CHAPTER 28: PICKLED FISH

After that day, Shi Yan woke her up every morning to run together. For an entire week straight, they kept at it.

Ruan Zhizhi went from gasping for breath after just a few steps to finally managing three full laps without stopping. Even though she was still far from Shi Yan’s six-lap standard, for her, it was already an enormous improvement.

That Friday at noon, the company had its usual hour-and-a-half lunch break. Ruan Zhizhi and Lu Wanyi planned, as always, to grab something quick at the McDonald’s next to the office building.

But as soon as they stepped outside, she spotted a familiar car parked right by the entrance.

Lu Wanyi blinked in surprise. “Zhizhi, Li Sichen’s here. He must be waiting for you.” She paused, then added sincerely, “Didn’t expect this from him… he’s more devoted than I thought.”

Li Sichen?

Ruan Zhizhi’s heart skipped a beat. Ever since that night at the bar, she hadn’t spoken to Li Sichen for an entire week. She thought whatever tangled mess was between them had finally come to an end.

Li Sichen spotted her and quickly parked the car, stepping out to walk over.

As he came closer, Ruan Zhizhi noticed clearly how haggard he looked. His usually spirited face was pale and drawn, dark stubble shadowing his jaw, with two heavy black circles beneath his eyes.

“Zhizhi, do you have a moment? I… I’d like to talk.”

Ruan Zhizhi hesitated but eventually nodded.

Fifteen minutes later, the two of them sat across from each other in a nearby milk tea shop.

Ruan Zhizhi sat quietly, lost in thought, until Li Sichen placed a cup of taro milk tea in front of her.

Back in university, every time they went to Chinatown to eat, she always ordered taro milk tea.

It seemed Li Sichen hadn’t forgotten.

If Shi Yan had never appeared, Ruan Zhizhi thought, maybe she would have chosen to be with Li Sichen.

But because Shi Yan did appear, she now knew something she’d never understood before—

That in this world, there really is someone who can be so, so good to her.

Because he is so good, it seems that everyone else is not good enough.

“Zhizhi, are you really going to be with Shi Yan?” Li Sichen lowered his head. After a long silence, he finally asked unwillingly.

Ruan Zhizhi hugged her warm, sweet taro milk tea and took a sip before answering honestly, “I’m not with him yet.”

Hearing this, Li Sichen seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. “Zhizhi, about what happened that night at the bar… I’ve thought about it over and over again. I admit, I really didn’t care about you enough before, but I’ve been trying so hard to change. If you’re willing to give me just a little more time, I promise I’ll prove to you that I’m the man who loves you the most in this world.”

His voice was hoarse, and by the end, even his eyes were slightly red.

Ruan Zhizhi pursed her lips and said each word carefully, “I’m sorry, but for me right now, Shi Yan is the one more suitable for a relationship.”

“What’s so good about him compared to me? Zhizhi, tell me. No matter what it is, I can change.” Li Sichen’s voice trembled as he choked up. “Zhizhi, I really can’t live without you.”

Shi Yan versus Li Sichen — what made Shi Yan better?

Ruan Zhizhi lowered her gaze. After a long silence, she finally spoke softly, “When I’m with Shi Yan, I often feel like I’m just a little girl. I don’t have to be mature, I don’t have to pretend, I don’t have to be strong. I can just stay by his side and be taken care of. But Li Sichen, when I’m with you, I always feel like I have to do so many things just to get your attention. It’s exhausting.”

She lowered her eyes and let out a small, self-mocking laugh. “Even the deepest love can’t survive endless wear and tear. All these years, you’ve worn down all the feelings I once had for you.”

Li Sichen clenched his fists so tightly that his veins popped. “Zhizhi, I swear I’ll change. I can change everything. You know me — I’ve been used to standing in the spotlight since I was a kid, so yes, I’ve neglected you sometimes… but you have to believe me. In my heart, you’re the most important person in my life right now.”

After saying that, he hurriedly opened his bag and carefully took out a stack of greeting cards, spreading them neatly in front of Ruan Zhizhi.

They were all the greeting cards she’d sent him in the past.

Back when they were studying in the U.S., even though their rented apartments were only one block apart, she still loved sending him cards during every holiday — something Gu Nian had often mocked her for, calling her crazy.

On Christmas, she sent him cards telling him to wear more clothes and stay warm.
On Thanksgiving, she reminded him not to forget to eat turkey.
On Halloween, she warned him to be careful when going out and avoid being mistaken for a moving target by some drugged-up lunatic.

…

It turned out he had kept every single one.

“Zhizhi, you used to love me so much. You wouldn’t be this cruel to me.” Li Sichen muttered, his expression slowly turning vacant. “Give me one last chance… I’ll do better. I won’t lose to him…”

Looking at him now, Ruan Zhizhi felt her nose sting a little.

No matter what, at this moment, she was grateful to Li Sichen. Grateful that he had carefully kept those tokens of her youthful sweetness and nervous affection — instead of tossing them aside with disdain, like she’d once imagined.

She placed her milk tea gently on the table and looked up, meeting his eyes. “Li Sichen, thank you. But I’m sorry… I really don’t have any feelings left for you now. I can maybe be your friend, but we can’t be lovers.”

After saying that, she stood up politely and said goodbye. “If there’s nothing else, I need to get back to work.”

She opened her bag, took out fifteen yuan, and placed it neatly on the table.

A cup of taro milk tea cost fifteen yuan — and Ruan Zhizhi had never liked owing anyone favors.

“Zhizhi.”

Ruan Zhizhi had only taken two steps when she heard the man behind her call out. His voice was low, as if he were suppressing something. “Haven’t you heard the rumors? Shi Yan’s fate is cursed. He brings misfortune to his parents, and he’s doomed to shallow relationships. Besides, he suffers from severe depression — he’s like a ticking time bomb. What if one day he explodes? Can you really be happy with him for the rest of your life?”

Her steps faltered for a brief moment at his words — just a moment — before she continued walking toward the door without looking back.

Cursed fate? Shallow relationships?

Shi Yan might be cold and distant by nature, but Ruan Zhizhi knew deep down that he was a kind person. As for “bringing misfortune to his parents,” that was nothing but baseless gossip.

Ruan Zhizhi had always prided herself on being rational and objective when it came to people and situations. But this time, she didn’t even try to verify anything — she chose to believe Shi Yan without hesitation. Even she didn’t know why.

Maybe after all these days and nights together, Shi Yan really had fed her some kind of love potion.

When Ruan Zhizhi returned to the company, she was already ten minutes late. She got out of the elevator, keeping her head down and back slightly hunched as she carefully snuck back to her desk. Only after confirming that the supervisor behind the glass office door hadn’t noticed her did she finally breathe a sigh of relief.

If she could just make it until the end of March, she’d get her full-attendance bonus. The thought alone made her a little excited.

Lu Wanyi, who had been diligently editing at the desk behind her, immediately leaned over the moment she returned. Lowering her voice, she said excitedly, “Zhizhi, I just overheard the supervisors — our company’s going to hold a ball in a few days! And I heard it won’t just be limited to people from our company. They’re inviting lots of successful people from other industries too.”

Lu Wanyi’s face was full of anticipation. “I wonder if there’s any way I can pull some strings and get a ticket for my boyfriend too.”

Ruan Zhizhi couldn’t help but laugh. “If your boyfriend comes and sees you drooling over other men, he’ll be furious.”

After all, Lu Wanyi had complained to her more than once about how insanely possessive her boyfriend was.

Lu Wanyi pouted. “Ugh, you’re right. Forget it, better not bring him… That way I’ll still have the chance to dance with some handsome guys and maybe grab a drink or two.”

….

After work, Ruan Zhizhi politely declined Lu Wanyi’s invitation to have dinner together and instead took a cab alone to A University. They had agreed yesterday that she would have dinner with Shi Yan tonight.

By the time Ruan Zhizhi arrived at the gates of A University, dusk had already started to fall.

Shi Yan had an evening class today, so he probably hadn’t had dinner yet. Ruan Zhizhi glanced down at her watch; there was still half an hour before his class ended. After thinking for a moment, she decided to go buy him something to eat first.

Not far from the university was a small street lined with snack stalls catering to students. Ruan Zhizhi wandered around aimlessly for a while, only to realize—somewhat frustrated—that she didn’t even know what Shi Yan usually liked to eat.

Probably because whenever they were together, he always accommodated her preferences.

After hesitating for a long time, she finally stepped into a neat-looking 24-hour convenience store. On the counter were neatly arranged boxed meal sets: sweet and sour pork ribs, fish-flavored eggplant, pickled fish, and more.

Ruan Zhizhi stared at the options for a long time, feeling as though her choice paralysis was about to flare up again.

Noticing her indecision, the friendly store owner came over enthusiastically to recommend, “Young lady, our sweet and sour pork ribs and pickled fish sets are the most popular. There’s only one of each left right now. You can give them a try—if they’re not good, just come back, and I’ll give you a full refund.”

Ruan Zhizhi debated with herself for a moment, thinking that sweet and sour pork ribs might feel a bit too heavy at night, so in the end, she chose the pickled fish.

The owner quickly packed the meal into a food container and even thoughtfully warmed it up in the microwave. While waiting, Ruan Zhizhi went to the back shelves to grab a bottle of whole milk.

Watching her movements, the owner couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’ve been watching you circle around here for the past ten minutes, looking all torn and hesitant. Are you buying dinner for your boyfriend?”

“…” Ruan Zhizhi froze, slightly embarrassed. “Uh… not exactly a boyfriend.”

“Ah, so someone you like then?” The microwave dinged just as she spoke. The owner took out the steaming container, carefully placed it at the bottom of a paper bag, put the milk on top, neatly folded the edges, and handed it over to Ruan Zhizhi.

Ruan Zhizhi took out her wallet, thought for a moment, and replied softly, “Sort of… He’s been really good to me, helped me a lot, but I’ve never done much for him. So I thought, since I had the chance today, I’d buy him dinner.”

By the time she left the convenience store, there were only ten minutes left before Shi Yan’s class ended. Hugging the warm paper bag to her chest, Ruan Zhizhi quickened her pace and headed into the university.

She had been here many times before, so she easily found her way to the No. 3 teaching building where Shi Yan’s class was held, went up the stairs, turned the corner, and arrived at the classroom door.

She had even sat in on a couple of his lectures here before; thinking of it now made her feel a little nostalgic.

Standing on tiptoe, she peered through the window. Inside, the students were bent over their notebooks, taking notes, while Shi Yan stood lazily at the podium, lecturing. His gaze was cool and detached, his demeanor composed and calm.

Ruan Zhizhi watched him for a while and had to admit—this man really did have a certain kind of magnetism.

He didn’t need to do anything; just by standing there, he effortlessly drew people’s attention.

Just as that thought crossed her mind, the next second, as if by some telepathic connection, Shi Yan’s indifferent gaze shifted straight toward her.

Caught in the act of secretly watching, Ruan Zhizhi gave him an awkward little smile and quickly raised the steaming paper bag in her hand as if to explain herself.

Shi Yan’s dark eyes softened instantly, lighting up, brighter than a sky full of stars.

Class ended quickly. A few students gathered around the podium with their notebooks, asking questions, and Shi Yan patiently explained. From where Ruan Zhizhi stood, she had the perfect view of his profile—his long, thick lashes fanned out elegantly, like butterfly wings, and in the warm classroom lights, his usually sharp, intimidating gaze looked unexpectedly gentle.

She thought, if this were ancient times, Shi Yan would definitely be the kind of breathtaking beauty who could bring kingdoms to ruin.

Leaning casually against the doorframe, Ruan Zhizhi found herself staring at his side profile, completely entranced without realizing it.

It wasn’t until she caught herself acting exactly like Lu Wanyi—a total lovestruck fool—that she quickly turned her head away in embarrassment.

Some students leaving the classroom noticed her, and though their expressions were still amused, they weren’t as surprised as before. Probably because they had gotten used to seeing her around Shi Yan.

She even overheard a few girls whispering, saying that after staying single for so many years, Professor Shi had finally come around and was willing to date someone.

Thinking back to when she first met him and mistakenly assumed he was gay, Ruan Zhizhi couldn’t help but laugh quietly to herself.

When the classroom finally emptied out, Ruan Zhizhi walked in with the paper bag. Shi Yan was tidying up the lecture materials on the podium.

She set the bag down on the desk, took out the fragrant lunch box, and said, “Eat first. I’ll help you tidy up here.”

Shi Yan ignored her suggestion at first, but under Ruan Zhizhi’s persistence, he eventually gave in, putting down the lecture notes and going to eat.

While packing up the materials, Ruan Zhizhi glanced at him carefully and said, “The pickled fish was recommended by the owner. I don’t know if you’ll like it.”

In other words, if it wasn’t good, she could blame the owner instead of herself.

Shi Yan took a bite and nodded. “It’s good.”

“Oh, that’s great. I spent a long time picking it out.”

“Wasn’t it the owner’s recommendation?”

“She did recommend it, but the final decision-maker was me. Ultimately, I’m the one with the sharp eye who spotted this gem among all the other dishes.” Ruan Zhizhi defended herself with complete confidence.

Shi Yan couldn’t help but laugh. “Ruan Zhizhi, I didn’t know you could be this sharp-tongued.”

At that smile of his, every comeback she had prepared instantly vanished. After tidying up, she went to the front row, picked a random seat, and quietly sat down, simply watching him eat.

Even the air seemed to grow softer and gentler.

When would they finally pierce that last thin layer between them?

Ruan Zhizhi tilted her head, looking at him, suddenly regretting a little that she hadn’t agreed to him right away that day.