Chapter 19

11:00 AM (2)

On the nightstand lay a paper butterfly folded by Deng Yun.

He used the discarded sheet music that Xu Muzi had mistakenly copied, with pencil-drawn notes fluttering on the butterfly’s wings.

It was probably a piece by Schumann, which should be quite suitable for relaxation and calming the mind.

But—

“I’m looking for you because…”

What was she looking for him for?

Xu Muzi held her phone, caught off guard by Deng Yun’s slow, deliberate questions.

However, she was clever and worked hard to suppress her anxiety, managing to respond, “…I was thinking, oh right, you promised to tell me about that thing next time, and we haven’t talked about it at all.”

Deng Yun paused for a moment. “Do you want to talk about it tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“On the phone?”

Xu Muzi fell silent.

After a few seconds, Deng Yun asked again, “So how do you want to talk?”

Xu Muzi pressed her hand against her chest, as if trying to block the chaotic sound of her heart, and was guided to speak her thoughts: “Then… let’s meet and talk.”

“Now?”

“Yes, right now.”

“I’ll come pick you up.”

Both their families were not at home; they had gone to visit an uncle.

Xu Muzi heard from the housekeeper that the adults were gathering for a meeting where they wouldn’t be drinking alcohol, intending to discuss serious matters.

She didn’t know what exactly the adults were going to discuss; she just felt her way through the darkness and easily ran out of the house, even taking a bottle of red wine from the cabinet before leaving.

There was a lot of red wine at home, and no one kept track of the quantity.

As long as she didn’t touch the top row of the most expensive bottles, her parents wouldn’t notice if a few bottles went missing.

Deng Yun was waiting outside the door to pick up Xu Muzi.

Even though it was warm outside, it was still winter. He wore a loose black cotton short-sleeve shirt, with his hands stuffed in his pants pockets, his skin looking excessively pale under the moonlight.

Deng Yun saw Xu Muzi’s puffy down jacket and asked, “What did you bring?”

“Red wine.”

“Can you drink now?”

Xu Muzi thought for a moment: “I think it’s okay now. The doctor said I could have a normal diet, and a little bit of red wine shouldn’t be a problem.”

Xu Muzi followed Deng Yun back to his home, still heading to his bedroom.
—-
In the tranquil space, there was a familiar scent of tomato vines, and the room’s owner must have taken a shower earlier, as a hint of dampness lingered in the air.

Her heart raced so fast that she could only cover it up by taking out the bottle of red wine from her clothes and asking if he had any wine glasses.

Because of fragments from her dream, this solitude always made Xu Muzi feel a bit restless.

It felt like there were helium balloons floating in her chest, bobbing up and down.

Deng Yun went to get wine glasses and came back, taking the bottle of red wine from her hand. This ordinary action startled her.

“What’s wrong?”

She shook her head in panic, her voice suddenly rising, “Nothing!”

Deng Yun used a corkscrew to remove the cork: “Not planning to let it breathe, do you mind?”

“No, I don’t mind.”

Xu Muzi couldn’t distinguish the quality of red wine at all.

And it wasn’t just her; her parents were the same—they couldn’t tell the difference either.

Although they pretentiously bought an expensive wine cabinet and collected some good vintage red wines, before drinking, they would shake their glasses and discuss “how this wine tastes,” but no one really understood; it was basically just a display of vanity by newly wealthy people trying to appear sophisticated.

As he poured the wine, he asked her if she wanted a late-night snack.

She quietly replied, “No, thanks.”

Xu Muzi knew that her tone, voice, and even her expression were clearly off.

Yet Deng Yun seemed completely oblivious to it.

Had those ambiguous questions over the phone really been answered? After meeting, he hadn’t pressed her for more details.

Deng Yun only asked her, as he handed her the wine glass, “Can’t sleep again?”

Xu Muzi had gotten a haircut before the New Year, and her hair now just grazed her collarbone.

She tucked the hair that fell by her ears behind her, trying to avoid the absurd dreams, and said, “I was asleep, but then I woke up.”

“The story you specifically wanted to hear is actually quite boring.”

Xu Muzi used Deng Yun’s own words against him: “Adults should keep their promises, right?”

Deng Yun held the goblet and smiled, “Sit down.”

They sat on the bedroom carpet with their backs against the sofa, close enough that when they occasionally reached for their glasses, their arms would accidentally brush against each other.

At first, Xu Muzi felt a bit awkward, but when Deng Yun began to recount the rebellious start of his life, she let go of her distracting thoughts and listened intently.

It turned out he had really gone through some unhappy times.

It turned out he was raised by his grandmother…

He also had a pair of parents who liked to show off, compare, and exaggerate.

He was similarly molded into the image of “the perfect child” by his parents’ excessive expectations.

Xu Muzi had similar doubts. If she wasn’t as excellent as they claimed, did that mean she didn’t deserve to be mentioned by her parents?

Sometimes she felt resentment toward her parents.

Resentment for never accompanying her while practicing piano or caring about her progress in studies.

They only wanted to boast about her potential to become a pianist.

Xu Muzi could admit that, even now, she still held grievances against her parents.

Perhaps because of the similarities in their experiences, she deeply understood Deng Yun’s anger and dissatisfaction.

She listened earnestly to his discomfort and confusion when he and his grandmother had just moved to be near his parents, feeling his anger and confusion at that time.

In her home, Xu Muzi had never heard anything about Deng Yun’s grandmother. When they arrived at this villa, she hadn’t heard which room belonged to the elderly woman.

So she had some unpleasant suspicions in her mind.

She heard him calmly say, “The old lady wanted to return to her hometown, but my parents and friends discussed it and decided to buy a burial plot here, saying the feng shui is good.”

Xu Muzi didn’t know how to respond, so she could only ask, “Deng Yun, have you forgiven them now?”

Deng Yun smiled slightly: “Forgiveness is too strong a word, but I really don’t feel as strongly about it as before.”

Deng Yun’s ability to let go probably began when he moved from his family home to this small villa.

During that time, Deng Yun hardly spoke to his parents.

He missed his grandmother and Xi Fu, felt insomnia, and would get so low that he didn’t want to do anything.

Business people often fear affecting their fortunes and prefer to go through the full rituals.

During that time of moving, Deng Yun’s parents had consulted someone. They planned the moving date, where to hang pictures and place flowers in the new home… it was quite a spectacle.

They even placed a low ladder at the entrance, insisting he step over it with his left foot first to ensure a rise in fortune.

Firecrackers were set off, and a housewarming banquet was held.

Deng Yun refused to attend all these so-called rituals, citing his busy studies as an excuse.

He would just wonder:

If the old lady had moved in too, would she find the villa spacious and luxurious, or would she still miss her old house with its modest land?

If Xi Fu were still around, would she like the courtyard downstairs?

That night of the housewarming banquet, Deng Yun had insomnia, smoking by the window, and in the dead of night, he saw a driver bring his parents home.

He took a puff of his cigarette and briefly hid in the dark corner of the bedroom.

The window was open, and he could hear a few snippets of conversation from the courtyard, followed by the driver leaving.

After finishing that cigarette, Deng Yun finally went downstairs.

He had already forgotten what he intended to retrieve when he went down.

Just as he was about to reach the first floor, he suddenly heard a surprised question: “Why aren’t you asleep yet?”

Deng Yun paused.

He had promised his grandmother to be understanding of his parents’ struggles to make money, and no matter what happened, he would not conflict with them.

He had already thought of an excuse before turning around.

But when he turned, he found no one in the dimly lit living room—only cardboard boxes sent by the moving company still unopened, piled up in the empty space.

His mother’s voice came from the master bedroom on the first floor, followed by his father’s choked response: “Look at this box; it’s all your mother’s stuff. Do you remember this piece of clothing? It was over six hundred dollars when we bought it for her on our first trip to the big mall, and we still bit the bullet and bought it…”

“Ah, after so many years, she never wore it much; it’s still like new.”

Unable to contain himself, Deng Yun’s father began to cry loudly: “Your mother was still here when we were looking at houses! Why couldn’t she live a few more years? Life isn’t fair! Such a big house, and she never even got to live in it. Jiawen, my mother… never lived in a villa in her life…”

“Shi Xun, keep your voice down! If the child hears, it’ll upset him; he’s already deeply attached to his grandmother…”

Then the door to the master bedroom was closed.

The sounds of crying and comforting became muffled, and Deng Yun said that after that night, the relationship between him and his parents started to ease.

Xu Muzi could imagine Deng Yun standing on the stairs, listening to those words.

He probably stood there for a long time, head tilted back in silence.

He must have cried before, but he hadn’t mentioned it to her.

Once the story was told, the wine was nearly finished.

Most of that bottle of red wine had been consumed by Deng Yun. Xu Muzi had already been to the hospital and was particularly aware of her limits, so she didn’t pour more wine, only finishing what was left in her goblet.

She felt fine and even tried to come up with a few comforting words for him.

In the end, it turned into Deng Yun checking on her: “Are you okay?”

“…Do I look that bad?”

“Your face is a little red.”

As he said this, Deng Yun brightened the phone screen, opened the camera function, and switched to the front-facing camera. “Why don’t you take a look?”

Xu Muzi had some reservations about Deng Yun taking her picture. She raised both arms, crossing them in front of her face to refuse: “Are you going to record me again?”

Deng Yun paused his motion of handing over the phone, as if he suddenly remembered something, scrolling through his phone: “Should I send you that video from before…”

Xu Muzi didn’t wait for him to finish and interrupted him to grab his phone.

In truth, she didn’t have much strength, especially after just drinking, and was caught off guard when he didn’t resist at all. The only thing he did was laugh and raise the phone high, which led to her accidentally knocking him over onto the carpet.

He fell unexpectedly, and she lost her balance and fell into his arms.

In that moment, Xu Muzi was extremely flustered, wanting to get up but afraid of putting too much weight on him, so she could only let her hair fall messily and support herself on the carpet.

Deng Yun remained calm, even smiling.

He raised his hand to tuck the long hair obscuring Xu Muzi’s vision behind her ear, his fingertips gently brushing against her earlobe, then held the phone up to her: “Take a look; I’ll delete it afterwards.”

The video showed a sunrise from a mountaintop.

The city roads below still glimmered with lights, and the sky displayed a soft gradient of warm colors.

The sun had just peeked out a third of the way, and she was dancing and waving in the golden light.

Deng Yun had captured her in a way that made her look anything but apelike, adding slow motion for a nice atmosphere.

The short video came to an end, and Xu Muzi shifted her gaze from the phone screen to Deng Yun’s face.

She locked eyes with him, then her gaze dropped, landing on his lips.

That indescribable strange feeling returned.

Not just a fluttering heart, but also a tingling sensation.

Xu Muzi thought to herself that she must have drunk too much and that her brain was malfunctioning.

Otherwise, she wouldn’t feel that “more stimulating than smoke” was kissing Deng Yun in his bedroom.