Someone’s Memories (3)

Except for this sincere feeling.

But you probably don’t want that either. So, there’s nothing I can give.

Exhaling a breath, Callisis began to walk away without turning his head. His steps felt heavy, as if he was carrying a massive weight. As he distanced himself from her, he made a promise.

My beloved, no matter what happens in the future, I will never forgive you. I will continue to turn my back on you, the one who betrayed me.

I will turn away from this current feeling and emotion towards you, and even if you regret it and come back to me someday, I will still turn away from you.

This is the only revenge I can take on you.

Isn’t it somewhat fair that I do to you what you did to me?

His throat felt tight, as if something was blocking it, but his heart felt empty, as if everything had been drained away. At the same time, there was a sense of emptiness, as if something had disappeared. The emotions that had been bubbling up in his chest just a while ago seemed to have all drained away, and now, there was even no anger. Neither did sadness nor love.

As Callisis continued to walk, he noticed that the front of his shoes was worn out. At the same time, he laughed bitterly. Why had he rushed here so urgently? It was nothing more than a confrontation with the cruel reality. What was he in such a hurry for?

He thought, perhaps, if he had taken his steps more leisurely, he could have cherished his precious feelings for her a little longer. How pathetic.

He laughed, but it tasted bitter, as if he had swallowed some bitter medicine.

His steps didn’t move easily, as if he had glued his feet to the ground. Regardless, the center of his being felt unstable, as if something had been pulled out. He hadn’t yet adapted to the emptiness. Callisis was afraid that he wouldn’t know how long this emptiness would continue to torment him from within.

Lost in these overwhelming emotions, Callisis didn’t have the leisure to think about anything else or even observe his surroundings. Therefore, he didn’t notice that Kilianerisa was staring at him with trembling eyes, her hand reaching out towards him.

But even if he had noticed, it wouldn’t have changed anything.

Just as she had turned away, he too, had hardened his heart as he continued to move forward.

In the future, they might regret not making an effort to bridge the distance that had grown between them, not trying to get closer, or not seizing the day they had never held. But since they never met until the moment of their deaths, they had no way of knowing what they thought of each other.

In the end, she died, and he never got to hear her true feelings.

***

Callisis, who had unknowingly fallen into a shallow slumber, slowly opened his eyes. The sky, covered in darkness that reminded him of someone’s eyes, was replaced by a faint moonlight that gently descended upon his face.

Accustomed to the darkness, his eyes were met with this faint glimmer of light, reminiscent of the brilliant sun. He furrowed his brow, then ran his fingers through his disheveled hair before getting up from his seat.

The tranquil melody created by silence seemed to be mourning someone’s death. Even though it had been a day without significant changes in his life, his mood sank low. It seemed like tonight wouldn’t bring any sleep.

Callisis walked slowly, making his way out of his office. The servants were all fast asleep in the pitch-black night. His lonely footsteps were the only sound echoing quietly through the silent corridors.

It had been a long time since they had met anyway. Despite knowing that there would be no significant change in his life because of this, the fact that he would never again know her appearance, her heart, or anything about her made his heart heavy once again. As if something had been added inside him.

But he and his lover had ended things a long time ago.

Tomorrow, he would return to his usual self. The awkward and immature feelings of his youth, which had withered away without growing, would never resurface. There was no one left in the world who could bring it to light again.

He wouldn’t try to figure out the true nature of the emotions he felt, nor would he bring them up anymore.

Today would be just one of those days when he felt a little lower than usual, that’s all.

At least, that’s how it would appear to others.

Goodbye, my old love.

I won’t resent you anymore.

Since you have chosen the life you wanted to live, I won’t pity you.

But… just for a moment, until the sun rises, just for a brief moment, I will grieve your death. It’s pure selfishness on my part, not for your sake, but for my sake alone.

Even so, you have no right to blame me for this selfishness.

We’re no longer anything to each other. We don’t have an intimate relationship where we can comfort each other’s feelings.

No tears came, but his chest throbbed with pain as if it had been struck by someone.