Chapter 22 – 022

How could someone use a marriage certificate as a pass!?

“Are you crazy or what!”

Gu Xian yelled angrily, but Sheng Yi and the others eagerly gathered around with great interest.

“Whoa, it’s Gu Xian’s marriage certificate! Take a look, take a look!”

“Hahahahaha, Gu Xian, why do you look like you were kidnapped!”

“Tsk tsk tsk, that suit, it’s from Xie Yunjing again, isn’t it?”

Xie Yunjing made no effort to put the marriage certificate away and simply held it up for everyone to see.

“Whose side are you guys even on?!” Gu Xian flailed angrily on the sofa. “Xie Yunjing! Get that damn thing out of my face!”

Xie Yunjing, ever the picture of understanding, replied, “But your good brothers haven’t finished looking yet.”

The marriage certificate was only so big, and the photo on it was naturally even smaller. The group of people crowded around Xie Yunjing, craning their necks to get a clearer view, but it was still hard to make out.

Li Yuqiu reached out to take the marriage certificate, but Xie Yunjing suddenly raised his hand, holding it high. “You can only look.”

He met Gu Xian’s furious glare and smiled. “I’m worried that if you take the marriage certificate from me, you’ll hand it over to Gu Xian, and he’ll tear it up.”

Li Yuqiu, Sheng Yi, and the others froze for a moment, then their expressions turned into ones of admiration.

“Despicable.”

“Shameless.”

“Truly, this is so you.”

The scheme exposed, the group naturally stopped pretending to be overly interested in the marriage certificate, though they had indeed been quite curious at the start.

Xie Yunjing put away the marriage certificate and politely responded, “Likewise.”

“Damn it! Stop him! Don’t let him come over!” Gu Xian shouted again, struggling as he tried to sit up.

Xie Yunjing looked at the group in front of him. “Are you sure you want to stop me?”

Li Yuqiu and the others exchanged glances before collectively turning to look at Gu Xian.

“Damn it!” Gu Xian was about to explode with anger. “There are more of you, what are you afraid of?!”

Xie Yunjing began rolling up his sleeves. “Perfect. I didn’t have time to work out tonight while chasing someone. Why don’t you all join me for some practice?”

The last time they helped Gu Xian tie someone up, Li Yuqiu had already experienced how strong Xie Yunjing was. If it hadn’t been for their element of surprise combined with Gu Xian’s self-sacrificial ambush, they never would have been able to restrain Xie Yunjing.

As for the rest of them, while they weren’t as useless as Gu Xian, their physical abilities had declined significantly since graduating from school.

The group shot Gu Xian a “you’re on your own” look and silently stepped aside to clear the way.

“Are you still my brothers or not?!” Gu Xian finally managed to sit up, but by then, Xie Yunjing was already standing in front of him.

“Had your fun?” Xie Yunjing asked.

“Do I look like I’m done?!” Gu Xian suddenly stood up, trying to shove Xie Yunjing away, but the soreness in his legs caused him to stumble.

The young girl nearby instinctively reached out to support him, but the sleeve-rolled arm moved even faster than she did.

“Let go of me—ah!—” Gu Xian cursed, only for Xie Yunjing to press firmly on his lower back. Another scream followed as Gu Xian’s legs gave out, and he collapsed weakly into Xie Yunjing’s arms.

He hissed in pain, unable to even think about arguing with Xie Yunjing. He could barely stay upright, having to cling to Xie Yunjing’s clothes just to keep from falling.

Finally subdued, Xie Yunjing looked over at the massage girl. “How long did you work on him?”

The girl looked a little flustered. “Not—not very long, probably just about fifteen minutes…”

“What’s the charge?”

“Twenty-five per hour, but—but if it’s less than an hour, we still charge for a full hour…”

Xie Yunjing nodded slightly, took out his phone, and said, “I’ll pay you.”

“Ah?” The girl hesitated and glanced at Sheng Yi, knowing that their charges were standardized, and tips or private payments from customers were against the rules.

Sheng Yi, however, gave her a nod of approval.

After completing the payment, Xie Yunjing dragged Gu Xian along and headed for the door. “I’ll take him home first. You all enjoy yourselves.”

“Damn it! I’m not going back with you!” Gu Xian started struggling again. “I’m already like this, and you still won’t let me go. Do you even have a shred of humanity left?! Let me go! The hour’s not up yet, I want to stay and continue the massage!”

“This kind of massage can only relieve ordinary fatigue. For your kind of…” Xie Yunjing paused, seemingly finding the term he was about to use a bit exaggerated, before continuing, “‘overexertion’ discomfort, you need a more specialized technique.”

He applied more pressure with his hands, satisfied when Gu Xian let out a yelp. Then, with a threatening tone, he said, “A massage without professional knowledge might cause permanent muscle damage in your condition, which could lead to disability.”

Gu Xian: “…”

Xie Yunjing asked, “Going home?”

In the end, Gu Xian followed Xie Yunjing out, leaving Li Yuqiu, Sheng Yi, and the others behind. Each of their expressions was a mix of indescribable complexity and hesitation.

Li Yuqiu voiced his concern, “…Gu Xian’s in that state. Are we sure it’s really okay to let Xie Yunjing take him home?”

“If you want to rescue him, you can still catch up now,” Sheng Yi remarked sarcastically, though his brow was furrowed. Stroking his chin with a complicated expression, he added, “Why do I feel like something about this doesn’t seem quite right…”

Han Rui, immersed in his romantic texting, responded to messages while concluding gravely, “There’s definitely something… off about Xie Yunjing. The man has to have some sort of twisted streak in him.”

*

“Damn it, weren’t you taking me to a professional massage?” Gu Xian stared at the front door of the house he currently shared with Xie Yunjing, his face filled with fury at being deceived.

Xie Yunjing leaned casually against the car door, waiting for him. “Weren’t you the one who said we shouldn’t waste money?”

Gu Xian raised his eyebrow warily. “What do you mean by that?”

“What I mean is…” Xie Yunjing leaned down slowly, then suddenly grabbed Gu Xian, who was trying to escape. “I’ll do the massage for you.”

“I don’t want it!—”

A bloodcurdling scream echoed through the quiet villa area, startling a flock of birds hidden among the trees.

Gu Xian lay face down, utterly defeated. “You just want to use this chance to kill me.”

Xie Yunjing chuckled. “Do you think I’d want to end up in prison?”

Gu Xian: “…Would you really be so kind?”

Feeling a bit awkward, Xie Yunjing rubbed his temples and admitted, “I overestimated your physical abilities. I set you up with training that exceeded your limits, which is why you ended up like this.”

Xie Yunjing’s hands had already started working, and he couldn’t resist pressing down a little harder. “But don’t you think your reaction is a bit exaggerated? Didn’t you still have the energy to go drinking?”

Of course, Xie Yunjing’s strength couldn’t be compared to that of the young massage girl. Even what he considered a light press felt far heavier than the girl’s most forceful effort to Gu Xian.

“Ah!” Gu Xian couldn’t hold back his scream. Furious, he turned to glare at Xie Yunjing, his eyes already glistening with tears. “Mind your own business!”

Xie Yunjing paused for a moment but, surprisingly, didn’t argue back. He simply continued the massage.

Gu Xian assumed it was because Xie Yunjing felt guilty, so he quickly settled into shamelessly enjoying the service.

However, Xie Yunjing’s strength still made it painful when he applied pressure. Gu Xian let out a series of “mmphs” and “ouches,” his occasional cries of pain spilling out uncontrollably.

“Ah, it hurts! Hurts!”

“Can’t you damn well be gentler!?”

“Mm—”

Gu Xian’s nasal tone grew heavier, sounding almost like he was whining. Then, when he let out a soft whimper, Xie Yunjing, as if he had slipped, suddenly pressed down hard.

“AH!!”

Gu Xian was just about to angrily demand an explanation when Xie Yunjing, sounding rather frustrated, beat him to it. “Gu Xian! Can you stop yelling already!”

“Hah? You’re hurting me, and I’m not allowed to make a sound? How unreasonable can you—”

Gu Xian tried to turn his head, only to have his neck held firmly in place.

“Don’t move!” Xie Yunjing’s voice carried a distinct tone of gritted-teeth exasperation.

“Then just do the massage properly! Take your hand off!”

Gu Xian’s tone was commanding and overbearing, but he indeed showed no further inclination to turn his head. Xie Yunjing let go of his neck and cautiously continued the massage, keeping an eye out for any tricks.

Just as Xie Yunjing was starting to relax, thinking Gu Xian had finally settled down, the supposedly obedient Gu Xian suddenly whipped his head around.

“Ha! So what if I move? What can you—”

Gu Xian’s smug expression froze instantly. He stared at Xie Yunjing in shock, his gaze darting back and forth in disbelief.

Xie Yunjing: “…”

“Hahahahahaha!” Gu Xian suddenly burst out laughing. The movement pulled at his sore muscles, causing him to curl up in pain, but he couldn’t stop laughing. “Hahaha, it hurts—hahahaha! No way, no way! Xie Yunjing, you actually reacted because of me! Hahahahaha! Are you really that desperate? Hahaha—ow, ow, ow, it hurts!”

Gu Xian rolled around on the bed, whether from pain or laughter, it was hard to tell.

Xie Yunjing, his face dark as a storm cloud, said nothing and walked straight into the bathroom.

After laughing for a while, Gu Xian found it impossible to enjoy this moment of joy alone. He grabbed his phone and began sending messages.

Your Brother Xian: Big news!!! Xie Yunjing actually got a reaction because of me!!!

Sheng Yi: ?

Muzi Qiu: ???

Han Rui: …?

Gu Xian was laughing so hard that he could barely breathe.

Your Brother Xian: Xie Yunjing was giving me a massage, and I couldn’t help letting out a few noises. He actually reacted! Hahahahahahahaha!

Han Rui: …Wait, Brother, don’t you think something’s off here?

Your Brother Xian: Xie Yunjing being this desperate is absolutely killing me! Hahahahahaha! Don’t you guys think it’s hilarious?!

Muzi Qiu: ……

Sheng Yi: ……

Han Rui: ……Dear sir, I see the word “trouble” looming over your head. It seems most auspicious indeed.

Author’s Note:

Han Rui & Sheng Yi & Li Yuqiu: Today, we’ve gathered here to dedicate a song to our dear brother Gu Xian: The Auspicious Three Treasures.^[1]《吉祥三宝》 (Jí Xiáng Sān Bǎo) = The Auspicious Three Treasures, is a famous Chinese-Mongolian folk song celebrating family and good fortune.

Thank you all for your blessings! Love you all! Muah muah!