Chapter 35

Yang Yunran spoke casually, not looking at him, yet feeling somewhat flustered. Jiang Yi said he pursued him and indeed organized various activities. Just this week, they had already gone for two walks along the seaside.

Jiang Yi was completely unprepared for falling in love and was caught off guard, his mind going blank for a few seconds.

He glanced at Yang Yunran from the driver’s seat, his gaze resting on his profile. After a moment’s contemplation, Jiang Yi agreed.

He tightened his grip on the steering wheel and clenched his jaw.

A flock of pigeons flew past the car.

Yang Yunran looked up at him, slightly puzzled. “Your reaction seems rather indifferent.”

Jiang Yi glanced at his watch. “Today is March 28th, 3:27 in the afternoon. Where would you like to go?”

He wasn’t prepared, but he didn’t want Yang Yunran to feel upset. What’s different between dating and pursuing? Perhaps it meant becoming closer.

But Jiang Yi was already not opposed to holding hands with him.

Yang Yunran thought for a moment. “Let’s go to the community concert tonight. It’s at BMC’s music hall, a friend sent it to me… Let me check…” He opened the chat with Levi; a few days ago, Levi had invited him to see a visiting French cellist. Yang Yunran declined, but going with Jiang Yi might be different.

“Do you want to go?” Yang Yunran opened the webpage for him to see. “There are still tickets available for Edgar Moro.”

Jiang Yi glanced at it. “If you like this one, let’s go for it. I’ll buy the tickets. How about French cuisine for dinner tonight? We can still make a reservation for a candlelight dinner.”

Yang Yunran had never been in a relationship before, so he didn’t quite understand it, but now he felt the prelude to romance—a candlelight dinner! Jiang Yi had never taken him to one before!!

Their frequent dining spots were those few restaurants in Chinatown.

Yang Yunran nodded eagerly, “Let’s do it! Make the reservation!”

Since they were going for French cuisine, there was no need to stop by the supermarket. Jiang Yi took a detour to drop him off at home, called to make the reservation, and also accompanied Yang Yunran to walk the dog.

It was 4 o’clock when they returned. Jiang Yi had a habit of scheduling regular cleaning services, so the house was immaculate. Soft cushions and blankets were arranged on the sofa, and a large bunch of pink tulips adorned a vase.

It was the same bouquet Jiang Yi had given him, well taken care of by Yang Yunran, so Jiang Yi hadn’t thanked him for it yet.

Yang Yunran kept the concert tickets safely stored in a book, and Jiang Yi happened to be flipping through the books on his coffee table when he noticed two tickets in a sealed plastic bag, carefully preserved by Yang Yunran.

Jiang Yi raised his gaze, his eyes falling on the tulips.

The ones he had given to Yang Yunran.

And there was also the solar system model prominently displayed on a dining table that he never used.

Jiang Yi went over to help adjust it, quickly fixing it. “It was just a problem with the loose socket contact, but it’s rotating smoothly now.”

Yang Yunran watched the model start spinning again, its orderly movements fascinating under the indoor lighting. Yang Yunran praised Jiang Yi, marveling at how skilled and handy he was.

Jiang Yi modestly replied, “It’s one of my strengths.”

Yang Yunran casually turned on the projector. “Are there any other strengths of yours that I don’t know about?”

“Perhaps there are some,” Jiang Yi replied. He had never boasted about his achievements in front of Yang Yunran because they were not worth mentioning, and he wasn’t one to brag.

Yang Yunran: “Would you mind watching this?”

Jiang Yi replied subtly, “Let me gradually show you.”

“Great, then, boyfriend, could you please pull down the curtains?” Yang Yunran pressed the coffee maker, speaking lightly and quickly, clearly in a good mood. “I’ll treat you to a family movie. You pick one, and we can watch it until 6:30 before heading to the concert. The concert is less than an hour. Afterward, we can have dinner. How does that sound?”

“Sounds good.” Jiang Yi drew the blackout curtains, plunging the room into dimness, with only two wall lamps left.

He held the remote. “What do you want to watch?”

Yang Yunran said, “I’m not picky.”

Jiang Yi suggested, “An animated film?”

The coffee maker buzzed, and Yang Yunran glanced over at him. “Jiang Yi, why do you like animated films so much?”

This was one of Jiang Yi’s misconceptions about him. “Last time we watched a Pixar movie, you were laughing so much.”

“Animated films are fine, but… how about we watch a gay-themed movie?” Yang Yunran suggested.

This was an area completely unfamiliar to Jiang Yi, a blind spot in his knowledge. He had read extensively on research-oriented literature but had not delved into artistic works. Jiang Yi agreed and asked, “Which one? ‘Brokeback Mountain’?”

Yang Yunran pointed, “Maurice.”

Jiang Yi started it, asking, “You seem to know a lot about them. Have you seen all of them?”

“I have,” Yang Yunran said, bringing over coffee and sliding his snack trolley next to the sofa, then turning off the wall lamps. “I’m a musician. I often need creative inspiration, so watching movies is part of my curriculum.”

The movie started, and there was a brief darkness.

Yang Yunran’s potato chips rustled in the plastic bag. In the dim light, Jiang Yi felt him leaning against him. Jiang Yi’s muscles tensed briefly, taking about ten seconds to relax.

Yang Yunran covered himself with a blanket, resting his head on Jiang Yi’s shoulder, treating him like a large pillow.

The projector’s lumens brightened, casting a warm brown light on Yang Yunran’s face.

Symphonic music floated through the long prelude.

Jiang Yi didn’t watch the screen, instead gazing down at him.

From his perspective, Yang Yunran’s features were youthful: long eyelashes, a high nose bridge with a slightly upturned tip, resembling a clever cat. His cheeks puffed slightly from eating potato chips, his hair soft and lightly brushing against Jiang Yi’s neck. His scent was pleasant, likely from shampoo…

Jiang Yi sniffed and suddenly heard Yang Yunran make a whimpering sound.

Why was he whimpering like a puppy? Jiang Yi asked quietly, “What’s wrong?”

Yang Yunran whimpered, “Hugh Grant is so handsome.”

“Who?” Jiang Yi looked up at the screen, recognizing the familiar actor. Handsome? Not necessarily; he seemed a bit short. Did Yang Yunran like this type?

Perhaps it was because of the actor’s lines, talking about Tchaikovsky and the piano, rather than petri dishes.

Jiang Yi glanced down at Yang Yunran’s expression.

Yang Yunran was staring fixedly, eyes reflecting the light. “Hugh Grant, you must have seen his movies. But he’s playing a jerk in this one. He abandons his same-sex lover for career prospects and ends up marrying a wealthy girl.” Yang Yunran intentionally or unintentionally nudged him. “Sorry, I think I just spoiled it.”

“It’s okay.” Jiang Yi sniffed his scent, analyzing its components and structure. His mind was only one-third of the movie.

Yang Yunran was intensely focused on the film, occasionally reaching over to feed him a chip. Jiang Yi didn’t refuse, eating it off his fingers. Yang Yunran then found a more comfortable position in his arms, adding to Jiang Yi’s torment.

Jiang Yi wasn’t paying close attention to the movie, but he still understood it. He remarked, “Are these two actors gay?”

“Hugh Grant isn’t. No, maybe he is. I’m not sure about foreign actors’ sexual orientations.”

Jiang Yi began searching.

Yang Yunran glanced at his phone screen. “Why are you so concerned about whether actors are gay?”

Jiang Yi paused and replied, “Because they act very well. When actors immerse themselves in a role, they experience a role-playing effect, constructing new psychological suggestions that lead to cognitive integration. To some extent, actors may integrate a homosexual identity into their own cognitive structure, affecting their personal identity and self-perception. So after acting in a movie, their sexual orientation might undergo some changes.”

Yang Yunran widened his eyes. “…Do you have a psychology degree?”

Jiang Yi said, “Not at the moment.”

“What do you mean by ‘not at the moment’?”

“It’s just… although I have the knowledge to obtain a degree, it’s not necessary.” Jiang Yi realized there were no explicit intimate or erotic scenes in the movie. Like the protagonist, he was caught in doubts and struggles about his own sexual orientation, finally achieving self-identity.

The most daring part of the entire movie was touching and hugging, without even a kiss scene.

Yang Yunran said again, “Because they are Platonic, that’s why they BE. Do you also like Plato?”

Jiang Yi didn’t respond, then after a moment said, “That’s fine too.”

He looked down at Yang Yunran, who reached into his shirt and touched his abdominal muscles. “Are you serious?”

Jiang Yi quickly stopped him.

Yang Yunran was caught by the wrist, laughing heartily as he lay on him. “Just touching your abs gets a reaction. Brother, are you trying to play Plato with me?”

Yang Yunran had noticed earlier that Jiang Yi rejected physical contact, but he couldn’t resist teasing him.

Jiang Yi loosened Yang Yunran’s grip on his wrist, closed his eyes, and said in a low voice, “We still have a concert to attend later. Stop fooling around and touching me randomly after watching a movie.”

Yang Yunran rested his pointed chin on Jiang Yi’s chest, eyes gleaming mischievously. “We won’t leave for another half an hour. What’s wrong with me touching your abs? If I can’t touch mine, can’t I touch yours? Did you forbid your boyfriend from touching you when you were dating?”

Jiang Yi didn’t respond. He didn’t have a boyfriend. He found it hard to think for a moment, feeling deeply troubled. Two and a half hours ago, becoming Yang Yunran’s boyfriend might have been a mistake.

Jiang Yi wanted to tell him to stop here.

He lowered his eyes and met Yang Yunran’s beautiful eyes, even his expensive eyeballs were beautiful, turning like a distant bright planet.

Yang Yunran leaned on his shoulder. “If you have any issues, just tell me now. I’ll take you to see a Chinese medicine doctor.”

“…I don’t have any issues,” Jiang Yi said helplessly.

“Then what’s wrong with you?” Yang Yunran confirmed his eyes. “You’re not gay?”

“I am.”

Self-diagnosed recently.

Yang Yunran leaned on him. “So what’s the problem? Do you have some obstacle or allergy?”

“I have some psychological barriers,” Jiang Yi said uncomfortably, turning his head to the side with heavy breathing. “I’m still undergoing treatment.”

So there really is a problem, Jimmy wasn’t wrong.

Yang Yunran didn’t really mind this. Though he pitied himself a lot, he also pitied Jiang Yi, caressing his cheek. “Brother, when did this start? Have you had it since you were a child?”

Jiang Yi hesitated and said yes, feeling his skin where Yang Yunran touched begin to burn. His brows and corners of his eyes turned slightly red.

Yang Yunran looked serious and concerned. “What are you going to do now? Are you going to keep avoiding physical contact? Are you going to handle it yourself?”

“I can’t dirty your couch. I’ll be fine in a while… as long as I don’t look at you,” Jiang Yi closed his eyes, realizing that Yang Yunran seemed to have opened a switch in his body.

This hadn’t happened before.

Why was it happening now?

His thoughts were chaotic. He hoped Yang Yunran wouldn’t hug him again, tried to control himself, grasping his hand to relieve tension, already expending a lot of effort.

If things continued like this, it wouldn’t end well.

Jiang Yi gently pushed him away, not looking at him, restraining his brows and eyes. “Yunran, I need to use your bathroom for a moment.”

“Okay,” Yang Yunran agreed. “If it’s not resolved in half an hour, we’ll go to the concert tomorrow.”

“Mm.” Jiang Yi went inside.

Yang Yunran started searching for a Boston mental health clinic in distress. He couldn’t tell anyone about this, so he couldn’t ask his uncle or Jimmy. Even if Jimmy asked, he could only help Jiang Yi conceal it, saying it was cool and grand, otherwise he would know how Jimmy would hurt Jiang Yi’s feelings next time.

Yang Yunran wiped away tears from the corners of his eyes. It was so hard to finally have such a handsome boyfriend, and it still wasn’t working out. It really broke his heart.

After a while, Yang Yunran used Jiang Yi’s English name to make an appointment for treatment in this area, and when Jiang Yi came out of the bathroom, he told him, “I found an institution here in Chinatown specializing in treating male sexual psychological health. I’ve made an appointment for tomorrow. Let me accompany you to try it out.”

Jiang Yi: “…”

Yang Yunran had a face of “trust life, trust tomorrow”, not at all disgusted that his boyfriend had physiological obstacles, holding his hand as they left. “A short-term Platonic relationship won’t make us BE.”

Jiang Yi: “What does ‘BE’ mean?”

“Bad ending, meaning breaking up. I don’t mind if you have issues. I’ll contact a doctor to help you get better! Stay positive and don’t be discouraged!” Yang Yunran looked at him. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know,” Jiang Yi didn’t really have an illness, but he had to go along with him to seek treatment at the institution. He pinched his brow and said, “Can you accept a short-term Platonic relationship?”

Yang Yunran nodded, setting a deadline in his heart. Two months should be enough. If it’s not cured, then he’ll have to reluctantly break up.

Yang Yunran thought that the feel of his abdominal muscles was really good. Could he touch them enough before they broke up? So he reached out and touched through his shirt.

“Yang Yunran,” Jiang Yi held his hand in the car. “I’m driving.”

“I’m helping you with treatment. Don’t thank me. And don’t call me by my full name, Mr. Jiang Yi.”

Jiang Yi patted his hand on his leg. “Don’t make it a habit. Don’t do this while I’m driving.”