexual orientation become a point of attack?

And the actors she sincerely admired, who had even written a five-thousand-word character bio to get the female lead in her show, didn’t answer her calls or post a Weibo explanation after the incident, letting the situation escalate.

They even went so far as to like Weibo posts related to the incident, tacitly admitting to it.

Zhong Ling just felt exhausted.

So she threw her phone into the sea while on the boat, completely emptying herself.

Aimless, as if nothing had happened.

These two words could aptly describe her current state.

She looked into the distance, and that little red building, almost serving as a landmark on the island, looked unbelievably beautiful in the night.

“There?” Zhong Ling said, “It looks nice. Is it a hotel?”

Cheng Shiyu glanced at it, then shook her head, “It’s a residential house.”

“It used to belong to my sister’s family, but later it was sold to guests who came to Moon Island for recuperation,” Cheng Shiyu explained, “Now it’s occupied by her granddaughter.”

“Oh,” Zhong Ling replied, “Did the guest pass away?”

“No,” Cheng Shiyu paused again, “I don’t know, anyway, she left Moon Island alive.”

“Then where can I stay?” Zhong Ling asked.

Cheng Shiyu thought about it, which hotel in town had better conditions.

But she couldn’t think of any.

The only places she had stayed here were her own home and Luo Yue’s home.

So after thinking about it, she could only say, “Go to the town.”

To get to town, you had to drive, and Cheng Shiyu only had the police car from work, so after asking Zhong Ling to wait a few minutes, she drove over in her police car.

Zhong Ling was surprised but also found it reasonable.

After getting on the car, however, everything seemed eerie. After a while, she spoke up, “Did you take the civil service exam?”

Cheng Shiyu shook her head, “Temporary.”

Zhong Ling asked, “Why not take it?”

Cheng Shiyu replied, “Don’t want to.”

The two of them chatted casually, but the atmosphere that had just eased a bit became tense again in the confined space.

Cheng Shiyu drove seriously, while Zhong Ling turned her head to look at her.

Seeing Cheng Shiyu unable to keep up the act, Zhong Ling said, “You can look at the scenery outside.”

“It’s quite beautiful,” Zhong Ling said.

Cheng Shiyu echoed, “This area hasn’t been developed much, so the scenery has always been beautiful.”

“No,” Zhong Ling denied.

“What?” Cheng Shiyu was puzzled.

Zhong Ling, unhurriedly, word by word, said, “I mean you.”

Cheng Shiyu: “?” 

Zhong Ling’s tone was playful, “You’re beautiful.”

So effortlessly stirring my heart after our long separation.

With Zhong Ling’s words, Cheng Shiyu almost lost control of the steering wheel, but she quickly regained her composure and returned to the right track, her palms sweating.

Cheng Shiyu’s silence and the embarrassment of wanting to escape this environment made Zhong Ling reminiscent of the past.

The first time they met, she was like this too.

Clearly not accustomed to the bar environment, but patiently standing there.

Later, Zhong Ling learned that she was doing simulation training there.

To adapt to this environment, Cheng Shiyu also had a drink.

But unexpectedly, just one drink was enough to make her face flush.

Zhong Ling went up to ask for her WeChat, just saying that she admired her and wanted to be friends.

But she was turned down.

It wasn’t until the third time at that bar that Zhong Ling straightforwardly said, “I want to sleep with you, is that answer enough?”

That night, they went to a hotel and got a room.

It seemed like a matter of course.

They hardly ever said “I love you” or similar confessions, but each time they fully expressed their love.

After driving for about half an hour, Cheng Shiyu finally stopped in front of a hotel.

When they went in to get a room, the receptionist asked for their ID cards. Cheng Shiyu said she would leave after dropping off Zhong Ling, so only Zhong Ling’s ID was registered.

The hotel was 142 yuan for one night. Zhong Ling gave 200 yuan, but the receptionist said there was no change and asked her to pay with a QR code.

“I don’t have a phone,” Zhong Ling said.

The receptionist looked at her as if she were a primitive person, seemingly not believing that someone who looked so refined could be without a phone.

It seemed like a bluff.

Meanwhile, Cheng Shiyu had already paid with a QR code, paying 284 yuan for two days.

As they climbed the stairs, Zhong Ling said, “I might leave tomorrow.”

Cheng Shiyu’s steps faltered slightly, and she followed Zhong Ling upstairs with her head down, her voice choked, “It’s okay.”

“But you overpaid,” Zhong Ling said, “How much is a month’s salary? Enough to waste like this.”

“Three thousand five,” Cheng Shiyu said, “I have very little expenses.”

Zhong Ling didn’t expect her to answer so sincerely. It was originally a teasing question, just trying to tease her.

But she was so sincere that Zhong Ling couldn’t tease her.

And… three thousand five.

This salary, in Jiayi, might not even be enough for rent.

Zhong Ling suddenly fell silent.

After getting upstairs, Cheng Shiyu stood at the door after closing it, not going inside.

While Zhong Ling turned off the lights, took out a detector from her bag, and shone it around the room, only turning the lights back on after making sure there were no cameras in the room.

Seeing her like this, Cheng Shiyu thought of the trending video. She was about to discuss it with Zhong Ling when Zhong Ling spoke first, “I’m sorry.”

“What?” Cheng Shiyu was taken aback.

Zhong Ling confessed, “You’re trending today.”

She had transferred two million to the other party’s account to obtain the original video, but it still leaked out.

Although it was pixelated, it was still Cheng Shiyu.

If it were someone who was very familiar with Cheng Shiyu, perhaps they could still recognize her.

“In a very indecent way,” Zhong Ling said, “But I didn’t shoot it.”

“It was the Four Seasons Hotel two years ago,” Cheng Shiyu accurately named the hotel, “That day you had something come up suddenly, so we left, so the video should only be about half.”

That day, both of them only took off their tops, and Zhong Ling’s bra was only unbuttoned once.

It was exposed, but not too much.

Zhong Ling asked, “Was it deliberately filmed or…”

“The camera in the room,” Cheng Shiyu said, “That day was the only time we didn’t check.”

Zhong Ling: “…”

Zhong Ling had considered this possibility but had never thought of which hotel it might be.

She and Cheng Shiyu were usually careful. They never booked a room in hotels near their school. They only went to a few places regularly, but they had traveled together a few times and stayed in many hotels, so it was difficult to narrow down.

After thinking for a moment, Cheng Shiyu whispered, “If you need, I can explain.”

“Explain what?” Zhong Ling asked.

Cheng Shiyu hesitated, “Between us…”

“The video has already been leaked,” Zhong Ling chuckled softly, “Darling, do you think anyone would believe we’re just good friends now?”

Cheng Shiyu: “…”

“Then you…” Cheng Shiyu hesitated.

Zhong Ling sat on the bed, looked straightforwardly and warmly at her, “Quitting.”

Cheng Shiyu asked, “No more filming?”

Zhong Ling chuckled softly, “I don’t know.”

Cheng Shiyu wanted to ask more, but Zhong Ling suddenly said, “Cheng Shiyu, are you married?”

“No,” Cheng Shiyu denied.

“I thought you were already married,” Zhong Ling said.

Cheng Shiyu: “…”

Cheng Shiyu leaned against the door, maintaining a perfect distance from her, gazing at her figure.

This scene seemed to have only appeared in dreams over the past two years.

Cheng Shiyu explained, “The year I left, it wasn’t because I was getting married.”

“I don’t want to hear it now,” Zhong Ling took off her top, looked straight and ardently at her, “I, only, want, to, do.”

Author’s note:

《The World Is Big》 by Chi Li Wu Bu

《Passing By》 composed by me

Qin Zhaoyi: I was going crazy looking for you, and you’re here hooking up with your ex?

Zhong Ling: I almost moved into your house.

(I wanted to write more about Qin Zhaoyi and Luo Yue, but I can’t think of any more. I’ll talk about it tomorrow.)

Kneeling and Kowtowing.jpg