Chapter 9

By the time the premiere was over, it was already late at night.

Called back to the company by an urgent call, Ji Heyi sat in his office, guessing that it should be time for the celebration banquet. He apologized to Chi Cong on WeChat for his absence.

Chi Cong immediately replied on the phone: “You’re so busy, do you have any time this week? I was thinking of getting together again before going abroad.”

Ji Heyi had heard about his long vacation plan: “When are you leaving?”

“This Saturday.”

Earlier than expected. Ji Heyi was typing on his computer, while asking on his phone about the weekend dinner arranged by his father and the elders of the Chi family.

Chi Cong replied with a question mark, then directly called: “What’s this about? My parents didn’t mention it to me.” He thought that his parents were clear about the situation between Ji Heyi and Chi Yan. Although the arrangement would be discussed with Chi Yan first, there was no reason that he, as a definite attendee of the dinner, would be forgotten to be notified about this.

He was somewhat suspicious: “Did they only give the message to Chi Yan, and then that little beast has already forgotten to tell me about it because he’s been gallivanting around?” His voice tensed up, “When did your dad contact my parents? If it was before you two broke up, he knew about this and then turned around and dumped us, and didn’t even say a word to us, that little beast is worse than a beast.”

It should have been before the breakup. But whether Chi Yan was unaware or knew but didn’t mention it, it’s meaningless now. Ji Heyi only cares about making the weekend meeting go smoothly: “Can you get in touch with your parents?”

“Doubtful, when they’re in their own world, they wouldn’t even notice a carrier pigeon, let alone a phone that’s always off.”

Hearing this, Ji Heyi slowed down his typing: “How long have your parents been abroad?”

“For about two months, if I’m not mistaken, the plane back is just this—uh…” Chi Cong hesitated as he spoke, “That’s not right, how did your dad get in touch with them? Does my dad have a business line that I don’t know about?”

Ji Heyi didn’t speak, and glanced at the clock, it was already past his parents’ bedtime.

On the other end, Chi Cong, as the star of the celebration banquet, couldn’t keep holding his phone on the balcony, he quickly said: “Don’t worry about this, once I can contact my parents, I’ll talk to them right away, let them worry about the mess their younger son left behind. I’m getting a headache, I won’t show any mercy when dealing with Chi Yan.” He paused, then added, “As for your parents, just gloss over it, don’t mention a word. I won’t hide it from you, I’m practically traumatized by the family atmosphere that coming out would bring. You must remember the situation when Chi Yan was causing trouble, I was running to your house every day—if the closet door could stay closed, everyone would breathe a sigh of relief, not to mention me, you haven’t seen your parents’ good faces for a long time either, right?”

Ji Heyi responded with a hum: “Don’t worry, they are people who only look at the results, not the process.” Now that the desired result is in front of them, they probably wouldn’t listen even if he took the initiative to speak.

After hanging up the phone and waiting for the matter to be resolved, it was another early morning.

He originally planned to sleep in the company’s rest room for the night, but thinking of the two fish at home that had not been fed, he decided to drive home.

Seeing that summer was approaching, the temperature difference between day and night often made people regret going out in a single layer of clothing at night. Ji Heyi put on the coat that was always kept in the car before leaving the garage.

When he got out of the elevator, it was pitch black. The voice-controlled light at the entrance of his home was replaced once a year, and with maintenance approaching, the light had no response to his footsteps.

Just as he raised his hand to knock on the wall, a “click” of a lighter came from the darkness, the flickering flame fell, and the sound of metal hitting the ground suddenly rang in the quiet corridor.

The light brightened in an instant, and Ji Heyi stopped in the corridor.

The person at the entrance of the house picked up the thing that had fallen on the ground and stood up straight.

He was only wearing a thin shirt, perhaps standing in the pervasive chill of the night for too long, so that the action of picking up things, the expression on his pale face, and the eyes looking over were all sluggish.

Seeing the lighter in the hand of this unexpected guest, Ji Heyi didn’t know whether to thank him for not leaving a pile of cigarette butts at his doorstep.

How many times has this happened? As he walked past, he couldn’t help but recall the short month after they broke up, as exes of each other, the number of times they intersected in a way that felt out of control and inexplicable.

The complex and difficult work of the past three hours didn’t make him frown, but in the silence of these few steps, a familiar dull pain emerged in his temples.

Both emotionally and rationally, he felt like he should ask, “What are you doing here?” But in the middle of the night, fatigue and sleepiness filled all his thoughts. He wasn’t sure if he could control the tone of his voice, he might sound indifferent and off-putting as soon as he opened his mouth.

So, he just stood at the security door without looking elsewhere, and took out his key.

“Ji Heyi.” The person next to him suddenly spoke.

His eyes followed the turning doorknob, “……..you changed the lock.”

This was not a tone of questioning or accusation, and the person speaking had no position to question or accuse.

The front door opened, Ji Heyi gave him a glance.

The scene at the entrance of the house was as familiar to the two of them as the many days and nights of the past three years. The light was almost warm, but the person holding the doorknob must not know what kind of look he had.

The person who was touched by his gaze suddenly shivered, the numb perception finally woke up, barely touching the cold of the night.

What kind of look was that? Without much thought, countless images came to mind. It was like the fleeting glances that occasionally fell on him from the flickering shadows of trees, the hurried walks, and the figures of several people during his youth. Those looks had no intention, they were calmly scattered, captured one by one by the long gaze from the other end, but they would disappear in an instant.

Chi Yan subconsciously reached out and grabbed the wrist resting on the doorknob, opened his mouth:

Don’t……..

But he couldn’t make a sound.

The temperature under his palm was warm and profound, he exerted a bit of strength to speak again: “……….Ji Heyi.” His voice was so hoarse that the person being called could hardly hear his own name.

Looking down at his own fingers that were white and tense on his wrist, Ji Heyi didn’t try to break free, he waited quietly for a moment, but couldn’t wait for his follow-up.

In a moment of silence, Ji Heyi’s thoughts wandered to many irrelevant places, such as the disturbing drunkenness and unreasonable drunk words he had a few days ago, the bad habit of his golden retriever at home who never changed its habit of pouncing on people with dirty paws, and the various pranks of the twin children.

Regaining his senses, the force on his wrist hadn’t loosened a bit, Ji Heyi realized that he had to muster a bit more patience again.

“Chi Yan.” As soon as he spoke, he felt a tightening on his wrist, but the slight pain was not as sobering as the cold wind in the corridor, he continued calmly, “You probably also know, I’m not a person who likes to worry about small troubles. Some troubles are harmless in themselves, and some troubles, being tolerant and forgiving is usually the best way to take care of oneself compared to repeated accusations. Just like I won’t scold pets for their bad habits, children for their pranks, many times—before we became lovers, this month after we broke up, I have no intention of wasting my breath on the troubles you’ve caused me.”

His expression was somewhat listless, but he still tried to use a gentle tone to make up for his slightly harsh words, his voice softened: “But Chi Yan, pets and children, they don’t have the ability to be responsible for their own words and actions, they all have the privilege of not needing to be sensible—what about you?”

“Between two people who only have a past relationship, I thought it was an unspoken rule not to cause trouble for each other—aside from our relationship now which is not worth mentioning, as an adult, you should have had the ability to explain the reasons for your actions and take responsibility.” He asked slowly, “What are you doing now? And what do you plan to say?”

The force on his wrist finally loosened with his words, Ji Heyi quietly waited for his fingers to leave, thinking that this late-night encounter had finally passed. After a while, he saw the hand that hadn’t completely let go tremble, and heard the person speak in a hoarse voice.

“……….I want to ask you.”

He said with difficulty, “Ji Heyi, I still want to ask you.”

Ji Heyi turned his head to look at him, giving him the last bit of patience: “What do you want to ask?”

What does he want to ask?

The person in front of him was quietly waiting for his words, his gaze was vaguely focused, giving people an illusion, as if any response he wanted was within easy reach.

Many words were stuck in his throat, but fear and dread skillfully buried them deep. He thought of the few close people—family, their usual phrases when they were furious or helpless: audacious, reckless… There was never a moment like now, hoping that their praises were beyond doubt.

What does he want to ask? Chi Yan looked at him.

……..He wanted to ask why the confession you made with Chi Cong appeared in a movie five years later. He wanted to ask if it’s possible that the night on the snowy mountain was just a dream of his.

He wanted to ask about whether your more distant memories, those times when you would laugh heartily, get annoyed and start talking to your friends, was there any fleeting impression of your friend’s younger brother?

He wanted to ask, after three years have passed, even if there was no regret when leaving, but in a certain moment—just a moment, would there be a little bit of reluctance?

Or maybe he doesn’t want to ask anything.

He just wanted to ask, if three years are not a problem, then could it be possible…….five years, ten……..twenty years, thirty years……to try a little more time with him again.

He seemed like a person tremblingly walking on a cableway over a cliff, seeing the road ahead coming to an end, he should turn back in time, personally break that cable. But having retreated, having distanced himself, taking another look at the other shore that haunts his dreams——

……There wouldn’t be a more embarrassing situation, he just wants to jump down now.

“There’s no… no change of affection, no one else. A lot… a long time ago, every day—I wanted to ask you………”

Ji Heyi saw that he was no longer looking directly into his eyes, and grabbed his hand again. The force was so great that it seemed like he was supporting his entire body weight, as if the words in his belly were too much for him to bear.

He had heard many of his questions and answered quite a few of them. He had heard him say love, had once stayed, heard him say no love, and gave forgiveness. Many times, words are the most solemn form of expression, which should be more effective than body language, eye contact, and even kisses.

But at this moment, looking at those eyes that were skilled at escaping, listening to a pathetic gasp replacing the intermittent words… he suddenly remembered the bad habit of lying.

Ji Heyi reached out his hand, slowly stroked the tense chin of the person who was bowing his head, and lifted his face.

He repeated: “What do you want to ask?”